Typos and Etc 2: Electric Boogaloo!

[Jarylan]

New scene on the ship with Paulette, starting her new quest line. (Or so I assume.) There's an orphan quotation mark here that doesn't need to be. Also, perhaps that should be this? This should be fun would flow better, but this might be beyond correcting an error.

“Will do,” you reply. Gangers, artists, illegal establishments, Lithium Flower — that should be fun.”

 

[Jarylan]

Another one that I don't think is wrong...just awkward. Bringing it up in case, this is while setting out on Paulette's new mission. Here would work better as there. You were there for me.

“You were here for me aboard the Gloaming and when Lithium Flower came for us — it’s only fair that I’m here for you today. I’m a bit scared of what we’ll find in the E.G.G. building, but I must be strong for you, and for Jarylan.”

Edit: Finding more awkward word choices. Dunno if Jacques wants me bringing those up yet, so I will wait. But it is the sort of thing my english teachers would call me on, so that's why I am wanting to call them errors.

 

[Jarylan]

So, uh, spoilers for very new stuff. Anyway, just entering the new area for Paulette's quest. There should be a space here and there isn't.

Paulette turns her searchlights on -likely for your benefit, considering her cybernetics — bringing some welcome lighting to the place.

 

[Jarylan]

Still going through the new stuff, met a bounty hunter. There's a line break here that shouldn't be.

“In the bounty hunting business, I’m known as Strict-9, the XO Crusher
, but you can call me Mistress if you want, pet. Now, would you kindly drop your weapons or get close to one another? I don’t wanna waste ammo taking you down one by one.”

 

[Jarylan]

Engaging in combat, Paulette's description here makes it sound like she's an enemy. I think it might be the same text as if you fight her on Tarkus. It also doesn't give her name, but it's in the allied section and it sounds like Paulette.

You perch behind cover wherever you can find it, ready to return fire, side-by-side with your companion.

She’s a towering amazon with powerful, chromed limbs attached to her shredded purple body. Her face, chest, and nethers are concealed by sturdy orange plates. Wicked hardlight claws surge from her draconic arm and legs, lighting the obscured room with a searing glare. An ominous light glows from her right arm-mounted Pyrexxx Annihilator, threatening you with crackling sparks of deadly energy. “Dead or Alive, you are coming with me!”

 

[Jarylan]

After battle with the T4L0Ns, breastfeeding scene. Missing punctuation here before "Stars", which seems to be the start of a new sentence.

Their adoring eyes are locked on you, revering you like an ancient, merciful goddess Stars, it feels so good being pampered by these sweet jelly beings!

 

[Jarylan]

I think this should be loud speakers? I think it's the loud speakers, unless this is somehow Paulette.

“Enemy aircraft detected! Activating countermeasures!” the loud hailers bark.

 

[Jarylan]

After a T4L0N fight, this time getting eaten out. I think this should be big, not bib.

You moan and gasp as its expert kisses milk bib bubbles of pre and rivers of sticky juices out of your paired genitalia.

Same scene, unnecessary line break snuck in after "with".

The harder you go, the harder it retaliates, smooching your honeypot with
delightful abandon.

More from the same scene. Should be grace, so think. I also question "soil" being used, given the location inside a building/ship/thing. Floor would work better.

You whine and shiver, gushing like crazy as you shoot cum all over the soil and graces your cobalt cuntlicker with cascades of fem-cum.

 

[Jarylan]

After another T4L0N fight. Should be speakers, and I think crackle?

Loud hailers sizzle. “Entering high solar-intensity area. Deploying solar arrays.”

Dunno if Jacques is gonna love me or hate me after this, but I am sure to be engendering some sort of emotional response from all these findings...

Edit: Not gonna bother bringing it up further, but the loud hailer nomenclature continues throughout.

 

[Jarylan]

After defeating Sci'Koh and choosing the option of ear pussies. I am not sure about this one, I think we're missing some words. But if that's the case, the author would need to be asked directly. Maybe it's something like with a saucy grip, near suffocating her?

