Chronicles of Lonvenholm. Updated 5/27

[Keliar]

Greetings! I want to present you alpha build of our upcoming hybrid of a VN and Rance series. We need your feedback to confirm our current vector. The main goal is - testing of the narrative part, but I’ll be happy to hear your thoughts on different aspects too!


Please, note that this build is still pretty far from the final version. You will encounter some placeholder images, interface elements and other raw materials. Also, it’s worth mentioning – current build is optimized (well, if I can use this word ><) for 16:9 and 16:10 types of display resolution.


So, to begin with just grab the game and give it a try. You can do it directly from our Patreon page


After this, feel free to post any thoughts you have! Don’t try to be polite. We know, this game has it’s problems. So, you just point them out! If you have trouble placing your impression into a more specific form, you can use my questions as a basic guideline:


Narrative part:
1)    Napping in the process? No, srsly. How do feel about general style of our text blocks?
2)    How difficult it was to read? The most weak moments in the narrative?
3)    Was the story at least somewhat engaging? Do you want to know what’s next?


Art part:
1)    How does the art feel? I know, it’s kinda strange compared to standard anime drawing, but we wanted to make it feel unique.
2)    General thoughts on the characters like details, general appeal, etc.
3)    What about the combat part?  


Sound and music part:
1)    Any thoughts on musical setting? Which tracks felt out of place?
2)    Right atmosphere while reading means a lot. Was our music a distraction to you?


Well, or just throw some shaite at us! Either way,thanks a lot!

 

[Keliar]

And some screens for the flavor! Upgraded with a preview of our reading interface.

 

[Nebula Fox]

Thank you for providing a direct download link for those of us with a deep rooted distrust for torrents.

 

[Mightykitten]

Will you be able to pick any gender? - also how about a skip button, if you played it once - it would be annoying pressing space/click again and again

 

[Keliar]

Will you be able to pick any gender? - also how about a skip button, if you played it once - it would be annoying pressing space/click again and again

Yeap, you'll be able to pick your gender and customize your avatar a bit. Your origin + your gender will influence some events later in the game.


Skip logic - I'm coding it right now

 

[Mightykitten]

Yeap, you'll be able to pick your gender and customize your avatar a bit. Your origin + your gender will influence some events later in the game.


Skip logic - I'm coding it right now

Also amazing drawings!

 

[Klaptrap]

Loading any save seems to put me shortly after choosing to have some fun with the bandit girl, even though I never picked that option.

 

[Keliar]

Also amazing drawings!

Glad you liked our visual artist!

Loading any save seems to put me shortly after choosing to have some fun with the bandit girl, even though I never picked that option.

Oops, looks like I've screwed up with last loading update. I've pinpointed the cause, working on it. Thank you!

 

[Number13]

Played the demo. Seems interesting.


Will there be the option to fast-forward through text, or skip through text you've already read? I suffered the same problem as Klaptrap did, and had to go through the text again to reach where I previously was.


And is Jarl Ulfric a reference to Skyrim? 

 

[Keliar]

Played the demo. Seems interesting.


Will there be the option to fast-forward through text, or skip through text you've already read? I suffered the same problem as Klaptrap did, and had to go through the text again to reach where I previously was.


And is Jarl Ulfric a reference to Skyrim? 

Sure thing, you'll be able to skip text in our next update. I already have the prototype in testing, need to fix some glitches like sound distortion. Save slot bug will be fixed too. Damn, sometimes I really envy RPGmaker's out of the box options ><


Hehe, yeah. I wanted to place some references to other games and stories here and there. Partly, just to see if they will be noticed


So, while I'm tinkering with the tech part, what do you think about narrative so far? It's expected to be the weakest part of the game, since we don't have experienced in team. Does it feel too long for a prologue? Or maybe it feels kinda empty with talking only and needs some additional description of actions/places from the narrator/player's alter ego?


Right now, CoL is a hobby project with detailed planning horizon based around 4 different origins.(from 4 to 6 main chapters in ideas, tho) After this - we'll move further based on gathered feedback. So, don't be shy to throw in your opinions and suggestions!

