[Implemented] Mjerin, the Qilin-morph!/Dragony horsey thingy!

Hey, waddaya think of this gnarly shit?????

  • This is cool!

    Votes: 68 84.0%
  • This is sucks!

    Votes: 3 3.7%
  • Your personality already makes me want to kill you!

    Votes: 10 12.3%

  • Total voters
    81

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
1,653
Hey, some newbie dingus here. You might remember me from such amazing threads as:

THIS

And that's it, actually. But anywho, this is the slightly more official thread that cements my intent to see this idea through to the end so ooohh boooy, heeeere weeee gooooo.


(now with suggestions enabled)​
The general gist: A half-gryvain, half-human ultra-buff fitness model who pumps all day and humps all night (but not really, because I'm a butt). She is bi-pedal, plsss do not miss this information.

I can't quite put a finger on how long I've been playing TiTS but one of my PC's formed the basis for this idea and then loads of other inspirations morphed it into something else. She's yuge and likes fitness, eating food like a dog in your biscuit tin and being the baddest ass in the room in a casual, aloof sort of way.

PLANZ: Much like the dream of sweetass swole gains, you gotta work for your goal. This character is meant to open up like a relationship and so you'll start in a kind of business-y way with her. Eventually, a bunch of things happen and clothes are removed, opening up the actual boning.

I've got several unique fetishes and scenes in store: Body worship, power exchange, play-fighting, strugglefucking, some Dom-tinted vanilla stuff, things to do with size differences, a kind of tongue-match-fight thing and a good ol' rousing round of bible study and missionary position (not really, promise).

She's quite open to most PC types but scenes and some of the narrative will change drastically depending on your character size (height, tone, thickness, etc), personality and even a hint of your chosen career. Expect surprises but in general, she will be assuming direct control during sex.

Taur and hyper stuff is now off the table and you'll be locked from talking to her if you're too tall. Those things are just not my bag and I don't even know if I can force myself to write it. (BUT IF YOU WANT TO SUGGEST SOMETHING, YOU DO IT, MAN (∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆゚.*)

What I'd appreciate from YOU guys:

Tell me if I'm sucking somewhere, please. I've had a lot of (much appreciated) encouragement on my first two days but every ego needs a beating.

Tell me if my logic, parser or grammar is FUBAR or such. I've tried organising it into something comprehensible but my brain words might not translate to my typing words.

Tell me if there's something you'd like to see! I'll keep things open even if I can't promise anything.

Anything else you want to say, really. Open forum and all that.

CHANGE LOG

26/3/2017: IT BEGINS. Character appearance, brainstorming, introduction scenes.

EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN THAT DATE ^ AND THIS DATE \/ IS A BLUR but in general: Introduction scenes, talk scenes, pre-planning train/training/food/sex scenes (in my head)

29/03/2017: Talk scenes standardised (not specifically finished, might be open to changes), document arranged by contents, editing, 2 training scenes.

30/3/2017: 1 and a bit training scenes, more editing.

31/03/2017: Finished training scenes, starting Food! scenes, some edits, working on tailoring the dialogue a bit, ate a lot of chocolate that was covered in gold powder so now my poop is shiny.

01/04/2017: Finished Food! scenes, re-wrote some others, small edits, wondered if the symbolism of a douche getting gutpunched for being a douche is too subtle, theorized on some more... things.

02/04/2017: Some corrections made/edits (mostly things look pretty tight cuz I haven't had much reader commentary), AN APOLOGY SCENE FOR THE TAURS/TALL PEOPLE/HYPERS CUZ I TRIED BUT I COULDN'T DO IT WAAAHH, started on the one-off hanky panky and already it looks like a lot of work let alone the rest of the sex stuff planned.

03/04/2017: 5 intro sex scene variations cut down to 3 for normalcy's sake. Might've been too ambitious with that. Still, 2 of 3 variations finished, some edits, cleaning up the contents page, made some real freakin' good dinner but I used truffle oil for garnish and it came out more like... motor oil.

04/04/2017: 3/3 variations finished, Confidence scene finished (basically, it confirms that you're a good person), outlined ideas behind sex scenes, did 'lead-in' scene, had two new ideas for characters to write: Jesse, a confusingly gendered prudish butt-slut and Chad, a bro.

Chad is my greatest achievement yet. He is 5'10'' but will tell you he's 6', thinks trap music and vaporwave is 'the peak of musical genius', is definitely not educated and wears polo shirts. His scenes are:

BroJob: CHOO CHOO. Chad sucks you off.

No Bromo: Chad sucks off all the bulls in New Texas but doesn't touch their balls.
Bro-keback Mountain: Nail Chads butt because secretly he's a cowboy (excellent logic).
Bro-ly: Chad turns into the Legendary Super Saiyan and shouts at a carrot for an hour.

But seriously, Jesse is gonna turn out great.

05/04/2017: 3 out 5 main sex scenes mostly done. Cut down from 7 for ambitions/brain drains sake. Not sure if all 5 should be done too but will see. Edits and checks are welcome. Realised that I've been doing this thing most days for a week straight and that I should maybe take a day off to do normal things or something. PFFT, MORE LIKE, TALK ABOUT THIS BUTT-PRUDE GIRL IDEA MORE, EY FELLAS.

