[WIP] Sera Pet/Hellhound Expansion (feedback wanted)

[Que]

Hi all,

Here is the start to my crazy-ambitious Sera expansion. Before you click away in disgust: I code! And I already have nearly 8,000 (coded) words! And I've been working on it consistently for a couple months. So maybe it won't end in disaster.

Now for the bad news: This is a fairly ambitious project. We are TFing sera, with variable degrees of Hellhound-ness, and adding another round of obedience training. Maybe even a bad end. Fortunately, this content is only available to a slave Sera, so not every bit of her content will have to be updated.

I also technically don't know actionscript. But it's okay! I fap to the TiTS source code more than I probably should, and it turns out that's a pretty good way to learn the basic syntax TiTS relies on. I'm not near the compiling stage yet, but I will be able to do so and perform my own troubleshooting. Also, I like to think of myself as a decent writer, at least as far as mechanics are concerned, so that is one less thing to worry about.

I'd like to gather some feedback based on what I have written so far, both from a writing (I'm rusty on my fiction) and from a code perspective. Again, the file I am linking is not meant to be compiled yet. Think of it as a few independent functions.

Here is my current version for those brave enough to look:
Edit: Removing the link for now. Looks like I was way ahead of myself when I started this project. See my post later in the thread.
I hope you all don't mind me using cryptpad over google docs. If it is a problem I will update the post and change the link, I just like to avoid google when I can.

I have a question as well:
-One of the optional scenes I am working on involves turning Sera into a full-blown Hellhound, a la CoC. Original plan was to just do a quick callback and recycle some CoC content into a bad end. Then I realized that CoC hellhounds have human arms, which, weird, so I took that out of my TF. But now I am suddenly worried if it was the human arms or something that made it not bestiality? I think the way I have it now puts me in the clear, as we are clearly dealing with a mythical creature with human intellect, but I wanted to make sure. Worst case I can just do it the CoC way.

Thanks ahead of time!

 

[QuietCoyote]

Hi all,

Here is the start to my crazy-ambitious Sera expansion. Before you click away in disgust: I code! And I already have nearly 8,000 (coded) words! And I've been working on it consistently for a couple months. So maybe it won't end in disaster.

Now for the bad news: This is a fairly ambitious project. We are TFing sera, with variable degrees of Hellhound-ness, and adding another round of obedience training. Maybe even a bad end. Fortunately, this content is only available to a slave Sera, so not every bit of her content will have to be updated.

I also technically don't know actionscript. But it's okay! I fap to the TiTS source code more than I probably should, and it turns out that's a pretty good way to learn the basic syntax TiTS relies on. I'm not near the compiling stage yet, but I will be able to do so and perform my own troubleshooting. Also, I like to think of myself as a decent writer, at least as far as mechanics are concerned, so that is one less thing to worry about.

I'd like to gather some feedback based on what I have written so far, both from a writing (I'm rusty on my fiction) and from a code perspective. Again, the file I am linking is not meant to be compiled yet. Think of it as a few independent functions.

Here is my current version for those brave enough to look:
https://cryptpad.fr/code/#/2/code/view/4wTfkogAt4lVvnKyRum8oQI1fGzmt-ziy6dSRRgiXL4/
I hope you all don't mind me using cryptpad over google docs. If it is a problem I will update the post and change the link, I just like to avoid google when I can.

I have a question as well:
-One of the optional scenes I am working on involves turning Sera into a full-blown Hellhound, a la CoC. Original plan was to just do a quick callback and recycle some CoC content into a bad end. Then I realized that CoC hellhounds have human arms, which, weird, so I took that out of my TF. But now I am suddenly worried if it was the human arms or something that made it not bestiality? I think the way I have it now puts me in the clear, as we are clearly dealing with a mythical creature with human intellect, but I wanted to make sure. Worst case I can just do it the CoC way.

Thanks ahead of time!

first: documents are subject to immediate rejection if they are not in the proper format, so shifting this to a Google Doc is much advised.
second: this is far from the original source material, and while furrification is something that Fen has greenlit, this doc needs a LOT of work to be considered acceptable. so much so that you should probably scrap this draft, research just how Sera works, and try to come back

 

[Evil]

Have you spoken to Sera's author, Nonesuch? Because I'm pretty sure they'd have something to say about your plans. Also because common courtesy.

 

[Alabaster Chimes]

@Que
If you want feedback, I will give you some.

Stop while you believe you are ahead. This SCREAMS Pippa 2.0, I.E: something that just sneaks into the game because someone coded it in without someone glancing at it.

For one, it isnt in a Google Doc, therefore its already a failure as it is not in the proper format.