 

[Keliar]

Looks like it’s time to roll out our first update! You can get fresh version on Mega or via Google drive (looks like torrents aren’t convenient for some people). Btw, guys, do you need any other download options? And the change list:


New function


Text skipping is ready for your testing! To use it, simply press Ctrl. Yeah, just like in other VNs.


Animation tweaks


Increased reach on Rolf’s and heavy infantry piercing attacks. They wanted to hit something and now they can actually do it.


Cleared up jitter motion on heavy infantry’s hand with shield and adjusted their idle pose.


Temporary fix for Eileen, smooth pose shifting. Poor girl suffered from being our first combat sprite and desperately needs reworking. Planned the overhaul for later, first things first – we are focused on narrative feedback for now.


Narrative tweaks


Changed how game interprets commas and dots. So, reading should no longer feel like

Scaled down “click-to-continue” zone to textbox only. Now you can’t miss button placeholders and advance the ongoing dialog.


Bug fixes


Fixed game crash after picking unit in the management screen and, uh, wobbling it around for some time. People can be scary…


Save slots can actually be used now. Sorry for letting this annoying bug to slip through >< Problem have occurred only outside of development environment. In other words, bug manifested only in the build itself, and not in unity project. Note to self – double checking both versions is mandatory from now on.


And some more info on the current saving logic. As it is, our narrative part is divided on smaller blocks somewhere from 6 to 8 phrases. Saving within the block will mark it for loading. Loading your save will move you to the beginning of this block. Sounds silly, I know it. Right now, we are working on updating it to achieve loading to exactly the same text message you saved on.

 

[Number13]

And some more info on the current saving logic. As it is, our narrative part is divided on smaller blocks somewhere from 6 to 8 phrases. Saving within the block will mark it for loading. Loading your save will move you to the beginning of this block. Sounds silly, I know it. Right now, we are working on updating it to achieve loading to exactly the same text message you saved on.

That's still better than it was in the past, where you can save at the games beginning, load it then appear at the first potential sex scene somehow. The block way, although a problem, is much better.

 

[Keliar]

That's still better than it was in the past, where you can save at the games beginning, load it then appear at the first potential sex scene somehow. The block way, although a problem, is much better.

I plan to fix this issue in the next major update, which is coming along with art and interface improvements.


What bugs me the most - no comments on the narrative part. This blocks further advancement on second origin, because we can't decide, if we should proceed with current vector or alter it somehow to suit our players better. What do you think? And, yea, general thoughts are fine too.

 

[Mightykitten]

This is pushing it rather i don't know about what the engine can do - allow the player to build a town? like stables, barracks, homes, walls, tower (pretty much adding adding things to the game that may add more hours to finish, also you could add scenes to them)

 

[Keliar]

This is pushing it rather i don't know about what the engine can do - allow the player to build a town? like stables, barracks, homes, walls, tower (pretty much adding adding things to the game that may add more hours to finish, also you could add scenes to them)

Whoops, looks like I've chosen rather poor phrasing to convey my thoughts We have ideas about new interactive features in the future. In fact, we need to filter them down a bit. What I tried to say is - we plan to use text narrative to glue all pieces together. And, of course, we need to gauge it's perception from player's point of view.


Almost sole reason for this "still very raw" alpha release is to get your opinion about how text narrative is doing it's job. Like it feels too long for the first introductory into the game, etc, etc. Up to this point, we have mixed feedback with general ok feeling. Well, looks like I have to settle down with what we have collected so far and start to finalize the second origin point.

 

[art926]

Looks like amazing game, very high quality!

 

[Lithophene]

The art alone was enough to catch my interest (seriously, send your artist a kudos from me), and the story line - if we look past some of the choppy bits - definitely have potential, but I've just got one question since I couldn't find any official website or blog or, well, anything. Who is this catering to? It's always hard to tell in alphas. To put it frankly, we had the option to have some fun with Eileen, but I spent the entire time ogling Rolf. Is that going to possible? Or are we looking at a purely m/f VN? Regardless of the answer, I wish you all the best of luck since you've got a solid framework from what I can see.

