Jerynn

[Gedan]

Friends, minions, lend me your ears.

This thing started off as a "quick little extra bit with a kinky extra scene because why not" and quickly spiraled out of control. What should have been maybe 10 pages is now probably something like 40-45, and I've still got at least another 5-6k words to write before all the core parts are done. I will freely admit the writing is a bit spotty in places because this thing just fell out of my fingers in the space of a week.

Normally I wouldn't post this and I'd mostly self edit, but the sheer scale and speed that the scope for this has expanded will eat up far more time than I'd originally anticipated. Also the potential for me to have missed something important given the type of content this entails is pretty high, so I'd rather have more eyeballs.

I'll still give it a proper once over when I'm done (and probably reword a lot of it in the process, as is my style when it comes to writing- basically do everything at least three times), but I suspect I won't be as... careful as I usually am considering the size.

On with the show...

Jerynn is the polar (heh) opposite of Jerome. A forward, domineering taur woman with a donger. She does the same job as Jerome, but intended for the Glacial Rift. Part of her dragging you back to Irstead can involve doing it under her rather than slung over her back.

Which is where the featurecreep enters, stage left. Somebody said some words about petplay. I realised the way the PC takes the trip back whilst under her is basically a poor (wo)mans bitchsuit. So now Jerynn likes pet play. Which means every trip you take back to Irstead underslung results in her taking it progressively further until she makes it Steeles new position in life for good. (Bad End Pending™)

I've attempted to slam a bunch of warnings, heads ups and get out of jail free cards in the mix there, some of which I might actually pull out or change heavily. The point is she isn't a Kelt 2.0; she gives you the choice to do it after having experienced it some, and only really threatens to go further with it for your own protection.

Jerynn/Uveto Scout Authority Doc (The only bits to focus on are all the things directly involving Jerynn- this thing has a bunch of shit in about the cold damage and Jerome).

 

[Reaper113]

So is she only for submissive players to truly enjoy? since While I love me so big women and dominant to some extent and actually feel like Jerynn would be an interesting person to get to know I'll have to draw the line at becoming someone's bitch since I ain't a sub especially when it involves things going up my player's butt.

So yeah if there is any non sub content planned for her since I read that eyefuck scene man and would like to see more from her and not under her with a collar around my neck, a gut full of sperm and someone calling me their pet.

 

[Nonesuch]

So is she only for submissive players to truly enjoy? since While I love me so big women and dominant to some extent and actually feel like Jerynn would be an interesting person to get to know I'll have to draw the line at becoming someone's bitch since I ain't a sub especially when it involves things going up my player's butt.

So yeah if there is any non sub content planned for her since I read that eyefuck scene man and would like to see more from her and not under her with a collar around my neck, a gut full of sperm and someone calling me their pet.

This character doesn't have to appeal to dominants any more than Erra has to appeal to submissives. We really need to move beyond the idea that every character has to blandly cater to as many orientations as possible.

 

[Gedan]

So is she only for submissive players to truly enjoy? since While I love me so big women and dominant to some extent and actually feel like Jerynn would be an interesting person to get to know I'll have to draw the line at becoming someone's bitch since I ain't a sub especially when it involves things going up my player's butt.

So yeah if there is any non sub content planned for her since I read that eyefuck scene man and would like to see more from her and not under her with a collar around my neck, a gut full of sperm and someone calling me their pet.

Not every character should be favourable for all players and all content types. imo to do so would dilute everything down to utter blandness. I find it somewhat amusing how this always seems to be a one-way street; there are may people who will vocally support (all the way up to vehemently demand) that a dominant NPC be brought to heel expressly for their interests, but we virtually never hear requests the other way, for a submissive NPC to include more dominant scenes.

This character doesn't have to appeal to dominants any more than Erra has to appeal to submissives. We really need to move beyond the idea that every character has to blandly cater to as many orientations as possible.

e;fb

 

[Vargulf42]

Damn that was a good read, me gusta subby stuff.

