[Submitted] Sugo, the Effeminate Centaur (Male/Trap)

[BubbleLord]

Now that Sugo is out of his initial creation state, I've moved him to a new thread to handle his submission. Any comments here should be aimed directly at the document's contents and the character, whether constructive or just passing. Below, you can find a summary of the document.

Sugo, the Trappy Centaur

• Effeminate, blouse-wearing blonde horse boy.
• 2 Scenes: Ride That Taur (Fucking His Butt, 1750 total words) and Coax Out Stud (Get anally crammed by his dick, 2500 total words)
• Can discuss his stall and clothing and offers the PC a smiling face within Hawkthorne's marketplace.
• Offers support for dick-wielders in most scenes, with some mentions of the vagoo scattered or focused on for brief periods.

My main goal with Sugo is to complete someone very basic that can serve as a nice early entry bit of content. Future content for him will be in a separate document if it ever comes about, but that would be down the road. I'm not opposed, however, to getting feedback for those things as long as you provide commentary for the current state of the submission.

Editing him currently is my primary focus and whilst I love ideas, getting Sugo actually finished rather than left in the wind is a big thing for me. Editing will include looking for typos, expanding the scenes via better pacing and additional parser support, and generally just trying to improve things in whatever manner possible.

So please, fap and lemme know what you think. With luck, Sugo can only get better and will be one of the coolest first submissions to CoC2. But probably not, since like... everyone else is also doin' stuff and has more experience writing within the lewd context.

 

[BubbleLord]

Upon @Savin's request and some discussion, Sugo will now start/be introduced via encounter. Once encountered, the PC can free and allow Sugo to move in. This should make him a bit LESS generic while also providing some tools for explaining things like his caparison (a cover for a horse) since so many people seem to have been highlighting it and most-likely searching it to figure out what the fuck it was. This will also tie into some story elements better, while also fitting a bit more in-line with the design document's outline on things not just BEING THE SEX and further help to set-up Sugo as a more believable NPC to rub uglies and interact with.

The encounter's outline is basically as follows.

• Random chance encounter in the Old Forest (1st region)
• Meet Sugo, who's stuck in some trees
• PC has the option of [Get Help] or [Push].
• If choosing [Push], the PC will get the option of [Squeeze] and [Just Don't].
• After either [Get Help] or one of the prior two options, Sugo will relocate to the town and open his stall.

Very simple path of events, but it should help eliminate some problems immediately with him and will take very little effort to actually write out. Still going to be taking any feedback and help for the other sections, of course, as the majority of them (barring some mentions to him living in town) will likely remain unchanged.

 

[BubbleLord]

Encounter content added. Resuming my editing exploration of the the document.

 

[BubbleLord]

1st Rough Draft Editing Complete
Here's simple outline of changes for anyone interested.

• Encounter created, allowing the PC to meet Sugo in the Old Forest. You can either have some residents of Hawkthorne rescue him or do it personally.
• Created new introduction scene that plays when you meet him in town.
• Sex Scene Fixes
  • [Ride That Taur] - Fixed pacing problems, bringing word count to 2,000 words. Additional small fixes and grammar fixes scattered throughout the scene.
  • [Coax Out Stud] - Various small fixes and rewording to better explain or make simplified reading. No additional content. A few additional parsers used to replace corresponding sections (face replaced with pc.face).
  • [Both Scenes] - Parted and split into three sections via usage of [Next] divisions. Preparing -> Majority of Sex Leading to Climax -> Actual Climax and Exit.
• Talk Scene Fixes
  • [All Scenes] - Removal of original background (such as him being a natural-born resident of Hawkthorne) and adjustments to mentions of his caparison. Characters can't walk around naked, after all. His caparison (the cloth covering his horse-half) now prevents people from seeing his cock until they get super close. This is my first idea for adjusting it to better fit the design of CoC2's new "society rules", but it's possible that these may undergo brief re-writes if this fix isn't deemed viable by DA BIG BOYZ.

Proceeding to 2nd Rough Draft - Editing will focus primarily on typo fixes, with a secondary focus on removing things deemed unnecessary or any final modifications to smaller sections of his content (such as if the caparison edit is deemed unfit).