 

[Keliar]

The art alone was enough to catch my interest (seriously, send your artist a kudos from me), and the story line - if we look past some of the choppy bits - definitely have potential, but I've just got one question since I couldn't find any official website or blog or, well, anything. Who is this catering to? It's always hard to tell in alphas. To put it frankly, we had the option to have some fun with Eileen, but I spent the entire time ogling Rolf. Is that going to possible? Or are we looking at a purely m/f VN? Regardless of the answer, I wish you all the best of luck since you've got a solid framework from what I can see.

Thank you! Would you kindly point out these "choppy bits" to see if they match already fixed portions of text?


About the blog/site part - You are right, CoL doesn't have such media for now. We are using this release to test out our basic concept of the narrative part and some tech details. As for our big release, we are planning it to happen between late March and mid April. At this stage we find our release is still very raw and not ready to be presented to big audiences via Patreon or social networks.


We don't feel like barring m-m or f-f pairing. Possibility of such pairings will be based on characters themselves. In case of Rolf, in the prologue part he thinks of the player as an old pal's kid. Yea, from this perspective he's not interested in you in any other way, but you'll be able to change it through Rolf's personal mini quest line and your decisions in the main story. Other characters may be outright against your behavior, but it's not a dead end for them. If you'll remember Eileen's situation, she can't be picky. In the end, we want role-playing to be an important mechanic in CoL.


As for general game setting, I want it to feel more like a hybrid between classic VN and Rance series. Problem is - three people can't generate enough content with decent quality + quantity without taking too much time. So, some of our ideas will be put on the shelf, at least for now.

 

[Keliar]

Hey, guys! We are pretty close to releasing the second miniupdate, so I've decided to break the silence with some pics (check the second post too) of our new reading interface.

 

[Keliar]

Second mini-update is here to expand game's foundation. In this version we’ve focused on finalizing text narrative part. Well, I’m pretty happy with it


Download links: Mega and Google drive (updated the first post too). Mkay, our new stuff:


Art section

• Pre-final version of “reading interface” is out, without any additional menus like options and logged text though. We need to get feedback on the style first.
  

Narrative section

• This update uses narrator’s commentaries to set up the mood, give better perspective, etc. Also, to give extra insight on some scenes, which were not clear enough (based on the feedback) at our earlier versions. It will be totally awesome to get your opinion on the changes!
  
• Huge text overhaul: tidying up, rephrasing, correction, etc.
  
• Now you can scroll logged text up and down with your cursor and not just scroll bar, duh. Plus, clicks anywhere in the “log” zone will not advance the main dialogue.
  
• We’ve added option to change font’s size for the main story textbox to improve reading experience. Contact me if you’ll get any problems with it or just need more size options to choose from.
  

Tech section

• Save tweaks. With this fix, they should be in their pre-final phase. Save accuracy is upgraded to phrases and not blocks. Oh, and you can use your old saves. Yay, compatibility for later use!
  
• Big changes to internal logic are implemented to fully support both x32 and x64 platforms. Don’t hesitate to report any discovered problems!
  
• Cleared up some of the junk and temporary materials to reorganize inner structures and slim up game’s archive.
  

Combat section

• A new feature for army battles – you can add an officer to your squad to provide units with passive stat buffs and a skill. Skill and stat increase depend on the attached character.  Check out the new button under unit’s icon on combat prep screen. Kinda meh with current placeholder interface, but still.
  
• Fixed a problem with Eileen’s right leg in her defense animation.
  
• Fixed possible crash with Distraction skill’s logic. AI was so offended with fixed target for all attacks, he just ragequited. Poor fella.
  
• Added basic shadows to all units.
  

Commenting on your comments section

I’ve got some PM’s with concerns about event choosing system. Mainly - about how menus can be quite inconvenient. Well, what can I say? A fully agree with you. Thing is – it’s just a placeholder for now. We’ll have a map scene (with it’s own cool theme and art to boot) to fix this. Juuuust wait for it.

 

[Lithophene]

Thank you! Would you kindly point out these "choppy bits" to see if they match already fixed portions of text?


About the blog/site part - You are right, CoL doesn't have such media for now. We are using this release to test out our basic concept of the narrative part and some tech details. As for our big release, we are planning it to happen between late March and mid April. At this stage we find our release is still very raw and not ready to be presented to big audiences via Patreon or social networks.