Also, other than for the fetish, why in the great land of smut candy land would Sera go Hellhound? (I Read your Cryptpad "doc" so i do know) Yes she is a slave, but she still needs to follow character conventions. And you still need to ask the Author{s} if it is in their character for this to even be a possibility. So Nonesuch and Fenoxo.

But your basis for her going Hellhound (other than HELLHOUND FETISH) is, "She likes the Walkie Punishment, and she's a demon, therefore Sera can and should have a Hellhound TF option." Make a new character. "But I like Sera!" And people like writing an eldritch NPC + Necklace that I originally believed only existed so that it could be used to have a certain NPC killed, but that shit doesn't get to walk by on fetish fuel alone anymore just because it was in CoC.

People have standards now.

 

[Que]

Looks like my hubris got the best of me here. First of all, I did not mean any disrespect for Nonesuch or Fenoxo, and I am really sorry if it came across as disrespectful. For some reason I thought the different expansion packs were done by different people, and so it didn't really matter if I added more. Clearly I was not paying enough attention to that part. I'll get in touch with them before even thinking of continuing, or more likely just make a new character.

When the time comes, I'll replace the link as a google doc.

@Que
If you want feedback, I will give you some.

Stop while you believe you are ahead. This SCREAMS Pippa 2.0, I.E: something that just sneaks into the game because someone coded it in without someone glancing at it.

I wasn't aware that this has been a problem in the past. It's easy enough for me to continue without coding,

Also, other than for the fetish, why in the great land of smut candy land would Sera go Hellhound? (I Read your Cryptpad "doc" so i do know) Yes she is a slave, but she still needs to follow character conventions. And you still need to ask the Author{s} if it is in their character for this to even be a possibility. So Nonesuch and Fenoxo.

But your basis for her going Hellhound (other than HELLHOUND FETISH) is, "She likes the Walkie Punishment, and she's a demon, therefore Sera can and should have a Hellhound TF option." Make a new character. "But I like Sera!" And people like writing an eldritch NPC + Necklace that I originally believed only existed so that it could be used to have a certain NPC killed, but that shit doesn't get to walk by on fetish fuel alone anymore just because it was in CoC.

People have standards now.

My original line of thought was that it was easier to modify an existing character, and it seemed like a way for me to temper my ambitions relative to creating a new character. The Hellhound part isn't important to me, I just wanted something canine and I thought it was an interesting combination. The fetish I plan to focus on here is actually the pet training dynamic, and Sera was a good canvas for that because she already had the slave training background. I thought it would be simple/logical for a player to pivot that into a training dynamic. Clearly I have some work to do in order to get it to make more sense for Sera.

 

[coldmonkey]

This SCREAMS Pippa 2.0, I.E: something that just sneaks into the game because someone coded it in without someone glancing at it.

What's wrong with Pippa's content?

 

[Evil]

From what I understand, she had lore breaking content that needed severe revision to even approach levels of "meh", the content was coded by the author, poorly done at that and basically sneaked in under everyone's noses.

 

[Alabaster Chimes]

What's wrong with Pippa's content?

She has no reason for existing, she was slipped in through the backdoor without any review which led to her being broken on release and utterly barebones.

The "writer" was less vocal than Willow's writer, who at least could write in google docs, and NOT COMPILE THE BUILD FIRST then post it in a Doc, and say they did all the work, cause that aint how its done chief.

"She has no reason for existing"

I say this because, on same damn planet, there is another massage parlor and the writer didn't even make the effort to move the character after being called out on that. They just made an off handed talk option about it afterwards. She has very weak sex scenes, and only joins your crew to eat your food. She is an utterly useless character, thats only staying in because she is only in the meh section, has a bust, and Pig Girl.

 

[Crablord]

joins your crew

i had to catch em all regardless

 

[coldmonkey]

"She has no reason for existing"

Her sex scenes are well-written and has some unusual content (like face-sitting), that's all the reason she needs in my book. She has far more massage scenes and variety, and her massages have actual status effects. She can join your crew regardless of whether you ever give her food or have Yammi onboard. Your complaints make no sense.

 

[JohanLitvisk]

Her sex scenes are well-written and has some unusual content (like face-sitting), that's all the reason she needs in my book. She has far more massage scenes and variety, and her massages have actual status effects. She can join your crew regardless of whether you ever give her food or have Yammi onboard. Your complaints make no sense.

