[Submitted] The Lotus Eater Part 2

[RequiemForAMeme]

The Lotus Eater Part 2: Starting Luca's relationship.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VZn0DvZ1XJZrXCC3g81R3Ae4pdnHJ6sNwJK-J7YjHfY/edit?usp=sharing

Ok. Hi guys been a while. Here is a document I posted in the previous Luca thread a bit ago for those that haven't seen it.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iO7d3dSFUUWgG5Y1HP9Mfdhlp4ziKDZD0unGx0m-aUQ/edit?usp=sharing

The goal of Luca Part 2 is to get the relationship started with the base set up for the submission mechanics and unlocking her sex content. I think I want the player to be able to get 1-2 repeatable sex scenes by the end of the document. I'm probably not going to write up a VR sim for this one.

I'm trying to improve my writing so if anyone has tips feel free to post them. Articles, books and/or free online courses are also appreciated.

With that out of the way I want to post something that I meant to post while I was working on getting the Lotus Eater into the game. If anyone wants to write or commission someone else to write VR content for the Lotus Eater I'm all for it. Just make sure to follow two rules:

1. Small bits of the scene need to be dedicated to public viewing if the player chose it. I did very minor references to view counts throughout the original two.
2. The scene must have at least one Bad End.

5/7/2017 - Editors Update
Hello Editors. Preemptive thank you. I'll try to check the doc as much as possible. Looking to fix grammar and sentence structure. Also help with using TiTs parser. This project is a lot bigger than I thought it would be.

Cheers - Requiem

 

[moobere]

Good to see you back.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

Shameless Bump.

Dialogue finished for the most part. I'm cleaning it up and adding/subtracting things as write.

Finished first sex scene (Which was written like a year and a half ago) I plan to add more, but I have a huge project coming up IRL so writing is going to slow down for the month of March. At the current rate I'll finish by 2047.

Cheers - Requiem

 

[Nnxx]

It's.. It's okay, I'll just.. Lay there and..

 

[Farscapeman]

Amazing work. Can't wait for the inevitable bad ends. Love me some d'zaan.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

Amazing work. Can't wait for the inevitable bad ends. Love me some d'zaan.

Thanks dude. I love the D'zaan. I can't wait for Nonesuch's back-burner stalker D'zaan to get written.

Minor Update: Anal basically done (still in the WIP area because I want to tweak it a bit later down the line). Currently working on Denial.

 

[Reaper113]

I read through it and while i won't be in a relationship with her due to being a dom i must say i really enjoyed it and her as a character. Also will there be a friend path like helping her with her defect problem or working on a vr together or double teaming some subs.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

A friend path for people not into doms would be kinda fun, I'll be putting some thought into that. I would love for her to interact with other characters. Like she's across from Kally's bar so they would probably know each other. I had an idea for a dom chat room where Luca and other doms in the game talk about their exploits, or they meet up once a month for girl talk or something. I've even considered writing a bit of non sex content for her twin in the UGC just for the PC to learn more about the family. Like Calidora could be a random encounter who could heal the PC in the field, maybe have a random quest or something.

Minor rant: Right now I want to focus on her sex scenes, which is going real fucking slow. I find all the non smut related stuff easy to write but once I hit the sex scenes my brain decides to fuck right off. I've honestly considered just writing the non smut stuff and just commissioning someone else to do the sex scenes so I can write more content. But my wallet can't afford that so here I am on the trickle content train.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

I can't wait for Nonesuch's back-burner stalker D'zaan to get written.

Ugh, I hope he shitcans it. I read the doc, and it just pissed me off.

Edit: Oh, shit, wait, I'm thinking of something else! My bad!

In case you're wondering...

Spoiler

I was thinking of another D'zaan that was being written up. IIRC, she was a beta that wanted her own harem, so she would basically use Steele as a way to practice being a dom, whilst making them addicted to her cum. Eventually, the addiction would reach a peak, and she would let you choose to be in her harem and become fully addicted. Problem is, there was no real choice.

If you said no, she would jump you, and force the cum down your throat, getting you addicted anyway! And you would have to consume her cum on a regular basis, or suffer stat penalties. Basically Jerynn, except either way, you loose.

So, yeah. You can probably see why I would think that was bullshit.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

Yeah that sounds like Bullshit. One of my biggest turn offs in games is being presented a choice for it not to matter at all. On the topic of Dzaan's one of my favorite bad ends is Kaska's because you have to actually work for it, if you don't she'll actually just kill the PC if you lose. Also IIRC Nonesuch said he would have to tread carefully with Jasvalla because he wants her to be random encounters on worlds, and doesn't want her to be a wandering game over screen to screw over unprepared players.

 

[Farscapeman]

Ugh, I hope he shitcans it. I read the doc, and it just pissed me off.

