[WIP] Yester, the Myrmedion Legend

[sarin555]

WARNING: The NPC is non-sexable NPC intended for some world building sake and training the PC. If you don't find this suiting your interest, please move along and don't flame.

I want to submit something to TiTs, but I wanted to start small so I went with non-sexable NPC. I settle for a Myr, one of my favorite race, and the result is Yester. To make sure she isn't dull since I know you all here for sex and/or RPG, I decide to turn her into a trainer NPC so Steele can get something out of her. Alright, rambling long enough, here she is:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MudkEHfaBZEcyKzxUYxlmDSMtArKAHVvF26x-cpMq4Q/edit?usp=sharing

I don't feel like my writing style is...flavorful enough for something like TiTs so please give me feedback on this and other points I ask in the Doc. I also have to ask, can I write scenes for other characters when you ask them about Yester?

Completed:
Appearance
First encounter
Talking branches
"Flirt"

To be implemented:
Stats (not sure this is necessary since you can't have sex with her)
Flag (not sure what this is, but I see other authors using this. Please tell me what this is.)
Training
Events

Other than that nothing much. Please give me your creative criticism and help me find errors, including what could make this disqualify for submitting.

 

[Noob Salad]

non-sexable

@Savin: Is this legal?

 

[Darkwarpalg6]

Yanno, you make it sound like she's supposed to be ambiguous to what color she originally was but considering the fact that golds have not only four arms but an ant-like abdomen, where the VAGINA is located and possibly a few vital organs, that might be a bit of a stretch.

 

[NotYouNorI]

Also the bit where she is a "lone Myr who had survived in the No Myr's Land since the beginning of the war" is a bit iffy since the No Myr's Land wasn't at the same location since the beginning of the war as the Golds have been pushed back.

 

[Ormael]

Non-sexable. Well I think Cpt. forgetting about certain loli bat that is non sexable too so the question is itself answered by her existance. But she merely child so it's to be expected she's not sexable.

 

[sarin555]

Yanno, you make it sound like she's supposed to be ambiguous to what color she originally was but considering the fact that golds have not only four arms but an ant-like abdomen, where the VAGINA is located and possibly a few vital organs, that might be a bit of a stretch.

Didn't red also has abdomen, but smaller? Also, I think you can already guess what color Yester really is.

Also the bit where she is a "lone Myr who had survived in the No Myr's Land since the beginning of the war" is a bit iffy since the No Myr's Land wasn't at the same location since the beginning of the war as the Golds have been pushed back.

Ay, I will fix that.

 

[Emerald]

Didn't red also has abdomen, but smaller?

Nope, the reds do not have abdomens if I'm not mistaken, the gold myr are the ones that do.

 

[RanmaChan]

Alright, I have made a number of edits and suggestions, carrying on from where we left off.
I think she is a good NPC with a lot of promise so far. But it is a little bit dark and gruesome, especially for a game that is supposed to be about romping around the galaxy having sex, so this probably won't be everyone's cup of tea. I can see the telltale signs of Warhammer 40K grimdark within you my friend.
Anyways, continue to write her, and make sure pray to Slaanesh with every masturbation. Lol

 

[Savin]

@Savin: Is this legal?

Not every NPC is sexable, you goose.

 

[Noob Salad]

You can't use that word. Only we can use that word.

 

[sarin555]

@Savin
Hello, mister dev. I got some questions; regarding both lore and what I am able to write? Please answer this newbie.
- Can non-psychic races have members that born with mutated genes that give them psionic potential?
- Is there any information regarding how Myr age?
- Am I allow to add dialogues for other NPCs regarding my NPC? Kind of wants Yester to have some reputation, being a legend and all.
- What is 'Flags'? I see some authors have the section for it.
- What do I need to add in 'Stats'? Do I even need it since my NPC is non-sexable.

 

[sarin555]

Alright, I have made a number of edits and suggestions, carrying on from where we left off.
I think she is a good NPC with a lot of promise so far. But it is a little bit dark and gruesome, especially for a game that is supposed to be about romping around the galaxy having sex, so this probably won't be everyone's cup of tea. I can see the telltale signs of Warhammer 40K grimdark within you my friend.
Anyways, continue to write her, and make sure pray to Slaanesh with every masturbation. Lol

So does Riya.

 

[Noob Salad]

Riya gets away with things because she's got dat gud D/s sex.

I'll just keep my Tzeentch prayers to myself, then.

