[Accepted] The Mastodon: a Crash Landing Adventure (Version 0.M - Complete)

[Slab Bulkhead]

The greatest pirate crew on Dhaal is back.

The Mastodon: a Crash Landing Adventure

The Mastodon: a Crash Landing Adventure - Slab Bulkhead Version: 0.I Overview After becoming a regular and favorite visitor at the Crash Landing, Steele gets a message from the bar girls, asking for help. Seems that Monika and the others have received a distress call from one of their former p...

docs.google.com

Okay, they're the only pirate crew on Dhaal, but whatever. This is a new adventure featuring the Crash Landing girls. They got a message from one of their former crew, something about their ship getting attacked. Monika and the others can't go check it out themselves, what with their old ship being taken apart and made into an underground milk bar, but maybe Steele can go take a look.

This is mostly a dungeon crawl and some additional story content for the Crash Landing girls. It's still massively WIP, so everything's subject to change, and I just figured out some story stuff tonight as I was working on the thing. But I think it's pretty good so far. Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading.

Oh, right, there's gonna be threesomes too. And bonus porn.

 

[Lone Wolf115]

Awesome I love it.

 

[sumdude3456]

Can't wait to see more of those lovely pirate gals!

 

[SmithEK]

Anything with those girls involved are worth the wait.

 

[TheShepard256]

So, if I've got this right, the attack on the Mastodon occurs one or two days before Steele receives the email initiating this quest. Given that it takes Steele ~10 hours to fly between any two planets, the crew probably started the job a few days before that at the earliest. Additionally, since the email is sent 2-4 weeks after Steele has had sex with all of the Crash Landing's employees, that job must have been taken at least a week (probably 2+) after Steele first landed on Dhaal. This introduces a problem:

the shipment they're delivering, which is military hardware for the UGC, bound for Myrellion

Ignoring why the UGC would want military hardware in the middle of a DMZ during a ceasefire: if Myrellion gets destroyed, it's highly likely to take place before Steele lands on Dhaal, which would preclude this job from existing in the first place.
If I might make a suggestion, have it be destined for Phaedra II instead; it's a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic wasteland so the UGC would want military hardware to protect against bands of marauding locals, and I doubt the planet will be destructible enough to remove its UGC presence (or that the plans for it will change significantly when it comes time to implement it). I understand if you don't want to work with unimplemented content, though.

Tarkus can also be destroyed by this time (and if it isn't, it never will be), but that's not really a problem since both Novahome and several gabilani space stations are still around.

Also, what's going to happen to the Crash Landing and the NPCs therein if the girls decide to return to spacefaring? Or will the repair time mean that's beyond the scope of the game?

 

[Evil]

Ah, nice to see you back making content Slab! Looking forward to seeing this pan out.

 

[Slab Bulkhead]

So, if I've got this right, the attack on the Mastodon occurs one or two days before Steele receives the email initiating this quest. Given that it takes Steele ~10 hours to fly between any two planets, the crew probably started the job a few days before that at the earliest. Additionally, since the email is sent 2-4 weeks after Steele has had sex with all of the Crash Landing's employees, that job must have been taken at least a week (probably 2+) after Steele first landed on Dhaal. This introduces a problem:

Ignoring why the UGC would want military hardware in the middle of a DMZ during a ceasefire: if Myrellion gets destroyed, it's highly likely to take place before Steele lands on Dhaal, which would preclude this job from existing in the first place.
If I might make a suggestion, have it be destined for Phaedra II instead; it's a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic wasteland so the UGC would want military hardware to protect against bands of marauding locals, and I doubt the planet will be destructible enough to remove its UGC presence (or that the plans for it will change significantly when it comes time to implement it). I understand if you don't want to work with unimplemented content, though.

Tarkus can also be destroyed by this time (and if it isn't, it never will be), but that's not really a problem since both Novahome and several gabilani space stations are still around.

Also, what's going to happen to the Crash Landing and the NPCs therein if the girls decide to return to spacefaring? Or will the repair time mean that's beyond the scope of the game?

Sorry for not replying earlier, I've been thinking about this and my job probably doesn't want me answering questions on a porn message board when I'm supposed to be working.

Good point about Myrellion. I swear, I always miss something my first run through when it comes to game lore. I'll probably just have the Mastodon's crew delivering to "rush planets" to keep it vague. As for Tarkus, the crew has enough time to be there before Steele does - I can probably add a line saying it was their first delivery and that's when they realized they needed more crew, so they picked up the two newcomers. I'll add something to Val's video log where she says she doesn't want to go back if Tarkus got destroyed.

Thanks for the input. That'll help this all work a little better.

As for the ship and all that, my current plan is to have the Crash Landing crew be in "we're working on the ship when we can" mode once this adventure is done. I want to give them a happy ending with the promise of heading back into space someday, but I don't know if I want to have them leave Dhaal - that'd remove all their current content and the bar, and it'd be a shitload of work to turn them into a space-roving crew that Steele sometimes runs into. I like the idea more that Steele helps them out but the next part of their story is beyond what the game's going to show.

