[Looking For Editors] Sex Scenes for local Dilf Foxo

[Magenta Needle]

Hello everybody. With the addition of a new zone and the vulperine village came Arened, local potter and caretaker of harpies, a man who earned the trust of the feathered bandits, a father for many of the Harpy Matrons' daughters and granddaughters, and also a potential partner for your champion.
Here's a little bundle of scenes that could fit him. As usual, I'd love to have some external input
to refine this submission, be it through edits, typo hunting, or helpful suggestions, any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

Arened Scenes

docs.google.com

 

[Knife-wielding Crab]

I've read through the blowjob scene and will do the rest later. It's nice to get some male NPC action in here and I like what I see so far.

Aside from the suggestions i left in the doc, my main criticism is the same as Ace's. I would like some more descriptive way of refering to the hunky dilf you're blowing. Instead of just using his name or "Daddy Neddy", break it up with something like "the handsome fox" or "the hunky man". Experimen!

 

[Ace Hangman]

Read through it. Lots of work in there. Lots of sex scenes. I am not into men, so these scenes aren't usually for me, but I caught what typos or grammar I could.

Things I noticed:
1. There will probably need to be an Appearance option to give a (more full) description of Arened. That's not on you, of course. That's likely on Savin or whomever Arened's writer is if your scenes get accepted. I am just mentioning that once that happens you'll need to check for any discrepancies in the descriptions, since I can't at this point.

2. I think you could take the entire intro from all the scenes; the parts where you talk about blowing off steam and he says he needs alone/intimate space and all the harpies go outside and you get on the bed and sink into its plushness, and you see Vasha's old artwork, and all that and put it first before the scene choices. Just when you click Sex, maybe do all that; combine the few variant words or lines into either one or set a [rand] parser to return or dole out one of the other lines occasionally (one time it's the baking excuse, the other is sledding, another time it's randomly fence painting, etc.). Get all that out of the way, then once you're in position in the bed, then choose the Blowjob, Missionary, etc. You may need to add a line or two transitioning from your spot on the bed for a couple, but that will serve you much better and get your wordcount down without you repeating all the paragraphs at the start of every choice. And sure, if you have a Back or Leave or Not Now option for changing your mind, it might seem a bit weird, but I think the benefits outweigh the awkwardness.

3. I think you overuse the [pc.bimbo| Daddy Neddy| Arened] parser choice. Just my opinion. Switch them up some. Add some other descriptions or words. There's about 48 uses of [pc.isBimbo|Daddy Neddy|Arened] spread over 5 scenes (6 with Pampering). That's still a whole lot of stuff. It reminded me of reading the Vulperine Hunter sex scenes. I saw the word 'todd' and went "Oh, cool! That's a new way to describe foxen. Very clever." After the 3rd time in two paragraphs, I was less thrilled. After that, it was basically every other adjective, alternating between 'todd' and 'vulperine', 'todd' and 'vulperine'. I think 'todd' was used about 32+ times (I didn't count). Anyway, not your problem.

Lots of good stuff here. Let's of tender, touching moments. And of course, these are almost all just the suggestions and opinions of one person. Others may feel different.