There are several things wrong with this statement based off the information everyone knows about. Initially, she was a very broken submission with scenes for a cock she didn't have, relationship meters that did absolutely nothing and general shoddy work, as her author coded her themselves. While all this has been fixed, several issues still remain, namely:

-She's a terrible crew member who has zero interaction with the universe at large, and other characters. Her entire reason for liking you and joining you is based upon giving her food, otherwise she has no development.
-Her sex scenes are 3-4 massive word-wall paragraph blocks, with no fucking depth whatsoever. Buffs are not a good enough reason to be considered an appropriate submission.

Honestly, she should be canned in the same way Willow was, bust or not. She's the lowest quality content in the game, imo. She's only scraped by because no one cares enough to remove her at the current moment because there are more important pieces of content in the works. However, the doesn't excuse her continuing to exist within the game, at least to me.

Anyway, my friend. I would strongly reconsider doing this project. While your efforts are admirable, you can't just write something that's not in Actionscript and expect it to be easy to translate. Furthermore, this idea would be better off being its own, unique and distinct character rather than piggy backing off an already established NPC with a full and complete arc.

 

[Alabaster Chimes]

Her sex scenes are well-written and has some unusual content (like face-sitting), that's all the reason she needs in my book. She has far more massage scenes and variety, and her massages have actual status effects. She can join your crew regardless of whether you ever give her food or have Yammi onboard. Your complaints make no sense.

You would actually know what well-written if you spent more time with actual character instead cardboard cutouts with a fish stapled to the bottom.

But I'm just getting starting, to say face sitting is "unusual", makes you more vanilla than this game's tutorial. Deliah, the Kerokoras, Ramis, Raskvel Female, Jesse, and Jade have "Face Sitting" though if you looked or read the scenes you couldve known that.

Her scenes are flat word blocks, and she likes you cause your Steele, Treated, or you feed her. Her buffs are not worth it, and she technically STILL HASN'T BEEN REVIEWED BY FEN.

If you want my opinion, Willow at least had more thought in her sex scenes, her writer at least tried and realized "Maybe i should do more." Because you can see that in a Google Doc. But Pippa's Writer did the whole thing BY CODE, so they did most of thing half blind and without input from the community at large. Pippa was a mistake, and there's a reason why the writer hasnt reappeared since.

 

[coldmonkey]

Initially, she was a very broken submission with scenes for a cock she didn't have, relationship meters that did absolutely nothing and general shoddy work, as her author coded her themselves

Yes, but he said she's barely worth keeping in the game the way she is, not the way she initially was. As do you, for that matter.

She's a terrible crew member who has zero interaction with the universe at large, and other characters

She has a threesome scene with Yammi. Whether she comments on planets and stuff is completely irrelevant: This is a porn game, the first and foremost point is if you can masturbate to her scenes. The setting is just a context for the sexy possibilities. Mass Effect it ain't.

Her entire reason for liking you and joining you is based upon giving her food

Objectively wrong, once again: You don't need to give her food or have Yammi onboard in order to have her join.

Her sex scenes are 3-4 massive word-wall paragraph blocks, with no fucking depth whatsoever.

Depth? Do you mean accounting for TFs?

However, the doesn't excuse her continuing to exist within the game, at least to me.

You sure take porn games seriously.

You would actually know what well-written if you spent more time with actual character instead cardboard cutouts with a fish stapled to the bottom.

Christ, get over yourself.

to say face sitting is "unusual", makes you more vanilla than this game's tutorial. Deliah, the Kerokoras, Ramis, Raskvel Female, Jesse, and Jade have "Face Sitting"

You sit on Jade's, Delilah's and the Kerkoras' faces, not the other way around, which is all the difference between sucking a dick and having your dick sucked. The Kerokoras are also bald frog people, which is a bit of a turn-off for me. Ramis is fantastic, of course. The Raskel Female's scene comes with footjobs, an entirely unrelated fetish I don't care for, and she can of course not be taken along on your ship. Next time, work on your arguments before you start to insult people over a porn game.

 

[Evil]

Anyway, back to the original subject of the thread because this thread is seriously starting to derail, maybe before OP starts anything, they sit down and think of a few ideas, refine them and work on them. Rather than trying to get into an already established character, they go for a blank slate and make their own mark.

 

[JohanLitvisk]

I didn't know wanting decent and quality porn material is "taking porn games too seriously." Sorry that wanting anything that's barely above the level of IKEA erotica is apparently being pretentious. Seriously my dude, her sex scenes are barehones blocks of text. That's not good porn. If you can get off to that than whatever, but please don't pretend that compared to the general standard of quality that they deserve to be in the game just because "lol it's porn."

Also I didn't know "face sitting" was only for the PC getting their face sat on. You do realize that face sitting is still face sitting, regardless of who's the one getting sat on, right?

