@Alecsandr
Now Ill go point by point:
it's on editing because it's required by the submission form, and from my understanding submission means submission for review thusly i kept a pristine copy on my end in microsoft word.
The "Submission 'FORM' " is what you use to send the doc itself to Fenoxo, and is entirely separate from the Event Submission Forum Section. Just because you put the "Complete" doc here, and put [Submitted] in the title doesn't mean its actually Submitted. What you need to do, is change the doc to "Comment" so people can tell you what to change, because as it is NOW, someone can just enter the doc and delete the entire thing. You gave anyone who clicks that link Admin access essentially. Where in this case ("
Your Doc") they don't and can help actually edit.
The accent i came up with under the assumption that each of the Scarlet Federation territories are different and have different accents, just like in europe or america. Admittedly his accent was meant to be more austrian or bavarian which still comes off as german in the text, but i reasoned it as Sieker has actually taken the time to learn 'Galactic basic' (did we ever come up with a name for it) and the accent comes from said learning as i figure at this point the autotranslators remove most inclination of an accent outside of specific scenes
"Under the assumption" are words people use when they didn't actually research what they were writing, OR are trying to hamfist something in with poorly explained lore but still set in place just to indulge in a fetish. I'd REALLY love to know where this idea even spawned from, other than you wanting a character with a German/Austrian accent, which you could've easily written an entirely separate character for. EVEN IF, he learned the language, I doubt the accent would've been eliminated, as for instance, Ramis is welsh, so welsh in fact that her doc is covered in red lines due to her accent. Translators have not been stated to affect accents. "but i reasoned it as Sieker has actually taken the time to learn 'Galactic basic' and the accent comes from said learning... I'd like to draw your attention to Lyralla, the Gold Myr Diplomat who ISN'T using a translator and is speaking The Galactic Standard Language:
“Hello, and on behalf of the Council of Queens, allow me to extend you a warm welcome to our troubled planet, offworlder. My name is Lyralla.”
You pause before realizing that she’s speaking near-fluent English - you aren’t just hearing an auto-translated version of her native tongue relayed by the microsurgeons in your blood. “You speak English?” The disbelieving statement is out before you have time to think about it.
Lyralla nods serenely while tugging her robe into a more modest position. The garment doesn’t look like it was made for an individual with so much up top, though you can’t imagine an ambassador being given anything less than the finest clothing a species has to offer.
“Of course. What kind of ambassador would I be if I did not learn the most common galactic tongues?”
Your first time talking to her by the way, because I cite my sources. But before you say "They aren't German bleh bleh" that is besides the point, the accent would be gone regardless, and needs to be CUT regardless.
But hey... don't take it from ME
He's not supposed to be on the front lines he was only sent here to investigate and deal with Sellara's 'rebels' (federation quest) which his investigations have turned up nill, and while male myr are too valuable to be positioned on the front lines as troops they were allowed to serve in the Federation armed forces in ancillary non-combat roles. Sieker himself became one the MPs in charge of guarding and protecting breeding males and in investigating a slew of their disappearances from the facility (not written in the doc as i plan to expand on this character later).
Still doesnt change the fact, that he's on the FRONT LINES, where he can be killed and less babies are made. Red Myr Codex, last two Paragraphs of Sexual Dimorphism and Reproduction
Male myr are characterized by their slight, lithe bodies and massive genetalia, with disproportionately large phalli and semen-swollen testes that often drag on the ground when not regularly used — though due to their high demand, this is rarely an issue. Due to the extreme conditions imposed by the war, even drones were pressed into service by the Scarlet Federation, though they were legally barred from combat duties. Most served as nurses, administrators, and factory workers, freeing more females up to fight.
These newfound demands of labor have, reportedly, began an accelerated male rights movement, similar in nature to the women’s rights movement of 20th century Earth. Little information about the movement is available, however, due to the lack of contact with male red myr: few have been available for interview or commentary.
From what i've researched
Quite rightly....
I will give you a PASS ON THIS, on two conditions, both of them are very separate. Make him an entirely different character, if you want your WW2 Roleplay to its max OR make him STERILE, that could be an explored loophole in the Red's Government, if he cant Breed, have him fight even if he's weaker than all the females around him.
Speaking of writing things later, I also plan on writing an expansion to Lys as well, in fact the doc is started and is partially worked on, but i separated it off from this doc when it got to around 20 pages and i felt that it would be better to work one character at a time.