The former XO tightens her looping grip on the pint-sized baddie, locking her into place with a saucy near-suffocating her while she looms over the vulpatra’s knotted, unattended prick

Same scene, further along. Some punctuation issues here. I would suggest "bimbo-mush - she's", but the simplest option is just to remove the stray comma.

You ear-fucking has shattered her focus and muffled her telepathic powers with your ravenous dicking, practically turning her psyche into so much bimbo-mush,. She’s gonna burst, any second now.

 

[Jarylan]

Noticed this in the next T4L0N fight. While it's all capitalized elsewhere, in battle it varies.

"You land a hit on t4l0n A with your Antique Gravitic Beamer! The attack directly impacts t4l0n A"

And the name section of their enemy boxes report their names as T4l0n.

 

[Jarylan]

While exploring the plant labs. Should be leave, not let.

It’s probably better to let them that way; no telling what might get clogged if you fired it up.

Same scene, further on, same problem as the T4L0Ns, BL00M's name isn't consistent.

Handling Bl00m is up to you!

 

[Jarylan]

After fighting BL00M, scene is choosing to fertilize her pussy. Awkward wording here, should be 'promise'.

“Wanna have a taste? I won’t hurt you, promised.”

Same scene, much later. Would be better if these two words swapped positions, making it "cum-stained mess you were all hoping to be."

backs, finishing the job of turning your three-way into the ruined, cum-stained mess you all were hoping to be.

 

[Jarylan]

After hacking the central computer in the E.G.G. This should be number 1, #1 or similar. I also recall seeing this error previously, but didn't understand and identify it at the time. I'll find it again when another character comes through here.

If she hadn’t maimed me and hundreds of innocent people for her experiences, I’d be her n°1 fan.

 

[Jarylan]

Description of the neutronic girdle. There should be some descriptor before ordinance, like "heavy" or "starship". It's too vague on its own. Technically assault rifles are ordnance.

Few things outside of ordnance can scratch this dense piece of armor.

 

[Jarylan]

After the PA-X fight. Based on context there's a missing word, "not".

Ovvi does respond.

 

[Jarylan]

In Paulette's memories, extra quotation mark snuck in again.

“Your adventure ends here, alien,” a rough voice blares.”

 

[Jacques00]

the loud hailers bark.

The word "hailer" is fine since it is being used as synonymous for loudspeaker and seems broad enough as a descriptor for any device that is used to project sounds at a high volume.

Loud hailers sizzle.

Similarly, "sizzle" can refer to how the sound is being projected, so this is fine. Equivalent would be "crackle", sure, and I would imagine it would be something sounding with static or distorted interference.

cum-stained mess you all were hoping to be

This is also fine--it reads the same and both are grammatically correct. To me, "you all" seems like a better coupling, at least for this sentence in particular.

I’d be her n°1 fan

I've changed this to its literal form "number one" since the abbreviated version can be left to interpretation, as "n°1" can also be read as "numéro/numeral/number un/uno/one" .

After the PA-X fight. Based on context there's a missing word, "not".

Ovvi does respond.

You'll have to be more specific here as I am not sure what I am looking for. Any sample text would be helpful.

Aside from those the rest should be fixed for the next release, up to this point.

 

[Jarylan]

You'll have to be more specific here as I am not sure what I am looking for. Any sample text would be helpful.

Aside from those the rest should be fixed for the next release, up to this point.

Apologies. The line there reads "Ovvi does respond." which makes no sense as she is insensate and doesn't actually vocalize or gesticulate anything.

It should be "Ovvi does not respond." which is correct for what is currently happening.

If the former is correct, then some sort of explanation of how Ovvi is responding seems necessary. I should have included more of the following text of the scene.

Also, in the future, I will restrict myself to more specific errors.

 

[Jacques00]

It should be "Ovvi does not respond." which is correct for what is currently happening.

Ah okay, I see now. Yes, that should be corrected.