Thicc&Shake

Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
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First attempt at writing anything on this scale. Not finished, but would like to some feedback of the do's and don'ts for this particular project. I keep hearing the "Well if you want it in the game, write it yourself". So I wanted to take a crack at it. I know it extremely amateurish, but hoping to get something useful and enlightening with this experience.

Thicc&Shake Draft. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vWIx8VyS0sF4llEBO83ZUSdXTpqTLH52-12TOEhrzVU/edit?usp=sharing
 

JinxBetwixt

New Member
Mar 10, 2018
4
0
Normally don't log into the forums to comment on stuff. (Rarely log in to begin with)

However, I was reading your doc and saw one of the application options was to use the item as part of a tease attack. From the lurking I've been doing, I heard that transformations normally can't affect combat unless it's really like interwined to the concept, like one of Amazona tea's perks. That perk was to help add to the Amazon theme of the item. In your item's case, it's simply a kinda more of a simple thing like a hip/ass increaser. I wouldn't be surprised if you're asked to remove the tease damage stuff.

Or for it to just be ignoted...
 

Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
30
11
32
Normally don't log into the forums to comment on stuff. (Rarely log in to begin with)

However, I was reading your doc and saw one of the application options was to use the item as part of a tease attack. From the lurking I've been doing, I heard that transformations normally can't affect combat unless it's really like interwined to the concept, like one of Amazona tea's perks. That perk was to help add to the Amazon theme of the item. In your item's case, it's simply a kinda more of a simple thing like a hip/ass increaser. I wouldn't be surprised if you're asked to remove the tease damage stuff.

Or for it to just be ignoted...
I was going with the idea since the batter effect last for an hour and the process to activate is movement with those particular areas might as well cause the scene to happen.
 

Crablord

Well-Known Member
Jan 18, 2016
1,071
742
this is genius
you're very right about butts and hips being underappreciated in game and im glad to see a new tf.
if its accepted, i hope to see it within a year.
 
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Jacques00

Administrator
Moderator
Aug 26, 2015
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1,156
I like where this item is going. I am unsure if Dr. Badger would create a product that looks very commercialized though (as described in the item's description), so I would suggest toning that down a bit--the item can still be called by the same name though. Maybe have it labeled as being an experimental mod of some sort?

As far as use, I like that the item's effects can be triggered after using a hip tease. For the "Shake" action, I would recommend lengthening the scene so it is more than just a paragraph, though with a few things in mind: characters who do not have vaginas (as it seems this item was written for complete females), the current location (public, private, hazard, etc.) vs the character's exhibitionism level, and possible considerations to tails (if the character has any). If the item wears out and hasn't been activated, there should also be a dud message to notify the character that the drug has expired.

The overdose scene seems okay, but if the character is to gain any of the potential perks afterward, I would suggest that you include accompanying blurbs with them as well, just so the player knows exactly what perk was gained instead of it being completely random. Example:
You rub your hand over your newly-sized behind. {if high tone: Despite your toned body, your ass feels fat!} Oh, your [pc.buttcheek] has become completely plush and malleable to the touch. You have a feeling that no matter how tight your body is, your bubble-like butt will always remain soft and spongy!

(<b>Perk Gained: Bubble Butt</b> - Ass remains soft regardless of muscle tone.)

I am not too keen on the idea of limiting sex scenes based on the "Hips Don't Lie" perk though. Limiting sex scenes is a lot more complicated and would require editing every option for every single sexual encounter. I would recommend cutting this perk entirely or replacing its effects with a different idea.

All that said, After you've completed your writing, I would highly recommend passing this off to some editors and other writers. I have spotted numerous grammatical, spelling and tense errors in the writing so far, so a few revision passes should help better the quality in that area.

Best of luck on the rest of the writing!
 
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Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
30
11
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I like where this item is going. I am unsure if Dr. Badger would create a product that looks very commercialized though (as described in the item's description), so I would suggest toning that down a bit--the item can still be called by the same name though. Maybe have it labeled as being an experimental mod of some sort?

As far as use, I like that the item's effects can be triggered after using a hip tease. For the "Shake" action, I would recommend lengthening the scene so it is more than just a paragraph, though with a few things in mind: characters who do not have vaginas (as it seems this item was written for complete females), the current location (public, private, hazard, etc.) vs the character's exhibitionism level, and possible considerations to tails (if the character has any). If the item wears out and hasn't been activated, there should also be a dud message to notify the character that the drug has expired.

The overdose scene seems okay, but if the character is to gain any of the potential perks afterward, I would suggest that you include accompanying blurbs with them as well, just so the player knows exactly what perk was gained instead of it being completely random. Example:


I am not too keen on the idea of limiting sex scenes based on the "Hips Don't Lie" perk though. Limiting sex scenes is a lot more complicated and would require editing every option for every single sexual encounter. I would recommend cutting this perk entirely or replacing its effects with a different idea.

