Iirc that's more of a command console than something you'd perform mind wipes on.
Typos and Etc 2: Electric Boogaloo!
- Thread starter PanzerGuitar00
- Start date
Could be. I mean, it's the only thing resembling a chair ever mentioned, but i guess you're right
change "this" to "that", and change to "It all finally clicks into place!"
Zero Plus chortles. “Not quite. I had to make some... accommodations to stay under the radar. I didn’t expect the memory forging to work, if I’m honest. Not even this cute psionic furball could see through my clever disguise. After all, nobody expects the bubbly bimbo!” she says, fitting her glasses over her eyes. She smiles wryly and raises her ears high. It finally clicks in! Her face — it’s plastered all over the tables and walls!
Zero Plus chortles. “Not quite. I had to make some... accommodations to stay under the radar. I didn’t expect the memory forging to work, if I’m honest. Not even this cute psionic furball could see through my clever disguise. After all, nobody expects the bubbly bimbo!” she says, fitting her glasses over her eyes. She smiles wryly and raises her ears high. It finally clicks in! Her face — it’s plastered all over the tables and walls!
change cell to cells
The purple cyborg frowns. “I grasped some words: geddanium, remote, danger, chamber, and GU. She might be trying to free a GU locked in the cell below.”
The purple cyborg frowns. “I grasped some words: geddanium, remote, danger, chamber, and GU. She might be trying to free a GU locked in the cell below.”
maybe change "rays" to "dots" or "reticules" or something like that
The former XO extends her arm cannon, aiming ominous laser rays at the busty nurse’s chest. “Put the remote down and back off! This isn’t a game!”
The former XO extends her arm cannon, aiming ominous laser rays at the busty nurse’s chest. “Put the remote down and back off! This isn’t a game!”
maybe remove this comma
In the blink of an eye, a capsule of reinforced, red glass and steel falls from the ceiling, trapping your crewmate inside!
In the blink of an eye, a capsule of reinforced, red glass and steel falls from the ceiling, trapping your crewmate inside!
maybe replace "in" with "with"
She barely has the time to gasp before a wall-mounted claw clenches on the translucent walls and places her into a torpedo-like tube. Paulette disappears a second later in a hiss of pneumatic pistons!
She barely has the time to gasp before a wall-mounted claw clenches on the translucent walls and places her into a torpedo-like tube. Paulette disappears a second later in a hiss of pneumatic pistons!
maybe replace nuts with bolts
The gate opens behind her while the huge containment cell rises from the ground. The sealing nuts explode, releasing pressurized gas and greenish liquid all over the place!
The gate opens behind her while the huge containment cell rises from the ground. The sealing nuts explode, releasing pressurized gas and greenish liquid all over the place!
maybe replace jabbing with pumping
Hidden injectors hiss, jabbing the BRAT with experimental stimulants! The titanic beast groans as a synthetic vigor spreads through her sore muscles and clicking pistons!
Hidden injectors hiss, jabbing the BRAT with experimental stimulants! The titanic beast groans as a synthetic vigor spreads through her sore muscles and clicking pistons!
typo, change to limbs
The powerful limps wrap around your arms and legs, tangling you in supple muscles, sweet, white splooge oozing from the flared tips
The powerful limps wrap around your arms and legs, tangling you in supple muscles, sweet, white splooge oozing from the flared tips
no idea why only onde hyphen is big. how do you even type them with a keyboard? serious question. also, maybe italicize "must"
ou service her with all you’ve got, teasing, throbbing, smooching, and milking her sensitive bulbs like a beast in heat, not leaving her but a second of respite. She needs — no! - she must cum like no hydra has ever cum before.
ou service her with all you’ve got, teasing, throbbing, smooching, and milking her sensitive bulbs like a beast in heat, not leaving her but a second of respite. She needs — no! - she must cum like no hydra has ever cum before.