 

[Reaper113]

All right fair but will players be able to interact and befriend her without becoming her bitch since like I said she seems like an interesting and cool person like the rest of the Uveto Scout team. And since seems like a dom from what I saw in her doc how about her and a dom steele having a threesome with a submissive throw away npc so they can bond in a different way Since once again I like the character.

And I don't know why people don't call for more dominant submissive npc but from the subs I seen they are mostly effeminate traps (del) or male on male content which is neither of my cup of tea but all the more to people who enjoy it while some doms want the player to change themselves completely aka eggslut but once again whoever likes that more to them just means more content I miss out on.

Also when it comes to dom vs sub I'm all for equal play but given a choice I choose dom since any sub content I've seen isn't something I personal enjoy aka being treated like dirt and belittled and calling people master/mister or being someone's pet but something consensual between the player and NPC in question like with syri or kaeda.

So yeah I enjoy Jerynn eyefuck scene and would like to see more of her

 

[Gedan]

All right fair but will players be able to interact and befriend her without becoming her bitch since like I said she seems like an interesting and cool person like the rest of the Uveto Scout team. And since seems like a dom from what I saw in her doc how about her and a dom steele having a threesome with a submissive throw away npc so they can bond in a different way Since once again I like the character.

And I don't know why people don't call for more dominant submissive npc but from the subs I seen they are mostly effeminate traps (del) or male on male content which is neither of my cup of tea but all the more to people who enjoy it while some doms want the player to change themselves completely aka eggslut but once again whoever likes that more to them just means more content I miss out on.

Also when it comes to dom vs sub I'm all for equal play but given a choice I choose dom since any sub content I've seen isn't something I personal enjoy aka being treated like dirt and belittled and calling people master/mister or being someone's pet but something consensual between the player and NPC in question like with syri or kaeda.

So yeah I enjoy Jerynn eyefuck scene and would like to see more of her

Consider the scope of this character, and how vastly it has outstripped its original intentions and yet doesn't even remotely approach the capacity to deal with a dominant player to "enjoy" their company. To do so, properly, would be tantamount to doubling the workload, and at that point it might as well involve writing a whole new character that can cater for it specifically because it massively simplifies the way each character interacts with the player.

Jerynn signposts heavily that she is dominant and the player is given ample opportunity to not engage if that isn't what they want. The way the content is written assumes that any point the player interacts with her by choice beyond the initial meeting in the bar, then they have more-or-less fully agreed to her playing the leading role entirely. I could argue that by making the choice to submit to her implicit plays directly into the hands of a player who wants submissive content by effectively moving the choice elsewhere leading to the appearance that the player has given up control. This is exactly how the underslung-riding offer is presented; it only comes up once the player has actually engaged her sexually through the bar events, acting as a key gate. Other choices are then either offered, or the players acceptance implied automatically based on yet further checks against other key content. Do I then fully lock away the PC-Dominant content? Or do I write two variants of the PC-Dominant content; one where the PC is considered an equal and one where the PC is considered just a slight step below Jerynn whilst you and her double team somebody? Because that feels like what I would have to do for it to make sense.

To put this another way, I feel like loading both PC-Submissive and PC-Dominant content onto a single character dramatically reduces the flexibility of either. And even if I were to go through the work of making it happen, and I somehow found a way to layer all of those choices in a way that is satisfactory for both sets of players, then the character starts to feel like it makes less sense.

At some point there will probably be another character at least of the same "race" as whatever Jerynn is. The balance of probability states that if I write that character, then it won't also be sexually dominant like Jerynn. Because if it was, I'd probably just be writing more scenes for Jerynn instead.

 

[Reaper113]

I didn't know how much was stripped away or that the workload would when comes to trying to adjust characters thank you for explaining.

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

At some point there will probably be another character at least of the same "race" as whatever Jerynn is.

