Dad Jokes

[Paradox01]

One of my favorite characters is Ciaran because of his awful "dad" jokes. I figured why not share some of our non-Ciaran favorites?


Did you hear about the dwarf psychic that escaped from jail? The newspaper headlines read, "Small medium at large."

Did you hear there's a new pirate movie coming out? It's rated "Arr!"

Question: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
Usual Response: Um...R?
Answer: Aye you'd think so, but me first true love's always been the C!

Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent.

 

[William.]

a broken clock is right twice a day, but a clock set wrong is always behind the times.

 

[JustSomeGuy]

I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.

Why are doctors so calm?
Because they have alot of patients.

Why did Riya arrest a duck?
Because he was selling quack.

 

[Evil]

Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.

I tend to avoid sushi. Its always been a little fishy!

I went to a restaurant on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere though.

 

[Natetheman223]

I was washing a car with my son the other day. He said "dad, why don't you use a sponge?"

 

[Evil]

"dad, why don't you use a sponge?"

"Why, when I've got you as one?"

 

[Paradox01]

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey Cap'n, you know you've got a ship's steering wheel stuck to your dick?" The pirate says, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

 

[Preacher]

What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a fish without eyes? A Fsh.

What do you call a fly without legs? A walk.

 

[William.]

What kind of milk do you get from a faux-cow?

Condensed Milk.

Where do the Zil keep their records?

In the Archives

 

[Preacher]

Isn't it 'sposed to be almond milk?

 

[Evil]

- Two cowboys were lost in the New Texas desert, when they saw a tree covered in strips of bacon. One cowboy turned to his friend and said "Its a bacon tree! We're saved!" and ran towards to the tree, only to get hit by a blaster. "That's no bacon tree", the cowboy said to himself "Its a ham bush."

- Seeing a planet's rotation really makes my day.

- "Hey Anno, I've been reading a book about anti-gravity!"
"Really?!" the Ausar exclaimed happily, excited at the prospect of an intelligent discussion, "What did you think of it?"
"Oh its really good! In fact, its impossible to put down."

- Steele kids: "Dad, your jokes aren't funny."
Captain Steele: "Well obviously someone found them funny, otherwise they'd be called "Bachelor Jokes" instead."

 

[William.]

Eh?

Do you know what a trap pouch is? The more strictly ideal femboys tend to have compact ballsacks, or uniballs. Two tiny, tightly-packed balls in a smooth, perfectly spherical sack.

Therefore, a Faux-cow, which is the femboy bitch variant of the Treatment, would produce condensed milk.

I make this joke not knowing if the TF accounts for and gives the Uniball effect, but it makes sense to me!

 

[TiTSFan]

Three drunks walked into a bar. A woman saw this and said "they should have ducked".