Typos and Etc 2: Electric Boogaloo!
- Thread starter PanzerGuitar00
- Start date
maybe swap the comma with a semicolon or something.
maybe move the hyphen to between eagerly and wriggling.
maybe.... im not sure, tbh, but the hard stop of the question mark just doesnt feel right to me. dealers choice.
You have to take breaks just to catch your breath, lugging around a massive pregnant belly isn't easy. You run your hand over your fluffy fur, soothing down the now-eagerly wriggling child inside you. Why do unborn kids have so much energy? You idly wonder as you feel another soft kick coming from it. After a while of resting, you feel ready to move on again.
The hormones right now are going wild, your pussy is constantly slavering, desperate for cum and creampies. In any idle moments you're fantasizing about big, fat, fuzzy kui-tan balls.
maybe move the hyphen to between eagerly and wriggling.
maybe.... im not sure, tbh, but the hard stop of the question mark just doesnt feel right to me. dealers choice.
You have to take breaks just to catch your breath, lugging around a massive pregnant belly isn't easy. You run your hand over your fluffy fur, soothing down the now-eagerly wriggling child inside you. Why do unborn kids have so much energy? You idly wonder as you feel another soft kick coming from it. After a while of resting, you feel ready to move on again.
The hormones right now are going wild, your pussy is constantly slavering, desperate for cum and creampies. In any idle moments you're fantasizing about big, fat, fuzzy kui-tan balls.
maybe change to: "activating, others, its, you, but you"
respectively
gasp
respectively
gasp
You stagger forward as you double over in pain as your water breaks. Your vagina starts to dilate to help with the passing of your child. Flushed at the timing you make your way as fast as you can to a bathroom, the med-kit bot at the wall automatically activates as you get in a stall and lock the door.
The next several hours pass in a blur, at times seconds feeling like hours and other minutes passing in a blink of an eye. By the end of it, you're red in the face and your body is still aching with tears running down your face, but you have a newborn kui-tan pup in your lap. You bring the small mewling child to your smothering, milk-engorged udders, your child eagerly drinking deeply from your chest.
You brush their still damp fur, sliding a finger over their cheek. It's small hand grabs around your finger, holding tight, making her coo. You'd love to play with your child more, you have to get them to the nursery, and the bot is already on its way. You play and nuzzle with them as much you can in the little time you have, and all too soon, the bot arrives. You place your child inside the protective chamber of it, and give her a gentle kiss on the forehead before the robot takes off, making you hug your chest tightly, the irrational feeling of abandoning your child tearing at your heart, but they're safe in the nursery, and you can't wait to go see them there.
The next several hours pass in a blur, at times seconds feeling like hours and other minutes passing in a blink of an eye. By the end of it, you're red in the face and your body is still aching with tears running down your face, but you have a newborn kui-tan pup in your lap. You bring the small mewling child to your smothering, milk-engorged udders, your child eagerly drinking deeply from your chest.
You brush their still damp fur, sliding a finger over their cheek. It's small hand grabs around your finger, holding tight, making her coo. You'd love to play with your child more, you have to get them to the nursery, and the bot is already on its way. You play and nuzzle with them as much you can in the little time you have, and all too soon, the bot arrives. You place your child inside the protective chamber of it, and give her a gentle kiss on the forehead before the robot takes off, making you hug your chest tightly, the irrational feeling of abandoning your child tearing at your heart, but they're safe in the nursery, and you can't wait to go see them there.
extra space, and also a bit of odd phraising at the end here, maybe tweak it a bit.
All this spreads inexorably through your mind in the course of three long licks directing along the warm, inflexible smoothness of Ara Kei’s calf, so that within moments you are nothing but a vessel of euphoric submissiveness. A little whimper of pleasure escapes your lips as you change position and lavish saliva on her inner knee; each of your saurian shafts and your slobbering pussy are very, very erect and wet.
All this spreads inexorably through your mind in the course of three long licks directing along the warm, inflexible smoothness of Ara Kei’s calf, so that within moments you are nothing but a vessel of euphoric submissiveness. A little whimper of pleasure escapes your lips as you change position and lavish saliva on her inner knee; each of your saurian shafts and your slobbering pussy are very, very erect and wet.
same deal here
You are not allowed to stop until Ara Kei’s leg shines wetly with your saliva - and even then, you are made to go over several areas again by your strict instructor. You don’t mind. Being knelt in front of the bothrioc and being forced to improve by them is gratifying beyond anything you think you’ve ever felt. By the end you feel ablaze with arousal, each of your cum-bubbling, behemoth fuck-sticks hard against your belly and your slobbering exotic snatch puffy and spread, fervently awaiting a hard breeding.
