Rebellious! A Greenskin Story (for shinyhappyfitsofrage)

[Reptillicus]

Of crouse when one describes Scrub as "roguish" it would have to be through deeds.... not looks. The Orc guards didn't move once they caught sight of the strange small group. Frankly they were quite a bit confused, usually the only thing that came towards their camp were people like Scrub, or more often another tribe of orcs trying to take their land. Sometimes foolhardy bunches of humans may try to harass them with little success. They honestly didn't know what to make of them but watched them with rather uncertain looks on their faces.

They'd not seen a hobgoblin in quite some time as they rarely leave their secretive caves in the mountains of the Crags. Asta looked so... big and strong... that they nearly forgot about the others, until Dyzz jumped down and walked over to them. Asta of crouse didn't like the attention, but she put on her serious face, making sure to try and bare her tusks a little. Scrub was constantly looking back and forth just in case things got hairy but at the same time he was looking over the camp, even now wondering if he could turn a profit with a sale of some kind....

One had a helmet with horns on it he'd raise one eyebrow at Dyzz's words and rather demanding voice, then he'd look to his fellow gate guard then back to her. She also was rather easy on the eyes.... but she was a goblin. Orcs in these parts generally considered goblins beneath them, they very frequently would take them as slaves seeing themselves as the strongest of the greenskins. Last time they checked the dirty little goblins didn't have a queen. The horned helmeted one gave a short laugh as he shook head his dismissively. "Eh heh heh heh, you's think we's gonna let in a little thing like you boss us around?". The hornless one then said, "Yeah, you sure she ain't the boss here?", as he pointed to Asta. "Since you's a cute one and I'd not like to bat you one across the head I'm gonna tell you this once: goblins like you can't tell us orcs what to do.", said the horned one in a mocking tone. "Now run along little girl and maybe we's will want talk to that nice piece ass you got there~.", said the hornless one looking at Asta again. her cheeks flushed as she felt her anger flare up. The nerve of these people! "Why you empty headed.....", she began to growl.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz withdrew her bone club while they were taunting Asta. Vishdilub was all smiles, and didn't move a muscle. There was only one leader strong enough for the Forsaken to follow... even if she wasn't the brightest. Dyzz gave a few practice swings with her club, like a baseball batter, mostly for show, while he talked. Then, she walked up to the one that made too forward remarks to Asta, and batted him. He flew... dozens of meters at least, and when he came back down to the ground, he didn't move again. She turned to the other guard, still smiling. "Don't have time for the help, sorry. The Queen has commanded you to go get your leader... the Queen now suggests that you obey. Quicklike." She settled that bone on her shoulder, and gave him her most charming, adorable smile. There was a stink of sulfur in the air... the hit with the club had been truly explosive.

Dyzz and her retinue, whether the guard proceeded to do as instructed with haste or not, would then start strolling on into the camp, straight towards the middle. Vishdilub held himself like a scarecrow, his staff lain across his shoulders, arms propped up over it. He was having a jolly old time.

 

[Reptillicus]

everything happened so fast... frist his fellow guard was there next to him then the next.... there was the sound of his hornless helmet rolling around on the ground. Coming to a stop right at his feet. He stood there open mouthed as his axe cluncked to the ground. he'd turn his head back to look at where his fellow orc had gone then slowly back to Dyzz eyes wide. He didn't say a word and rather carefully turned away then, ran for it back into the camp!

The other orc might have survived and that was a big might being as tough as they are. And if he did he'd most likely be hurting for quite some time, and perhaps have nightmares about cute little blue goblin girls. Asta and scrub both watched the orc land and blinked. looked back at each other, then at Vishdilub, back to Dyzz. Scrub found the axe that the guard had been holding and silently pilfered it. He could clean it... sharpen it and then.... sell it back to him.... supposing he was alive after that, time would tell. Asta hurried to keep up with Dyzz making it too her side, she'd look down at her but not say anything... there wasn't really much she could say... she was thankful for her sticking up for her but well.... it seemed a bit extreme and maybe a little harder then any goblin should be able to swing.

The other orcs looked at them oddly, huh? who were they and what were they doing in here? was what most were thinking. They hadn't seen what had happened moments ago. of crouse many males would look more at the two women of the group this made Asta feel self conscious but she kept her arms on her halberd and tried to continue to look big and imposing, witch she was actually quite good at when she focused. The orcs would not just openly attack contrary to what one might expect, they would follow the biggest if he attacked then they would. in the middle of the camp stood the great fire pit where a massive boar was roasting on a spit. around them were many tents with one being far bigger than the rest with huge skull of some ferocious beast sitting on the entrance. They'd see that back of the horned guard as he sped inside.

"Is this really a good idea?", Asta said out of the side of her mouth to Dyzz.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz looked back at Asta. "A civilized approach produces a civilized result. I announced myself as a queen, they spit. So, I spit back."

Vishdilub chuckled. "Dyzz has the force of arms to more than match this entire camp herself. There is no reason for her to allow them to treat her as anything lesser. Seeing as she is in fact, an actual queen, it will set a good precedent. All need to recognize her as a ruthless, dangerous entity. Someone to be feared. A fearsome reputation can be leveraged to avoid war, if it is fearsome enough. A few cruelties now might save thousands of lives later." Vishdilub was a tactical adviser for a reason... he was a master strategist and a shrewd politician... and would be one of the generals of her armies.

Dyzz certainly acted the part of an arrogant monarch. She stood, regal and proud, and ate a boar leg as though she in fact owned the place... which, if she decided to, would be the case. She ate while she relaxed, nomming contentedly, and watching the orcs around her.

 

[Reptillicus]

The orcs found this all very confusing, they just waltzed right in! And on top of that they weren't attacking, everything was easier to understand when a fight was going on, but this... something else was going on here and the tribal orcs could perhaps perceive it on an instinctual level. A few of the men would watch only Asta though only to be quickly hit by their wives with a club.

Scrub didn't like being surrounded by all these orcs.... it made her uncomfortable. "Heh heh heh.... nuthin' to worry about folks... just ah, gonna have ourselves a talk with ya' warchief. Eeeeh.... however, if any of ya' are looking for something....", he said giving his horrible grin. Asta just rolled her eyes, why oh why did they have to take Scrub of all people, ugh he just made her sick. Asta listened closely to the Vishdilub her eyes not leaving Dyzz as she took the boar leg. She knew she was powerful now... but that still didn't stop Asta for worrying she'd grip the handle of her halberd tightly as she kept her face as close to threatening as she could.