 

[coldmonkey]

Also I didn't know "face sitting" was only for the PC getting their face sat on. You do realize that face sitting is still face sitting, regardless of who's the one getting sat on, right?

You do realize that in the context of Pippa, who has a sex scene where she sits on your face and no scene for Steele sitting on hers, what I meant was perfectly obvious unless you're actively looking for reasons to misunderstand? Or in Alabaster's words, "though if you looked or read the scenes you couldve known that", or just glanced at her wikipage for that matter. "Barebones blocks of text"... what a thing to say about a text-based game. You're not gonna admit to any of the other facts I pointed out either, I gather. Well, you two have clearly made up your minds to come up with any reason you can think to hate Pippa, and I'd be a stranger man than I am if I cared enough to persist in something so pointless as arguing this further.

 

[JohanLitvisk]

Fine. If you want empirical evidence.

Here are the requirements for getting Pippa into your crew:

Spoiler

Having Yammi on board as your chef, and Pippa knowing about it. Having treated Reaha (not yet implemented) on board as your chef and Pippa knowing about it. The PC is treated. Having a high affection score with Pippa (75+).[/spolier]

You've claimed that Pippa doesn't join your crew just because she gives you food, but here, take a look at this, taking directly from Pippa's document:
[spolier]

Misc. Info
-Her massages give a buff that increases cold resistance (because of the oil used) by up to 15%, decreasing over time.

-What she calls Steele depends on affection (Either “Steele”, first name, or a random pet name)

-Her dominance is tracked, but not currently used for anything

-You can give her various food items (no transformatives). This increases affection, but doesn’t do anything else.

-Initial affection varies. It’s increased if you give her food during the initial meeting. A hard alignment and rejecting massage/sex will both lower it.

If giving her food isn't the reason she joins your crew, then why in the hell would giving her food be a primary element for getting her to consider the offer in the first place?

Consider this, my friend. You say that text games are just blocks of text, but allow me to show you something.
An excerpt from one of Ellie's Scenes:

Spoiler

You use Ellie’s humanoid torso, and especially her meaty rack, to steady yourself as your hind legs scoot up and align your wang with the sultry snatch between your lover’s haunches. She gasps and shudders as your [pc.cockHeadBiggest] brushes her twat’s lips. You don’t go gently, but let the full weight of your bestial nethers come down in one mighty thrust the moment you’re aligned. Ellie’s pussylips part like a veil of silks for you, making way for your tool to plunge into her sultry depths. She’s hotter than a human, boiling hot no matter how cold her blood may run! Her muscles move hungrily out of your way as you penetrate her, the slick slabs of flesh in her pussy almost kissing you, sucking your rod further and further in until you’re totally buried inside your leithan lover. No matter how hard you slam your rod in, she takes you without resistance, though her legs claw at the ground and her whole body shifts with the forward motion of your dick, moving with you until Ellie’s chest is mashed against the wall, breasts squishing on cold concrete, spilling out around your groping fingers. She shivers at the sensation - both of the cold on her huge nipples and the bulbous dick spreading her pussy wide.


“Fuck!” Ellie cries, shivering with delight as you finally settle atop her. “Oh, fuck [/i]yes. I can't get you doing this to me out of my head. It feels so good to have your big, fat cock back inside me...”

Here is one of Pippa's scenes:

Spoiler

At the moment, you can’t keep your focus off of Pippa’s gigantic ass. You move toward her and embrace her, your hands immediately going for her vast, cushiony ass. She grabs the sides of your face and forces her tongue into your mouth as you squeeze and knead her ass. As you make out with her and play with her butt, you feel your cocks stiffening and your pussy getting wet. Her ass is as soft as it is huge. It’s easy to imagine getting lost in it. You’re so caught up in just feeling up her ass that you temporarily forget your plans to fuck it, but suddenly she breaks off the kissing and giggles, “You really like my ass, huh?”


Not even waiting for you to respond, Pippa places one hand in the middle of your cushiony, lactating mammaries and pushes you back. She turns her back to you and, as she bends over, slowly peels down her tight yoga pants and her skimpy thong. Her ass pops free from her pants, even larger than you’d realized. She lightly sways it back and forth like a pendulum, and right above, her curly little tail twirls in a complementing hypnotic spiral. You can only stand mesmerized. She picks up her panties, throws them at you and says, “What are you waiting for, Steele?” She bends back over, places her hands on the back of a chair and says, without looking at you, “Take me.”


