A crab's gay writings

Knife-wielding Crab

Well-Known Member
Dec 25, 2017
112
137
Read through the Elaril sex swing. It seems pretty good. Very few typos. I left some opinions, some suggestions. Just one person's opinions. Others may disagree.
Having said that, my only comment might be to lean more heavily into the sex swing aspect. You managed to get a part in there near the end, but other than tying up, most of it could have been anywhere in a bed or on the ground, so just put a few more lines that take advantage of the uniqueness of the scene and situation.
Other than that, I think his dialogue didn't really mesh with his existing speech and personality quite right (not that he does a lot of talking in the other scenes). It wasn't so far off (his aggression towards Dark Knights was a bit overt, but it wasn't bad, the issue might be the reader being able to know that his sudden aggression is because of it, since they can't see parsers), I think some of his words could be a bit slurred or notes about his drunken or inebriated state (they were partying before the fight) could have been slipped in a bit, but that's all minutia and just my OCD telling me to mention it.
Nice work. Did some changes and added some more swinging. Will look more into it later.
 

Ireyon

Well-Known Member
May 14, 2018
306
353
How's the review of your writings coming along? Anything already in the code que or just editing atm?
 

Horny Demon

Active Member
Dec 11, 2022
40
10
23
Quick question, Is Tykis in the game yet? I haven't seen him around at all and just wanted to know if he was in yet. also, if Jevon doesn't have a bust yet, I think it would be hilarious if he looked like a minotaur Steve Irwin. Just a funny thought, not trying to tell you how to make your characters.
 

Horny Demon

Active Member
Dec 11, 2022
40
10
23
None of my char is in game.

Jevon pretty much is an anthro Steve Irving (although he is a lupine, not a minotaur).
Well that explains why I haven't seen him. Also, I guess I just missed the part about him being a lupine (I mainly just skimmed through the doc)
Edit: forgot to say, I love the character idea for Tykis and can't wait for him to be added!
 
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Knife-wielding Crab

Well-Known Member
Dec 25, 2017
112
137
Finished my to-do list in Odoacer part 2 doc. Gave Nikol some personality parser, added a quest log at the end of the document. I also went back to the first doc and added parsers to the sex and talk scenes, so the post-quest scenes accounts for Odo's improved personality.
 

Dbj614

Active Member
Jan 8, 2023
25
22
34
Any word on your submissions? Your content isn’t up my alley fetish wise for the most part but I’ve read most of your stuff and really enjoy your writing! Hope your stuff gets approved because your characters are all interesting and bring some new and relatively unexplored content/scenarios to the game!
 

Dbj614

Active Member
Jan 8, 2023
25
22
34
I've heard some positive response on elf boi. Also, horse-wrangler will probably get rejected. So I'll mostly be focusing on writing the completed content for elf boi, which is essentially two different NPC's-
Dang that’s unfortunate about the horse wrangler. Really enjoyed reading his doc. Glad to hear about the elf boi though!