Oh i get that completely, especially having read a lot of what TOBs has said about the Kitsune being classical japanese in their racism and social structure. My problem isn't that she is that way, it's that i, the player, can't call her out on such bullshit. She, like any character, is free to have flaws, be they personal or cultural, i just feel like i in turn should be able to voice my discomfort with it. Maybe she ignores my complaints, maybe i open her eyes, that's her journey, but mine is calling bullshit attitudes out for what they are.
Years ago, when I was working on Fall of Eden with LukaDoc and QuietBrowser, we completed the burrows questline where you depose the bunny tyrant Lagon and restored his wife Vena to her place. In the post-quest script, the player character discusses with Vena as to what's to be done with Lagon, and various options are presented. Vena shoots them down one by one and explains why she doesn't want to kill, exile, torture or mindbreak her former husband despite his actions, and that the final solution of imprisonment while trying to get Lagon to come around to his misdeeds -- even that is alien to the rabbits of the burrows, they can't understand why one of their own needs to be penned up like that.
People on the old forums were
enraged. They bitched about "false choices", and proudly declared that they would rather have no choice than false choice, options that led nowhere. It got to the point where LukaDoc said "fine, you know what, I'll make all the other choices cause bad ends, there, your decisions are now meaningful". Happily, we dissuaded him from following through on that.
Then there were the people who were utterly perplexed that LukaDoc would not allow them to beat, torment, torture and rape Terry, whose entire premise was "foxy pet thief you care for". Once again, the issue of so-called player agency came up again. After all, they were supposed to have the choice of doing horrible things to a prisoner at their mercy, because that was what they wanted to do, and LukaDoc + QuietBrowser were being horrible people for denying them that. Why is the player character forced to be nice to Terry? My player agency is being violated! I should have meaningful choices to do what I want in a game!
I get it. Part of these games is to serve as a power fantasy for the players, and characters and situations that rub them the wrong way provokes reactions -- Kelt, Raphael, Dr. Badger, Riya, the list goes on. Now, in all of the above cases, there were indeed some ways to give these characters their comeuppance, but they were added after the fact, sometimes months so. The whole gist of Riya was that you could do nothing meaningful against the racist futa cop that was meant to provoke such a reaction until Franks was pressured into writing a path that allowed you to get her posted to New Canadia.
Infinite player agency is something best left to tabletop gaming with a human GM and your friends. And if it's not something that a player would do, the answer to that is the same as complaints of "my character acted bi, but I'm not bi" -- which is basically you're playing the champion of Hawkethorne and not you. Why are you forced to help Cait to even get the story going? Why is the Avatar obligated to destroy the Black Gate? Shouldn't the warriors of light have the option to talk down Garland instead?
As time has passed, I've learned to frankly, not care very much about the often contradictory demands of people, and do whatever I want in telling the story I want to tell -- maintaining my freedom to muck around is why I refuse to get paid or take commissions. And sometimes the option to do what you want isn't there, for whatever reason, and that's okay.