We don't feel like barring m-m or f-f pairing. Possibility of such pairings will be based on characters themselves. In case of Rolf, in the prologue part he thinks of the player as an old pal's kid. Yea, from this perspective he's not interested in you in any other way, but you'll be able to change it through Rolf's personal mini quest line and your decisions in the main story. Other characters may be outright against your behavior, but it's not a dead end for them. If you'll remember Eileen's situation, she can't be picky. In the end, we want role-playing to be an important mechanic in CoL.


As for general game setting, I want it to feel more like a hybrid between classic VN and Rance series. Problem is - three people can't generate enough content with decent quality + quantity without taking too much time. So, some of our ideas will be put on the shelf, at least for now.

Sorry for the delay (I kinda forgot to to respond, heh).


So, when I posted, I think I had been running the first release you'd posted. I just replayed it again to see if some of the choppiness was still present. Since it's an alpha, I understand that there's bound to be typos. I'm more than willing to overlook them while other features are being worked on. One common issue that's still present are some fragments acting as sentences. They seem more like draft notes than an actual dialogue line. I took a few screenshots so I could have some references, like these two. Rolf says both "Men listened to Bertolt's orders." and "Men have got their search directions." almost right after each other. Considering he speaks rather fluidly most of the time, I'm... assuming those aren't meant to be like that. There's just a lot of occasions where a simple word like "the" is missing. Here's another one, when the MC examines their desk: "Yellowish scroll sits on the right side of the table." and "With it's purpose fulfilled, paper fell back to the table."


I would definitely keep an eye out for little mishaps like those. They seem to be the more prevalent type. I can go through the demo again and highlight all those I can find if you want, but that might require an email.


On the note of m/m 'n' f/f pairings, I'm glad to hear that y'all are being inclusive. The only reason I mentioned Rolf is 'cause, well, he is the only actual male NPC we've been introduced to so far, heh. Given the option, I can tell you now I'd definitely have my male MC pine after him from a young age. Hey, it might be a trope, but it's a trope I love. So long as y'all don't resort to only making an effeminate male NPC the only m/m option, you'll have my thumbs up of approval on that front. arrot:

 

[Keliar]

So, when I posted, I think I had been running the first release you'd posted. I just replayed it again to see if some of the choppiness was still present. Since it's an alpha, I understand that there's bound to be typos. I'm more than willing to overlook them while other features are being worked on. One common issue that's still present are some fragments acting as sentences. They seem more like draft notes than an actual dialogue line. I took a few screenshots so I could have some references, like these two. Rolf says both "Men listened to Bertolt's orders." and "Men have got their search directions." almost right after each other. Considering he speaks rather fluidly most of the time, I'm... assuming those aren't meant to be like that. There's just a lot of occasions where a simple word like "the" is missing. Here's another one, when the MC examines their desk: "Yellowish scroll sits on the right side of the table." and "With it's purpose fulfilled, paper fell back to the table."

Oh, the pain of not having a native English writer on the team >< Thanks a lot for a very generous offer, but it will be too much of a hassle on your side. Instead, I'll check our texts, fix any iffy places and get you a link to the corrected build via PM.


Besides, my save bug-hunting is fruitless so far. Might as well label them with "working-as-intended" and try some writing myself. We'll switch places with our text-guy for a bit and see what may come of it. Since both of us are coders, I'm quite curious how my style of writing will differ from the current one.

 

[Naas]

Looks like a little more than just a the that's missing there, looks like the text should be entirely different for flow reasons. Still only just found out about this and already excited due to the art already, still not sure about the name font though. Anyway I'll be back once I've given it a spin, possibly with a few flow/text tweaks for you. Still if fragments are one of the only real issues Lithophone found for not having a native English writer that's a good sign for you guys.

 

[Lithophene]

Yeah. Fragments are the main issue still left over from V1. There's still one or two stray commas floating around, but it's an alpha and a comma's easier to ignore than fragments. One thing I did forget to mention, Keliar, is that considering how often our MC refers to their father, it might make more sense to capitalize it i.e "Those were Father's orders." especially if he won't be more than a figure in the background. It helps to identify him as a character. Hawke from Dragon Age II does something similar. We know his ma's name is Leandra, but she's always referred to as Mother by her children and the subtitles would reflect the capitalization.