Not having a race of buff and most likely ill tempered pony dragons would be a shame, so I'd definitely vote for that option over Jerrynn being modded.

But moving to the content:
I've found her sex scenes quite hot, if a bit too focused on the mechanics/feeling of penetration for my taste. Then again, I just barely dip my toes into being the target audience for this character, so what do I know.

It's not entirely clear (to me at least) how the Pet progression is going to be handled in case of PC interacting with Jerryn only through the off-duty bar scenes after getting into it somewhat. Especially in terms of the Bad End, since the 'I have to take away your freedom for your own good' narrative won't quite work there.

The Bad End is set up pretty nicely in terms of having enough turn back point. The scene where PC makes a contract and gives away their rights as it is right now carry a ton of awful implications, though.

And sadly, I won't be able to view this buff dragon pony as a true badass as long as this sits in her doc, even as a joke.

Spoiler

Eventually defeated by ur cousin who binds her up. Uses her as a walking trophy case to display the pc.

 

[Gedan]

I've found her sex scenes quite hot, if a bit too focused on the mechanics/feeling of penetration for my taste. Then again, I just barely dip my toes into being the target audience for this character, so what do I know.

A lot of it will probably change somewhat as I'm going back through it, although I'm always convinced my writing is 99% utter trash. This feels "worse" than usual though, probably because of the speed it's kind of fallen together.

It's not entirely clear (to me at least) how the Pet progression is going to be handled in case of PC interacting with Jerryn only through the off-duty bar scenes after getting into it somewhat. Especially in terms of the Bad End, since the 'I have to take away your freedom for your own good' narrative won't quite work there.

The plan™ is that it doesn't progress through bar contact. I figure you should at least be able to see some subsection of it once unlocked though, if for no other reason than I've tried to set it up to be somewhat modular, so if all else fails I can just tweak a few bits and lean on the rest.

The Bad End is set up pretty nicely in terms of having enough turn back point. The scene where PC makes a contract and gives away their rights as it is right now carry a ton of awful implications, though.

I didn't think too hard about it when I was doing it. It might not even stay; just a tangient idea that cropped up whilst I was smashing through things at a thousand miles an hour. I figure there should be some form of official something-or-other that states the way things are going to be, especially if the later parts of the bad end play out like I want them to, wherein she'll be off trapsing around and presumably will end up in places where it not being official would be somewhat problematic. If Reha can end up a lust-patch-addicted slut-socket thrown in a brothel to be forgotten about forever in the way she did, then I feel like "The Contract" as it stands is not too bad as an idea, it just might need to be more explicit/correct about what it's doing I guess.

And sadly, I won't be able to view this buff dragon pony as a true badass as long as this sits in her doc, even as a joke.

Spoiler

Eventually defeated by ur cousin who binds her up. Uses her as a walking trophy case to display the pc.

Note: my rough notes for shit I think of usually get canned entirely and replaced with something far better when I get that deep. That's how this whole thing started off after all

 

[Ethereal Dragon]

God damn it... reading the first scene is making my pants tight

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

A lot of it will probably change somewhat as I'm going back through it, although I'm always convinced my writing is 99% utter trash. This feels "worse" than usual though, probably because of the speed it's kind of fallen together.

I'd never call the writing in those scenes 'trash' or even bad. They just focus on an aspect I usually don't enjoy reading very lengthy descriptions of, that's all. To balance out this extremely subjective and not particularly helpful critique, I'll say that the details that focused on the experiences of coat/harness confinement/restrictions and on exhibition aspects were very nice.

I figure you should at least be able to see some subsection of it once unlocked though, if for no other reason than I've tried to set it up to be somewhat modular, so if all else fails I can just tweak a few bits and lean on the rest.

So, does that mean that the Pet who isn't suicidal and stupid enough to continuously freeze their ass half to death after relieving a clear warning from their Mistress will be able to enjoy max subbiness content indefinetely without slipping into a Bad End? If so - neat.

