I imagine that most everyone here is for the smut, but there's some gems of humor to be found among the spunk (along with other things). Here's some that made me crack a smile or laugh out loud. If you found some more funny text you liked in TiTS, please share so I don't feel like a weirdo!
Items
Nonesuch
Adjatha
NightTrap
HugsAlright
Savin
Fenoxo
Items
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Trench Shotgun
---
It took you this long to find a goddamn shotgun? It's pretty rudimentary in design, just a quick and easy breech that you can thumb a pair of shells into. The real quality is what you want to load into it - with a thick gauge, as long as you have enough time to prepare, this'll put the hurt on anything. Just... do it slowly, sausagefingers.
Trench Shotgun
---
It took you this long to find a goddamn shotgun? It's pretty rudimentary in design, just a quick and easy breech that you can thumb a pair of shells into. The real quality is what you want to load into it - with a thick gauge, as long as you have enough time to prepare, this'll put the hurt on anything. Just... do it slowly, sausagefingers.
Nonesuch
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Breedwell Centre on taurs
---
One of the disclaimers from the ad did stick with you: "Tauric beings not supported". Gobsmacking discrmination really.
Shower Fivesome with Carrie, Cora, Horisha and Peck
---
The moment he takes his tight clothes off, displaying an ass as pert, cute and provoking as his features, you’re on top of him, sliding your phallus between his pale cheeks, letting one hand trail down his flat front and the other firmly clutch his thick, eight-inch horse dick. He whimpers but doesn’t pull away, simply shifts his soft buttocks up your water-slicked shaft and looks over his shoulder at you with a butter-wouldn’t-melt expression. Pulse thudding in your temple, you push him against the enamel wall of the shower and use it as stanchion to inexorably open his pink fuck-hole with your crown and push your dripping cock into the tight, hot tunnel of his ass, intent on reshaping it in your own throbbing, dominant dick’s image. His breathy little gasps, little tenses of the muscles and his slim fingers grasping at your boyish sides spur you on. Behind you, Horisha hums her musical approval of your gross manhandling of her piece of candy.
Carrie and Cora bad end
---
Of course, after a short while, T himself visits and almost apologetically brings up the fact that in order to live here, you have to get Treated. No biggie. You’ve been here long enough, rubbing shoulders and sleeping with the Treated for so long, you practically feel like one anyway. You apply the medpen yourself, and the vague worry that you might become a sissy fauxcow is quickly washed away in the glorious, muscular, horned glory of becoming a bull. Void, did manual labor feel good before? You had NO idea.
Peg me, Tamani!
---
“How do you like it, xxx?” exclaims the pink, punky toon with a slightly manic edge, thrusting her wide hips into you all the while. “Nice and slow? Tender and meaningful? Well, too bad - your Tamani’s piece of ass right now, and Tamani likes doing it hard!”
Sera messes with your shit
---
“You got some pretty neat shit tucked away on here, don’t you master?” observes Sera. She’s lying back on her bunk and gazing at the ceiling, but the facade of insouciance is spoiled somewhat by the big, vindictive smirk on her face. “Such a rich brat thing - acquire stuff because you wannit wannit wannit daddy I’m gonna scweam, then once you do you stick it away in a closet, never to see the light of day again.” She rolls onto her side, laughing reptilian eyes meeting yours. “At least until you get a toy that can play with all your other toys.”
Sera goes for a joyride
---
“Woooo!” Sera saunters down the landing ramp, bottle of wine in hand. “That auto-pilot of yours - took a bit of persuading, but it knew how to have a good time eventually. The rings ‘n asteroid belts in this system!” She opens up her arms and blows out of her cheeks. The wine sloshes dangerously. “Fucking cool! I’m not interested in space cos I’m not, you know, a nerd, but woooow!” She takes a pull from the bottle, her brow furrowing when she catches your expression. “Got a problem? Face on you like a bag of smashed dicks.” She gestures at the ship, almost falling over as she does. “‘S aaall yours now. Lead the way, cap’n!”
Sera out on a walk, meets Steele's cousin
---
“You! - what are you doing?”
Your cousin, slim and sharply dressed, is standing in the middle of the Residential thoroughfare, staring at you - or more specifically slightly beyond you, at the individual on the end of your leash. It’s a slight shock to see her in a setting where you don’t want to kill her, but you immediately decide to style it out.
