[Implemented] Akane, Space Mob Boss

[SoAndSo]

Sup bois and grils, it's uh, you know, thing, me, yeah, with another thing to show.

Akane, Space Mob Boss​

Much like everything else I've been doing recently, I expect it to never be completed because I'm a dumbass.

Anyway, it's kinda fun, you gotta go on an obscure quest series in multiple places, do some fights, be a bit mental, the usual. Then you get to do loads of the real shit that everyone wants.

Mostly loads. It's not going to be everyones (i.e. anyones) taste cuz it plays around with BDSM, electrostim stuff and a whole lotta rope.
There might also be a secondary NPC in the works alongside, who is conceptually a little unique. Maybe the main NPC is or isn't, iunno, I'm p out of my head atm

comments are on, etc etc etc etc

 

[Xeivous]

Feels an awful lot like whatsherface the cop, only crime edition. Especially since you can't really do shit about their organization.

Also quite surprised that your parentage doesn't really get much mention when you get captured.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Hmmm... interesting. Personally, bondage ain't really my thing, but this is just so unique I might give it a try!

 

[null_blank]

PC Loss

Spoiler

 

[Chiyose]

Riya should get in on this if she was still on Tavros, maybe leave a few racist comments on PC failing to catch whoever they were chasing if they were alien hybrid/other non-human.

 

[SoAndSo]

Riya should get in on this if she was still on Tavros, maybe leave a few racism comments on PC failing to catch whoever they were chasing if they were alien hybrid/other non-human.

Interesting point, I'll ask franks about it.

Feels an awful lot like whatsherface the cop, only crime edition. Especially since you can't really do shit about their organization.

Also quite surprised that your parentage doesn't really get much mention when you get captured.

I haven't played Riya's stuff past the initial dialogue scene so I wouldn't know.

And the second point iiiiiis, weeeeell, everyone knowing who you are is a little boring. I'd rather it be a talking point than just 'oh hey lol, I'm a billionaires child'.

 

[Darkwarpalg6]

I'd been opposed to the whole 'inevitably stomps player' bullet point, especially in regards to little miss racist thug cop. But from a player's perspective, this would be a quest that they would have to see to the end, blatant tooltip on the fourth encounter be damned, so I don't think there is enough of a clue that they're going to inevitably be put into a 'play along or get capped' scenario.

 

[Noob Salad]

I like how Mirrin handles it. She knows who you are and is surprised to hear your name but doesn't bring it up again.

 

[Zombiqaz]

I have some concerns about how the quest is set up. Going to put this in a spoiler block in case people don't want to be spoiled by the content of the doc.

Spoiler: My thoughts...

I understand it's still a work in progress, but it is currently a series of forced losses but nothing to suggest it'll be anything other than a standard quest. (I would consider the standard quest structure to be "do these actions and upon success, get some rewards and maybe some sex scenes".)

Instead, you go to the events, win or lose some fights but then they escape anyway... and then for the finale your reward is a choice of dying, losing half your money (which can be significant), or having sex with Akane. Unless you're here specifically for Akane's sex scenes you basically get mugged, and there's nothing you can do about it.

If you don't like the sex scenes that Akane is offering and/or want to stop a crime boss then this quest is probably going to upset the player as there is no way to avoid losing to her and no way to stop her organisation.

Most events that go like this usually have a great big "HEY YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU MAKE THIS CHOICE" warning before starting the content. Here, on the other hand, the quest is started by some text asking if you want to investigate some potential criminals. At least the execution option has a warning.

If you want to make this more palatable to players perhaps you could put put a bigger warning before the quest, or provide a way for the player to stop her. Again, I acknowledge that this is a WiP, and it isn't finished yet. Sorry, I don't want to be too much of a downer here, but this quest kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it is currently written.

 

[SoAndSo]

I have some concerns about how the quest is set up. Going to put this in a spoiler block in case people don't want to be spoiled by the content of the doc.