Edit: Oh, shit, wait, I'm thinking of something else! My bad!

In case you're wondering...

Spoiler

I was thinking of another D'zaan that was being written up. IIRC, she was a beta that wanted her own harem, so she would basically use Steele as a way to practice being a dom, whilst making them addicted to her cum. Eventually, the addiction would reach a peak, and she would let you choose to be in her harem and become fully addicted. Problem is, there was no real choice.

If you said no, she would jump you, and force the cum down your throat, getting you addicted anyway! And you would have to consume her cum on a regular basis, or suffer stat penalties. Basically Jerynn, except either way, you loose.

So, yeah. You can probably see why I would think that was bullshit.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind if there was just a way out. A way of noticing the trick and choosing either to trust her or not with proper warnings of consequences. Would you happen to have a link to the original doc or thread? Wouldn't mind checking this out myself.

 

[Captain Kiera]

Minor rant: Right now I want to focus on her sex scenes, which is going real fucking slow. I find all the non smut related stuff easy to write but once I hit the sex scenes my brain decides to fuck right off. I've honestly considered just writing the non smut stuff and just commissioning someone else to do the sex scenes so I can write more content. But my wallet can't afford that so here I am on the trickle content train.

Writing content your satisfied with is always challenging, doubly so when you’re writing sexual content. If you’re serious about outsourcing the sex scenes, I might be willing to chip in with the cost, hell maybe even cover most of it, if I can come with some input about the content. Nothing major of course.

 

[Reaper113]

A friend path for people not into doms would be kinda fun, I'll be putting some thought into that. I would love for her to interact with other characters. Like she's across from Kally's bar so they would probably know each other. I had an idea for a dom chat room where Luca and other doms in the game talk about their exploits, or they meet up once a month for girl talk or something.

That sounds awesome and i meant that I wouldn't romance her because i also play as a dom and not a sub which is why I suggested doing dom things together along with vr helping and such

 

[NotYouNorI]

Ugh, I hope he shitcans it. I read the doc, and it just pissed me off.

Edit: Oh, shit, wait, I'm thinking of something else! My bad!

In case you're wondering...

Spoiler

I was thinking of another D'zaan that was being written up. IIRC, she was a beta that wanted her own harem, so she would basically use Steele as a way to practice being a dom, whilst making them addicted to her cum. Eventually, the addiction would reach a peak, and she would let you choose to be in her harem and become fully addicted. Problem is, there was no real choice.

If you said no, she would jump you, and force the cum down your throat, getting you addicted anyway! And you would have to consume her cum on a regular basis, or suffer stat penalties. Basically Jerynn, except either way, you loose.

So, yeah. You can probably see why I would think that was bullshit.

But beta dzaan don't have addictive cum, they don't even have dicks.

 

[TFMaster]

But beta dzaan don't have addictive cum, they don't even have dicks.

Try telling that to Kaska, Kaska has always been a mystery to me since Alpha Dzaan have horns and Betas don’t yet Kaska doesn’t have horns and she’s an Alpha? I don’t know I just figured that since she didn’t have any horns that she was a Beta and used Throbb to grow a big dick and because of her Dzaan heritage got addictive cum as well. Of course I could just be missing something and Kaska just had her horns removed, or she could just be depicted without them, or maybe not all Alphas have horns just some of them. IDK I’m so confused!

 

[moobere]

Try telling that to Kaska, Kaska has always been a mystery to me since Alpha Dzaan have horns and Betas don’t yet Kaska doesn’t have horns and she’s an Alpha? I don’t know I just figured that since she didn’t have any horns that she was a Beta and used Throbb to grow a big dick and because of her Dzaan heritage got addictive cum as well. Of course I could just be missing something and Kaska just had her horns removed, or she could just be depicted without them, or maybe not all Alphas have horns just some of them. IDK I’m so confused!

I don't belive betas have addicting cum...so she has too be a alpha, maybe she shaves them down?

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Look, I don't remember exactly what kind of dzaan she was. She was fucking loaded, so she may have been able to afford the mods. All i remember was that she started out kinda nervous and ok, bit dommy but still nice, and slowly became worst and worse to the point of potentially forcing someone against their will into a lifetime of literal physical dependency.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Would you happen to have a link to the original doc or thread? Wouldn't mind checking this out myself.

Sorry pal, but it was so long ago i cant even remember the bitches name.

 

[NotYouNorI]

Try telling that to Kaska, Kaska has always been a mystery to me since Alpha Dzaan have horns and Betas don’t yet Kaska doesn’t have horns and she’s an Alpha? I don’t know I just figured that since she didn’t have any horns that she was a Beta and used Throbb to grow a big dick and because of her Dzaan heritage got addictive cum as well. Of course I could just be missing something and Kaska just had her horns removed, or she could just be depicted without them, or maybe not all Alphas have horns just some of them. IDK I’m so confused!

