Wheat and the Mitch Menace

[Taeio]

So I started this story in the Discord server as a series of jests to Wheat, and it's become something that I felt needed some other place to tell, a place without some of the constraints of a Discord channel. It takes place in an alternate TiTS universe where the only difference is an army of mini-Mitches turning everything purple. The story takes place over short episodes, but i'm conglomerating them into larger episodes until I catch up to where the story is currently at. After that, the episodes will become short again.

Also, about species and such. You are free to imagine any character in this series of episodes as the species you see them as. While it is assumed that everyone is human, that doesn't mean they are in your head. My focus isn't on that in this story.

I have little else to say, so let's get to it.

 

[Taeio]

Episode 1

Taeio is the CEO of the Tae Adon corporation. He became aware of the Mitch menace years ago, and restructured his company to research this threat to the galaxy.

The Mitch is a small, many-tailed purple beast. When it bites something, that something becomes purple in color. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, as there are no known health issues that arise from being turned purple. No, the problem comes when an army of millions of Mitches arrive on a planet and turn everything purple. People tend to lose their resolve when all they see is purple. Variety is the spice of life, as it is said.

At some point, the Tae Adon corp. acquired a Mitch and began studying it. What they would discover was broadcast on the news:

"We have an update for you tonight on the progress the Tae Adon corp. has made in fighting what is being dubbed 'The Mitch Menace'. CEO Taeio has announced development of an anti-purple weapon he feels will render the Mitches inert."

"An update for you from the Tae Adon corp. The anti-purple weapon is finished, but Taeio, the CEO, has a warning about it's destructive capability, stating that it has the potential to remove the color purple from the entire galaxy. 'Obviously, we aren't going to use this unless we have no choice. We are currently working on a way to make this new technology more portable, which also means less destructive.'"

"Tonight's news update from the Tae Adon corp. is not good news, I'm afraid. CEO Taeio just announced today that the anti-purple weapon may also be anti-red and anti-blue."

"Good news tonight from the Tae Adon corp. The anti-purple weapon has been made portable, and mass production of these hand-held guns has begun."

Taeio wouldn't have much time to outfit the military as he just got word that the Mitch army was in system.

 

[Taeio]

Episode 2

Taeio was able to mostly outfit the planet's military with anti-purple weapons before the Mitch army arrived. Planetary alarms went off, the military was mobilized, and the battle ensued.

However, it was a futile effort. Many Mitches were anti-purpled, and the other Mitches re-purpled them. This was a discovery: The Mitch Menace is a regenerating army.

Armed now with this new information, Taeio had no choice but to flee the planet. He quickly searched for a destination, then set course. Along the way, he spotted something in his ship. It was a Mitch, and it was determined to turn Taeio purple. It lunged, Taeio dodged. Taeio pulled out his anti-purple weapon and fired. The Mitch was rendered off-white and inert.

Taeio, ever the thinking person, realized he was just given an incredible gift for his new start several star systems away. He had an anti-purple weapon, and now a Mitch. Research to bring the planet he chose up to the level where they could put up a fight against the Mitches would be heavily accelerated.

All that was left was the journey. After several hours, he arrived at his destination. The first thing he needed to do here was to convince the leadership that they were in danger. The second thing he needed to do was form a coalition of researchers under the Tae Adon corp. to bring the planet up to speed. Taeio's instructions to them were to analyze the anti-purple weapon and the inert Mitch, with an emphasis on studying the purplization properties of the Mitch and how to counter it. This was something Taeio didn't consider before, but would be crucial to fighting the Mitches.

 

[Taeio]

Episode 3

Research had begun on the things Taeio brought to the researchers. It was a couple of months until mass production of anti-purple guns could commence. With these, though, improvements were made. They no longer erased red and blue as well as purple. It was different with the Mitch.

There was only so much the researchers could do with an inert Mitch. A petition was made to the board to re-color the Mitch so that their task could be completed. The petition succeeded, and the Mitch was made purple again. But the strangest thing happened: the Mitch began to call out. The researchers, baffled, called Taeio in an attempt to define this strange behavior, in the hope that Taeio knew something.

It was hard to tell what the Mitch was screaming, what with being encased in a secured glass case. But as Taeio was listening, he could swear the Mitch was yelling "Wheat!" This had to be important, but what did grain have to do with anything? Taeio instructed the researchers to continue in their experiments, emphasizing the need for an anti-purplization breakthrough. "Leave what the Mitch is proclaiming to me," he said.

Days of searching the extranet yielded nothing. Countless articles involving wheat as a grain and how to cultivate it. Like anything, Taeio noted, no one can agree on anything, it seems. Eventually, he got an idea. What if...?

