I love the big tiddy goth girl, but I just have a few criticisms if that's okay.
It seems a little bit odd, offering Jane a job when we know nothing about her other than she doesn't want to get her hands dirty. Like, we know nothing about her, what she's skilled at or even what she wants to do. Plus, our PC isn't even head of the company yet so I don't think we have any say over who gets hired. Our PC could get a mini-quest from Steele tech employee (like Anno or etc.) and need Janes' skills to complete it (which leads to her getting hired) or something along those lines if you want an idea on how to do that, but at the minute it reads a little odd.
The other criticism I have is that Kind personality isn't exactly... kind? I don't know. I always play a kind PC, but the way you've written some of the dialogue is really rubbing me the wrong way. I grabbed some examples from your doc and tried to explain where I thought you were going wrong.
"I'm trying to be nice here, y’know. Maybe you could help me on my little adventure, and I could give you a share of my profits?" You suggest, trying to get her interested.
'I'm trying to be nice here, y'know.' is so dickish. Also, very sleazy. If you're not sure how to write a nice PC bragging, you can make it so only mischievous or hard PC's can do it. But if you want the option open, maybe just remove the first line.
so maybe if you at least try to return my kindness
Again, you're running into the sleazy territory. The way you write a nice PC reminds me a lot of the 'nice guy' stereotype. If you don't know what that is, it's the kind of guy that at first comes across as nice (And does things like hold open doors, compliments you, wants to listen to your problems) but then expects a relationship or sex in return for their 'kindness'. Basically, dudes who expect women to reward them for basic friendship things with sex or romance and complain about being put into the 'friendzone' or being unappreciated because they didn't get a blowjob after buying lunch for a girl.
You don't need the PC to state that they're being nice or kind, but to actually be it. When the PC tells Jane that they're being such a good person, it comes across as disingenuous.
Actually, after reviewing it again, I think I know where it's rubbing me the wrong way. You keep getting the PC to tell Jane that they're being nice to her, which makes it come across less like they're being genuine, and more like I was nice to you now you've got to do something for me. It feels manipulative, not kind. That's the vibe I'm getting from it, anyway.
I love the big tiddy goth girl, but I just have a few criticisms if that's okay.
It seems a little bit odd, offering Jane a job when we know nothing about her other than she doesn't want to get her hands dirty. Like, we know nothing about her, what she's skilled at or even what she wants to do. Plus, our PC isn't even head of the company yet so I don't think we have any say over who gets hired. Our PC could get a mini-quest from Steele tech employee (like Anno or etc.) and need Janes' skills to complete it (which leads to her getting hired) or something along those lines if you want an idea on how to do that, but at the minute it reads a little odd.
The other criticism I have is that Kind personality isn't exactly... kind? I don't know. I always play a kind PC, but the way you've written some of the dialogue is really rubbing me the wrong way. I grabbed some examples from your doc and tried to explain where I thought you were going wrong.
'I'm trying to be nice here, y'know.' is so dickish. Also, very sleazy. If you're not sure how to write a nice PC bragging, you can make it so only mischievous or hard PC's can do it. But if you want the option open, maybe just remove the first line.
Again, you're running into the sleazy territory. The way you write a nice PC reminds me a lot of the 'nice guy' stereotype. If you don't know what that is, it's the kind of guy that at first comes across as nice (And does things like hold open doors, compliments you, wants to listen to your problems) but then expects a relationship or sex in return for their 'kindness'. Basically, dudes who expect women to reward them for basic friendship things with sex or romance and complain about being put into the 'friendzone' or being unappreciated because they didn't get a blowjob after buying lunch for a girl.
You don't need the PC to state that they're being nice or kind, but to actually be it. When the PC tells Jane that they're being such a good person, it comes across as disingenuous.
Actually, after reviewing it again, I think I know where it's rubbing me the wrong way. You keep getting the PC to tell Jane that they're being nice to her, which makes it come across less like they're being genuine, and more like I was nice to you now you've got to do something for me. It feels manipulative, not kind. That's the vibe I'm getting from it, anyway.
Edited so the PC seems less dickish. I'm not all the great at conversations, in case it wasn't obvious. I won't be annoyed if you mention other weird bits, so don't hesitate.
First off,thanks for rubber made, the silicone and nymphoe content! Easily some of my faves.
Second, is everything in the silicone doc implemented? I cant seem to activate any doll maker or ball scenes(or the dakimakura scene). If not,is it getting in soon(TM)?
Lastly,you rock!
First off,thanks for rubber made, the silicone and nymphoe content! Easily some of my faves.
Second, is everything in the silicone doc implemented? I cant seem to activate any doll maker or ball scenes(or the dakimakura scene). If not,is it getting in soon(TM)?
Lastly,you rock!
I didn't actually make rubber made, but I am writing another method to getting black latex. Everything in black in the silicone doc is implemented, so no daki... yet. Maybe next month. Strange ball and doll maker are currently unfinished, and will not be added until probably June or July. Still hard to say, though.
I didn't actually make rubber made, but I am writing another method to getting black latex. Everything in black in the silicone doc is implemented, so no daki... yet. Maybe next month. Strange ball and doll maker are currently unfinished, and will not be added until probably June or July. Still hard to say, though.
Ah yeah i brain farted there for rubber made. June or July is a short time to wait all things considered! Hope your vanae content gets re-reviewed as well! Finally, consider having a more drastic latex/rubber tf from doll maker than just surface latex skin. Cheers.