Spoiler: My thoughts...

I understand it's still a work in progress, but it is currently a series of forced losses but nothing to suggest it'll be anything other than a standard quest. (I would consider the standard quest structure to be "do these actions and upon success, get some rewards and maybe some sex scenes".)

Instead, you go to the events, win or lose some fights but then they escape anyway... and then for the finale your reward is a choice of dying, losing half your money (which can be significant), or having sex with Akane. Unless you're here specifically for Akane's sex scenes you basically get mugged, and there's nothing you can do about it.

If you don't like the sex scenes that Akane is offering and/or want to stop a crime boss then this quest is probably going to upset the player as there is no way to avoid losing to her and no way to stop her organisation.

Most events that go like this usually have a great big "HEY YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU MAKE THIS CHOICE" warning before starting the content. Here, on the other hand, the quest is started by some text asking if you want to investigate some potential criminals. At least the execution option has a warning.

If you want to make this more palatable to players perhaps you could put put a bigger warning before the quest, or provide a way for the player to stop her. Again, I acknowledge that this is a WiP, and it isn't finished yet. Sorry, I don't want to be too much of a downer here, but this quest kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it is currently written.

Well, this is a self-answering post really.

At the minute, I am trying to ballpark ways to make it more obvious but that's a 'fix-it-in-post' thing rather than the current focus.

 

[Chiyose]

If you don't like the sex scenes that Akane is offering and/or want to stop a crime boss then this quest is probably going to upset the player as there is no way to avoid losing to her and no way to stop her organisation.

What if you find out more about the organization after you've had your fair share of interactions with Akane and find out that they aren't really bad at all? There is a slavery ring busting quest planned after all.

 

[Amakawa Yuuto]

What if you find out more about the organization after you've had your fair share of interactions with Akane and find out that they aren't really bad at all? There is a slavery ring busting quest planned after all.

That would be too little too late.
By then, players who dislike the concept will already dislike Akane and most likely avoid future interaction with her, so the only people who'd see it are people who already like her.

First impressions matter, and Akane's first impression is "You lose, sucker!" (Or would that be "You lose, baka!"?)

 

[Zombiqaz]

At the minute, I am trying to ballpark ways to make it more obvious but that's a 'fix-it-in-post' thing rather than the current focus.

As it relates to how your quest starts, it might be something to think about so you don't end up having to re-write a bunch of stuff later.

What if you find out more about the organization after you've had your fair share of interactions with Akane and find out that they aren't really bad at all? There is a slavery ring busting quest planned after all.

I'm not sure mow much not-bad they can be without re-writing what's already there. If nothing else, executing people seems to be a common enough occurrence for them considering how nonchalantly they do it. (Though I suppose you could argue that the bad-ending stuff is non-canon.)

 

[SoAndSo]

(Though I suppose you could argue that the bad-ending stuff is non-canon.)

Spoiler: thing

All of my bad ends have been straight up cheap trolls so it's a purposeful inconsistency.

 

[Lunaraia]

considering they are into slavery, if one of the encounters are to be taken into consideration, I am actually surprised they chose to waste the opportunity to regain some of their losses by selling Steele and instead just wasted her in the bad end seems, odd to me.

 

[Spawn-of-Yig]

I see what you did there with the loyalty card and the 58008 points. I'm pleased with your humor.

 

[SoAndSo]

After a few days of doing IRL busywork, the writing is back on track. Here comes the paaain

 

[Woeful Wombat]

BDSM play with a middle-aged Yakuza boss that isn't (?) hiding a giant horse cock? Ohehehuehehuhue, yeeesss... Certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but I have my fingers crossed for you.

Well then. I noticed you really like your exclamation marks. It's a style choice, but not one I like in particular. Over-relying on them lessens their individual impact, so I'd go over each and every one of them and double-check which ones are necessary and which aren't.
Ausar. They're named after their homeworld, Ausaril, so grammar would dictate to always capitalise it, even when used as an adjective. The codex entry does so, at least mostly, but I think writers are inconsistent with that one or any other species that's named after its home planet.

