[Implemented]Butt Bugs

[Savin]

Alright, I read through the Codex and the first scene. This still needs a lot of work, mostly in the grammar/sentence-structure department. I'm going to leave this for a bit and let you work back through the doc; use the notes I left to correct further issues.

I have this issue with a *lot* of new writers, so don't feel bad about it. There are some clauses that can't stand on their own as sentences; "Trying to wrap your hands around your dick" for example isn't a sentence. It's a clause you could attach to another to form a sentence, such as "Trying to wrap your hands around your dick, you wriggle in the monster's clutches." The second clause provides the primary noun (you) and verb (wriggle); the first clause becomes a modifier of the second, primary clause -- which could stand alone as a sentence, if an uninteresting one.

 

[Preacher]

Alright, I read through the Codex and the first scene. This still needs a lot of work, mostly in the grammar/sentence-structure department. I'm going to leave this for a bit and let you work back through the doc; use the notes I left to correct further issues.

I have this issue with a *lot* of new writers, so don't feel bad about it. There are some clauses that can't stand on their own as sentences; "Trying to wrap your hands around your dick" for example isn't a sentence. It's a clause you could attach to another to form a sentence, such as "Trying to wrap your hands around your dick, you wriggle in the monster's clutches." The second clause provides the primary noun (you) and verb (wriggle); the first clause becomes a modifier of the second, primary clause -- which could stand alone as a sentence, if an uninteresting one.

Okay, I'll do a rerun of the doc. Although that was the worst and noobiest section of the entire thing, before I realized what the heck gerunds were and got a load of sentence structure suggestions from Kirbu and some other helpful people. I'll re-notify when I'm absolutely certain the entire doc is up to par of the better scenes.

 

[RanmaChan]

I can help go through the doc if you want?

 

[Preacher]

I can help go through the doc if you want?

If you want to and have the time go right ahead, I'd appreciate it. Although you might want to get ready first, there is 75+ pages of the thing, and about 44K words.

 

[RanmaChan]

Don't worry, I did SoAndSos 90 page document on Mjerlin, so I am up for another challenge. Don't expect me to go as fast though, I just finished ArchAngel99's 39 page document on Willow last night.

Edit: I have started. Please do not delete my bookmark where I have left off.

 

[luei]

Hey Preach, how're the rewrites going? It's so close to being done!

 

[Preacher]

Hey Preach, how're the rewrites going? It's so close to being done!

Most if not all of the sections that were written before I got schwifty with my sentence structuring have been modified to be less of a word barf.

I've gone through my editing phase but the problem is that I may have written something that sounds right to me but might be shit, if I don't get any major complaints by Friday I'm resubmitting it.

 

[RanmaChan]

Don't worry I haven't forgotten about this, and I have started up again. Sorry about the long pause, I have been really busy with work and other stuff, not to mention that this is a really daunting editing project. The anonymous editor that left a bunch of random edits today only seems to have hurt more than helped. They messed up a bunch of stuff making it harder to read, put comments directly into the text, and suggested entire segments of good writing be deleted. Oh well, I will work around it.

Edit: 27.1% done!

 

[Crablord]

Is this dead?

 

[RanmaChan]

It's... complicated.

 

[toritoritori]

I consider myself to be semi-decent with sentence structure. Went through the codex, made a bunch of edits, until my brain turned to mush. If @Preacher is still interested in getting this finished/edited, I'd be down to do the rest.

 

[Preacher]

Is this dead?

Eh... kinda but not really. Had more interest in the vasrin than these for a while so I temporarily left it, I'm back to editing this now.

I consider myself to be semi-decent with sentence structure. Went through the codex, made a bunch of edits, until my brain turned to mush. If @Preacher is still interested in getting this finished/edited, I'd be down to do the rest.

Accepted most, confused by some, and brain mush? Is this really that bad? Anyway, yes, I'd appreciate it. I doubt Ranmachan left anything out during earlier excursions of the scenes so if you're inclined to help and have the time to do so you could continue from where Ranma left off.

I doubt I'll be motivated enough to continue to work on this should it get rejected again so I'm hoping what I and possibly some others do will allow it to be implemented.

 

[toritoritori]

Accepted most, confused by some, and brain mush? Is this really that bad? Anyway, yes, I'd appreciate it. I doubt Ranmachan left anything out during earlier excursions of the scenes so if you're inclined to help and have the time to do so you could continue from where Ranma left off.

I doubt I'll be motivated enough to continue to work on this should it get rejected again so I'm hoping what I and possibly some others do will allow it to be implemented.

Haha, no. The brain mush is totally unrelated to the quality of the work. Just that effect where you spend an extended period of time doing the same thing, and then you want to do something else. This is honestly a project I've been watching for a while, since its right up my alley, and as a result I totally have a vested interest in it getting in.