Maybe instead of replacing this, just add "and pumping her" in between "BRAT" and "with"
Missing space on the "Ride Her" scene for the Gryvain Techie:
“You’re a natural! Why, you could almost pass for a gryvain. Remind me of my wives...”“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you laugh.
“You’re a natural! Why, you could almost pass for a gryvain. Remind me of my wives...”“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you laugh.
maybe replace "on" with ""into" or something similar, idk, that still seema a bit rough. also the latter portion of this sentence also need a little tweaking, though again im not sure exactly how, sorry.
Your body goes on autopilot, blindly squeezing her pricks, fucking her sheathes, and frenching her flares with little to no care for your sake.
Your body goes on autopilot, blindly squeezing her pricks, fucking her sheathes, and frenching her flares with little to no care for your sake.
Missing space on a scene on the Tutorial, on the part on the bar after meeting the Rival. Looks like it's meant to say "under your scally paw" or "under a scally paw" or something similar (pretty sure this only happens during a half-leithan start, since i haven't seen it in other playthroughs with different starter races):
You immediately drop it on the floor and crush it underscaly paw, [...]
You immediately drop it on the floor and crush it underscaly paw, [...]
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Hopefully all fixed up to this point.
This seems to be common phrasing for all of Magenta's writing, so I'll leave it as-is.
Hm...... if you don't mind me saying, now that I'm taking a second look at it, maybe just change it (and any others) to "for your own sake". That flows much smoother.
Okay, only a couple times it is used with the player doing the action, I've rephrased with "own".
maybe replace the second hyphen with a larger one to really sell the cut off. seriously though how do you type those?
The harder they go, the louder you whimper and the more pre soaks your sensitive entrances and phalli — if they keep going on like this, they’ll-!
The harder they go, the louder you whimper and the more pre soaks your sensitive entrances and phalli — if they keep going on like this, they’ll-!
maybe remove this comma, as otherwise the sentence feels a bit jittery to read.
The powerful limps wrap around your arms and legs, tangling you in supple muscles, sweet, white splooge oozing from the flared tips.
The powerful limps wrap around your arms and legs, tangling you in supple muscles, sweet, white splooge oozing from the flared tips.
maybe remove this comma
Her fat, hydra boobs churn, pumping fathomless gallons of pearlescent spunk into and over you.
Her fat, hydra boobs churn, pumping fathomless gallons of pearlescent spunk into and over you.
I honestly have no idea whats going on with this sentence. What did magenta mean by plug? Plug back into something? idk.
maybe remove this comma
At least, until your body tightens back up, trapping a fair bit of her soothing heat for you to enjoy.
At least, until your body tightens back up, trapping a fair bit of her soothing heat for you to enjoy.
change "her" to "you". after all, shes not the one being stuffed.
You are burning with lust, quivering with pleasure, dripping with jizz... You’re a blissed-out husk of soaked meat babbling and foaming as vicious cuntails and tailcocks fill her to the brim with divine essence.
You are burning with lust, quivering with pleasure, dripping with jizz... You’re a blissed-out husk of soaked meat babbling and foaming as vicious cuntails and tailcocks fill her to the brim with divine essence.
change to "thermal" and maybe remove the comma
His three, misty eyes go from the multiple targeting vectors to the thermic sensors and back on you at a mad pace.
His three, misty eyes go from the multiple targeting vectors to the thermic sensors and back on you at a mad pace.
maybe remove "but"
You service her with all you’ve got, teasing, throbbing, smooching, and milking her sensitive bulbs like a beast in heat, not leaving her but a second of respite. She needs — no! - she must cum like no hydra has ever cum before.
You service her with all you’ve got, teasing, throbbing, smooching, and milking her sensitive bulbs like a beast in heat, not leaving her but a second of respite. She needs — no! - she must cum like no hydra has ever cum before.
change to "won't know what hit her"
You empty the rest of the vial then discard the syringe. Ovvi Hellitrix will know what hits her.
You empty the rest of the vial then discard the syringe. Ovvi Hellitrix will know what hits her.