Jelly bodies. How does rope bondage work on them? I suppose you could willingly make your body more solid, but that's exactly it, it would have to be done willingly. During the first encounter, Steele seems anything but willing. Hmm... Though it makes for some humorous scenes. Like you hanging from the ceiling, trying not to slowly drip to the floor below but failing.
Sub-tuner. I haven't played any of that content yet, so I'm not sure what exactly it does to you, but it increases your submissiveness, right? Are you planning to account for that? Would be quite an amount of rewriting.
Black Void. They seem to have a monopoly on shady businesses, so where does the Yakuza fit in here? I doubt the Void would be very happy to have another large organisation competing with them. Though seeing as they operate in small groups, they're probably a difficult target for the Void to take out.

 

[Lancer]

Sub-tuner. I haven't played any of that content yet, so I'm not sure what exactly it does to you, but it increases your submissiveness, right? Are you planning to account for that? Would be quite an amount of rewriting.
Black Void. They seem to have a monopoly on shady businesses, so where does the Yakuza fit in here? I doubt the Void would be very happy to have another large organisation competing with them. Though seeing as they operate in small groups, they're probably a difficult target for the Void to take out.

The Sub-tuner has no noticeable impact when it is off, and only Belle can turn it on, and only while it's in her lab.

The BV don't have a monopoly, Kara's group is also a large competitor with them. The BV also focus on interplanetary crime, they often just force local (everything's relative) gangs to bend the knee and then continue mostly as they were.

 

[SoAndSo]

BDSM play with a middle-aged Yakuza boss that isn't (?) hiding a giant horse cock? Ohehehuehehuhue, yeeesss... Certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but I have my fingers crossed for you.

Well then. I noticed you really like your exclamation marks. It's a style choice, but not one I like in particular. Over-relying on them lessens their individual impact, so I'd go over each and every one of them and double-check which ones are necessary and which aren't.
Ausar. They're named after their homeworld, Ausaril, so grammar would dictate to always capitalise it, even when used as an adjective. The codex entry does so, at least mostly, but I think writers are inconsistent with that one or any other species that's named after its home planet.

Jelly bodies. How does rope bondage work on them? I suppose you could willingly make your body more solid, but that's exactly it, it would have to be done willingly. During the first encounter, Steele seems anything but willing. Hmm... Though it makes for some humorous scenes. Like you hanging from the ceiling, trying not to slowly drip to the floor below but failing.
Sub-tuner. I haven't played any of that content yet, so I'm not sure what exactly it does to you, but it increases your submissiveness, right? Are you planning to account for that? Would be quite an amount of rewriting.
Black Void. They seem to have a monopoly on shady businesses, so where does the Yakuza fit in here? I doubt the Void would be very happy to have another large organisation competing with them. Though seeing as they operate in small groups, they're probably a difficult target for the Void to take out.

Cheers dude, cheers for the edits as well.Rest assured, no surprise penis is in the works.

To address the points:

I do! It is mostly a personal thing, much like the way I structure dialogue and normal text into lots of space mini-paragraphs instead of thick chunks. It's not something I'm usually conscious of until I reread. Maybe I'll scour some from the doc, who knows.

In my experience, it's never been a point raised when it comes to proper nouns/named after planets things. I dunno if that's a point I reeeally need to work on but I'll do some better research on it.

On goo bodies: the main implication is that the threat of sudden, unseen death is the right kind of incentive. Also, while it's true that goo PC's can alter their appearance, I'm very certain that they don't have the ability to turn into actual puddles and escape bonds like that. That's more a lore limitation I think but if there's room to make some appropriate alternatives, I'll throw some in.

Sub-tuner: I'd need to ask around for that but I'm very sure that no new submissive content outside of Belle/Saec stuff accounts for it so it might be in its own little universe. It's not like the Exhibitionism perk as far as I know.

