Naleen Orgy +, Halloween Submission (WIP)

[Natemare]

So I felt that the Naleen Orgy could do with some extra love'n. I'm adding two new scenes, as well as an easier way to gain access to the original Naleen orgy scene, without having to lose a fight. The scenes that I have in mind are a Bukkake Orgy with the Male Naleens and a Group Centipede with everyone involved. So far I have finished the Bukkake scene.

Now, I do not wright often and this is my first smut, so excuse the errors. speaking of errors, I'd love to get feedback. However, I will not change the scene to others likings nor will I add additional scenes seeing that I don't think I could finish anything more. I've only done one of the two scenes so far as well as the introduction scene. I'll post updated links as I get them done.

Edit: I'm more focused on getting the actual scenes done first. I will work on the parser to the best of my ability later.

Heres the current doc:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AP1psASYROwUVXlV9ohElUwwiZ0lQuupsWr0uu-z_MA/edit?usp=sharing

Also, left it so you can comment.

PROGRESS:

I have gotten both of the stories completed, but they need to be refined still. I will be looking at the suggestion people have posted below and take them into consideration as I complete this story. I will also try to look into propper Parsers later, and try my hand at them.

PROGRESS 2:

I have completed the story and will have posted its link into the event submissions. I would change the title from WIP to Submitted, but I have no idea how to.

 

[Zarileigh]

Your writing is pretty alright.

But, to mention the naleen lore, the whole naleen fucking is about mating balls like in Steph's scene.
I don't believe all the males would simply wait for a Steele sex god (which Steele isn't, isn't he/she?) to serve their dicks one or two after another and another. They would go for every hole they could reach.

And what about the bunch of females, that would be there? Would they just watch? Can't believe that, bc naleen are atm just a primitive race and their matings are a animalistic process.

I hope that is all understandable, I don't write or post in English very often.

 

[Natemare]

Your writing is pretty alright.

But, to mention the naleen lore, the whole naleen fucking is about mating balls like in Steph's scene.
I don't believe all the males would simply wait for a Steele sex god (which Steele isn't, isn't he/she?) to serve their dicks one or two after another and another. They would go for every hole they could reach.

And what about the bunch of females, that would be there? Would they just watch? Can't believe that, bc naleen are atm just a primitive race and their matings are a animalistic process.

I hope that is all understandable, I don't write or post in English very often.

Okay, yeah I didn't consider that the Naleen would probably not have that kind of patience.

I tried to introduce a couple of Female Naleens in the Bukkake Scene, not sure how well that worked out? It seems good in my eyes tho.