 

[Lone Wolf115]

Sorry for not replying earlier, I've been thinking about this and my job probably doesn't want me answering questions on a porn message board when I'm supposed to be working.

Good point about Myrellion. I swear, I always miss something my first run through when it comes to game lore. I'll probably just have the Mastodon's crew delivering to "rush planets" to keep it vague. As for Tarkus, the crew has enough time to be there before Steele does - I can probably add a line saying it was their first delivery and that's when they realized they needed more crew, so they picked up the two newcomers. I'll add something to Val's video log where she says she doesn't want to go back if Tarkus got destroyed.

Thanks for the input. That'll help this all work a little better.

As for the ship and all that, my current plan is to have the Crash Landing crew be in "we're working on the ship when we can" mode once this adventure is done. I want to give them a happy ending with the promise of heading back into space someday, but I don't know if I want to have them leave Dhaal - that'd remove all their current content and the bar, and it'd be a shitload of work to turn them into a space-roving crew that Steele sometimes runs into. I like the idea more that Steele helps them out but the next part of their story is beyond what the game's going to show.

1 Well shit.

2 Everyone misses things I've missed plenty of things some maybe a lot were staring me in the face.

 

[mikethor007]

Hmmm....with this implemented, if Steele successfully gets the Mastodon back, does it mean that the Crash Landing will be closed for good in-game?

 

[TheShepard256]

Hmmm....with this implemented, if Steele successfully gets the Mastodon back, does it mean that the Crash Landing will be closed for good in-game?

See the last paragraph of the post two above yours.

 

[mikethor007]

See the last paragraph of the post two above yours.

D'oh! Glossed over that part. Went straitght to reading the Doc.

 

[SeriousBlueJewel]

If Steele has two dicks, both girls will ride, ending with Josie squirting milk all over Steele. 69 Josie while Karrah rides Steele's dick. Full oral triangle, with switching. Josie riding/grinding Karrah while Steele dick-swaps between them.

Is this supposed to be one massive sex scene or a list of possible sex scenes. No offense it is just written in a way that is confusing to me.

 

[Slab Bulkhead]

Is this supposed to be one massive sex scene or a list of possible sex scenes. No offense it is just written in a way that is confusing to me.

It's a list of possible sex scenes. Every sentence is what I'm planning to do for one specific scene. Like I said, everything in the doc is fully WIP, so it's not written in a way that has to make sense for anyone else. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Slab Bulkhead]

Updated to version 0.B.

I've added the five ship's logs that tell most of the story on the Mastodon itself. This is the first time I've tried telling stories via Apocalyptic Log, so I hope it all works. Writing these also led to some needed changes to the way things played out on the ship, and I think it all fits together, but if anyone spots anything that doesn't work, please let me know.

My goal is to finish the room descriptions next. I needed to have everything that happened in the ship spelled out before I could get those done right, and they're boring as fuck to write. But once they're done, I can get back to the fun character stuff, and eventually to the porn, which is a different kind of fun.

As always, thanks for reading.

 

[TheShepard256]

Updated to version 0.B.

I've added the five ship's logs that tell most of the story on the Mastodon itself. This is the first time I've tried telling stories via Apocalyptic Log, so I hope it all works. Writing these also led to some needed changes to the way things played out on the ship, and I think it all fits together, but if anyone spots anything that doesn't work, please let me know.

With the company that manufactures the 'bots, my initial thought was that they could be Reaper Armaments products, as they're known to produce a lot of military-grade gear. However, upon seeing the design flaw mentioned in the second log, I thought Pyrite Heavy Industries might be more appropriate as I doubt a professional military-grade producer like Reaper would allow such an obvious flaw in their designs, and Pyrite has both produced military-type stuff (like what they supplied to Eitan's tribe leading up to the Siege of Korg'ii Hold) and had their stuff hacked before (see Kase's satellite recovery quest).

On more minor notes: you put the same description for Redd at the start of both the first and final logs. That's fine if Steele hasn't seen the other log before, but if they have, they'll already know what she looks like, so the description would be redundant. You might also want to replace/modify the final log's short descriptions of Asa and/or Val to include their actual names if Steele has already seen the third and/or second log, respectively.

 

[mikethor007]

Can't wait for when this drops.

Though I'd be sorely tempted to nix the ship for myself.

 

[SeriousBlueJewel]

{If Tarkus was destroyed: A pained look passes over the green woman's face. "<i>And it's not like I could go back to Tarkus anyway. I know the ship's still there, but. . . but the world's gone. I'm not going back if there's no world to go to.</i>"}

Don't gabilani live in space stations orbiting Tarkus?

 

[SmithEK]

This is the second content I'm looking forward to after Syri recruitment. I love these girls.

 

[Lone Wolf115]

Don't gabilani live in space stations orbiting Tarkus?

Yes.

 

[TheShepard256]

Don't gabilani live in space stations orbiting Tarkus?

Mostly true, but there are some who stay on the surface for longer than they have to for one reason or another.