Post that now, in a separate thread. There is NOTHING WRONG with the term [WIP] or [Needs Edits] or in fact using both at the same time. Cause I don't have as much of a boner for Briha or the Red Myr as I do Lys, and I rather not something go wrong without me knowing.
The Refugee section is not completely finished as i wasn't certain Fenco would approve that specific section and would tell me to cut it. As to the legality of it all if the Golds can be Refugee's (Federation quest) than i don't see why the Red's couldn't be as well.
Moving Tavros, yes that would be an absolutely fine thing. I'm surprised no one has done it as a quickie. As for EVERYTHING ELSE (But Tarkus and Zheng Shi), are you out of your mind? That is a plain nightmare, at least I'd think so. Keeping track of a characters Time, location, and status WHILE having a flag at potentially 9 spots (Turned in, DMZ waiting, Crew, Nursery/Tavros, Mhegna, No Man's Land, Uveto, On the Job at Uveto, Candia Station) and those are the ones Im remembering.
As for the Gold Refugee's in Fed Quest, you cant even get them TO Mhegna yet but, even if you COULD, they still get a free pass. Reason why is due to a certain hiccup with the Red Myr, their Venom. Being a race with an addictive property to them, they have a longer vetting process, hell this is why the Bothrioc are getting the shaft so hard. The Dzaan had lots of issues first getting in UGC. Based on Ardia I imagine you can see why. She can certainly be a citizen, she just gets it so easily.
I was worried about the length of some of the scenes, especially the more female centric ones since i'm a dude, and was more hoping that upon review i would get suggestions on improving them.
Asking for suggestions to improve a scene is good in fact very commendable. But they don't help you lengthen them, what does is adding more fluff, variations, more "action", or a complete rewrite. If you need help with writing sex scenes, the best place to start is reading sex scenes. (And yes, read from the female POV for the Fem stuff, that'll help, trust me I know)
as for the final point, i've submitted this for review, knowing the backlog of submissions fenco won't get to it for weeks if not longer, i gave people the ability to edit and comment on the doc because it is a good source of constructive criticism and another set of eyes that might see things that i've missed, and you just assumed i did no research because? i actually took the time read the wiki, the codex entry, and re-read both Lys and Briha's interactions and stories, not to mention i've downloaded the parser guide, submission guide, and kase's doc as an example. You're post seems to come off like you're more offended that i posted at all, rather than constructive criticism.
Fen doesn't come here for "Review" if he does come here its because people @ him, or tell him to. This isn't where you submit docs. The backlog is massive as all hell, its endless and unending, nothing will ever change that.
But I sure as hell know, you didn't do research for this, and if you DID, you didn't do enough. "Took time to read the wiki" the wiki that's never up to date. "the codex entry" the entry that proves Male Red Myr are so weak but so valuable they shouldn't be anywhere near combat, let alone Kressia. "and re-read both Lys and Briha's interactions and stories" I'm sure you did, seeing how the docs are lost to time unfortunately, yes even I the Doc Master do not posses some Docs. "not to mention i've downloaded the parser guide, submission guide" To the Former, you did read it, but you fucked up a lot of the parsers, and to the latter you only read some of it.
"You're post seems to come off like you're more offended that i posted at all, rather than constructive criticism."
If I sound like I'm offended, its because I don't want a character ruined by something easily avoided if something bothered to read or payed attention to text onscreen.
as for the weapons issue, they're going to be mid game not end game because as it stands we've 10 levels to go before endgame, as urbolg's handcannon proves a bullet based weapon can be just as effective as a laser or plasma based weapon
What weapon can you carry in WW1 to Vietnam, can do what that gun can? Mid Tier? Low Tier Hero if anything.
Conclusion:
Out of the several JimT characters Briha is one of 2 that I actually like, but because she is a JimT character, she has the JimT curse. I know you have a lot of passion for this, and Im not saying quit all of this, what I am saying is that I BELIEVE that you have a dual agenda. You want to not only "revive" and add more content for some of your favorite characters, but you also want to play around with your love for WW1 and WW2 in TiTs. We are all entitled to one major Mid-Tier Fetish we want ingame, just do it separately or correctly.
(Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke Joke)
(This a joke) Im sure your Nazi Roleplaying will come to life soon (This is a Joke)
( Need to do this because no one understands Sarcasm)
But still, I hope we can come to an understanding here, because this thing here needs some work.