On a side note, the new gUI for reading is a lot snazzier now. I don't agree with Naas. I love the font y'all chose for displaying the names of the NPCs. That kind of font looks so fitting for the genre and setting. I would say that it looks like it might be more friendly towards fully Upper-Cased names? Looking at Eileen's name, for example, it uses two different e's, one angling up and the the other angling down. It might come out better if it were in all caps, but I can't say for sure without actually having the font to fiddle with.

 

[Naas]

So I've played it now.... First off good job and I think Lithophone nailed my issue with the font, all uppercase for the names would look better.


Now for some little things.... I'd change the prologue slightly right off the bat "Our hunt is over for the day." should be "The hunt is over for the day." as we have yet to be introduced to anyone. I'd also change the stays for remains in "Your aim stays sharp  even with age", which I'm guessing is one of those missing commas. Also as another aside, any reason the game refers to the player as you? Given the writing style I, me and me seems more fitting although some parts would need tweaking....


I'd use you when it's something not from player perspective though like the intro, although I'd change that as well personally. Probably into something like this (also as it's an intro I'm going to go a little fancy):


The sky is turning crimson as the sun begins to set, the hunt is over for today. Gathering around the day's prize the hunter's are in good spirits and already the promise of a good meal is on people's minds, the captured boar promising a hearty portion for all.


Still that sounds like a fragmented intro and personally I'd prefer more before it to set the scene, that said I'm aware it's a alpha/test build so hopefully that'll happen. It just seems a little abrupt, personally I'd like it more if the intro played out as the narrator easing us in....


The sky is starting to turn crimson, which draws a soft curse to your lips as you gaze through the trees. The day's hunt has yet to bring you any success, still you need to head back to the others if you hope to make it back home before nightfall. Hoping that one of your companions has had more luck you head back to meet the others, finding them in good spirits you look over to find Rolf tying a boar behind his saddle. Given your own horse is next to his you make your way over, already imagining the warm meal awaiting you once the boar is prepared.


Then I'd cut into conversation. Also just a personal opinion (again) but I'd throw an e on the end of Rolf, as it feels a little modern to me.

 

[Keliar]

One thing I did forget to mention, Keliar, is that considering how often our MC refers to their father, it might make more sense to capitalize it i.e "Those were Father's orders." especially if he won't be more than a figure in the background. It helps to identify him as a character. Hawke from Dragon Age II does something similar. We know his ma's name is Leandra, but she's always referred to as Mother by her children and the subtitles would reflect the capitalization.


On a side note, the new gUI for reading is a lot snazzier now. I don't agree with Naas. I love the font y'all chose for displaying the names of the NPCs. That kind of font looks so fitting for the genre and setting. I would say that it looks like it might be more friendly towards fully Upper-Cased names? Looking at Eileen's name, for example, it uses two different e's, one angling up and the the other angling down. It might come out better if it were in all caps, but I can't say for sure without actually having the font to fiddle with.

Hmm, very interesting ideas. I'll use them in the fixing process. Also, I can make a toggle for capitalizing character's names and turn it on by default. Win-win, as I see it. Thanks!


I've analyzed the text structure and have some ideas about the flow. Well, time to do some serious editing. It'll be ready in ~ 2 days.

Now for some little things.... I'd change the prologue slightly right off the bat "Our hunt is over for the day." should be "The hunt is over for the day." as we have yet to be introduced to anyone. I'd also change the stays for remains in "Your aim stays sharp  even with age", which I'm guessing is one of those missing commas. Also as another aside, any reason the game refers to the player as you? Given the writing style I, me and me seems more fitting although some parts would need tweaking....

We had some doubts about the correct point of view positioning. Since we couldn't settle it by logic, this issue was resolved by (feel free to laugh) a coin toss. I'll use 1st-person POV for the main narrative and 3rd-person POV for interludes and other specific scenes.

Still that sounds like a fragmented intro and personally I'd prefer more before it to set the scene, that said I'm aware it's a alpha/test build so hopefully that'll happen. It just seems a little abrupt, personally I'd like it more if the intro played out as the narrator easing us in....


