I tend to give leeway because I presume the authors aren't involved in the community. Unless they are, which is fine as well. So at least in my view it's not a failing of the character so much as a limitation of the author and the medium.
That‘s been my notion as well, as mentioned earlier. Given that, I suppose what I’d like to see is that those who aren’t educated about it do more research before writing that kind of content, since basing it on the kind of stuff shown in certain types of porn just promotes unhealthy ideas, that definitely are abusive IRL.