Taeio then searched for "Who is Wheat, the god?" The usual articles showed up, but there was one that caught his eye: "Wheat, the author god". He clicked on it.

 

[Taeio]

Episode 4

Taeio skimmed the article for the important points. Wheat is an author from the planet Terra. Terra is known as a center of technological innovation. One of the technologies developed was a device that could turn the written word into reality. Wheat got his hands on the device, and the first thing he wrote to input into it was "Wheat is a god". Power flowed into him at that moment, and he was impressed.

Wheat then took the device to his fellow author friends, and they all did the same thing. Authors like Fenoxo, Adjatha, Materia, Magenta Needle, Sose, Slab Bulkhead, Sil, among others, all become gods.

Wheat, however, wasn't satisfied. He had an unhealthy fascination, and wanted to turn the universe purple. So he used the writing machine to create an army of beasts that would go through the universe and turn everything purple. Those beasts would become known as Mitches.

Taeio had read enough. The captured Mitch was calling to it's god to rescue it, and help would eventually come. But there was still time; the Mitch army was still far away. Hopefully there was enough time to develop something that could counteract the Mitch's ability to purplize things.

Time passed, research continued. Eventually a breakthrough occurred. The researchers finally cracked the code on the Mitch's ability to purple things, and from there it was only a matter of time before a counteragent would be developed.

 

[Taeio]

Episode 5

The development of the device was completed. The prototype was sent to the manufacturing team. It was then that Taeio got word that the Mitches had arrived in the star system.

The anti-purplization device was constructed as a node that emitted a field that stopped all purplization within it. Only 4 such devices were created before the Mitches arrived.

The planet's military, armed with the new and improved anti-purple guns and the 4 anti-purpliztion nodes, were deployed. When the Mitches got close, the order was given to turn the nodes on. The Mitches stopped in their tracks.

Taeio saw this and had to reevaluate everything he knew about the Mitches. "They're showing intelligence... They're planning something." Taeio called out to the defense forces, "Stay alert! Protect those nodes at all costs!"

Taeio was right in issuing this warning. When the Mitches advanced, they headed straight for the anti-purplization nodes. But this made no sense. What could they do against the nodes? Everyone found out quickly when the Mitch army overran the first node and disabled it. Taeio shouted over the comm, "Regroup! Protect the nodes!"

As the Mitch army dwindled, it became harder for them to overrun the nodes. Piles of inert Mitches lay on the battlefield, as it seemed their sole focus was to disable the nodes. And how did they disable them? They simply ate the programming that allowed them to work. Taeio discovered this from on-the-fly analysis of the first disabled node. It simply didn't respond to his attempts to connect to it. It was as if it was just an expensive paperweight.

So the Mitches could also eat code. If Taeio knew this, the Mitch invasion would be just a simple event. As it stood right now, the second node was overrun and rendered disabled. "Curse me for not knowing!" he exclaimed to himself.

"We're almost there! Protect the nodes! We can do this!" Taeio said to the troops. The battle waged on. Many Mitches were rendered inert, but it wasn't enough to save the third node. It was disabled eventually.

All the military then converged on the final node. Firing their guns furiously, the Mitches were eventually reduced to thousands from millions. Then to hundreds. Then to tens. In a final effort, a Mitch was able to reach the final node, but was shot and rendered inert. The battle was won.

Taeio entered the battlefield then, surveying the carnage that was rendered unto the Mitches. He lowered his head for a moment, then lifted it to the sky and shouted, "WHEAT! WHEAT, ANSWER ME!"

 

[Taeio]

Writer's note: At this point I fully prepared to bully Wheat into getting off his lazy butt and start writing a new character, or at least finish up Mitch. But I couldn't pull the trigger. It would have been too cruel. So what follows is part 1 of the ending that got a positive reaction out of Wheat.

Episode: Aftermath

Wheat's disembodied head appeared in the sky. As he surveyed the battlefield, the look of horror on his face became more apparent. "My Mitches! What have you done to them?!"

Taeio spoke, "Wheat! The tyranny of your plan to turn the universe purple is over!"

Wheat replied, "And what do you know of my plan? My Mitches already span the galaxy. It would be a simple matter to direct a larger army here, and..."

Taeio interrupted, "And they will fall just like this lot did. By the time they got here, we would be fully fortified against any number of Mitch armies you would send against us. Additionally, I am going to spread what we have developed to the far corners of the galaxy, so that no one will fear a Mitch ever again."

It was at that moment that other author gods' heads appeared in the sky. Addressing Wheat, one said, "Wheat, it's over. You tried, but life, it finds a way."

The look of defeat on Wheat's face was apparent. After a moment, he finally spoke up, addressing the other gods, "What would you have me do?"