I didn't think too hard about it when I was doing it. It might not even stay; just a tangient idea that cropped up whilst I was smashing through things at a thousand miles an hour. I figure there should be some form of official something-or-other that states the way things are going to be, especially if the later parts of the bad end play out like I want them to, wherein she'll be off trapsing around and presumably will end up in places where it not being official would be somewhat problematic. If Reha can end up a lust-patch-addicted slut-socket thrown in a brothel to be forgotten about forever in the way she did, then I feel like "The Contract" as it stands is not too bad as an idea, it just might need to be more explicit/correct about what it's doing I guess.

Not sure if Reaha is a valid example here, since she is the case of indentured servant getting abused the shit of through not just contract loopholes, but outright violations and at the hands of one of the setting's Big (or at least Moderately Sized) Bads.

But more importantly, it's not the existence of extreme and officially recognized form of Dom-Sub contract that bugs me. After all, TiTS verse has its fair share of crazy sexual practices the rest of the populace for the most part just shrug and ignore.

It's the one-sided nature of the terms and the way it gets sealed that carries those implications IMO. PC just gives away everything with no guarantees or safety nets provided in return; and even more alarmingly, a video message recorded while being high on someone's dick is enough to do so.

I get the scene like that is super hot, but IMO it will work better as Jerynn recording a nice memento, while the official contract gets signed later (described pretty briefly) in a more proper environment like a last stop between hitting the hospital for modifications.

Note: my rough notes for shit I think of usually get canned entirely and replaced with something far better when I get that deep. That's how this whole thing started off after all

Your note on the nature of the notes in your docs is duly noted.

 

[JDeko]

but we virtually never hear requests the other way, for a submissive NPC to include more dominant scenes.

Maybe if I learn to stop asking for such things it will be EVEN MORE rare?!

 

[Gedan]

I'd never call the writing in those scenes 'trash' or even bad. They just focus on an aspect I usually don't enjoy reading very lengthy descriptions of, that's all. To balance out this extremely subjective and not particularly helpful critique, I'll say that the details that focused on the experiences of coat/harness confinement/restrictions and on exhibition aspects were very nice.

No I mean I am totally incapable of finding anything "good" in my writing most of the time. In that whole document there are maybe three paragraphs that I feel anything more than complete ambivalence about, and even then my only reaction to them is "Well, it's alright I guess."

So, does that mean that the Pet who isn't suicidal and stupid enough to continuously freeze their ass half to death after relieving a clear warning from their Mistress will be able to enjoy max subbiness content indefinetely without slipping into a Bad End? If so - neat.

Pretty much. I might tweak some more bits so you can get to the opt-in stuff without it being presented as "for your own benefit" thing.

Not sure if Reaha is a valid example here, since she is the case of indentured servant getting abused the shit of through not just contract loopholes, but outright violations and at the hands of one of the setting's Big (or at least Moderately Sized) Bads.

But more importantly, it's not the existence of extreme and officially recognized form of Dom-Sub contract that bugs me. After all, TiTS verse has its fair share of crazy sexual practices the rest of the populace for the most part just shrug and ignore.

It's the one-sided nature of the terms and the way it gets sealed that carries those implications IMO. PC just gives away everything with no guarantees or safety nets provided in return; and even more alarmingly, a video message recorded while being high on someone's dick is enough to do so.

I get the scene like that is super hot, but IMO it will work better as Jerynn recording a nice memento, while the official contract gets signed later (described pretty briefly) in a more proper environment like a last stop between hitting the hospital for modifications.

I think it'll be getting changed into the latter kind of thing there. I need to do it elsewhere for the not-opting-in path anyway, so if I make the "official" thing somewhere later down the line, then the 'contract' in the opt-in version can just be something neat rather than something binding.