Suddenly the big tents entrance was pushed open as a very large, very wide, and rather long tusked orc stomped out his yellow eyes flashed with anger and annoyance. His nostrils flared as they steamed like a bull ready to charge. he wore hog hide like the others but he had a few rings on his fingers and a gold chain necklace. his jaw was huge as was his brow, he was possibly the most stereotypical orc one could possibly think of. A large iron battle axe was in his hand as he stomped his way fuming over to the newcomers. Asta found herself sweating she was taller then even him but he was very, very wide.

"Just who do ya think you are coming into Hathoo-Wack's camp without permission?! Not only that but you attack Wack's guards! No one messes with Hathoo-whack!", he bellowed in his deep booming voice. He then saw Dyzz proper after looking at the goblins plus the one hob. his eyes grew wide then his brow furrowed again in anger. "What?! You dare to eat Wack's food!? That's it! Hathoo-Wack gives you five seconds to take sorry goblin asses out of his camp before he smushes you as an example!", he said pointing, red faced, with spittle dripping from his maw.

Asta tensed holding her herberd at the ready, she wasn't going to let her guard down. Scrub looked like he wanted to say something.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz watched as the warchief emerged from the tent. She ate the boar, as he furiously stomped up to her, and made his demands. Halfway through his count, she dashed up to him, and punched him in the gut... hard enough to seriously wind him. She yanked him down, and socked him in the jaw hard enough to rattle his teeth. Then, she sat on him, and finished eating... by crunching up the bone in her mouth, effortlessly. A thick, strong, boar bone. "Listen up!" She yelled. "This is the Queen of the Goblins speaking! There have been some changes, in the hooman lands. A new power has risen! A power that has declared war on all green skins! The Goblin Queen leads refugees to new lands... and the hoomans come this way to crush orcs and goblins alike. The goblins will rise up against this foe... but if orcs are too cowardly to fight and too dumb to talk proper to a queen, well." She smiled. "Dyzz will sit back and laugh while the hoomans ride over the orc lands, and leave all orcs dead or slaves.

"Dyzz came to warn. The orcs have been warned." She wiped her hands off on the warchief, and got up, walking off of him. "The hoomans ride here, now. Armed, horsed, screaming death to orcs and goblins in the name of some god." She put her hands on her hips, looking them all up and down. "If orcs able to swallow pride and ask for aid, the Goblin Queen will help. What say you all?"

 

[Reptillicus]

The warchief was floored, quite literally actually. he was beaten down by a creature barely came up past his knees. his mind was scrambled and he laid there the little thing eating an entire bone on top of him. "Well that's one way ta get some calcium ay?", Scrub said jokingly to Asta. she, without looking side kicked him. She knew something like this would happen, but it didn't stop her from feeling very unnerved.

The orcs where watching her intensely many of them with their eyes wide and mouths open. Fights would break out in the camp everyday but this... a girl so small beating up the strongest warchief they'd ever hand well they seemed a bit lost, of course it didn't help that tribal orcs were a bit slower on the uptake than civilized ones. Asta could practically hear the gears of though turning as they all tried to wrap their mind around the situation. some of the orc men would continue to stare at Dyzz, drool coming out of their mouths and... tents... in their loin cloths. Some orc men are very much attracted to any female that strong... the female orcs were smarter on average and took this far more seriously. "You say the hoomans come to kill all greenskins?" said an orc woman who stepped out of the tent that Wack had. she was very pretty for an orc but more wide bodied then someone like Asta.

Wack was still conscious and was going to try and get back up when a foot tread on his hand, it was Asta. "I'd stay down if I was you.", she said quitely after shaking her head slowly.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz didn't even look down at the warchief. She replied to the female orc, "Yes. That is their warcry. For now, they've been content to oust all greenskins from their cities... then, they ride out to try and cut them down without the people seeing. This is a war that will soon be here... possibly this very day. They come to kill the refugees as they flee past your lands... they are likely to come in strength, and ride through here, weapons drawn. It is up to you to decide your own fates, but as Dyzz has said... if you ask for help, you shall receive it. All the Goblin Queen asks is proper respect." She'd take her foot off the warchief, leaving him be. If he wanted to make another mistake, he was welcome to do so. She turned her back on him too, utterly unafraid of his presence.

Dyzz rolled her shoulders. "Have seen many hooman wars. Holy wars. This is one o' them. If they come to kill greenskins, may not be for land. May not be to raid, for slaves, or for booty. Zealots more likely come to kill, and only to kill. To kill all. Males, females, younglings. Without mercy."

 

[Reptillicus]

All the orcs looked around at each other, the females looked down at their little ones and pulled them closer. The men held there weapons tighter. Asta would take her foot off the warchiefs hand as well really hoping he wouldn't do something stupid... He sat up rubbing his chin and making sure he still had all his teeth. He hadn't been hit that hard in.... ages! he blinked looking at her is sheer shock. Orcs were not people who would turn their thoughts inwardly often, just how had she moved like that how had she hit like that... and why was she suddenly.... so very pretty to look at.... He thought, looking firmly at her butt. Asta rolled her eyes at this. Ugh men were all the same she sweared.

"It's true you know... I got out just before they purged my town.", said Scrub ringing his boney hands. the female spoke next, "If what you say is true.... then what would you do to help us."

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz smiled. That was what she wanted to hear. She waved a hand to Vishdilub. "Our good Queen has some items of great magical quality to offer to her allies." He pulled into a bag, and pulled out something far, far too big to fit in a bag of such size, showing it to be a very rare and very valuable Bag of Holding. He pulled forth a totem, six feet tall, and set it on the ground... where it stood, unaided. It featured, in striking, lifelike carvings, a bear, a boar, and badger.

