Typos and Etc 2: Electric Boogaloo!

[PanzerGuitar00]

maybe replace this comma with an ellipses or something to emphasize her hesitation


She helped us a lot, guided us through the ship without tricking us once, but I’ve got a weird gut feeling about her.”

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

maybe change to the tooltip toext to just "What's gotten into her?"

Spoiler

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

change to "take these"

The chromed zaika nods. “Yes. Here, take this. I found them when we searched for a weedkiller,”

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

maybe change gasp to something else. it doesnt really fit very well here.

Spoiler

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

This sentence is fairly redundant. not sure how youd rework it though. maybe something like "three times my energy output and the size of a hovercar" or something along those lines

“My sensors don’t pick up any enemy signatures, but there are thousands of heat signatures. No way! One of them is massive! Three times my size and as large as a hovercar!”

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

not sure if the author meant "healsies" here, but figured id point it out to be safe

Zero Plus sighs. “All good then. Can’t give you tail heatsies if you can’t do tail fuckies,” she giggles before resuming her caresses.

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

this is far from the worst instance, but maybe tweak this a bit to give better indication as to who is speaking in order to prevent confusion

Spoiler

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

maybe move the exclamation mark to the next sentence and replace it with a comma

Spoiler

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

replace "this" with "that"

It’s unfortunate that she took GU-1 with her. This failed excuse for an XO-breaker belonged in the trash!

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

Again, maybe tweak to give better indication as to who is speaking

Spoiler