06/04/2017: Basically not much. Cleaned a bit for ease-to-read, almost finished sex scenes. Still somehow added 1k and a bit words in there, not sure how. Hopefully I can put it one more push to finish the main content then have people look it over. NO JOKE TODAY.

07/04/2017: did nuffin

08/04/2017: did nuffin

09/04/2017:
WE'RE ALMOST THERE, FRIENDS. Some more text for the last scene and then boom.... something magical will happen. I think. I dunno, the next bit seems messy.

10/04/2017: EDITS. RanmaChan worked super hard and super fast and did a whole chunk of goodness overnight.

11/04/2017: Resolved all the edits/issues found in the doc that Ranma added, FeelsGoodMan. I'm keeping it open in case anyone else spots anything/has anything to add and then, it's off to the big wigs.​
 
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Noob Salad

Captain Shitpost
Aug 26, 2015
4,375
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How dare you not let anyone leave suggestions. I'm going to leave a very strongly worded complaint. Or at least I would if not, well, you know.
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
1,653
How dare you not let anyone leave suggestions. I'm going to leave a very strongly worded complaint. Or at least I would if not, well, you know.

This suggestion ship is ready to set sail, Cap'n Shiproast.
 

Vio

Well-Known Member
Feb 24, 2017
262
138
How the high-hell'd you come up with her fucking name?
 

Noob Salad

Captain Shitpost
Aug 26, 2015
4,375
1,559
Obviously he thought up of Nirejrm, one of the most common ancient Mesopotatian names in the world, and just reversed it. Duh.
 

Vio

Well-Known Member
Feb 24, 2017
262
138
Ah, of course. I apologise for my ignorance, I should have known, with my great-great-great-great-great grandmother Asharruk Ninjie being Mesopotatian.
 
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Lkynmbr24

Well-Known Member
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Oct 30, 2016
832
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This thread... I can't. XD

Either way, this interests me so far :p I shall keep a watch on this!
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
1,653
How the high-hell'd you come up with her fucking name?

I have a few Swedish and Icelandic friends, a lot of the sort of 'yey-yuh' pronunciations and rolling R's have grown on me. Surname is based on Icelandic surnames too.

Specifically those letters? No clue, mah frend.
 

Ormael

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2015
6,614
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Nobody yet give your first post any like? Blasphemy. Such promising dom npc deserve many likes ;)
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
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An update *doot doot doot dooooot*

I've hit the 10K word mark!

YEY

But I've only done roughly 60% of what I want to

BOOOO

That being said, WHAT DOTH THE PEOPLE THINK OF THIS CONTENT SO FAR
 
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Noob Salad

Captain Shitpost
Aug 26, 2015
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WHAT DOTH THE PEOPLE THINK OF THIS CONTENT SO FAR
Seems too vanilla to me. Come back when you have a purple name.

No but in all seriousness though I'm looking forward to the lewds.
 

Lord Lodestar

Well-Known Member
Sep 24, 2016
263
234
An update *doot doot doot dooooot*

I've hit the 10K word mark!

YEY

But I've only done roughly 60% of what I want to

BOOOO

That being said, WHAT DOTH THE PEOPLE THINK OF THIS CONTENT SO FAR
Congrats. That said, as a note for the future, you should probably explain what exactly has been updated in progress posts going forward. Makes it easier to know what to look for.
 

Noob Salad

Captain Shitpost
Aug 26, 2015
4,375
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Doesn't Google keep track of changes for you?
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
1,653
Yes! Sort of.

Well, really I've just been pounding this thing out so hard (so fucking hard UNGH) that I completely forgot to even consider doing a more frequent/normal change log but now seems as good a time as any.
 

Ormael

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2015
6,614
1,771
10k and that been 60%...umm so around 16k for full gdoc.

Yes Quilin of yours progressing at good pace sizewise. For quality it would be still time in edit phase to fix mistakes. Keep that mood SAS *thumb up*
 

Alabaster Chimes

Well-Known Member
Aug 29, 2015
477
399
I just want to say... Really looking forward to what this will become and I hope it succeeds. (Been getting a buff woman itch...)

Gave a twice over, and so far it looks solid there's only really one thing that bothers me, and its not a big one just a weird observation. \

I have never seen Steele talk so much. :confused:

That sounds weird. What I'm trying to say is that we usually don't see Steele talk with "Quotes" and more of us filling in with an inference.
An example would be; "You ask her how she is doing" or "Telling her that’s understandable, you ask Erra a bit more about herself."

We are not told the exact words which, at least for me, lets us fill in what we said to them. Fill in the blank in a sense. Puts more emphasis on the 2nd person perspective that TiTs uses as its medium. Its kinda of way to put yourself as the character and say what YOU would say. There are times where a writer will have Steele ask a question and they will then speak, but they are used when trying to openly state the chosen option. Like asking when going and clicking on Anno's talk button "“Got a few minutes to chat?” you ask before leaning against Anno’s desk." pops up.

I'm not saying what your doing is bad or TABOO (I think it makes the writing unique). Im just not used to it and thus is a rather picky nitpick from me, which I wouldn't pay much time to if I were you.