 

[RanmaChan]

So does Riya.

Riya is not dark and gruesome, just a little bit racist. Your character has been deformed, which you point out in great detail. You also have a scene containing a rotting corpse and all of the description that goes along with that (plus Steele's reaction), and conversations about genital mutilation (one about Yester's own, and one about actually doing it to a deserter who may try to face sit you), soooooo, lol. Dunno if you can compare the two. Only in that they may not be everyone's cup of tea, I suppose.

What do you pray to Tzeentch for @noobsaleh ? Lol

 

[NotYouNorI]

This leads to another thing. Mentioning that what is left of her vagina is located between her legs and wisible from the front marks her as an originally red myr as Golds have it at the end of their insectile abdomen.

 

[Savin]

@Savin
Hello, mister dev. I got some questions; regarding both lore and what I am able to write? Please answer this newbie.
- Can non-psychic races have members that born with mutated genes that give them psionic potential?
- Is there any information regarding how Myr age?
- Am I allow to add dialogues for other NPCs regarding my NPC? Kind of wants Yester to have some reputation, being a legend and all.
- What is 'Flags'? I see some authors have the section for it.
- What do I need to add in 'Stats'? Do I even need it since my NPC is non-sexable.

1. Probably, but they'd need something like a high-tech implant to be able to really use it.

2. No, but I'm sure they don't turn brown. In fact, I'd like to say I'm really not a fan of the whole mysterious "you can't tell what her race is lol" angle.

3. Yes.

4. What do you mean?

5. Probably not.

 

[Noob Salad]

Not to mention Yester sounds like Chester and Lester, two infamous galactic molesters.

 

[Lord Lodestar]

But is that stopping other people from making this NPC sexable later on?

If her author is dead set on her not being sexable ever, that potentiality is something that should be addressed openly.

Yes, I know I am literally the worst and most needlessly cautious/paranoid person ever about this specific thing, but still.

I'd be pretty amazed if someone went through the trouble of writing a "Throw Yester in a Lazarus Pool" quest for that very purpose.
Right now, though, I think we've got the bases covered as far as being justifiably unsexable is concerned.

 

[Lkynmbr24]

Not to mention Yester sounds like Chester and Lester, two infamous galactic molesters.

You're a poet and you didn't even know it, lol

 

[Emerald]

Erm. Do you even know you're writing for a PORN GAME man?

I understand there's some grimdark here or there in Myrellion, what with the war and all, but the bit about the corpse being descripted rotting from the inside out, plus Yester's bit with the genital mutilation, both written in great detail is just... just... I got a little sick. I know she's not supposed to be sexable, but what the flying FUCK man?? That's a little too much..

There's adding a bit of grimdark for worldbuilding purposes, and then there's adding grimdark for the sake of making your character's content as edgy as possible. x.x

 

[Noob Salad]

I actually love it when people worldbuild, but the darker you make it, the more careful you have to be.

Of course, that's usually for fiction that's not smut. So in this case, you can understand why people get a little squeamish.

 

[Noob Salad]

Just because you don't like boobs doesn't mean it's dark.

 

[Ethereal Dragon]

erm... just from reading people's responses I suspect this is content Fen won't even include into the game.

 

[RanmaChan]

If it is toned down a little bit, and the descriptions lessened or removed, then I am sure there won't be a problem. It is just the amount of detail put into the scenes. It wasn't anywhere near enough to put me off, but I can see how what is in there could make some people uncomfortable, that is why I pointed it out. Myrellion is dark, when you really think about it and really look at it, but this brings that darkness right out and into the open.

 

[sarin555]

If it is toned down a little bit, and the descriptions lessened or removed, then I am sure there won't be a problem. It is just the amount of detail put into the scenes. It wasn't anywhere near enough to put me off, but I can see how what is in there could make some people uncomfortable, that is why I pointed it out. Myrellion is dark, when you really think about it and really look at it, but this brings that darkness right out and into the open.

Understood. I will tone it down. Especially the corpse scene.

Not to mention Yester sounds like Chester and Lester, two infamous galactic molesters.

Use the name 'Yester' to sound like 'Yesterday'; 'course, you know, war veteran

There's adding a bit of grimdark for worldbuilding purposes, and then there's adding grimdark for the sake of making your character's content as edgy as possible. x.x

I thought I comment in the Doc somewhere asking whether this is too edgy. I think I mistakenly delete it while editing, sorry if it edgier than grimdark world building.