New race the Fluffuls!

[Dragonice]

The Flufful and Alderine. An idea in the making for two new races. Flufful are based on sea bunnies, which is a fluffy slug in the sea. It's cute as fuck. Alderine are a hybrid of plant and ifrit to create an alien like creature. They have a lot of similarities to other things in the game, but I'm hoping the contents can separate them apart. They're very tribal yet they're very technologically advanced. Their superstitions and beliefs keep them that way.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bV66gCE6i_v_Jd0pYxjBTXIDbBMO_CCzfnqfmT3_Wes/edit?usp=drivesdk

 

[Paradox01]

Well, your idea sounds cool, but BOY do you need an editor. The fact that you misspelled "write"...

Of course it's still is just an idea in the making but I am determined to wright something awesome.

...didn't fill me with confidence from the get-go. What I read of the Google doc confirmed it. Google docs has a "Spelling and Grammar Checker" function (under "Tools"), but even that won't catch things like referring to a ring of tails as a "ring of antennas".

I'm not saying this to be mean, Dragonice, please don't be discouraged. I'm a former writer myself, and no one ever improved their writing skills with "Eh, it's okay" level feedback.

If you want, give me a day or two with the doc and I can go through it and make some notes.

 

[Savin]

This is.... pretty dire.

 

[Paradox01]

This is.... pretty dire.

I have seen worse...

 

[Dragonice]

Welp I thought I that I have improved at least a little. However I am never discouraged! I will do my best to fix this! I still suck like always but whatever. I was tired at the time I was working on stuff. I'll restart the docs and use the old idea as a reference. That's why this is still an idea.

 

[Dragonice]

This is.... pretty dire.

Canadian: It's a dire document. It's like a document.. But it's dire.

 

[Evil]

This might seem brutal, but I'm going to be honest.

- You haven't made anything unique. You've made short Kui-tan with moth ears with a heavy dash of Korgonne.
- You think you've improved, you haven't. The sheer number of spelling and grammatical mistakes show that.
- Your ideas feel like they were just thrown into the document as soon as you thought of them. This makes them look half baked and lazy, like you've picked bits and pieces from other TiTS races and chucked them into a blender. You don't have something new, just something that looks like if someone drank that as a health drink, they'll start throwing up.

You can take the following tips as a starting point when you start a project, or you can just ignore them, your choice.
- Think. You have a brain, use it. Don't just throw an idea done and think its done. Think about it, develop it. Think about what can be trimmed, what can be expanded upon.
- Research. A lot of what you've written just feels like the kind of thing people have a vague knowledge of. That's sloppy and it affects the rest of the document. Research tribal societies, where they live and what challenges they face on a daily basis. Research. Research. Research.
- Get an editor. For fuck's sake, get an editor before you submit a document. Or just get someone to read over what you've written. You might not like what edits they suggest, but they are there to help you.

Take this on board, or don't. You're choice.

 

[Paradox01]

This might seem brutal, but I'm going to be honest.

Jesus, dude, seriously? That shit wasn't necessary. Comments like, "You don't have something new, just something that looks like if someone drank that as a health drink, they'll start throwing up" are unhelpful in the extreme, not to mention nonsensical. You've gone from giving helpful and honest feedback to tearing him down personally with shitty similes. It is possible to be brutally honest without being a dick. You were this close.

Take my advice or not, it's your choice.

 

[OofS]

Okay, the huge problem I see here is that the codex is combined with the encounter and that they spawn on Tarvos (Why?). I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a serious encounter or a sillymode encounter, because it all reads between text speech and putting thoughts into the player’s head.

To be honest, I really liked this race’s concept. They reminded me of nudibranchs. That was, until you decided to add other stuff, like the Alderine and chance encounters on most of the planets. Like @Evil said, it looked like you threw in last minute things that you didn’t introduce on the first draft of the doc. You also need to improve on your writing. It’s really not that hard to capitalize something, it really isn’t. There’s a wiki to look up the correct spelling for each planet and a ton of online tools you can use for editing purposes- Quillbot, Virtual Writing Tutor, ProWritingAid, etc.

I’ll admit, I started off like you. I was told Stella Luna’s doc was a mess and a snowflake from one of the creators I looked up to. It hurt, but I didn’t stop me from improving. I put effort in it and went to actual forum members for editing and feedback. I got online tools to help my writing and fix my style more. Overall, it made my writing more appealing than it was back in August 2019. What got me such a drive to do it all? It was inspiration from Nonesuch’s Fanfir, Gene, Kiyoko and the Red Myr. If I didn’t had such a motive, I would of drop dead like the other newcomers who tried and failed.

In the end, you have a cute race concept, but it went into the direction I wasn’t hoping for.

 

[Dragonice]

First- yes it appears I have made zero progress at all. Lol. I thought that I made a little bit. Oh well.

Second- I was fully aware of the errors. I wanted to put my ideas down quickly so I could make it into something later. I shared it with the public too quickly without looking over it first. So it did look lazy, you are correct. I did throw my ideas down. I plan to work on this plenty. I never for a second thought I had a finished idea. I simply wanted people to look over it.

Third- Flufful are based on sea bunnies, if you look them up they're cute sea slugs. Slugs are known to be hermaphrodites with oddly large body to dick ratio. They're actually not random at all, well sort of.
Four- Do not fear.. I believe I just got an editor for my laptop.

Five- the point of an idea or new race is to make content on it. So yes I kept the codex and content together. I can separate the two at any time. I will. More research is needed. More indeed.

Six- I like honesty. It's better to know a problem than it is to be blind to it. How can I make this a unique thing. Hmm... The gears are turning.

 

[Dragonice]

I reworked and fixed a ton of stuff using a grammar editor, so it should look cleaned up and much better looking. I still don't have much to really define them as not being short kuitan x korgoone but it's more then what it was before. It's a start I think.