“Taking one of my bitches for a walk. Say hello to my cousin, Sera.”
“Hi,” mutters Sera, staring at the ground.
“I’ve been collecting them,” you tell Jill. You crook your eyebrow at her. “Why, you interested?”
“No! God no.” Jill is still staring at Sera, expression frozen, foot tapping impulsively; her usual snap and sting are completely absent. “Well! I suppose I should get back out to the frontier. Seems you’ve basically thrown in the towel, if this is how you’re wasting your time.”
“What are you doing here?” you inquire.
“Nothing! None of your business!” she strides away without another word. She can’t stop herself shooting a couple of glances back over her shoulder at the pair of you, though.
Hand So Misch
---
“What I have found about you on the extranet and my biometric scan both agree that you are a sentient who is... unpredictable,” the AI says eventually, a hint of amusement in her calm tones as she gazes down at you. “Why should I trust you?”
“Because it’ll be fun,” you say, grinning back irascibly. There’s a long pause. “Oh c’mon So, you aren’t a military computer! You must have considered how much of your memory is going to be spent on logistics and strategy and dull shit like that if you do the taking over the galaxy thing. Boooooring. Dump it and come with me. It’ll be much more fun.”
----------
Breedwell Centre on taurs
---
One of the disclaimers from the ad did stick with you: "Tauric beings not supported". Gobsmacking discrmination really.
Shower Fivesome with Carrie, Cora, Horisha and Peck
---
The moment he takes his tight clothes off, displaying an ass as pert, cute and provoking as his features, you’re on top of him, sliding your phallus between his pale cheeks, letting one hand trail down his flat front and the other firmly clutch his thick, eight-inch horse dick. He whimpers but doesn’t pull away, simply shifts his soft buttocks up your water-slicked shaft and looks over his shoulder at you with a butter-wouldn’t-melt expression. Pulse thudding in your temple, you push him against the enamel wall of the shower and use it as stanchion to inexorably open his pink fuck-hole with your crown and push your dripping cock into the tight, hot tunnel of his ass, intent on reshaping it in your own throbbing, dominant dick’s image. His breathy little gasps, little tenses of the muscles and his slim fingers grasping at your boyish sides spur you on. Behind you, Horisha hums her musical approval of your gross manhandling of her piece of candy.
Carrie and Cora bad end
---
Of course, after a short while, T himself visits and almost apologetically brings up the fact that in order to live here, you have to get Treated. No biggie. You’ve been here long enough, rubbing shoulders and sleeping with the Treated for so long, you practically feel like one anyway. You apply the medpen yourself, and the vague worry that you might become a sissy fauxcow is quickly washed away in the glorious, muscular, horned glory of becoming a bull. Void, did manual labor feel good before? You had NO idea.
Peg me, Tamani!
---
“How do you like it, xxx?” exclaims the pink, punky toon with a slightly manic edge, thrusting her wide hips into you all the while. “Nice and slow? Tender and meaningful? Well, too bad - your Tamani’s piece of ass right now, and Tamani likes doing it hard!”
Sera messes with your shit
---
“You got some pretty neat shit tucked away on here, don’t you master?” observes Sera. She’s lying back on her bunk and gazing at the ceiling, but the facade of insouciance is spoiled somewhat by the big, vindictive smirk on her face. “Such a rich brat thing - acquire stuff because you wannit wannit wannit daddy I’m gonna scweam, then once you do you stick it away in a closet, never to see the light of day again.” She rolls onto her side, laughing reptilian eyes meeting yours. “At least until you get a toy that can play with all your other toys.”
Sera goes for a joyride
---
“Woooo!” Sera saunters down the landing ramp, bottle of wine in hand. “That auto-pilot of yours - took a bit of persuading, but it knew how to have a good time eventually. The rings ‘n asteroid belts in this system!” She opens up her arms and blows out of her cheeks. The wine sloshes dangerously. “Fucking cool! I’m not interested in space cos I’m not, you know, a nerd, but woooow!” She takes a pull from the bottle, her brow furrowing when she catches your expression. “Got a problem? Face on you like a bag of smashed dicks.” She gestures at the ship, almost falling over as she does. “‘S aaall yours now. Lead the way, cap’n!”