 

[Graav]

I read pretty much everything and i liked it, the trasformation can be put around the sub path like the collar, first, she can give you a normal collar and next the one with the thing for change the voice or something like that

 

[shadefalcon]

She's too hard of a domme for me, but besides that it's good writing
The cozy trip back home was very enjoyable

To some people the bad end involving Jerynn might be something thought of as a more of a reward than a punishment. But those players might be left with a bad taste when their mistress end up becoming the cousin's bitch.
Just a thought I had.

 

[Graav]

To some people the bad end involving Jerynn might be something thought of as a more of a reward than a punishment. But those players might be left with a bad taste when their mistress end up becoming the cousin's bitch.
Just a thought I had.

I'm not a real fan of Bad End, even if they are super cool they still break my gameplay, but you know it's a game and if you cant lose you dont enjoy it for full.

 

[Gedan]

She's too hard of a domme for me, but besides that it's good writing
The cozy trip back home was very enjoyable

To some people the bad end involving Jerynn might be something thought of as a more of a reward than a punishment. But those players might be left with a bad taste when their mistress end up becoming the cousin's bitch.
Just a thought I had.

Well it is a bad end.

 

[shadefalcon]

Well it is a bad end.

Well, it was just a thought. Feel free to ignore it

I'm looking forward to the off the clock scenes btw. They might be more within my strike zone

 

[argenten]

I have to admit this is not something I'm the target audience for...and that's okay, this is a very well written character and not every character has to cater to everything. Great job Gedan

 

[Milkman]

Well it is a bad end.

Wouldn't her becoming your cousins bitch sorta run counter to the concept that not every dom character should have submissive content? Her becoming the cousin's bitch sorta feels like a worst of both worlds scenario in that dominant players can't get that route with her and for the submissive players that she's intended for, their mistress just bitched out on them...

I'm probably missing something since I'm just skimming through the doc a bit on mobile though.

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

I'm probably missing something since I'm just skimming through the doc a bit on mobile though.

Note: my rough notes for shit I think of usually get canned entirely and replaced with something far better when I get that deep. That's how this whole thing started off after all

 

[Charm]

I read, thus far? About 2/3rds of the way through the gdoc, @Gedan.

Hot.

As.

Liquid.

Flowing.

Fuck. *>.<*

But I speak from the other side. I saw myself in the role of Jerynn. ^.^ This is a fantastic work of smut. So totally pushes at some deeply rooted buttons.

Between the body mods, tempering a billionaire magnate, and dropping metric fuck-tons of cock and spunk into a willing victim?

Hnnnnnnnng!

Must do laundry now....fuck me.

I left a small scattering of comments for you too as gentlewolfox. Nothing major...

Edit: Sorry, Savin. I totally fat fingered your name when I meant to specifically call out Gedan-Dragon. My apologies.

 

[Gedan]

Wouldn't her becoming your cousins bitch sorta run counter to the concept that not every dom character should have submissive content? Her becoming the cousin's bitch sorta feels like a worst of both worlds scenario in that dominant players can't get that route with her and for the submissive players that she's intended for, their mistress just bitched out on them...

I'm probably missing something since I'm just skimming through the doc a bit on mobile though.

I'm probably going to pull up short at an actual finality there; Cuz comes looking for you, she pieces things together and throws caution to the wind. Something something the best way to keep her pet is going to be staying one step ahead. *SHIP FLIES OFF INTO HORIZON, END CREDITS ROLL*

I read, thus far? About 2/3rds of the way through the gdoc, @Gedan.

Hot.

As.

Liquid.

Flowing.

Fuck. *>.<*

But I speak from the other side. I saw myself in the role of Jerynn. ^.^ This is a fantastic work of smut. So totally pushes at some deeply rooted buttons.

Between the body mods, tempering a billionaire magnate, and dropping metric fuck-tons of cock and spunk into a willing victim?

Hnnnnnnnng!

Must do laundry now....fuck me.

I left a small scattering of comments for you too as gentlewolfox. Nothing major...

Edit: Sorry, Savin. I totally fat fingered your name when I meant to specifically call out Gedan-Dragon. My apologies.