I'm probably being this way because I would like this to be perfect and I once again say I hope this succeeds with flying colors. I hope the sex scenes make my dick go to happy-land and wish you luck with this project.;):D
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
1,653
I just want to say... Really looking forward to what this will become and I hope it succeeds. (Been getting a buff woman itch...)

Gave a twice over, and so far it looks solid there's only really one thing that bothers me, and its not a big one just a weird observation. \

I have never seen Steele talk so much. :confused:

That sounds weird. What I'm trying to say is that we usually don't see Steele talk with "Quotes" and more of us filling in with an inference.
An example would be; "You ask her how she is doing" or "Telling her that’s understandable, you ask Erra a bit more about herself."

We are not told the exact words which, at least for me, lets us fill in what we said to them. Fill in the blank in a sense. Puts more emphasis on the 2nd person perspective that TiTs uses as its medium. Its kinda of way to put yourself as the character and say what YOU would say. There are times where a writer will have Steele ask a question and they will then speak, but they are used when trying to openly state the chosen option. Like asking when going and clicking on Anno's talk button "“Got a few minutes to chat?” you ask before leaning against Anno’s desk." pops up.

I'm not saying what your doing is bad or TABOO (I think it makes the writing unique). Im just not used to it and thus is a rather picky nitpick from me, which I wouldn't pay much time to if I were you.

I'm probably being this way because I would like this to be perfect and I once again say I hope this succeeds with flying colors. I hope the sex scenes make my dick go to happy-land and wish you luck with this project.;):D

Eyyy, I get it man. I did say openly that I wasn't sure if this route was the best because in other things I've written, 'reader projection' hasn't been much of a factor for me.

So that being said, I'll probably see what the finished thing looks like, gather more opinions about it and if it's mostly 'THIS STEELE DIALOGUE NEEDS TO BE TONED DOWN/REMOVED' I'll re-write it to be more general and much less wordy.

For now, using dialogue helps my own writing process otherwise I'd keep blanking on what I was going to do next.
 
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NotYouNorI

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Aug 26, 2015
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Eyyy, I get it man. I did say openly that I wasn't sure if this route was the best because in I've other things I've written, 'reader projection' hasn't been much of a factor for me.

So that being said, I'll probably see what the finished thing looks like, gather more opinions about it and if it's mostly 'THIS STEELE DIALOGUE NEEDS TO BE TONED DOWN/REMOVED' I'll re-write it to be more general and much less wordy.

For now, using dialogue helps my own writing process otherwise I'd keep blanking on what I was going to do next.
But do keep the dialogue in the personality based variants. Love the way you did those!
 
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SoAndSo

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Mar 26, 2017
875
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Cheers, NotMySeaweedMan, I'm glad that bit's actually working out as well as I hoped.

Speaking of food, we're onto the eternal meat-euphemisms in the writing stage. I hope you guys like fucking puns cuz if not, I'll cut you.
 
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NotYouNorI

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Aug 26, 2015
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Now that
NotMySeaweedMan
I genuinely don't get this referance...

Speaking of food, we're onto the eternal meat-euphemisms in the writing stage. I hope you guys like fucking puns cuz if not, I'll cut you.
I love puns! I say, go for it! Though I hardly represent everyone here, I have to remind you to not gough interest and just write. Worst case scenario, if it's particularly bad or too silly you can always nake it a silly mode variant.


Now after going through her talk scenes and since it isn't mentioned in her Mods scene and no other character with this really talks about it, may I suggest her being asked "why she decided to double her number of dongs?" and "what's it like with twice the cock?" if PC is packing only one?
 

Noob Salad

Captain Shitpost
Aug 26, 2015
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I'll give you a hint. "NorI"
 

Ormael

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Aug 27, 2015
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This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to finish the submission!

(sorta wanted make more replacement but seems that lines was aside end quite fitting)

So aim for that 100% (some stucked forever at some lower %).
 
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NotYouNorI

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Aug 26, 2015
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This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to finish the submission!
So that makes, what, 135%?
 

Ormael

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2015
6,614
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Give it....over 9000% :p

Hopefully I not late with this comment: Does stat checks static meaning some of those will be impossible to pass by lower lvl PC's but puny easy for current PC's at lvl cap?
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
875
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Give it....over 9000% :p

Hopefully I not late with this comment: Does stat checks static meaning some of those will be impossible to pass by lower lvl PC's but puny easy for current PC's at lvl cap?

Currently but there's no way to actually 'fail' her story, it just changes how she treats you eventually. You might not get what you expect, is the thing.

Maybe I should introduce a level at which you need to meet her? Say, 5? Hm, that's just on the table for now.

Mjerin's story is meant to react to and reward how you built your character that isn't just big jugs and so on.
For instance, if you're a certain level of thickness/really fat even after doing all of her training scenes, she'll point out that you're still fat and that she's upset that you haven't improved despite her efforts. How that is then going to affect how she acts towards you, I won't say yet.

If there's a better way to word a 'Percent by level' thing instead of a fixed number that works for implementation, I'd appreciate a suggestion.
 
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