Sera out on a walk, meets Steele's cousin
---
“You! - what are you doing?”
Your cousin, slim and sharply dressed, is standing in the middle of the Residential thoroughfare, staring at you - or more specifically slightly beyond you, at the individual on the end of your leash. It’s a slight shock to see her in a setting where you don’t want to kill her, but you immediately decide to style it out.
“Taking one of my bitches for a walk. Say hello to my cousin, Sera.”
“Hi,” mutters Sera, staring at the ground.
“I’ve been collecting them,” you tell Jill. You crook your eyebrow at her. “Why, you interested?”
“No! God no.” Jill is still staring at Sera, expression frozen, foot tapping impulsively; her usual snap and sting are completely absent. “Well! I suppose I should get back out to the frontier. Seems you’ve basically thrown in the towel, if this is how you’re wasting your time.”
“What are you doing here?” you inquire.
“Nothing! None of your business!” she strides away without another word. She can’t stop herself shooting a couple of glances back over her shoulder at the pair of you, though.
Hand So Misch
---
“What I have found about you on the extranet and my biometric scan both agree that you are a sentient who is... unpredictable,” the AI says eventually, a hint of amusement in her calm tones as she gazes down at you. “Why should I trust you?”
“Because it’ll be fun,” you say, grinning back irascibly. There’s a long pause. “Oh c’mon So, you aren’t a military computer! You must have considered how much of your memory is going to be spent on logistics and strategy and dull shit like that if you do the taking over the galaxy thing. Boooooring. Dump it and come with me. It’ll be much more fun.”
----------
----------
Pexiga Facefuck
---
Somehow, you doubt Yammi would appreciate you turning the kitchen into xxx’s personal fuck flat, but it’s a thought.
Huge cum bubble used in combat
---
Hefting the massive cum tank with both hands, you begin swinging it back and forth, using your tiny hips to add weight to your sweeps. As you prepare to toss the pressurized sphere, you twist toward your target, stepping forward as you release the orb. The enormous jizz bubble soars with hypnotic grace, its elastic sheath blobbing and deforming from the force of your pitch.
When the torso-sized orb hits its mark, the over-pressurized latex covering disintegrates with an echoing pop. The full weight of your mammoth load detonates all over the place in one, white instant. Your target is bathed in the thick cream, the force of impact enough to knock a man clear off his feet. The deluge of seed is so excessive, it’s almost as if someone had just upturned a bathtub full of spunk. (L: -2)
There’s so much cum that the male milodan is tripped!
----------
Pexiga Facefuck
---
Somehow, you doubt Yammi would appreciate you turning the kitchen into xxx’s personal fuck flat, but it’s a thought.
Huge cum bubble used in combat
---
Hefting the massive cum tank with both hands, you begin swinging it back and forth, using your tiny hips to add weight to your sweeps. As you prepare to toss the pressurized sphere, you twist toward your target, stepping forward as you release the orb. The enormous jizz bubble soars with hypnotic grace, its elastic sheath blobbing and deforming from the force of your pitch.
When the torso-sized orb hits its mark, the over-pressurized latex covering disintegrates with an echoing pop. The full weight of your mammoth load detonates all over the place in one, white instant. Your target is bathed in the thick cream, the force of impact enough to knock a man clear off his feet. The deluge of seed is so excessive, it’s almost as if someone had just upturned a bathtub full of spunk. (L: -2)
There’s so much cum that the male milodan is tripped!
----------
----------
Ciaran jokes
---
“What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.”
“I once tried this tropical fruit diet, but I didn’t last long on it. It was enough to make a mango crazy!”
“What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.”
“Did you hear about the restaurant on the asteroid? Great food, no atmosphere.”
----------
Ciaran jokes
---
“What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.”
“I once tried this tropical fruit diet, but I didn’t last long on it. It was enough to make a mango crazy!”
“What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.”
“Did you hear about the restaurant on the asteroid? Great food, no atmosphere.”