Dyzz cleared her throat. "Dyzz makes Totems. Bear, for strength. Boar, for endurance. Badger... ferocity." She reached down to her ax, and cut her thumb on its head, then rubbed the blood onto the totem. Its magic flared to life, palpable. All of the orcs would feel their strength and vitality swell, and their natural, killer instincts sharpen. They were all, in that instant, far more deadly than they had been a moment ago. "This totem is a gift to your tribe. Whether you choose to flee, or fight, it will aid you, so long as you keep it standing. Dyzz does not wish to tip the hoomans hand so quickly, to allow them to know the extent of the power of the Goblin Queen... not in a small skirmish. The greatest weapons should be held for the greatest occasions. So. Dyzz will give you this item, worth a hooman king ransom, and it will make you stronger. Strong enough to fight the hoomans off, while you discover what strength, what zeal they will bring to bear. If they mean to wipe us all out... you will not last here. Not for long. Not even with the totem." She turned to the warchief, and stepped on his dick. Not hard enough to hurt. She had an almost feral smirk on her features. "How you respond will up to you's chosen leader. Dyzz sure a big, strong orc like Hathoo-Wack will know how to lead him peoples." Her foot expertly caressed the length of his cock, before she withdrew, walking back towards the horses... she'd hop up, with Vishdilub, then.

 

[Reptillicus]

the totem shone brightly to Asta's eyes, she could see the magic flowing out when it was activated, to her it was like a strange white mist floating around the orcs. Asta had to rub her eyes. She didn't know that only she and maybe Dyzz and Vishdilub could see it. She had latent magical talent and she didn't know it. The orcs all gasped as they felt.... good... really really good! Scrub for his part however was way more interesting in the bag of holding.... Oh, the amount of things you could.... barrow... with something like that!

Hathoo-wack had to close his mouth manually as he not onlt felt much better... but his cock felt like it very nearly got the foot job of a life time! his face would actually blush. one could almost see the hearts in his eyes. Asta's blushed and she could no longer try to look serious. She turned away as her face burned. That was so openly lewd! Scrub was already on his horse by the time Asta hurried over trying not to think about the rather subtle but openly sexual display. Dyzz would see her look away from her.

Hathoo-wack would get up from the ground quickly his loincloth tenting hard. "Hathoo-wack say, We fight! We stronger now. We will help goblin queen!", he said a dreamy picture of Dyzz in his mind now.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz smiled, watching the fervor she inspired. She communicated from a position of strength, always... and offered a strange poultice to one of the females for the guard she'd brutalized, which would restore him fully, in short order... but in spite of her savagery and ruthless, she wanted to be loved as much as she needed to be feared, and was always willing to lend support to those who'd follow her, or call her ally. She tapped her chin as the warchief spoke, looking to Vishdilub.

He shrugged. "If you wish to fight, Aitainyn can lead them for a time. I'll have to insist on staying by your side. This alliance could be good for broader relations, so if we make a mark here, all the better." The totem was quite an investment, too... there was that to consider. Dyzz looked to Asta, and Scrub. "We can stay and fight alongside the tribe... might do a world of good. Help them retreat, if the enemy comes in great force. Guarantee the refugees can escape. What do you think? You've seen the enemy."

 

[Reptillicus]

"Ehhhh Donno if I'd wanna take them radicals head on meh self..... but ehhh, bet i can scope out the boss of that bunch.... you know whats it called.... ah yeah, gathering them intels yeah?", Scrub said as he rifled through his messy looking bag.

Asta had seen the "order" in force before. They were very quick and aggressive for humans (far as she could tell) and their armor was... unnatural something was definitely up with that, some kind of magical shenanigans she figured. they also seemed to show little fear in combat. they charged at her over and over again despite how big, tall, and down right intimating Asta could be in a fight. of course killing people was something she'd never really done before... so she was quite unprepared to fight people willing to die just to kill her. They weren't particularly strong as far as knights might go but there was a strange solidarity between them in the zealous fury.

Asta knew orcs were strong and quite bloodthirsty once they got into the thick of things but even they knew when to quit when the going got to tough. these Varan knight were crazy people..... she didn't want to have them fight alone. She didn't want to think about people's families being torn apart....

"We'll help the orcs.... I can't not... you know what i mean? These people the templars or whatever they're madmen.", she said looking back towards the forest border.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz gauged Asta and Scrub's reactions, and nodded her approval. Vishdilub walked up to Scrub and handed him a tiny, thin bone. "If things get rough, break this. It'll give you the diversion you need to get away from most any situation." Upon breaking, the bone would conjure a half dozen capable skeletal warriors, armed and ready to fight.

Dyzz appeared at Asta's side, and put a hand on her hip, smiling up at her. "Brace yous self. This might be a very bloody battle." She'd turn back to the warchief. "This your tribe, we follow your people into battle! Lead the way! The hoomans be here soon, no doubt." They'd already met a scouting party, after all. Dyzz was surprised they'd had this much time to negotiate and prepare. Perhaps the enemy hadn't counted on a band of mostly goblins risking going to orcs for aid.

 

[Reptillicus]

that would be a rather safe assumption to make. Even humans knew that, on the whole, Orcs tended to look down upon the goblins as lesser beings. Atleast the more savage ones did anyway. So they may have been trying to scout ahead or look behind for stragglers. Little Mixiy gave "Mister Vish", that's what little Mixiy was calling Vushdilub for short, another update. "Looks like the shiny people are ready to storm out... I see them trying to find us and others going towards the orc lands...."

Scrub took the bone quite happily once he heard what it could do. A rather evil grin on his face. "Heh heh heh thank you...", he said as he carefully hid it in his cloak. "Maybe going with these people is going turn a profit after all....", he thought now seeing Dyzz and her group as the place to be to make some real wealth.

Asta again found Dyzz's comforting hand on her hip and.... she did like it... for whatever reason, she found she would quite like to touched more by her. "Ok I'll try.", she said checking her halberd. She'd never killed before... atleast not on purpose. she could hold her own in a fight but she lacked a killer instinct. She was nervous even as much as she tried to furrow her brow and bare her mini tusks, dyzz could see her twitch glance around. Scrub was looking quite confident now there was gleam in his beady eyes.

Wack on the other hand stood up tall as he could and grinned an almost feral grin. "Been a long time since tribe had had good fight. We fight! we crush them in their tin cans! Wraaaaagh!", he roared emboldened by the totem and the thought of impressing Dyzz with his bravery. The other orc men all "Wraaaaaghed" back raising their clubs, swords and axes. "Get the warboars! We ride at them when they show up!", he commanded. The orc women looked to what must have been the lead female. She simply nodded and many of the orc women then "Wraaaaghed!" while some took the little ones deeper into the camp. It took only a minute or so for the orc warboar riders to appear along with Hathoo-Wack on his huge warboar, witch even had its own crude iron armor.