 

[BubbleLord]

Mid-Draft Update

• Addition of a Dark Knight (high corruption personality) option for those of you who encounter Sugo and want to help free him by fucking his butt. I've opted to leave this section unavailable for other players, as it's intended to just be a one-off appeaser for people who somehow get to an extremely high corruption level before encountering Sugo.
• Tons of parser fixes and additions. Like way too many. I've also color-coded every bit of my parsers, so it should be easy to tell where they are at all times.
• Removed a TOTALLY PLANNED Ivris cameo.
• Added multiple silly mode parsers.
• Around 85% of my personal re-writing has been completed, as I swept back through the article fixing typos and finding better ways to write things.

Should have an update tomorrow at some point after I get feedback from additional writers and GOOD SAMARITANS, likely with what will be the "final" draft stage.

 

[Wsan]

This is good. I'll help out with editing stuff tomorrow.

 

[Reptillicus]

Wowie! You're trying to write for the game?! And goodness me it sounds very solid. I wish I was brave enough to give it a shot myself... but I'll be rooting for you!

 

[BubbleLord]

2nd Rough Draft Editing Complete
Alrighty, so with some help from @Wsan, @Freed85, and some intense content prowling, I'm content to say that the 2nd Draft state is over. Here's a summary of what changed between the 1st and 2nd draft.

• Aforementioned Dark Knight path, for cheaters/unlucky corrupt PCs that run into Sugo somehow after progressing to basically max corruption.
• Addition of (currently) unimplemented parsers that should greatly expand the diverse output options based on player bodies. This is things like the addition of [hands] and [arms]. These were always intended to be in, but were not on the list. Bhanks to @Upcast Drake for dealing with me and bumping out parser information and even creating one or two (I think) that allowed some neat stuff and will likely provide for other writers down the line.
• A new [Appearance] section, which I think is much better in both describing Sugo and fits more in-line with the norms of CoC's writing mannerisms. It was loosely based on the presentation/format used for Aina in TiTS, but obviously modified and enhanced to better describe our FLOOF HORSE (some people may not have known it, but Sugo has fluffy legs like an Irish horse or a Clydesdale).
• A massive, massive tense correction effort. Freed helped a little, but this was really a big help from Wsan. Combined, I think I've fixed roughly 400+ tense-related issues from entirely wrong states of a word (were and are, was and is). I believe there's still some buried in the writing, but I think we've overall cracked the nut. I took it personally and have read through it nearly three times myself, improving and rewriting sentences as needed to better catch the tenses and fix a lot of problems.
• Some silly mode content was laced in.

Proceeding to 3rd/Final Draft
This stage will be primarily tossing it around and getting feedback from those who read the entire thing. It's basically a quality check, opinions on it, and some small tweaks.

Once this draft completes, I will be submitting it officially and waiting to hear the word =3=/ so stay tuned. I'll be updating this thread once it's submitted, rather than providing updates on it. This is because, obviously, the 3rd draft will be mostly uneventful/minute changes that really aren't worth talkin' on.

Small stretch, boys and girls. And I'm not talking about the PC taking Sugo up their bum!

 

[LFox]

Looks good to me, hope it makes it in the game. My only real suggestion would be to add the ability to use female pronouns on him like Rubi from CoC and maybe even the ability for a breast TF later on down the line if you're not against that. Not sure if its your thing but if you're looking to include weird fetishes in expansions a centaur is one of the few with large enough dicks to handle urethra fucking. Considering the character is a trap I imagine that would work fairly well.

 

[Wsan]

Good work with your content.

 

[BubbleLord]

Looks good to me, hope it makes it in the game. My only real suggestion would be to add the ability to use female pronouns on him like Rubi from CoC and maybe even the ability for a breast TF later on down the line if you're not against that. Not sure if its your thing but if you're looking to include weird fetishes in expansions a centaur is one of the few with large enough dicks to handle urethra fucking. Considering the character is a trap I imagine that would work fairly well.

I figured this would come up. And now that it has... well...

Sugo will not identify as a female, except MAYBE in silly-mode content.

I made this choice from the onset and it's entirely part of why I flavored his encounter later on as YOU thinking he's a girl. Despite how he's an effeminated trap, Sugo from the ground up was designed with the mentality that he can take dick and be "a good bitch" without saying he is a she. A big reason for this is his sexuality being what it is: he doesn't view himself as a girl, just a fan of huge dick and tight buttholes.