----------
----------
Syri HLFrot and fuck
---
“A strapon, huh?” the she-wolf chimes in, “I used to be a god with one of those back in the marines, never a quiet moment in the ladies barracks when I was around.” Syri gives you a little “Hmph” before bringing her hands behind her head and leaning back, looking quite relaxed, and quite bored, “I bet you barely even know how to handle one of those things.”
----------
Syri HLFrot and fuck
---
“A strapon, huh?” the she-wolf chimes in, “I used to be a god with one of those back in the marines, never a quiet moment in the ladies barracks when I was around.” Syri gives you a little “Hmph” before bringing her hands behind her head and leaning back, looking quite relaxed, and quite bored, “I bet you barely even know how to handle one of those things.”
----------
----------
Flahne bent over and full of cum
---
“Oh my God, I’ve never been so full!” Flahne marvels. She looks like she wants to prance over and hug you, but she’s absorbed so much of your cum that her head bumps against the ceiling - she can’t even stand up straight! “Ugh, ouch,” she says, smiling good-naturedly to show that her gooey head isn’t really hurt. “I guess I’ll have to take an extra-long break and get rid of all this nutrition...”
With a wink, Flahne reaches out an enormous, off-white arm, unlocking the door nearest to you. “Heehee, I’d ask you to stay and watch, but it’s going to take a long time and get very messy in here,” she laughs, stroking her half-limp ovipositor until it returns to full size. “I hope I have the self-control to keep it out of my mouth the whole time...” Getting the idea, you take one last look at the room-filling gel woman, drinking in the sight of breasts and thighs as big as you are, and then turn to leave.
“Bye cutie!” Flahne calls after you. “I hope you’ll come in here again!” You can almost hear the snicker in her voice at the double entendre.
Syri wins a bet against Steele
---
“What’s that adorable rhyme you humans have? Little fig, little fig, let me in,” she coos, “or I’ll woof and I’ll woof and I’ll fuck your ass in.”
Reaha when asked about her past
---
When you ask her to tell you her story, Reaha gives you an odd look for a moment before grinning and sing-songing, “Moo! My life is moo. I am moo and you are moo and we are moo together.”
----------
Flahne bent over and full of cum
---
“Oh my God, I’ve never been so full!” Flahne marvels. She looks like she wants to prance over and hug you, but she’s absorbed so much of your cum that her head bumps against the ceiling - she can’t even stand up straight! “Ugh, ouch,” she says, smiling good-naturedly to show that her gooey head isn’t really hurt. “I guess I’ll have to take an extra-long break and get rid of all this nutrition...”
With a wink, Flahne reaches out an enormous, off-white arm, unlocking the door nearest to you. “Heehee, I’d ask you to stay and watch, but it’s going to take a long time and get very messy in here,” she laughs, stroking her half-limp ovipositor until it returns to full size. “I hope I have the self-control to keep it out of my mouth the whole time...” Getting the idea, you take one last look at the room-filling gel woman, drinking in the sight of breasts and thighs as big as you are, and then turn to leave.
“Bye cutie!” Flahne calls after you. “I hope you’ll come in here again!” You can almost hear the snicker in her voice at the double entendre.
Syri wins a bet against Steele
---
“What’s that adorable rhyme you humans have? Little fig, little fig, let me in,” she coos, “or I’ll woof and I’ll woof and I’ll fuck your ass in.”
Reaha when asked about her past
---
When you ask her to tell you her story, Reaha gives you an odd look for a moment before grinning and sing-songing, “Moo! My life is moo. I am moo and you are moo and we are moo together.”
----------
----------
Queen Irellia
---
Irellia is awake once more, and her egg basket has been replaced with a fresh one. She’s beaming and gently rubbing her abdomen with one of her hands. The others give you a tired but friendly wave, the kind of wave you might have gotten from a girl in the hallways of your school after fucking her bareback in her parent’s house the night before. You grin and wave back.
Gianna room
---
Still working on New Texan machinery, Gianna notices your appearance at once. The android wiggles her callipygian ass and crooks a finger. It looks like she’s wanting some company.
Anno/Gianna
---
“Only because you want this, Anno,” Gianna answers, explaining, “You said as much, though your body does most of the talking. My time on New Texas has made me quite adept at picking up on nonverbal cues.” The android’s fingers slip inside the sodden puppy. “Your skin is flushed brighter than a galotian whore.” She spreads her fingers to stretch Anno wide, just as the ausar likes it. “Your pupils are dilated like a slut seeing her first dick.” An alabaster thumb dances in circles over a pinkish clit. “And most importantly you’re wet enough to take half the bulls on the planet... or xxx.”