Then the sound of many, many hooves could be heard the could see the shine of many suits of silver armor gleamed in the distance.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

One spirit had been willing to cross the borders, to follow Dyzz... only one. The others, she'd have to find the counterparts for, if she wished to call upon them. For now, though, her favorite would suffice. "GULLENBURSTI!" She roared to the heavens, and he answered. The guardian spirit known as a demi god to boarkind, Gullenbursti appeared, golden and larger than an elephant, wreathed in golden flame. His flames would not harm Dyzz, and she climbed him to sit astride his back, as he sauntered forth, ready to march to the head of the army. Not that she was taking command... but a force such as Dyzz and Gullenbursti paved the path for the troops behind them, always. Vishdilub was chuckling behind his hand, trying to hide his amusement, at the reactions of all gathered... especially when Gullenbursti spoke.

"Ooncta Terra Dyzz... does Muju rise again?"

"No," Dyzz replied, voice casual, relaxed. "This time, it is war, Gullenbursti. A war against hate." The mighty king of boars nodded, and called to his brethren all around. The orcs would find their mounts quite excited... their own God rode among them. They were emboldened, and truth be told, made mighty in his presence, just as the totem did for the orcs, though perhaps, to a more incredible degree. The boars would bulk up, growing a bit larger, fiercer.... and much smarter. Mujina, Chelone, Sangone, Okku, Fenrir... Jormungandr. Dyzz missed them all, but without a doubt, Gullenbursti, her first and truest companion, was her favored guardian spirit. She rode ahead, Vishdilub immediately at her side, prepared for battle.

"Ah, Dyzz." Vishdilub drew forth a spear of bone, and tossed it up to her. Dyzz caught it, and hefted it in her grip. "Gae Bolg... they will learn fear this day." If Dyzz was going to ride into battle, she was certainly going to leave a lasting impression. She hoped there would be foes worthy to challenge her among the zealots... if not, she might well decimate their army before the orcs had a chance to fight.

 

[Reptillicus]

This certainly gave everyone pause. Asta gave a gasp while Scrub nearly fell off his horse. The orcs all blinked as suddenly their mount squealed and roared for their king their eyes showing a eerie blood red. Even Hathoo-wacks great hog was small to such a creature and would instead of making noise would bow its head in respect, it was instinctual. the horses were a bit spoked and stamped their hooves in the dirt but didn't panic. Hathoo-wack felt just a bit deflated by the display, he tried to think how he could possibly impress her with a mount like that... he then squared up his shoulder and took hold of his warboars reins, well he could still try! surely she would notice him if he rode nearby and hit stuff as hard as he could, ladies liked that.... yeah! He cried, "Wraaaaaagh!" and pointed in the general direction of the enemy and charged with his boar. The other orc followed suit.

Asta had to shake her head she it was time to help! although she wondered if she would be any help at all.... Well she had to try! She gave her horse a pat on the head and then with a "hup!", rode in after them halberd held frim.

The kinghts of Varan saw the massive hog coming towards them and smartly spit their attack riding around her and her flaming guardian boar. "A false idol! kill it with the rest of the wretched greenskins!" cried someone in the midst. The silver bows with a silver glow, were drawn as the bow knights of the group pulled them back. they released an volley of strange shining arrows at Dyzz and her mout.

Meanwhile others met with the orc riders and they slammed into each other as the orc cried "Wraaaaagh!", and the Knight shouted something incomprehensible in a strange language. melee broke out between them as axes and clubs met lances and long sabers. Hathoo-wack had his hog ram a house off isy feet and flung the rider away cursing him, while Scrub would break away and try to circle the battle. Asta found her heart racing as she rode froth into the fray. A single knight targeted her and charged. she felt very.... undressed for war. "Well.. guess I'm doing this.", she thought as she held her halberd at the ready. She and the silver knight then rushed each other. the knight held a lance and made a stab at her, she in turn thrust her halberd out to catch the blow and they ended up stuck and locked together, their horses having to circle each other. "Die monster! you don't belong in this word!", shouted the knight. "Fuck you!", Asta shouted back as she shoved the idiot hard with her foot and he was thrown right out of his saddle with his weapon yanked right out of his hands.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

The orcs were barbarians, not a disciplined fighting force. Humans tended to have a strong edge in training, in tactics... but the shock and awe factor of a gargantuan flaming boar charging into their ranks helped break that. Zealots could power through much, mentally... but what Dyzz did next would be difficult for them to ignore. She cast Gae Bolg. To her left she cast it, and it split into thirty, and each shard, upon impact, exploded into a jagged mess of boney brambles, impaling several men each. Just like that, nearly sixty horsed men were obliterated. She leaped from Gullenburst, laying about with axe and bone club, dropping a man every second she was on the field. Vishdilub cast a dark magic, and the corpses left from Dyzz's assault rose, and turned on their brothers. The orcs were pumped, and their mounts as well, with magic... the humans would need sheer, overwhelming numbers and the determination to spend them to win this conflict, and little would it win them, perhaps the ultimate failing of zealotry. It was so easy to lose perspective, to lose sight of the bigger picture. They'd come to exterminate a pest, not fight a war, and they stood to gain little. The blow to morale from this devastating loss would ring throughout the kingdom, as the oppression of humanity was met with blood and fire.

Dyzz watched as Asta held herself well... certainly, she was the physical superior to her foe, but he was a trained fighter. Her victory over him was worthwhile. Dyzz smiled. She'd have to help Asta grow stronger still, alongside Aitainyn. She wasn't valuable simply because she was a hobgoblin... Dyzz saw much potential in her.

Gullenbursti plowed through their ranks, tossing men and equine alike with his tusks, as Dyzz laid about her in savage display. She would soon see if these templars had a wise commander, or more powerful units.

 

[Reptillicus]

The orc where bigger and stronger then the humans but the humans more balanced (using that term lightly) approach, and had strange armor it would sometimes flash brightly and defect even the strongest of blows from the orcs. However this merely made them mad and cause them to attack with even more fury. Hathoo-wack would sometimes instead of simply swinging at people would grab them throw them into their friends very hard. everytime one of the knight number would die their armor would vanish or disintegrate, along with any weapons with a similar look of shining silver. Many died from Dyzz's initial attack. the bone shards being magical in nature able to overcome their odd armor.