 

[mikethor007]

Don't gabilani live in space stations orbiting Tarkus?

If the planet has been destroyed, what are the sations going to orbit? The debris field? It might be possible, but at a very high risk of the debris itself hitting the stations. And that without mentioning that they may have been destroyed along with the planet.

 

[Slab Bulkhead]

With the company that manufactures the 'bots, my initial thought was that they could be Reaper Armaments products, as they're known to produce a lot of military-grade gear. However, upon seeing the design flaw mentioned in the second log, I thought Pyrite Heavy Industries might be more appropriate as I doubt a professional military-grade producer like Reaper would allow such an obvious flaw in their designs, and Pyrite has both produced military-type stuff (like what they supplied to Eitan's tribe leading up to the Siege of Korg'ii Hold) and had their stuff hacked before (see Kase's satellite recovery quest).

Thank you. I figured I'd add in the company names and stuff later, as I was just trying to get the logs gone right and all that, but this will work. And yeah, the whole hack story is one gigantic hack job in itself - it's me coming up with an assload of excuses as to why things played out in an exact way so the crew's only option was to abandon the ship.

Because sometimes writing is just about making your own stupid story decisions work out right.

On more minor notes: you put the same description for Redd at the start of both the first and final logs. That's fine if Steele hasn't seen the other log before, but if they have, they'll already know what she looks like, so the description would be redundant. You might also want to replace/modify the final log's short descriptions of Asa and/or Val to include their actual names if Steele has already seen the third and/or second log, respectively.

I did that on purpose. I can't guarantee the player will read any of the logs (though I'll make it real obvious that they're there, and I put the three important ones in places the player has to go to do the adventure), and I didn't want to saddle the coders with five new variables to keep track of for a one-shot adventure. But I'll ask the coders how big of a deal it would be and think about changing that.

Don't gabilani live in space stations orbiting Tarkus?

Yeah, but Val is saying she doesn't want to go back if the planet's not there. It's a personal decision.

 

[TheShepard256]

I didn't want to saddle the coders with five new variables to keep track of for a one-shot adventure

There are already plenty of one-time-use-only flags, so I'm pretty sure a few more (something like "SEEN_REDD", "SEEN_VAL" and "SEEN_ASA") wouldn't be a problem. And if they're going to be recurring characters, adding a system to track which ones Steele has already seen is a good idea.

If the planet has been destroyed, what are the sations going to orbit? The debris field? It might be possible, but at a very high risk of the debris itself hitting the stations. And that without mentioning that they may have been destroyed along with the planet.

Shekka mentions that their station "took a pretty good beating from the debris", so we know it survived with some damage (also that they only have one station). And I doubt the debris field has dispersed enough by this point to rule out the possibility of a relatively safe orbit.

 

[Slab Bulkhead]

Version 0.C is done - all the room descriptions in, and the Mastodon is now a fully-functional dungeon. I'd appreciate any feedback, as this is my second-least favorite part of this project. I think I got everything set so the story of what happened is played out in the room descriptions, but if it doesn't work, let me know. I also put the video logs into the room descriptions, to make things easier on the coders.

There are a few smaller changes too, but only one of them is really important. Bonus points for the first one who spots it.

 

[mikethor007]

Version 0.C is done - all the room descriptions in, and the Mastodon is now a fully-functional dungeon. I'd appreciate any feedback, as this is my second-least favorite part of this project. I think I got everything set so the story of what happened is played out in the room descriptions, but if it doesn't work, let me know. I also put the video logs into the room descriptions, to make things easier on the coders.

There are a few smaller changes too, but only one of them is really important. Bonus points for the first one who spots it.

Aside from the new porn entry I'm not getting what is the small important change... Don't have that good of a memory.

Was that little tidbit about using flashbangs on the boss robot already there? My smuggler Steele will highly abuse that.

 

[Slab Bulkhead]

Aside from the new porn entry I'm not getting what is the small important change... Don't have that good of a memory.

Was that little tidbit about using flashbangs on the boss robot already there? My smuggler Steele will highly abuse that.

The new porn entry is the important one, yes.

The other thing isn't new, but I'm planning to have the big robot be something of a puzzle boss. I'm still working out what that will mean, though - I'm terrible at writing things to fight and I don't know why I thought "let's have three different things to fight and one of them will be more complicated" was a good idea.

 

[Lone Wolf115]

but I'm planning to have the big robot be something of a puzzle boss.

Why when everything is so much simpler when you can just, beat, slash, stab, and shoot things.

 

[SmithEK]

Why when everything is so much simpler when you can just, beat, slash, stab, and shoot things.

Fighting gets extremely boring, a puzzle boss could be fun. But then again it could be another door gem puzzle and i hate those.

 

[Lone Wolf115]

Fighting gets extremely boring, a puzzle boss could be fun. But then again it could be another door gem puzzle and i hate those.

Yeah I used the wiki to get the answers.
As long it won't take to long to put it down.

 

[mikethor007]

The new porn entry is the important one, yes.

Hmm...are those cows in the porn someone we (Steele) know?