I was considering some venom stuff but decided to go against it at the moment since it's not quite what I was going for with the scene. Dialogue in TiTS really depends from writer to writer as I've seen some doing it similarly to how I have it and others having dialogue separately.
As for most of the other parts, she's trying something a bit laid back and the scene is supposed to only pop up after you do her talks so she actually likes you a bit more(I accidentally deleted the note about that in the summary). She also doesn't just see you as just another asshole and she's trying to be a little nicer. When I talk to Doots he said it was fine.
The stuttering, to me at least, is because she has to pull you off her nuts do to you being really into it and actually has to put a little bit of effort into it. I'll probably rework it a little when I can.
Hopefully, this clears things up a little.