The arrows they fired also had strange properties, they would sometime home in on the orcs and explode on impact in flash of light. Again some kind of magic was afoot here or perhaps some sort of blessing. some would land on Gullenbursti and erupt in flash but presumably he could take the hits. The orc would be wounded but keep right on going the bigger one could even keep going with swords and spearheads stuck in their flesh. The undead warriors were also becoming quite the problem. The templars would cry out "black magic! Heresy!", as they saw their brethren "defiled" in such a way.

this was complete chaos! The knights of Varan had no idea thing would turn out like this! This was supposed to be easy! since when had the greenskins gotten such power!? Asta would ride past the knights taking hard swings she didn't want to get into a melee with the possibly more well trained knights, plus she was afraid that they would gang up on her. But she wasn't going to cower in fear! these bastards took her home away from her and she'd be damned if she stayed idile.

The knights knew things were quickly going out of control but retreat would mean death! or worse than death... excommunication, and damnation! From the fary came a sharp clear voice. "Brothers! Lose not thy faith! fight on for the great goddess!". stepping out of the formation stood several tall gleaming knights their armor far more ornate with massive shields and maces.

One was close to Dyzz. As his brothers fell around him he stepped forward unafraid. "Creature! Your staining of this earth ends here!", he cried pointing his mace towards her. Then in on motioned him slammed it to the ground as a crack began to and blazing hot beams of light began to burst their way too her.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz was fighting, but Vishdilub paid close attention as the fight progressed. The human's weren't retreating... they had some magical strength, but that was a foolish choice. The longer the battle drew out, the worse their losses... the orcs, by comparison, lost little. Dyzz smiled when the stronger troops showed themselves, and her face snapped towards the sound of the voice rising through the din. She leapt atop Gullenbursti and charged towards the leadership. Gullenbursti shrugged off powerful magical attacks, and though Dyzz bled from many places, she didn't slow, and her wounds closed quickly. They charged through the line of knights with shields and maces, Gullenbursti trampling them under his huge weight, and Dyzz fell upon them. Her ax, Ravage, did little against armor so heavy, though any parts exposed would be flayed by its fury... but Rancor did not worry for armor. The bone club crushed thick steel like tin, and crushed the bones beneath it with explosive force. The rays of light that hit Dyzz burned her, but if she noticed... she didn't show it. A man behind a shield would be hit by his shield so hard from one blow from the club, he'd be on the ground unconscious, if he survived, no matter his defenses... even magical ones. And magic didn't seem any better than martial force in slowing Dyzz down.

Dyzz went for the voice. The leadership, the command. The bloodshed should have been unnecessary... always, there was a willing whip, a pain-driver to keep the men going forward to their deaths. That one would be taken alive. She'd beat whatever elite forces surrounded them out of the way without mercy, until she reached the one foolish enough to let their voice stand above the others... and the blood soaked goblin would visit horror upon them. The undead army was swelling its ranks, Vishdilub's magic driving it to grow as the human army diminished, and the orcs were finding the pressure of battle easing from them as that ally grew, as the dead rose to fight their brothers, easily as fearless and driven as any zealot... and stronger. Slower, without the martial edge, but terribly strong.

 

[Reptillicus]

Even the grand knights fell to Dyzz their magic armor not able to stand up to her bone club. The remaining dashed aside trying to lauch more spells at her only to have th orcs catch up with them they were then locked in melee with them instead. Unfortunately for the orcs the magic maces hurt quite a lot more. But that only made them angrier, for you see orc felt pain just as much as anyone else but once they tasted the chaos of battle, pain would only embolden them to hit back harder. Hathoo-wack could be seen with more weapons stuck and broken in his skin, howling in savage fury as he ripped a man's arm clean off with his bare hands. The spearmen and clavalery tried to assail Dyzz and her flaming boar from a distance, the fear of damnation causing them fight even now in the face of such power. the army of the dead though bereft of the armor they wore in life were become a real problem, "Kill the necromancer! Bring me his vail head! Do it now are you all will burn in the ninth hell!", cried the sharp voice. At that point the grand knights tried to make attempts at Vishdilub blasting beams of pure white at him!

Asta on her side of things found herself surrounded by spearmen, all of them making desperate stabs at her. they were aware just how bad things were going but then only seemed to make the more determined to kill her. She'd bat away every stab with a swing of her halberd and a snarl. "You'll be dead this day savage!", said one of them. "I'm the savage?!" she shouted. "Fuck you! Fuck and all of your and stupid religious bullshit!, she cried as she made a furious stab. She hit was so much force that she was able to pierce one of them right through the shoulder and then shove him forwards into more of his mates. All of her frustration about.... everything, was begging to flow through her and she knew the taste of hate. She pulled out her halberd and dismounted, she didn't want the blameless horse to be harmed in this fight.

The man that she stabbed rose to his feet unsteadily dropping his spear and drawing a sword still meaning to challenge her. "Are you fucking serious?! stay down! do you want to die!?", Asta shouted. "I will live forever in heaven if die in the service of my goddess....", said the wounded man, his arm now useless due to her attack. Just then however the rest of the small battle group attacked her! She couldn't slash at them all at once! She swiped at them and one to ground as the axe head bit slicing into his legs. (the spearmen had no armor there.) but the rest all landed stabbing into her from the sides and front of her. three spears now stuck into her! but... they didn't go in all the way into her getting through her skin only to be stopped by the muscles. it still hurt, a lot. She howled in pain. she then looked down at them and their surprised faces. before they could pull out however she dropped her halberd and had her hands on two of their neck, not protected by the armor. the pain at first filled her with fear but now all she felt is anger. she looked upon them as they struggled and the third one managed to pull his spear out. She looked upon them the mad men even now trying to kick and punch at her uselessly... it filled her with hate, then.... she squeezed.... several cracks could be heard as they died quite instantly from having their necks broken... she had killed this day....

Meanwhile Scrub was speeding through the battlefield quick as he could heading to the back end of the army there he could see him the commander surrounded by what looked like priests. "Aw there ya are... the big cheese here ay?", he said to himself he then pulled out what looked like a cardboard tube and lit a match near it's base. "Knew this would come in handy one day....", he said grinning. Just then a green flare went up from behind the army and exploded, Scrub had given a signal, he hoped they would understand what it meant.