The other gods were silent, but Taeio had an answer to that question. "I know you have a machine that turns the written word into reality. Write the Mitches into oblivion, and replace them with something more beneficial to life."

Wheat, pondering this for several moments, finally said, "I think I know what to do. The Mitch menace will end, and it's place, I will grace you with a Mitch capable of solving all your problems."

 

[Taeio]

Episode: Epilogue

33 years later, Taeio was suffering mental problems resulting from the conflict against the Mitch menace, so much so that his employees were beginning to notice. So they got together to discuss how to help the boss. One brought up a sionach therapist currently housed on Canadia Station above Vesperia, and that he helped them through a rather rough time.

The employees brought him up to Taeio. "We know you're struggling, boss. The pressures you put yourself under to develop this new secret tech, and what you went through back then... We just think you should see this person." And Taeio agreed.

Taeio looked up this therapist on Canadia, and was surprised by the name of the company, called "Mitch's Meditations". Surely this wasn't a coincidence. Taeio set up an appointment, then when it was time, he entered the establishment.

The lighting was reactive, starting off dim, then brightening with a slight blue hue as Taeio traversed the hall, and was that the sound of rain? As Taeio parted the purple curtain at the end of the hall, he was treated to the sight of a secretary's room meant for comfort. False windows on the wall showed a city in the middle of a rainstorm, and potted plants in the corners of the room were blooming with purple flowers.

Wait. Purple curtain, purple flowers? Taeio was becoming more suspicious of this by the second. But he was here, and he had an appointment. After checking in with the secretary, it was only a short moment before his name was called by the therapist. This colorful sionach had purple hair and tails, and the ends of the tails had blue tips. Taeio knew for sure at that point; this was definitely the Mitch promised by Wheat all those years ago.

Mitch asked, "So, what troubles you this day?" Taeio explained the difficulties he was having recently, and Mitch just nodded. After relating his problems, Mitch directed Taeio to the comfortable looking recliner. But before therapy could begin, Taeio had one burning question for Mitch, "I'm sorry, but have you ever heard of Wheat?"

Mitch replied, "What, the Terran grain?" to which Taeio was silent for a moment, then just said, "Never mind. I'm sure it will become clear as I relate my story to you."

Mitch then said, "Well, why don't we get to it then? And don't worry, I'm sure I can solve all your problems..."



Thus concludes the Taeio saga. Another one begins from this point.

 

[Animefan666]

Shouldn't this be in the Fan Fic section?

 

[Taeio]

Was unaware of such a section. You're right, it should be there. Perhaps a moderator can move it there?

 

[PanzerGuitar00]

This is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life.

Keep going man this is great!

 

[Taeio]

I'm waiting for the thread to be moved before i continue.

 

[Taeio]

What follows is a more serious story, dubbed "The Kirk Saga". The intro will explain everything I would say now. So here we go...

The Kirk Saga, Episode 1

In the years after the Mitch wars, Taeio was responsible for developing technology that would reverse purplization and restore color to affected worlds.

In the beginning of the mission to recolor Mitch affected worlds, Taeio had to secure the warp gate technology from Akkadi. Upon succeeding at this, he had his research and development team discover a new way of putting the gates into star systems. It wouldn't do to create the gate at headquarters then launch it through space upon confirmation of an affected star system.

Fast forward to now, where teams of scout & engineering crews traveled across space for months, even years, to reach new star systems. If the system had purpled planets, a gate would be created there, then connected to all the other gates over time. The crews would then return to the gate manufacturing center for parts to create a new gate, then set out again. It was then that a capital ship with a recolor device would set out to the system and de-purple the planets.

Kirk Nansen was under the employ of the Tae Adon corporation. He was the captain of the Destiny, a capital ship outfitted with such a recolor device. In his time captaining the ship, he would become more restless and disgruntled. This is his story...

In the beginning of recoloring systems, corporation ships were reporting minor troubles with ships aligned with what they called the "Purple Cult". A personal transport ship with a minimal crew had no chance against a capital ship, yet they tried anyway.

The Destiny arrived at just such a system, guarded by the Purple Cult. Great, more crazies, Kirk thought. "Blow that ship out of my sight," he ordered.

One weapons' volley was all it took. The Destiny then proceeded to recolor the system. Kirk lamented on this, growing weary of the repetitive process. "Why do we do this?"

"Captain?"

"It's not like these worlds, mostly, will support life. And those worlds that do support life, it's not like they're greeting us with gratitude. It's like they lost something when they were purpled..."

Recoloring a system takes quite a bit of time. A ship had to travel to each affected planet in the system, a process that could take days. Hours would be spent travelling from planet to planet, and hours more travelling to the next planet. Space is a big place, after all.