You are not allowed to stop until Ara Kei’s leg shines wetly with your saliva - and even then, you are made to go over several areas again by your strict instructor. You don’t mind. Being knelt in front of the bothrioc and being forced to improve by them is gratifying beyond anything you think you’ve ever felt. By the end you feel ablaze with arousal, each of your cum-bubbling, behemoth fuck-sticks hard against your belly and your slobbering exotic snatch puffy and spread, fervently awaiting a hard breeding.
few other spots that seemed off to me. im not sure if nonesuch was trying to be flowery with the language or if its genuine error thou.....
This time, four hands touch you in four different places, gently but firmly. The effect is to force you to inexorably arch your back, presenting your plush, vast ass to the huge, slim creature that has made herself your puppet-master. You moan as something warm and oily nestles itself between your ass-cheeks, spreading them to press against your tight, slime-drooling ass with agonizing slowness. At the same time, the four hands clamp where they are resting, at your elbows and just below your ribcage. Your desperate erections are incredibly tight, unbearable arousal making them rock hard, ecstatic electricity pulses through your cunt, making it drool fem-cum onto the floor far below. The quadomme holds you like that, on a precipice of keening arousal, for what seems like hours, days of sadistic ecstasy; and then she punches her ovipositor inwards, piercing your ass pussy and spreading you with its first bulging section with a single fierce movement. You scream as you orgasm, thrashing helplessly against your bonds as each of your hole-pluggers flume alabaster cum into the air, hitting the far curtain you’re clenching up that hard and your lightly swollen alien cunt gutters juices deliriously, full body pulses of submissive ecstasy which are made all the more powerful by how raw the bothrioc’s touch has left your nerve endings.
maybe put "that" after "fact"
Your perception of both it and time is warped by the fact she refuses to stretch you wide again, refuses to force another vast, hard bulge into you, without mercilessly electrifying you,
Your perception of both it and time is warped by the fact she refuses to stretch you wide again, refuses to force another vast, hard bulge into you, without mercilessly electrifying you,
maybe put "and" in front of "elucidating "
In the centre is the eight-limbed pivot around which all this revolves, Ara Kei Enya. Directing, inspecting, elucidating apparently to four different people at once, she hasn’t noticed your arrival yet.
In the centre is the eight-limbed pivot around which all this revolves, Ara Kei Enya. Directing, inspecting, elucidating apparently to four different people at once, she hasn’t noticed your arrival yet.
maybe change the second that to the
Maybe it’s purely psychological, physical, or some combination in between, but the pain of what you just went through has implanted you with a real and tangible grasp on the reality of life. You cannot go through life blissfully unaware or hoping that you will never get hurt like that again. Nodding to yourself, you leave the room, knowing that that warm bliss and promise of sweet surrender from bothrioc oils will have no staying power on you.
Maybe it’s purely psychological, physical, or some combination in between, but the pain of what you just went through has implanted you with a real and tangible grasp on the reality of life. You cannot go through life blissfully unaware or hoping that you will never get hurt like that again. Nodding to yourself, you leave the room, knowing that that warm bliss and promise of sweet surrender from bothrioc oils will have no staying power on you.
change to perhaps
She circles you slowly, eyes raking over your body — hungry, measuring. Then she reaches out and gropes your breasts, squeezing like she’s testing fruit for ripeness. “Mhmm, such a lovely figure,” Venus murmurs, eliciting a sharp gasp from you as she rolls and pinches your forwards-jutting buds between her fingers. “Perhalps you’ll prove to be a more entertaining diversion than most of our supplicants.” She tilts your chin with a tendril, forcing you to look directly at her before claiming your mouth in a searing kiss.
She circles you slowly, eyes raking over your body — hungry, measuring. Then she reaches out and gropes your breasts, squeezing like she’s testing fruit for ripeness. “Mhmm, such a lovely figure,” Venus murmurs, eliciting a sharp gasp from you as she rolls and pinches your forwards-jutting buds between her fingers. “Perhalps you’ll prove to be a more entertaining diversion than most of our supplicants.” She tilts your chin with a tendril, forcing you to look directly at her before claiming your mouth in a searing kiss.
this scene kinda just..... slams to a hault. i get the feeling there was meant to be one more line of dialogue where venus is like "youll just have to trust me" while giving you a shit eating grin, but it just wasnt added for some reason.