"What in the 9 hells?! I want a barrier and I want it now! Work faster you worthless priests. " shouted their commander. a tall, rather aged, looking man with grey long hair and a mustache. The priests then projected a wall of light around them, containing them and their leader within its glow. "I can't believe you people.... Dying to the worthless greenskins?! fight harder your faith is you strongest weapon!"

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz watched Asta even mid combat. Watched her muscles turn away steel blades, watched her fury grow murderous. Without any real training, at that... Aitainyn would have her hands full training this one, and she would relish the opportunity. The hobgoblins of this world were smaller than the ones where she'd come from, but they seemed even more supernatural. Dyzz was still marching through foes, and even though she was smashed in the face once or twice by the heavy maces, the most they did was scrape and bruise her, and just barely break her nose... all of which righted its self soon after. When the flare went up, Dyzz grinned. She whistled, and Gullenbursti charged towards her. She hopped up on him, and he turned towards the source of the flare... charging directly through the melee to meet the foe commander head on. Vishdilub couldn't aid her in this... his swelling number of undead crushing in their left flank took all of his concentration, but in this battle, he'd been worth an entire army all his own, just like Dyzz. And Asta had gained valuable experience... while Scrub had gone above and beyond and proven his usefulness. This had been a good battle.

But now it was time to end it. Sporting dozens of injuries from spear and arrow and bolt, Gullenbursti seemed utterly unphased, just as Dyzz, as he trampled the elite guards that highlighted the commander's position, like a beacon. Like a flare sent up from his location. They were trampled underfoot as Dyzz rode to the commander, and her ruby eyes flashed with savagery. She took up Ravage in her hand, and Rancor flashed. She threw the ax, and it spun end over end, tearing that deadly, razor gale along its arc... as it flew through the line of priests to deadly effect. If they did manage to get up a strong barrier, Dyzz would meet it with a fist... while she couldn't wear magical things or use spells of enhancement or healing on herself, seeing as she was a warped nexus of arcane energies... she was a great anti magical weapon, bodily. Her punch would hit with all the defiling power of disenchanting anti-magic. Dyzz tanked magic more easily than physical attacks... she was known as Juggernaut to those few who knew the intimates of her fighting styles. She could take any punishment... and she was a heavy hitter, to boot. The only way to shut her down was with cataclysmic scaled capabilities... extremely powerful foes could manage it, like dragons, but none could put her down for good. In weeks, or even days, she'd be back, though while she was out, she could be trapped... even if it was near impossible to contain her for any real length of time.

The commander would soon be within her grasp, and she'd take him... dead or alive. Either way, she'd have his body. Vishdilub would take care of the rest if he didn't survive.

 

[Reptillicus]

Commander Graham, as he was known, suddenly found his position under attack! "What?! how did no one thing to warn me of this?! I will not have the filthy greenskins pollute the air around me!", he cried, it was almost like everything he said was a either yelled or shouted at all times... Then Dyzz punched the blessed barrier. The priests tried to hold on their sliver robes fluttering as they held out their hand and concentrated their faith as much as they could. "Come on! hold You fools! or is your faith so weak to be overturned by a simple goblin!", he barked. then the barrier shattered like glass and dissipated. then next thing he knew several priests had died in the ensuing razor gale. The man fell to his backside then quickly righted himself. "Shit.... this can't be happening.... They're supposed to be simple savages.... where did they get all this power?!", he said under his breath "Whoever of you is still alive, keep that creature away! I must make my retreat! If any of you running away now i will personally make sure there is spot in the hells just for you!", he cried as he took a tome out from somewhere in his armor. He then hurriedly began to read aloud in a strange language as light began to form around him.... some kind of warping spell perhaps? At the same time the remaining priests tried to intercept her standing in her way and conjuring balls of green light in they hands as forceful gusts of wind began to howl at Dyzz. I seemed they intended stall her out, trying to keep her from the commander long enough for him to escape, ready to give their lives for it even.

Asta had stabbed the third spearmen with his own spear, pushing it straight into his gut and kicking him hard away. she soon found her halberd and swiftly took it up in her hands once more but just as she did that the wounded knight from before jumped onto her! they struggled as he tried to stab her in the gut with a dagger. But he was quickly thrown to the ground by the hobgoblins might. However, as he was tossed to the ground something came with him.... a rip could be heard as Asta's loin cloth was pulled right off of her, leaving her lower half bare! her tan pussy and butt exposed! She was pulled out of her rage by this as she looked from the kight to herself, seeing only her bone bra on! just before she could go after that knight, possibly still bleeding out a single grand knight charged her! keeping her from her precious piece of clothing. he seemed to pause briefly as he suddenly realised that she was... half naked. "Disgusting! you shall not tempt me with your fowl body!" shouted the great knight as he continued his charge. Asta stopped thinking about how naked she was long enough evade a blow and from his mace and rake a swing with her halberd witch the knight blocked with his tall shield. Asta may have been blushing but she wasn't about to let her half nudity get her killed!

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz called out to Vishdilub. He took stock of what was going on across the battlefield, and wished he'd had a group of apprentices for such a task. He dropped his command of the army, leaving them aimless and vulnerable... while he recited a spell of silencing, centering it on Graham. The commander would find his spell stopped short, as the world around him fell to absolute silence, and Dyzz would smile as she finished striding up to him, after casting his priest's gale aside with a sweep of her ax, turning the wind and slicing them bloody. Then she'd knock several of his teeth out with a punch to the jaw, shattering it and leaving his face a bloody mess. Talking was going to be very difficult for him, now... spellcasting nearly impossible. She grabbed him by the throat like a chicken, and dragged him across the battlefield, casually swatting enemies from her path as she marched the prize to her side of the battlefield. She couldn't speak through the veil of silence around her and him, casting the battle around her in eerie tones... but Vishdilub called the retreat. He'd position the undead to take the brunt of the enemy attacks, as the orcs were given a chance to cleanly disengage from the battle. They had what they wanted... a prisoner with valuable information. The rest of the army, if Dyzz's suspicions were correct, were worth very little. Magically armed and armored peasants, zealots that were cheap to produce, and easy to control through fear. Vishdilub was already planning battlefield wide spells of dispelment, that would leave entire such armies as naught more than naked peasants.