You quickly oblige, taking off your clothes and positioning yourself behind her. For just a brief moment you rub your monstrously thick demon-cock in between her expansive, jiggling cheeks. Then you start pushing through her cheeks and line your black monster-dick up with her pucker. Her asscheeks squeezing you already feels good enough that your precum is dripping and lubing up her hole. You push further, spreading her hole around your demon-prick and eliciting a lusty moan. You slowly push in as far as you can, your balls coming to rest on her ass. Pippa’s huge, plump cheeks have swallowed up so much of the length of your member that even hilted, a noticeable stretch of your length isn’t even actually in her asshole.


You begin to move, pulling out till just your cock-head remains in her asshole, before thrusting back in on repeat. The substantial valley that is her ass crack provides a unique sensation, almost like getting a titjob and fucking an ass at the same time. Meanwhile, Pippa is moaning and panting heavily. You’re pretty sure you even heard a few snorts. Through her tank top, you can tell her back is beginning to sweat. You yank her shirt up causing her breasts and her belly to fall free, swinging and jiggling as you fuck her ass. Her back is flushed, a darker, redder shade of pink. You give her a sharp spank on the ass, eliciting a squeal and a contracting asshole. Her squeezing asshole and flushed, jiggling body urges you to squeeze her ass as you did earlier and fuck her harder.


Pippa’s moaning and panting picks up before turning into full on squealing and snorting. “I’m so close, Steele! Feed my asshole with your cum!” Right as she finishes yelling, both her asshole and her cheeks squeeze on your prodigious, nubby dick. Already barely hanging on, you give in and cum. Your cum squirts into her asshole, pushing her over the edge. Her body quivers and her ass tightens even further, her hungry asshole milking your cock dry and painting her bowels with your cum. After it’s eaten every last drop, you pull your towering, tremendously wide nub-shaft out till it plops free.


Pippa slowly stands back upright and leans on you for a second, catching her breath. “You’re really something, Steele. I hope that you’ll stop by again sometime. But for now, I need to get cleaned up. Bye bye, for now.”

The issue isn't that its a block of text. It's the quality of the writing. Pippa's is barely serviceable. Ellie's sex scene is high quality and decent.

Generally, as a rule of thumb (at least as outlined by Savin himself), a good sex scene is at least 1k words of good detail and following action. That Ellie excerpt was a small fraction of a 1.5k sex scene while Pippa's sex scene is just 659 words long. That's not looking good chief.

Pippa has only gotten into the game on a fluke of her creator coding her into the game itself and it getting slipped in. She technically she hasn't even been properly reviewed yet. She sets a bad precedent as crew member who's only defining qualities are being a New Texan fetishist, eating your food and giving your a paltry buff that doesn't even remove the sore status effect. Having one shoddy threesome with Yammi isn't any crew interaction. She's barely one step away from being another bubble waifu, who has no baring on anything that isn't interacting with Steele when they talk to her. She's a bad character my dude.

Anyway. I feel this thread has been derailed enough from its original intention my dude. Sorry for crapping your thread @Que . For future reference I suggest reworking your idea into something that's more in-line with your own original character, as well as using google docs for the future. Don't let us giving you a trial by fire discourage from writing anything for TiTS.

 

[Nonesuch]

Hi all,

Here is the start to my crazy-ambitious Sera expansion...

I don't like piling in when others have already explained what's wrong with this, particularly when it's some schmuck's first project that they spent two months over, so I'm not going to say anything that's been said already. In general the whole thing makes me think that the process for submitting content is poorly presented, or has degraded over time.

I will just emphasise that you should always explain and ask the team or community you're submitting work to about what you're doing before you commit to those two months. It's... insane not to do that.

I've had a passing glance at what you had before you took it down. I would probably reject it out of hand. It's not because you didn't ask me beforehand, nor is it because I hate furries or whatever. It's because a) I view sub Sera as basically complete at this point, and large expansions to her as unnecessary bloating, b) your writing isn't really up to standard, and c) it's off-the-scale sadistic to almost literally turn a character into a dog because she doesn't like furries. And it seems as though the PC lies to her to permanently put her in that state? No, I'm not having it.

I'm always somewhat touched when an NPC of mine inspires someone enough to do something like this. However, as others have said, come up with your own sex slave character you can play merry havoc with, and leave sub Sera alone. She can have it tough enough as is.

 

[coldmonkey]

Just dropping by apologizing to Johan and Alabaster for my tone earlier. Some IRL stuff (a lot of stuff, but there's no need for me to bring up any specifics) has been putting me a little on edge lately, and I got a lot more irritated over this than your posts or the topic warranted. Again, my apologies. I'm also still on edge over the mentioned IRL issues, and don't want get all irritated on you guys again, which seems likely given how irritable I am in general. Porn is far from my mind at this point, but I do feel a bad about my tone. Sorry.