The sky is starting to turn crimson, which draws a soft curse to your lips as you gaze through the trees. The day's hunt has yet to bring you any success, still you need to head back to the others if you hope to make it back home before nightfall. Hoping that one of your companions has had more luck you head back to meet the others, finding them in good spirits you look over to find Rolf tying a boar behind his saddle. Given your own horse is next to his you make your way over, already imagining the warm meal awaiting you once the boar is prepared.


Then I'd cut into conversation. Also just a personal opinion (again) but I'd throw an e on the end of Rolf, as it feels a little modern to me.

Setting the plank pretty damn high for me, aren't you? I'll work on immersion for the intros too. Thank you for your feedback!


As for Rolf, he's pretty high on the INT scale in our bible. Maybe a little bit too high. I'll see if I can tweak his speech.

 

[Naas]

Setting the plank pretty damn high for me, aren't you? I'll work on immersion for the intros too. Thank you for your feedback!

Well there's no fun in making you walk off a low plank....

 

[GeekingOut]

I caught the sentence flow problem as well; the sentence fragments kind of catch me off guard as I read.


Also, "scepticism" should be "skepticism" in one of the intro scenes. "Diziness" is actually spelled with two Z's.


I fancy myself a bit of a writer; I could go through and fix the bits & pieces that need it; act as an editor?


Would recommend slowing the text down a tad; the flow rate for it appearing should be just faster than the average reading speed. Otherwise, it's almost a bit dizzying (especially to those who are prone to motion sickness). If someone thinks it's too slow, then, they can just click and have all of the text appear at once.


The numbers for battle fly off screen really quickly.


A picture of a misty, eerie lake is not apt for one that is described as being like sapphire on a sunny day. The description makes it sound like the lake's really pretty, but the picture has that unsettling green cast to it. I'd recommend looking at pictures of lakes that are pretty on sunny days, then looking at pictures of the same lake on a cloudy one. Heck, some lakes look pretty even when it's overcast.

 

[Keliar]

I fancy myself a bit of a writer; I could go through and fix the bits & pieces that need it; act as an editor?

 I highly appreciate your offer! Writing experience can breathe in additional spark into the narrative part, making it more enjoyable.


We are planning another mini-update somewhere around this weekend, I'll contact you via PM to provide a link to the newest build before its roll out.


Hmm, I should make "special thank you" section in the credits before we hit Patreon...

Would recommend slowing the text down a tad; the flow rate for it appearing should be just faster than the average reading speed. Otherwise, it's almost a bit dizzying (especially to those who are prone to motion sickness). If someone thinks it's too slow, then, they can just click and have all of the text appear at once.


The numbers for battle fly off screen really quickly.


A picture of a misty, eerie lake is not apt for one that is described as being like sapphire on a sunny day. The description makes it sound like the lake's really pretty, but the picture has that unsettling green cast to it. I'd recommend looking at pictures of lakes that are pretty on sunny days, then looking at pictures of the same lake on a cloudy one. Heck, some lakes look pretty even when it's overcast.

I've changed the typing speed a bit for the narrative, we'll make it a configurable parameter via options in later updates. Combat section needs a lot of polishing and reworking, so we decided to divert attention to the narrative and art/interface sections for now.


Oh, this lake picture is a sole placeholder background left in the game

 

[Keliar]

Our third mini-update is up for grabs. This release might be our last alpha build before going live with Patreon.


Download links: Mega and Google drive


Narrative section

• A lot of fixes for our text part, thanks to GeekingOut and Lithophene. You’ll see a number of improvements: scene transactions and overall story flow, higher level of details for scenes, point-of-view clarifications and a bunch of corrections/rephrasing.
  
• Eileen’s sex scene now has a proper narrative and a prototype interface, which we plan to use with other spicy moments.
  
• I already sketched the second origin point for our players, it’s time to get some details in. We’ll see how it will turn up with me as a writer.
  
• Fixed issue with the scroll bar in the logged text window. It should no longer interfere with reading by obscuring the text.
  
• All actor names use capitalization by default.  I’ll add an option to switch between capitalized version (ROLF) and common version (Rolf) of names in later releases.
  
• I slowed down text typing a bit, I’ll add an option to configure this parameter by players later.
  

Combat + Art section

• [SIZE=12pt]Some of the core features from our new combat interface are here, including: pop-up windows, new icons for your party/army roster and a few tweaks here and there.[/SIZE]