On her way by, she'd walk by Asta, swatting her enemies away as well. Then, she'd grab Asta by the skull bra, and yank her down, probably ripping the bra to pieces in the process. She pulled her into a passionate kiss, the world around them silent under the veil of silence around them. There were no sounds of battle, not even sounds of their kissing, just Dyzz's lips on hers. When Dyzz pulled back, she'd give one of Asta's breasts a squeeze, then slap her booty, pointing for her to go ahead and leave the battlefield. Asta would taste something strange in her mouth... there had been some of Dyzz's blood mixed in with her saliva! Asta's wounds would close on the spot, knitting together as though they were healing over the course of weeks, as Dyzz led her away, Graham in tow.

 

[Reptillicus]

As commander Graham was reciting the holy writ of recall when he suddenly found everything quite quiet around him. he looked up just in time to see a comparatively small fist slam him right in the jaw! He'd cry out in pain but there was naught but silence around him as he jaw was broken like glass and his word became silence and pain... he tried to crawl away feebly but soon he was taken by the neck. he squirmed in anguish and weakly tried to get her hand off his neck, but he could do nothing as his vision swam. thankfully there was silence or else she'd hear a very unpleasant, painful, gurgling sound.

the Orc had seen this or at least Hathoo-wack had as the orcs began to pull out. Some of their number had fallen, but on the whole they were in good shape considering the circumstances. Scrub had tried to take some of the weapons but the began to disintegrate once their masters were dead... he cursed under his breath.

Asta was ready to take another charge, still trying to ignore the breeze between her thick thighs..... when suddenly the grand kight was sent crashing to the side his armor dented severely... but before she could ask what was up silence over ook her muting her gasp. Then in one swift motion Dyzz not only kissed her but, broke her only remaining piece of clothing, her breasts spilling out and jiggling enticingly! She'd make an "Mmmmph?!" as she was kissed so passionately her blush growing fast across her whole face. once she pulled away and teased her so openly her nipples growing hard, Asta would look down to see her wounds disappear as she tasted blood in her mouth... She was now stark naked, literally not a stitch on that, gloriously toned, yellow green, busty body. she followed Dyzz blushing and trying to cover herself, halberd still in hand.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz was gentle enough to not make Graham drown on his own blood, dropping him to his knees and then tossing him up over Asta's shoulder instead. He'd have a nice view on his way back, indeed. Dyzz would help Asta up onto Gullenbursti with their prize, and they'd ride away along with the orcs, back home... whereupon she'd advice them to pack up and prepare to retreat.

The aftereffects of battle were predictable... Dyzz was glad the refugees were long gone, not to worry about horsemen catching up with them. They'd learned much about the templars, this day... though how they'd arranged such a force so quickly was a mystery, yet. It was smart... they took barely trained men, for the most part, and didn't even truly arm and armor them, saving much on training and costs. Such tactics had gaping tactical drawbacks, though. Dyzz discussed as much with the Orc leaders, and the warchief especially. "We gonna keep going, gather larger forces, plan counterattacks. We have a knowing prisoner, to interrogate. The commander." She pointed to Graham. "Dyzz suggest orcs come with goblins. Need to gather greater forces... we saw only small measure of enemy this day, Dyzz is sure. Must prepare much bigger armies." Vishdilub sat at her side, dabbing blood from a wound on her he kept open, and preparing poultices from it that he had others spread among the injured... giving them opportunity for the same kind of healing Asta had enjoyed.

Dyzz decided that, after the orgy of violence and the obvious carnal instinct she'd inspired in the orcs, she should mention another of her ritual tactics. "Dyzz attunes totems to tribes. This powerful totem... but attune to orcs is weak. Is not near full strong. Needs much magic to make it stronger, if you will come with Dyzz... Dyzz will perform the shamanic rights. Also, Dyzz wants all the most elite warriors can find... those who swear loyalty to Dyzz will be welcome in the orgies. Dyzz takes the seed of Dyzz elite, that Dyzz might imbue them with spirits of the elements, is great juju, give great power. In this way, Dyzz rewards the best of Dyzz followers... with great power." And sex. Lots and lots of sex.

 

[Reptillicus]

Poor Embarrassed, naked, Asta had to hold onto the weakly struggling commander and her halberd, leaving no hands to cover her decency. She tried to put herself behind Dyzz but she was just so small compared to her that it did nothing for her. None of the orc mentioned it on the way back but would look to hobgoblin girl and smile or gave a short wave in her direction. She had the most adorable blushing expression on her face as they dismounted. She kept trying to bright up her need for clothes to dyzz but the soon to be goblin queen kept herself speaking to the orcs on important matters. The poor girl would be sitting nearby biting her lip and pulling her legs up in front of her to hide her body. Usually orc were quite forward about sexual matters, but Asta was one of Dyzz's special people They'd not want Dyzz to be mad with them if they made avances on the hobgoblin. Also there is the fact that sometimes orcs find themselves feeling more.... humble in the presence of a hobgoblin. So again they'd look at her all smiles when she looked back with even the females giving her approving nods with smirks. Scrub tried to make a joke at Asta's expense but her was swiftly elbowed in the side by her without her looking his way.

"Yeah, yeah... Wack's people can follow. We leave interrogating to you, Wack's people.... no good at that.", said Hathoo-Wack shaking his head a little. The orc ways of interrogating was quite simple all it involved was tying people to post and then hitting rather hard with a club while asking simple questions. While this method works well on other orcs, humans tended to stop speaking after the fourth or fifth swing, in fact they seemed to stop breathing too....

The orc would accept the blood of Dyzz with tilted heads unsure what they were being given until it was explained to them. Hathoo-wack had little to say in the circle orc weren't much people for "plans" but they understood the need for preparations and man power in an army. Asta put two and two together while still trying to stay scrunched in a little ball, so her blood could heal people hell it healed her! But why did she have to do that to her now she was butt naked and everyone kept looking at her! unfortunately for her she found that this fact.... that she was naked in front of everyone made her blood race and her lust begin to fester in her stomach.