Black Void: It'll be something mentioned in the actual doc but the short answer is that they have different strands of turf and the BV knows that it'd be too much effort to dislodge them while the Host Shukuchi isn't anywhere near big enough to deter the BV from staying in their space. It's a complex 'you saw nothing' arrangement.

 

[Woeful Wombat]

Wonderful, I've become quite paranoid about surprise dicks over the years.

I wonder if there's going to be an option to commit honourable seppuku if you lost all previous henchmen encounters.

In my experience, it's never been a point raised when it comes to proper nouns/named after planets things. I dunno if that's a point I reeeally need to work on but I'll do some better research on it.

To sum it up, science-fiction writers throw grammar out the window in this case. The ruling convention is to simply capitalise every alien species and their adjectives, even if they're not named after a place and thus are actually common nouns and adjectives. Star Trek's Klingons, for example. Their homeworld is Kronos (or Qo'noS), yet they're always capitalised. And then we have humans, who are always lowercase, as long as you're not changing them to Terrans or Earthlings.
But fantasy works differently. Some people like to do whatever they want here. Dwarves (or dwarfs), elves, dragons, orcs, goblins etc. are all lowercase, just like humans, dogs, swordfish, butterflies and whale sharks. All good so far. In comes Tolkien, who capitalised all intelligent species, including "Men". But he did that to more than just species. Magic, for example, he capitalised when talking about the entirety of it. That seemed to have been his rule. There's more to it, but getting too long and isn't relevant here anyway. There are also fun questions like when and why to capitalise "Viking" or "Vandal" and when not to or whether "Klingon" is a proper noun after all. English can be a nightmare sometimes if you delve too deep.
So, well, good thing TiTS is science fiction, otherwise it would be quite a mess and highly up to opinion and internal consistency.

 

[SoAndSo]

Small update: first 'sex' scene is done.

 

[SoAndSo]

Second scene is done. Probably the one that almost no one will be into but eh, I liked writing it.

 

[Coalsack]

The encounter ends giving a lose/lose/lose?-win? set of choices. Adding plot armor to the mob boss, on top of the kind of 'reward', very niche, I have to say, will leave a lot of people unhappy. True, they can avoid the content, but I easily see the stuff surrounding this ending scalating to a Riya-level mess, and those people will have their resons, so be wary.

 

[Chiyose]

The encounter ends giving a lose/lose/lose?-win? set of choices. Adding plot armor to the mob boss, on top of the kind of 'reward', very niche, I have to say, will leave a lot of people unhappy. True, they can avoid the content, but I easily see the stuff surrounding this ending scalating to a Riya-level mess, and those people will have their resons, so be wary.

We get it, you want a 100% win score.

 

[Coalsack]

No, simply a win?/lose/niche-stuff set of choices instead, or a way to escape/avoid nasty consequences at the last minute.

 

[Chiyose]

No, simply a win?/lose/niche-stuff set of choices instead, or a way to escape/avoid nasty consequences at the last minute.

Could always just ask to put in a scene where you run off and tell Riya if she's still on Tavros and remove the entire content from the game, if the whole choice thing feels that important to you.

 

[Coalsack]

Or like, with Badger, going with an officer (Riya, Penny, or a random UCG officer nearby), calling about something odd, and then coming a couple of hours/days later, with said officer giving a vague explanaition of the cause and reasuring the PC that everything is fine.

 

[Chiyose]

Or like, with Badger, going with an officer (Riya, Penny, or a random UCG officer nearby), calling about something odd, and then coming a couple of hours/days later, with said officer giving a vague explanaition of the cause and reasuring the PC that everything is fine.

Isn't that what I just said

 

[Coalsack]

Not exactly, you suggested talking to Riya within the scene, with no feedback, I suggested going with a random NPC, since some PC may not know Riya, or Penny, at that point. Anyways, the consequences are the same.