 

[toritoritori]

In case anyone cares, I've worked my way down to the "Use Bug" masturbation option, and am stopping there for the night. There's some really great stuff in here - just needs a little polishing.

 

[Preacher]

In case anyone cares, I've worked my way down to the "Use Bug" masturbation option, and am stopping there for the night. There's some really great stuff in here - just needs a little polishing.

Holy mother of edits, how much free time do you have? Anyway, once I get home I'll continue some of my own editing from my bookmark.

 

[toritoritori]

Been busy these past couple of days, but finally worked my way down to "removal". I've been a little worried that I might be coming off as a pushy editor in-text, trying to fix/alter stuff that doesn't really need fixed/altered. So, I guess, just take the suggested edits with your own best judgement?

Either way, I would also highly recommend splitting up the loss scenes. Giving the different variants headings, as they are just so large. And then the entire document would probably also benefit from more paragraph breaks too, to avoid walls of text in-game?

But yeah, I love the actual content, am very excited about reading it, and it possibly getting into the game, etc.

 

[Preacher]

Been busy these past couple of days, but finally worked my way down to "removal". I've been a little worried that I might be coming off as a pushy editor in-text, trying to fix/alter stuff that doesn't really need fixed/altered. So, I guess, just take the suggested edits with your own best judgement?

Either way, I would also highly recommend splitting up the loss scenes. Giving the different variants headings, as they are just so large. And then the entire document would probably also benefit from more paragraph breaks too, to avoid walls of text in-game?

But yeah, I love the actual content, am very excited about reading it, and it possibly getting into the game, etc.

Nah man, most of them were pretty good. There was just a couple that didn't really make sense until I saw that it was meant as a comment and not an edit, even though the comment was written directly in as an edit it wasn't too much of a hassle make sense of it so I'm not sure if it was intentional or no. There is also the odd tendency to not take into account any possible spaces that might be necessary if your edit is accepted but that's not a pain really.

I took into account the in-game view of the content, those walls of text will likely just end up being normal paragraphs by way of most people would only see about a third of the content considering their character organ configuration. I would split the loss scenes but recoloring the variations seem like so much work, and after copying everything to a different format I've noticed it's so confusing to edit without the color differentiating the variations.

It took me by surprise when after my offline editing of earlier stuff, I synced it and I was hit by this army of edits, not that I'm really complaining. Anyway, with the addition of these edits we're about half of the way done for the final edit phase for those interested.

 

[toritoritori]

Nah man, most of them were pretty good. There was just a couple that didn't really make sense until I saw that it was meant as a comment and not an edit, even though the comment was written directly in as an edit it wasn't too much of a hassle make sense of it so I'm not sure if it was intentional or no. There is also the odd tendency to not take into account any possible spaces that might be necessary if your edit is accepted but that's not a pain really.

I took into account the in-game view of the content, those walls of text will likely just end up being normal paragraphs by way of most people would only see about a third of the content considering their character organ configuration. I would split the loss scenes but recoloring the variations seem like so much work, and after copying everything to a different format I've noticed it's so confusing to edit without the color differentiating the variations.

Huh. That's really strange. I remember leaving comments, and also replying to edits I suggested. But I thought that I'd been pretty careful about not writing anything directly into the comments, and making sure that everything was spaced properly. But so long as everything's legible, at least?

Even with players not viewing everything, I'd still worry that a lot of the paragraphs are going to run a little long. I hopped into the game and ran around for a bit, wasn't able to find any paragraphs longer than about.. 8 sentences?

Regarding splitting the loss scenes - I definitely agree that at this point, too late to fully truly split them. However, I think it could be beneficial add a couple more bookmarks. Just so that its easier to hop around in such a long document - for example, the "If female inside = false" bit on p.37 is the start of the "Loss scene where female inserts herself" segment. That sort of thing. However, that's really your call, especially since I'm already done editing that section.

I'm still gonna be pretty these next couple of days, but I'll try to hop back in there, finish things up, and then probably give it another once-over as soon as I can.

 

[Preacher]

Huh. That's really strange. I remember leaving comments, and also replying to edits I suggested. But I thought that I'd been pretty careful about not writing anything directly into the comments, and making sure that everything was spaced properly. But so long as everything's legible, at least?

Even with players not viewing everything, I'd still worry that a lot of the paragraphs are going to run a little long. I hopped into the game and ran around for a bit, wasn't able to find any paragraphs longer than about.. 8 sentences?

Regarding splitting the loss scenes - I definitely agree that at this point, too late to fully truly split them. However, I think it could be beneficial add a couple more bookmarks. Just so that its easier to hop around in such a long document - for example, the "If female inside = false" bit on p.37 is the start of the "Loss scene where female inserts herself" segment. That sort of thing. However, that's really your call, especially since I'm already done editing that section.