 

[eveoflife]

Unf! I like this dom. Going to have a lot of fun with her when she makes it in. Thank you for such a lovely dragon Gedan~!

 

[attaggee]

She's a dom-herm yes? is there going to be any content that doesn't involve her cock? like her putting the PC into a vac-bed and just having her way with them? I'm rather squeamish when it comes to me imagining my orifices getting stuffed by man-meat, even if it is on some sexy lady.

 

[JDeko]

She's a dom-herm yes? is there going to be any content that doesn't involve her cock? like her putting the PC into a vac-bed and just having her way with them? I'm rather squeamish when it comes to me imagining my orifices getting stuffed by man-meat, even if it is on some sexy lady.

you're going to have a bad time

 

[eveoflife]

Question, is Jerome's interactions for vaginal not in yet? I see descriptions for it in this, but when I go to mess with whats in game, he just goes for my character's backdoor.

 

[Gedan]

She's a dom-herm yes? is there going to be any content that doesn't involve her cock? like her putting the PC into a vac-bed and just having her way with them? I'm rather squeamish when it comes to me imagining my orifices getting stuffed by man-meat, even if it is on some sexy lady.

There's one "generic" scene that doesn't involve her dick, provided the player character is packing a suitably large dick themselves to satisfy her. The ~main path~ for the petplay stuff requires interaction with her donger though.

Question, is Jerome's interactions for vaginal not in yet? I see descriptions for it in this, but when I go to mess with whats in game, he just goes for my character's backdoor.

I'll doublecheck it when I'm coding this in; it is probably just a fucked up check on my part somewhere.

 

[Captain Kiera]

Now let me first start by saying that i love this character. Most of that love comes from the fact that the undercarry harness is one of my all time favorite kinks( whether its done with a taur or quadruped, feral or sentient, willing or unwilling.) and that you write it very good. I like the disign of the harness, how its basically a 2 piece outfit when their not together and can be hidden underneath regular chothes. I like the your discription of how helpless the player is after they`ve been strapped in to the harness, giving it a feeling that if Jerynn wanted to, she could just keep the harness on as long as she wants too and their is not much Steele can do about it.

Now that my fan gushing is out of the way its time to get a little more serious.
There are quite a few things to say as a critic(ranging from falts to ideas to improve what s already there.)

To start of with, I would like to se talk scenes that make Jerynn something more then just a sexeable character(even if the sex is amazing).
Now chances are you already have some ideas for talk scenes yourself some i`ll just note down a few things i`d like to be able to talk about with her
1. Who is Jerynn? We know very litlle besides her name and that she works as an Uveto Scout.
2. What is she? We don`t learn her species or if she`s modded herself to look like she does.
3. Her harness? Did she buy it or make it herself? What does she like so much about using it? (Please fill this one with lots of teasing from her. Maybe it could lead to some R&R if you know what i mean....wow now i feel old.)


Next, is the follow opp scenes to the undercarry rescue. I`m a little disappointed to be honest.
The Jerome scene is quite good, how the player feels like just a toy, but still being apart of the action.
No, my lies in the rest of them, especially after how juice the rescue scene was. Why are they so short, mostly so with the shooping scene? To extend it a little, how about something happens on the shopping trip( she runs into a friend or she goes on a longer shopping spre then she first planned) and then when she gets home she removes the coat as normal, but instead of releasing you from the harness, she goes about putting away the items from her shopping( whether its groceries or items for pet play, maybe a custom collar for Steele) and/or doing some chores around the house, all the while filling Steele up more and more.


Finally (for now.....I hope.....maybe) i`d like to se more scenes with the undercarry harness.( whether its this character or maybe a new one)
How about if you sleep over with her, there is a chance that you wake up with her connecting the harnesses together for one last ride.(maybe even doing it the other way around so that your mouth is toward her cock)


That went on a little longer then i thought it would. Let me end with once again stating that i love this character and that I hope to se more from you in the future.