Luma's castle of clouds

[OreoLuma]

Hello everyone, have you ever thought the amount of sheepfolk in this game is concerningly low? Well fear not! Over the past half year I’ve been writing a new character alongside Acehangman.

Here's a half-elf, half-sheep girl that came north looking for her parents and got caught in the Winter City during the recent events. She's got a small quest to introduce herself and might decide to take the Champ as a mate. We are not ready to submit her until I (luma) get another project accepted, but we wanted to get some feedback on her character, story and sex scenes.

Her name is Acacia Xynox and her google doc will be posted below. She is a skilled dyer. Please leave your thoughts and opinions here or on the doc.

This isn't being submitted yet. Parsers are highlighted and this is a QoL feature to help people that aren't trained reviewers and might get lost in them.

Acacia doc

 

[Ace Hangman]

I may have helped with some of the editing a little. Maybe left one or two (maybe three) comments. I know it's a lot of stuff that isn't purely sex scenes and helping edit a character that the writer plans to have more things (but is limited by page count) added later can be tough to figure out what to put forth initially. I know there's more sex scenes in the master doc, but Luma wanted her introduction, story, and family aspect available to set her continuing quest for her mother up later.

I hope the amount of non-sex backstory isn't too distracting and Luma's work and effort is appreciated. I liked her so much while reading her I wrote her Eat Out scene just to see how hard accounting for parsers was when dealing with things like differing pregStages (thankfully not put in here), multicocks, her new lustRange parser that accounts for her getting needier and hornier the longer she's neglected or teased. And that was some real hard work. Props to writers who make the effort and put them in, but dang do those sections eat up your page count.

Does anyone have thoughts on the layout? Should Tabs be used more here (whether just public viewing, not strictly when submitted)? To set off the Intro, Quest, Talking, and Sex Scenes? Does that make it easier when jumping around, or is just the one expansive list workable?

 

[Lostname475]

I think the current layout works fine