I'm still gonna be pretty these next couple of days, but I'll try to hop back in there, finish things up, and then probably give it another once-over as soon as I can.

All good, I'll see about shifting around some sentences to shorten it. The bookmarks sound like a good thing, I'll add them once I get a break of my current responsibility which shouldn't take more than a few hours. Parasitism section up next, hopefully not too many bumps in the road.

 

[Vento]

Impressive work Preacher.

I went over the document (did not delve into the nursery section) and made some edits to sort typos, and (hopefully) clear up bits of sentences. Also left a few comments with suggestions. Of course, feel free to integrate/discard the changes as you see fit.

 

[Preacher]

Thanks @Vento but I can't take all the credit, sure I wrote the thing but this has been through several editors. I can still remember the cringe-fest this thing was while it was in its genesis.

Anyway, couldn't access the doc for some reason for a while and couldn't do any edits until now. I'll do a couple of run-throughs of the nursery as the very last bit of editing since no one seems to be interested in going through that. The next time you people see me post will be to resubmit this doc.

 

[toritoritori]

Thanks @Vento but I can't take all the credit, sure I wrote the thing but this has been through several editors. I can still remember the cringe-fest this thing was while it was in its genesis.

Anyway, couldn't access the doc for some reason for a while and couldn't do any edits until now. I'll do a couple of run-throughs of the nursery as the very last bit of editing since no one seems to be interested in going through that. The next time you people see me post will be to resubmit this doc.

Ah, sorry. I still have the doc bookmarked and everything. Fully intend to finish what I started. But I've been super busy these past couple weeks, since summer courses started up. I think I should be able to go through stuff today, and within these next couple of days though, since there's a break.

 

[toritoritori]

Okay! Just finished with the rest of the document. Overall, the writing was super solid, almost everything I had for these parts was pretty nit picky. Basically the only thing left, I think, would be adding more paragraph breaks.

 

[Preacher]

The majority of paragraph splits cannot be done until(if at all) this gets in game, I've done a few but cannot do the rest without further certainty. Thank for the edits @toritoritori , I gotta say I didn't think you'd back track and redo some edits of earlier scenes but it wasn't a bad thing, simply a little surprise.

So without further ado, @Fenoxo I submit my doc. Now I play the waiting game, as I still do with two other docs as well.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Now I play the waiting game

Jeopardy, fire it up!

 

[toritoritori]

Alright! I wish you luck then.

 

[Vento]

I was playing TiTS the other day and got this delightful little blurb when talking with Nova (goo-girl armour).

You spend a little time making small talk with the cute goo girl. While her conversation might not be the most in-depth, it is fulfilling enough not to be completely vapid. The subject shifts between what sexbots dream about when they sleep and leads into a topic about some parasitic creature.

“...and you should be careful around them, or they’ll go up your butt and never come out!” she concludes.

You shrug, not sure where she made that observation, but that does sound like a good enough reason to be careful!

I'll admit that my first reaction was: “Wow! Crew NPC is referencing the butt bugs!”. Not sure if this had any part in helping you gestate your initial concept for the parasite, but it would certainly add an extra layer of immersion if your idea gets mentioned in passing by persistent characters.

On a more serious note, is there any feedback from the dev team on the status of your submission Preacher?

 

[Preacher]

I was playing TiTS the other day and got this delightful little blurb when talking with Nova (goo-girl armour).




I'll admit that my first reaction was: “Wow! Crew NPC is referencing the butt bugs!”. Not sure if this had any part in helping you gestate your initial concept for the parasite, but it would certainly add an extra layer of immersion if your idea gets mentioned in passing by persistent characters.

On a more serious note, is there any feedback from the dev team on the status of your submission Preacher?

Yeah that little tidbit was what inspired butt bugs. Also, nope, no feedback, but only because I messed up and submitted it the wrong way. Yet another noob mistake I'd rather forget about. Thanks for reminding me about this. I was going to get around to it anyway seeing as I was resubmitting one of my older stuff the proper way every week but I suppose this one can get there a little earlier. Don't think it's going to get very far though. If it does get shot down I'll completely reincarnate butt bugs into a better version.

 

[Crablord]

I was playing TiTS the other day and got this delightful little blurb when talking with Nova (goo-girl armour).




I'll admit that my first reaction was: “Wow! Crew NPC is referencing the butt bugs!”. Not sure if this had any part in helping you gestate your initial concept for the parasite, but it would certainly add an extra layer of immersion if your idea gets mentioned in passing by persistent characters.

On a more serious note, is there any feedback from the dev team on the status of your submission Preacher?

maybe someday they'll actually add submissions to the game

 

[Zavos]

maybe someday they'll actually add submissions to the game

FenCo in a nutshell. When was the lastime someone not named UpcastDrake coded user submitted content?