The fuck are you talking about? Dzaan Alphas don't have outright horns. Dzaan can have karotinous growths/nubs/formations/ridges scattered all over their body. And all three dzaan alphas have them, Kaska included.

But the defining factor for an Dzaan to be an alpha is the dick and balls.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Actually, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure there was mention of her using mods. I think. I dunno.

 

[TFMaster]

The fuck are you talking about? Dzaan Alphas don't have outright horns. Dzaan can have karotinous growths/nubs/formations/ridges scattered all over their body. And all three dzaan alphas have them, Kaska included.

But the defining factor for an Dzaan to be an alpha is the dick and balls.

Oh I guess I just missed that part of the Codex.

Edit: Oh wait I never even read the Codex.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

Oh I guess I just missed that part of the Codex.

Edit: Oh wait I never even read the Codex.

Got Em.

Trying to get the thread back on topic. How do people feel about the current content? How does her character feel? Anything you like/dislike about her conversations? Anything you like/dislike about her sex content?

 

[Farscapeman]

Got Em.

Trying to get the thread back on topic. How do people feel about the current content? How does her character feel? Anything you like/dislike about her conversations? Anything you like/dislike about her sex content?

I mean I'm obviously biased as I just love D'Zaan and I'm desperate for more content for them. But to try to be more helpful, I like her personality a lot, she's really fun. There's a natural feel to the conversation I like. Sex content wise, I like what's there so far. I can keep you posted on that if you like.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

Boop.

First a thanks and a shout out to the dudes/dudettes who keep throwing in helpful comments in the doc.

I mean I'm obviously biased as I just love D'Zaan and I'm desperate for more content for them. But to try to be more helpful, I like her personality a lot, she's really fun. There's a natural feel to the conversation I like. Sex content wise, I like what's there so far. I can keep you posted on that if you like.

Any help or criticism is appreciated friend.

4/14 Update: Denial and Fuck Toy done. (But still in the WIP area due to me constantly finding small bits I want to change.) I didn't write much the past week and half on Luca because I was hit by inspiration for another OC character. I hit writers block with it after about 30 pages so I came back to Luca nice and refreshed. For Luca I have about 4 more sex scenes left to write, 1 Bad End, and a bajillion blurbs for Submission and Cum Addiction. After that's done I need to clean up dialogue and do another once over before asking editors to take a look and help out.

 

[Farscapeman]

Boop.

First a thanks and a shout out to the dudes/dudettes who keep throwing in helpful comments in the doc.



Any help or criticism is appreciated friend.

4/14 Update: Denial and Fuck Toy done. (But still in the WIP area due to me constantly finding small bits I want to change.) I didn't write much the past week and half on Luca because I was hit by inspiration for another OC character. I hit writers block with it after about 30 pages so I came back to Luca nice and refreshed. For Luca I have about 4 more sex scenes left to write, 1 Bad End, and a bajillion blurbs for Submission and Cum Addiction. After that's done I need to clean up dialogue and do another once over before asking editors to take a look and help out.

Great news. BTW, who is the new character?

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

@Farscapeman her name is Lisette and the doc involves going through 2 dungeons. Turns out I'm really like churning out non smut related text. Right now its a super rough draft so I'm not fully comfortable post a doc to the forums yet.

Edit Update: Found an old scene I wrote for Luca about a year ago. With tweaks I managed to make it work for Cum Dump! Yay. Only 4 sex scenes left.

 

[moobere]

@Farscapeman her name is Lisette and the doc involves going through 2 dungeons. Turns out I'm really like churning out non smut related text. Right now its a super rough draft so I'm not fully comfortable post a doc to the forums yet.

Edit Update: Found an old scene I wrote for Luca about a year ago. With tweaks I managed to make it work for Cum Dump! Yay. Only 3 scenes left.

I have to say i absolutely love everything so far its amazing someone is writing for the Dzaan now...makes me wanna cry.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

I have to say i absolutely love everything so far its amazing someone is writing for the Dzaan now...makes me wanna cry.

Thanks dude. Do you have any critiques or suggestions? Any edits or changes you would make?

Edit Update 4/15: Submission and Cum Addiction blurbs done

 

[moobere]

Thanks dude. Do you have any critiques or suggestions? Any edits or changes you would make?

Edit Update 4/15: Submission and Cum Addiction blurbs done

I haven't throughly read through the new stuff just skimmed with the family over atm i don't have much time for lewds. Ill see if there is anything i can suggest tomorrow after work

 

[Medge]

I was browsing the forums and realized you're writing again. Glad you're back @RequiemForAMeme . Scanning the doc, and I can't wait till its in game.