Finally, with the system recolored, the Destiny headed back to the warp gate. Kirk sent a request for destination to HQ, and his next destination came back a couple minutes later. It was programmed into the gate, which sparked to life. The Destiny travelled through.

The ship arrived at yet another Mitch affected system. And, predictably, there was yet another Purple Cult ship in orbit around an affected planet. Easy, the captain thought. But then, a large blip appeared on the scanner. It was a Black Void dreadnought.

When it came into comms range, the message was simple: "Disarm and prepare to be boarded." Typical Black Void bullshit. They were no match for what the Destiny was capable of.

The battle ensued. Weapons fired from both sides hitting their marks. The dreadnought and Purple Cult ship couldn't stand against the Destiny. Both were rendered helpless against her.

However, a call came from below decks: "The recolor device has been damaged, captain. I'm afraid we can't repair it from here. We'll have to dock somewhere." So, a long trip back to a repair station, and possibly a long vacation. But the implications were clear: it would seem that the Purple Cult had struck a deal with the Black Void.

The nearest Tae Adon corp. sanctioned repair port was days away, even by warp gate. It turns out that several gates would need to be crossed to reach the port. Even if Akkadi gave the Tae Adon corp. access to the technology of warp gates, it would seem the bureaucracy behind linking the new gates to all the other gates in the galaxy was slow. So be it, Kirk thought.

The captain retired to his quarters. The questions were still on his mind. Why were they doing this? What purpose did it serve to re-colorize these worlds, especially if inhabited worlds didn't seem to appreciate it? And what deal did the Purple Cult strike with the Black Void? That last one was the pressing question. Kirk sent a quick message to HQ to inform them that the Black Void has taken interest in their operations.

With that, Kirk resigned himself to his quarters to binge on his favorite show, answering calls from the crew when they came up, and sleeping when he couldn't stay awake anymore.

What seemed like a lifetime later, the Destiny arrived at port. Repairs were scheduled, shore leave rotations were established. The captain, when this was all done, went straight to the bar.

 

[Taeio]

Episode 2

These backwater stations didn't have many amenities. They weren't like Tavros. About the only things you could do is get drunk and wait for repairs.

Kirk had every intention of doing just that while waiting for a report from the maintenance crew. It was a few hours before one of his crew came into the bar looking for him.

"There you are captain. I have the report of the damage here," the cadet said as she held out a codex. Kirk took it from her hands and examined it. It was all technical jargon, and he didn't care about the specifics, just the bottom line.

Finally, the assessment: It would take 3 days to repair the damage done to the recolor module. "Great... Thanks for the report cadet. Do what you can to speed the repairs along. That will be all."

With a salute, the cadet took the codex back and left the bar. Kirk returned to busying himself with his drink and his thoughts.

When he was done at the bar, Kirk returned to his quarters on the Destiny. In the morning, he had much to do. It was the usual stuff like maintenance reports, shore leave confirmations, crew assignments... Amongst it all was a report that repairs were proceeding smoothly; a good sign that the Destiny might be able to leave port soon.

Finally, with all his duties done, there was nothing left to do but pass the time. Kirk spent a couple hours watching his favorite show. Eventually the station bar would open, so he set off to head there. Along the way, Kirk heard someone shout his name. Looking around, he saw someone he hadn't seen in a long time. "Ah, Fioretta Tasslebaum. What brings you here? Isn't this a little too far out of the way for you?"

She responded, "Well, you know, sometimes a job takes you places you wouldn't expect to go. Say, wanna get a drink? We can catch up."

"I was just headed there. So, tell me, what is the captain of the Reliant doing these days?"

The bar was busy. Crew on shore leave from the Defiant and the Reliant were in attendance, enjoying themselves in the only establishment for entertainment on the station. Fortunately, there were two empty seats next to each other at the bar, so Kirk and Fior took the seats and flagged down the bartender for their drink orders.

It was easy to get drunk when you had someone to drink with. After some time telling stories, and then reminiscing, the conversation then led to drunken flirtations, then to Fior's ship. Clothes were torn off, rough drunken sex was had, and one shared shower later, they were cuddled together on the bed, quickly falling asleep in each other's company.

Kirk was awakened by a notification on his codex. Let me sleep, he thought, but the beeping wouldn't stop. So he got up and got dressed, and checked his codex. It was mid-morning, and the notification was from the maintenance crew. They wanted to see him. Fior was still asleep, so he wrote a short note and left it on the pillow.

The trek to the dock didn't take long. A short conversation with the maintenance crew told Kirk that the Destiny was repaired and ready to go.