The orcs would look to each other at Dyzz's words on the.... shamanic rights and they understood very quickly. Hathoo-Wack held up a hand to tell everyone to hold their boars (like saying hold your horses but for orcs). "Wack is loyal yes yes! would not mind.... er..... shamanic rights at all!", he said drooling a little his eyes looking very blatnaly at her bone covered breasts. Asta's head popped back up from hiding her face in her knees eyes wide. "Did she just say orgies!?", she thought, a look of shock on her face.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz would, as an afterthought, as some of the orc women to get Asta something to wear, as she started to arrange everyone's departure. They needed to move, pack up the camp and get away from human lands... meanwhile, she'd begin interrogations. She borrowed a tent, and took the prisoner in it, having Vishdilub wake him and give him a stimulant... something to keep him awake and make pain even more vivid for him. Dyzz would give him a small measure of her blood, healing him, and would taste Vishdilub's stimulant. "Mhmm, is good. Very nice. Will use." What that meant might be hard to discern. Vishdilub also painted a rune on him... one that would ensure rather hilarious results should he try to spell cast when he could talk again. Granted, his hands would still be bound, but some magi could cast without the use of their hands... in some worlds, divine casters were able to cast in full armor with shield in hand.

Dyzz would be sitting cross legged on a stool in front of Graham as he came about, a smug expression on her features. Vishdilub would be standing right beside her, his expression... decidedly more cruel. He was perhaps the most capable necromancer in the world, and knew more than a thousand mystically induced maladies to torture a man with. Curses, and hexes, and jinxes from the far reaches of far worlds. He'd raided the knowledge vaults of a God of Lore, and ascended in his dark arts past the threshold of what most any mortal could accomplish.

Dyzz was the one who spoke first, to Graham. "You's quite the curious lil' bunch of hoomans. So, less make this sweet, and simple. Tell us everything about you's order, and goals, strengths and weaknesses, politics, alliances... just keep going 'till Dyzz say stop. Or, the necromancer raise you from the dead and make you say it all, after you turn into eternal slave." The fun part was that was exactly how that would work, too. They didn't need him to tell them anything.

 

[Reptillicus]

the orc women were more than happy to spare something for Asta, the older ones seemed take to her rather well. They easily fashioned a new loin cloth and wrap for her chest. these were quite soft and comfortable for her "girls" to sit in, being made of winter coat of their boars. Scrub would be seen a trading few things with the orcs. they often would trade in pure goods then gold, the concept of currency lost on them. Asta wasn't surprised in the least... she thank the orc woman who gave her the clothes, "Oh thanks miss, so sorry to trouble you. It's so hard to find things that actually fit me...", she said adjusting her bra wrap. The older lady told her not to worry about it, and that orcs go through clothes in battle like it was made of straw. She gave her a pat to the butt and sent Asta on her way. "I wish people would stop doing that.... it's just my butt!", she thought blushing.

Graham awoke with a groan of pain, his everything ached and he suddenly found himself very awake and aware! his jaw really hurt but he found he could move it again. His eye snapped open to find the goblins before him and his eyes went wide. Oh no this was real the whole battle have been real... and he had lost rather spectacularly. His first thoughts were of the inquisition, they would hold him accountable for this defeat.... but his mind came back to the immediate threat of the bloody greenskins. this was an interrogation! the black skinned goblin was far and away more frightening right now even if it was Dyzz that had toppled him.

he coughed and sputtered as his gaze when between them with wild eyes. He had perhaps knew how much shit he was in "Varan above.... I am damned.....", he groaned slumping in defeat. Seemed he was quite a lot of bark but no bite. "I shat allow my body to used in foul necromancy...." he said in a bitter words. "We are the knight most holy, Varans chosen people. it was not but a week or two ago that we finally received the blessing of the crown to purge the lands of the unclean!", he said full of spite and resentment. "We have the king on side this time, so it's only a matter of time before we exterminate all those who dare to stop us! We allied ourselves with others of the faith in the elven lands and they saw fit to show us the true arts of our goddess!", he said panting with effort and pain on his part. "Thankfully my masters saw fit to keep some information form me... wise on their part... it seems. You'll not our weaknesses from me! All you can know is that our magic is fueled by faith! and in the face of true faith you all will fall.", he growled.

 

[ShinyHappyFitsOfRage]

Dyzz listened well to the once commander. Vishdilub chuckled to hear his tale. "Faith... opiate of the masses. A thing so very, very easily manipulated. It is good to know we'll have the opportunity to put the elves in their place, too." Dyzz elbowed him in the ribs, but she was smiling too. Vishdilub pointed to Dyzz. "This is the goblin queen. Ooncta Terra Dyzz. It might not mean too terribly much in this land, but the fact of the matter is... by herself, she would eventually overthrow your kingdom, topple your armies. Having an army of her own will only expedite matters." He shook his head. "A world on the verge of true peace, and your kind simply has to throw it away in a naked grab for power. Truly, yours is a vile, worthless kind." Dyzz elbowed him in the ribs again.

"Not all of any kind is worthless. But Dyzz will agree..." She rose. "This one is. Forgets him morality in religious zeal. Few are the Gods that would smile on such a man, and if this one does... this God will need to fall with the kingdom." The words were said with a cold certainty... the kind that suggested it was no great thing she suggested. Nothing she hadn't already done before. Dyzz didn't generally mess with divine orders... there were always far reaching consequences to such things, even for those who could topple a god from their seat of power. But if this god was a reflection of the man before her, then to create a world with a lasting peace of any caliber in it might require as much.

Dyzz had been through some incredible torture at the hands of Gods, though, and was quite jaded about their value on the whole. The guardians of nature and the elements were Gods enough for a world, the forces of Gaia plentiful shepherds for life. "Well, that takes care of that, Dyzz suppose." She stood and cracked her neck. "Dyzz not like what she see of you on the battlefield. Sacrificing the lives of you's men for you own selfish gain. You's a coward, a traitor to you's people, a fearmongerer, a terrorist." Vishdilub quirked his brows. Dyzz was using bigger and bigger words these days. It seemed she was taking her new role quite seriously, and allowing her intellect to flourish under the guidance of her ancestors. "Dyzz don't think a disgusting thing like you need to return to the hoomans, ever. But, you talked. No undeath for you. Never let it be said the Goblin Queen is so honorless as one of you." She turned, then, and walked away, and Vishdilub with her... the orcs would get to deliver whatever justice they deemed suitable to him. She went and told their chief as much, and encouraged him to allow the priest an opportunity to cast a spell, because the mark on the back of his neck he was unaware of would produce hilarious results.