Dane leaving male milker
---
Of all the people to bump into... Dane, your cousin’s bodyguard, is wandering out of the male-milker stall. He gives a big yawn as he steps out, a towel slung over one broad shoulder. Behind him, Carrie pokes her head out and waves. “See you around, Dane!”
He gives a lazy wave back over his shoulder, and all but crashes into you while he’s distracted. “Gah! Oh, uh, hey, xxx. Just getting some R&R. Don’t tell your cuz.”
Before you can question it, the four-armed ausar man walks off. Huh.
Emmy sex
---
Neither of you bother to respond when the door to her shop whisks open to show an incredibly surprised kaithrit. His shocked expression and whispered apology could never intrude into the sexual heat that swirls around you and Emmy. You just fuck her harder, and let the echoing fuck-sounds chase the poor guy out into the street. When the door swishes closed, Emmy moans louder, as if she had been trying to hold it in all this time. “Fuuuuuuck!”
Azra being propositioned for sex more then once a day
---
Azra flushes scarlet. “Again? Didn’t we just...” She looks at the time and laughs. “You insatiable slut!” She leans over and gives you a quick peck on the nose, her sable lips lingering a second longer than necessary. “We both have better things to do than banging the night away.” The suula scientist pats your crotch for emphasis. “If you still wanna fuck in xxx hours or so, I’ll be here to rock your world.” She giggles, amused by your seemingly endless libido. “Is there anything else I can help my boyfriend with today?”
Queen Irellia
---
Irellia is awake once more, and her egg basket has been replaced with a fresh one. She’s beaming and gently rubbing her abdomen with one of her hands. The others give you a tired but friendly wave, the kind of wave you might have gotten from a girl in the hallways of your school after fucking her bareback in her parent’s house the night before. You grin and wave back.
Gianna room
---
Still working on New Texan machinery, Gianna notices your appearance at once. The android wiggles her callipygian ass and crooks a finger. It looks like she’s wanting some company.
Anno/Gianna
---
“Only because you want this, Anno,” Gianna answers, explaining, “You said as much, though your body does most of the talking. My time on New Texas has made me quite adept at picking up on nonverbal cues.” The android’s fingers slip inside the sodden puppy. “Your skin is flushed brighter than a galotian whore.” She spreads her fingers to stretch Anno wide, just as the ausar likes it. “Your pupils are dilated like a slut seeing her first dick.” An alabaster thumb dances in circles over a pinkish clit. “And most importantly you’re wet enough to take half the bulls on the planet... or xxx.”
Dane leaving male milker
---
Of all the people to bump into... Dane, your cousin’s bodyguard, is wandering out of the male-milker stall. He gives a big yawn as he steps out, a towel slung over one broad shoulder. Behind him, Carrie pokes her head out and waves. “See you around, Dane!”
He gives a lazy wave back over his shoulder, and all but crashes into you while he’s distracted. “Gah! Oh, uh, hey, xxx. Just getting some R&R. Don’t tell your cuz.”
Before you can question it, the four-armed ausar man walks off. Huh.
Emmy sex
---
Neither of you bother to respond when the door to her shop whisks open to show an incredibly surprised kaithrit. His shocked expression and whispered apology could never intrude into the sexual heat that swirls around you and Emmy. You just fuck her harder, and let the echoing fuck-sounds chase the poor guy out into the street. When the door swishes closed, Emmy moans louder, as if she had been trying to hold it in all this time. “Fuuuuuuck!”
Azra being propositioned for sex more then once a day
---
Azra flushes scarlet. “Again? Didn’t we just...” She looks at the time and laughs. “You insatiable slut!” She leans over and gives you a quick peck on the nose, her sable lips lingering a second longer than necessary. “We both have better things to do than banging the night away.” The suula scientist pats your crotch for emphasis. “If you still wanna fuck in xxx hours or so, I’ll be here to rock your world.” She giggles, amused by your seemingly endless libido. “Is there anything else I can help my boyfriend with today?”
