"Yep... We should certainly get some sleep..." Lazarus mutters, turning around and grabbing Eleanor around the waist before burying his dick in her ass as usual. "I do need a cocksleeve for these oh-so-cold nights..." He mutters with a grin.
The Runefang Chronicles (For Archangel99)
- Thread starter Ecnalab
- Start date
"Mmhmm. Until it randomly starts humping you in your sleep. You never know!" He says with a chuckle. "You ever heard the story of the Voodoo dildo?" He asks with a grin.
"Well... You see, the story goes like this. A woman's husband is away on a long trip, so she winds up feeling rather horny. So, to maintain her vows to her husband, she goes to a sex shop to look for a dildo. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she looks, she cannot find a single dildo that pleases her. Finally, she winds up going to a wizard to ask him if he can make her a dildo. He says that he can, and asks her to come back later. Then, he hands her a big wooden dildo, with strange markings on it. "This dildo," he says, "Is a Voodoo dildo. You use it, just chant 'voodoo dildo', and then the place you want it to fuck. Like this." Then, he proceeds to chant 'Voodoo dildo, the pot!" Then, the dildo immediately starts Fucking the pot so hard, that the pot is an unrecognisable lump of metal by the time it's done. "And then, to stop the dildo, all you have to do is say 'Voodoo dildo, back in the box!' and it shall go into this box." He says, handing her a red box. He chants it, and the dildo goes back into the box. The woman is quite happy, and immediately pays the wizard a large sum of money. Then, she takes the dildo home and uses it. She goes on for hours and hours before finally deciding to stop. Except..." Here Lazarus pauses to grin and take a breath. "Except, she can't remember the words! Now, in too much of a hurry to wake the carriage man, she immediately runs down to the horse stables, and tries to get a horse to go back to the wizard for help. The dildo is mercilessly fucking her pussy this entire time, mind you. Then, en route, she has another orgasm that nearly makes her crash the horse into a wall. Then, a guard leaps out at her and stops her. "Miss! What's the problem? What are you doing so late at night!?" He calls out angrily.
"I have an emergency! I need to see the wizard!" The woman cries out.
"What? What emergency?" The guard asks.
"I have a voodoo dildo fucking me silly!" She screams.
"Hahaha! Voodoo dildo my ass!" The guard says. Aaaand you can guess what happened next." Lazarus says with an evil chuckle.
"I have an emergency! I need to see the wizard!" The woman cries out.
"What? What emergency?" The guard asks.
"I have a voodoo dildo fucking me silly!" She screams.
"Hahaha! Voodoo dildo my ass!" The guard says. Aaaand you can guess what happened next." Lazarus says with an evil chuckle.
"Uhh... I don't know. The joke stops at that last bit." Lazarus says, blinking. "Plus, I doubt it actually happened." He murmurs.
"They... Probably do. I just never asked. Wizards can do crazy shit." He says with a chuckle.
"You don't know what a potato is? It's basically the most useless vegetable out of all of them. No nutrients. Just tastes good when boiled or fried..." He mutters.
"No, Eleanor. It's a term used to describe people who are... Well... Useless, basically..." He mutters.
"Oh come on. Everyone has magic and stuff. What do I have? A staff. And luck. And I know how to fight." He says, rolling his eyes.
"Again, taking down Akbal was all luck... And I'm pretty sure anyone can take down an imp... Trolls can be taken down by anyone with a brain and knowledge of some traps..." He murmurs.
"Well, there's a catoblepas living in this swamp, that's been known to make meals of demons. There's also the Queen of Worms, who lives out in the middle of the desert. And, I hear that people have been seeing a dragon circling some of the higher mountains."
"Cato- what? And a dragon? That's quite interesting... Can we go see it?" Lazarus asks, grinning.