I don't feel breast TFing him is very fitting (his blouse wouldn't fit and he does love that shit :L plus it's in contrast to above as well), but that at least is a plausible avenue. I do think it unlikely, but if there were the right context? Maybe he could grow tits.

If someone approaches me and can work to create something under some character guidance, then they can write a urethra thing. That kind of stuff isn't my fetish at all (which is odd since I have a body-size fetish), but it's not as if I'd think Sugo wouldn't try it under the right conditions. I do expect a pretty good quality bar, though, so I'd hope whoever wants to do that would understand the need to deliver.

Good work with your content.

Thanks for making Brint a big gay

Thanks bud.

 

[Kaiku]

I thought there was a serious lack of centaur content in CoC, so I can really appreciate this. Had a skim through the doc, and all seems well (aside from some personal preference issues, which are small... and personal preference). Hope it makes it in.

 

[BubbleLord]

I thought there was a serious lack of centaur content in CoC, so I can really appreciate this. Had a skim through the doc, and all seems well (aside from some personal preference issues, which are small... and personal preference). Hope it makes it in.

Oof :O missed this one right as I was makin' replies.

If you have personal preferences that you think are small, I encourage you to mention them into the doc. While it may be true that they may seem small, it may also be that I agree with you. Commenting on the doc with your opinions is precisely what this stage is for.

 

[Kaiku]

Well, the biggest one is more a generic criticism not specifically tied to this encounter. But I've often felt that CoC over-relies on the parser info, which often makes encounters read a bit silly and... 'stiff'. I'm sure (I hope) you recognize those instances in CoC where, for example, every mention of balls has this prefix 'cantaloupe-sized', over and over again. That doesn't read well or organically and is also completely unnecessary to be repeated. Same with breast size, dick size/shape, and everything else. In normal stories, after the first description, it's often enough (and in my opinion better) to just say 'cock' or 'tits' or whatever - no matter what they look like -, and I do believe that in the end, these encounters are meant to be read as if they were normal/natural stories, in that, I shouldn't really be able to tell when something is parsed.

So in this encounter, to give just an example, I've noticed that every time your character's eyes are mentioned, it's with the [pc.eyes] parse. But I don't need to be told each time that my eyes are blue. Sometimes just saying 'eyes' works fine too (or cock, or balls, etc).

But, like I said, this is very much personal preference, and this is really general CoC writing criticism. And admittedly, often the parser info is to blame for being super awkward (descriptions like 'cantaloupe-sized' are just a bit weird).

I may go through the doc again later for some more specific nitpicking.

 

[BubbleLord]

Well, the biggest one is more a generic criticism not specifically tied to this encounter. But I've often felt that CoC over-relies on the parser info, which often makes encounters read a bit silly and... 'stiff'. I'm sure (I hope) you recognize those instances in CoC where, for example, every mention of balls has this prefix 'cantaloupe-sized', over and over again. That doesn't read well or organically and is also completely unnecessary to be repeated. Same with breast size, dick size/shape, and everything else. In normal stories, after the first description, it's often enough (and in my opinion better) to just say 'cock' or 'tits' or whatever - no matter what they look like -, and I do believe that in the end, these encounters are meant to be read as if they were normal/natural stories, in that, I shouldn't really be able to tell when something is parsed.

So in this encounter, to give just an example, I've noticed that every time your character's eyes are mentioned, it's with the [pc.eyes] parse. But I don't need to be told each time that my eyes are blue. Sometimes just saying 'eyes' works fine too (or cock, or balls, etc).

But, like I said, this is very much personal preference, and this is really general CoC writing criticism. And admittedly, often the parser info is to blame for being super awkward (descriptions like 'cantaloupe-sized' are just a bit weird).

I may go through the doc again later for some more specific nitpicking.

Well, there's a big thing to know about when it comes to parsers. I do understand what you mean, but a solution is simply a bigger word pool for parsers to pull from. This is something that greatly improved in TiTS, where more descriptors were assigned to things which essentially allowed a more dynamic pull (I'm pretty sure) and resulted in less of the "repeating parsers".

