Read through the Elaril sex swing. It seems pretty good. Very few typos. I left some opinions, some suggestions. Just one person's opinions. Others may disagree.
Having said that, my only comment might be to lean more heavily into the sex swing aspect. You managed to get a part in there near the end, but other than tying up, most of it could have been anywhere in a bed or on the ground, so just put a few more lines that take advantage of the uniqueness of the scene and situation.
Other than that, I think his dialogue didn't really mesh with his existing speech and personality quite right (not that he does a lot of talking in the other scenes). It wasn't so far off (his aggression towards Dark Knights was a bit overt, but it wasn't bad, the issue might be the reader being able to know that his sudden aggression is because of it, since they can't see parsers), I think some of his words could be a bit slurred or notes about his drunken or inebriated state (they were partying before the fight) could have been slipped in a bit, but that's all minutia and just my OCD telling me to mention it.