A big example of this is [pc.eyes] doesn't always mean it will return the color. It could literally return JUST "eyes". I may be wrong on THIS specific parser, but I know from TiTS that parsers function in that manner. This is especially true in things like "pussy" and so on. There IS a chance to pop a basic one, but it tends to be weighted via the parser (we had "CHASTE" parsers in TiTS that consisted of only the more drawnback/vanilla descriptors).

I do appreciate the input, though. I'll take a look back and see EXACTLY how many times some of these parsers are used. Depending on how it all looks, I'll figure out if/where I may be able to revert these mentions to a more default mention.

 

[Kaiku]

Ah. I couldn't get into TiTS, so I'm a bit out of the loop on that one, but that does sound like a big improvement. I was reminded of some CoC encounters that I felt were unreadable because the whole thing consisted of this "Your 20-inch mushroom-flared horsecock... while your cantaloupe-sized gonads..." ridiculousness, which I always felt was such a shame as the encounter wasn't even necessarily written badly.

For what it's worth, I don't think this encounter is in such a parser hell as it is, and if it also occasionally returns some of those default mentions it should probably be fine.

 

[LFox]

I figured this would come up. And now that it has... well...

Sugo will not identify as a female, except MAYBE in silly-mode content.

I made this choice from the onset and it's entirely part of why I flavored his encounter later on as YOU thinking he's a girl. Despite how he's an effeminated trap, Sugo from the ground up was designed with the mentality that he can take dick and be "a good bitch" without saying he is a she. A big reason for this is his sexuality being what it is: he doesn't view himself as a girl, just a fan of huge dick and tight buttholes.

I don't feel breast TFing him is very fitting (his blouse wouldn't fit and he does love that shit :L plus it's in contrast to above as well), but that at least is a plausible avenue. I do think it unlikely, but if there were the right context? Maybe he could grow tits.

If someone approaches me and can work to create something under some character guidance, then they can write a urethra thing. That kind of stuff isn't my fetish at all (which is odd since I have a body-size fetish), but it's not as if I'd think Sugo wouldn't try it under the right conditions. I do expect a pretty good quality bar, though, so I'd hope whoever wants to do that would understand the need to deliver.

That's fair enough and completely understandable. I just had to say it. I didn't see anything talking about it so I apologise if I missed it.

 

[crazyzealots]

One question about the "Coax Out Stud" encounter- how does the part around the end with his cum slathering your genitals deal with the "shemale" gender for the wyld elves? Does the auto-gender feature handle this? Because I'd rather not have cum all over a non-existent pussy, though I know that this is a very minor thing, so if setting the gender to male before the scene is the best choice, that's fine.

 

[BubbleLord]

One question about the "Coax Out Stud" encounter- how does the part around the end with his cum slathering your genitals deal with the "shemale" gender for the wyld elves? Does the auto-gender feature handle this? Because I'd rather not have cum all over a non-existent pussy, though I know that this is a very minor thing, so if setting the gender to male before the scene is the best choice, that's fine.

That's an artifact manner that I did the parsers that actually DOES require fixing (there was a specific fix I did to these sections in my mercenary document).

Since it was pointed out, expect it to be fixed hopefully before it gets coded and tossed in. Worst case, it'll be the first submitted bug fixing. Basically, though, the new parser handles I set-up via the Mercenary doc tracks specifically for parts, which these were originally written under the assumption of doing.

TLDR: You won't need to set your gender to male or anything, that was just a relic from this being my first attempt at something and before a whole ton of knowledge was around via what parsers did what.

 

[BubbleLord]

As stated, all previous mentions of [pc.isHerm], [pc.isMale], and [pc.isFemale] has been edited out for the part-fetching parser. Now, regardless of gender, the scenes should feed back a parsed response based on your parts.

To explain it for those that may not understand, my parser effectively goes from 3 individual parsers to 1 parser with another inside it. Below is the posted example, for those who might be curious how I solved this problem and made it so that it should (theoretically) check for parts specifically. It should be noted that the parser is spaced out so that it's cleared up, but it should give those learning a pretty clear-cut way to easily set-up three sets of genitalia parser reads.

[pc.hasCock | [pc.hasVagina | herm stuff goes here | guy stuff go here|] | female stuff goes here|]