All that said, After you've completed your writing, I would highly recommend passing this off to some editors and other writers. I have spotted numerous grammatical, spelling and tense errors in the writing so far, so a few revision passes should help better the quality in that area.

Best of luck on the rest of the writing!
Thank you very much. I'll go over the syntax rules again. I had a bit of poor understanding of it so hearing this can allow me to clean this up.
 

Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
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OK, updated the item. Still know there a lot of errors, but hopefully, this feels a bit more complete than before. Of course, any critiques would be helpful. Also despite how short I feel this is and how amateurish it is done. I have a way better understanding the effort that the Fenn and friends go through. You have my utmost respect my doods and thanks for the years of content.
 

Crablord

Well-Known Member
Jan 18, 2016
1,071
742
"Perk Gained: Hips don't Lie</b> -Your hip and ass dont quit nor will they. Being any less fecund is an empty existence and your body will make keep you the fertile goddess you were meant to be."
well at this point whats the point of having the buttslut perk? i still recommend it for just the hips.

"If Hip and Ass are at 35 gain the “Hips don’t Lie”
considering this item cannot take you above 20 i think this is a lot (and 35 is horrifically huge)
 

PalletTown

Well-Known Member
Sep 10, 2015
313
351
"Perk Gained: Hips don't Lie</b> -Your hip and ass dont quit nor will they. Being any less fecund is an empty existence and your body will make keep you the fertile goddess you were meant to be."
well at this point whats the point of having the buttslut perk? i still recommend it for just the hips.

"If Hip and Ass are at 35 gain the “Hips don’t Lie”
considering this item cannot take you above 20 i think this is a lot (and 35 is horrifically huge)
Overdose goes over 35 and 35 isn't big enough.
 

Crablord

Well-Known Member
Jan 18, 2016
1,071
742
Overdose goes over 35 and 35 isn't big enough.
"When Overdosing(Activating the effect three times when both Hip and Ass are maxed out. Codex will warn PC when abusing nanomachines.)

  1. Each use causes you to gain 5 in both Hip and Ass."
wouldnt this mean you would have to overdose 3 times?
you have to activate the effect 3 times to overdose, you only gain 5 on overdose, meaning you would have to overdose 3 times. so you would have to use the item 9 times after you already reach 20? at that point nothing will be able to lower it significantly enough to change it anyway

i remember how after butt slut came out everyone thought 20 was too big because of the descriptors being "freakish" etc
https://forum.fenoxo.com/threads/buttslutinator-locks-butt-size.5282/
after that they lowered the butt slut perks forced size to 18. all im saying is, 35 is just waaay too much (especially since it does the same thing+ something else)
 

Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
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"When Overdosing(Activating the effect three times when both Hip and Ass are maxed out. Codex will warn PC when abusing nanomachines.)

  1. Each use causes you to gain 5 in both Hip and Ass."
wouldnt this mean you would have to overdose 3 times?
you have to activate the effect 3 times to overdose, you only gain 5 on overdose, meaning you would have to overdose 3 times. so you would have to use the item 9 times after you already reach 20? at that point nothing will be able to lower it significantly enough to change it anyway

i remember how after butt slut came out everyone thought 20 was too big because of the descriptors being "freakish" etc
https://forum.fenoxo.com/threads/buttslutinator-locks-butt-size.5282/
after that they lowered the butt slut perks forced size to 18. all im saying is, 35 is just waaay too much (especially since it does the same thing+ something else)
Yeah I could change the wording on that. Though I do want it to work after the overdose. Also you could still not get buttslut and still get this perk. Also since the game is about freedom of choice, you kinda have to want to get this big. If you are allowed to get Jaq style boobs(Love the guy but I get there point.) and or yard size dick and balls. Why not have world-shaking hips?
 
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Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
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Oh does anyone know the proper way to find editors for this? I know it is preferred before trying to official submitting this.
 

Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
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Anyone else have more advice for me on this? I know I need to clean up the syntax and the code, but the concept does anyone have anything else to add?
 

PalletTown

Well-Known Member
Sep 10, 2015
313
351
Anyone else have more advice for me on this? I know I need to clean up the syntax and the code, but the concept does anyone have anything else to add?
I think what you already did was excellent. The only thing I could suggest you add is hip descriptors above 25 and butt descriptors above 20.
 
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General Drayfox

Well-Known Member
Nov 7, 2016
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If you could make it so you can (if not already) gain Buttslut without the permanent increase in ass size, that'd be super!
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
 
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Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
30
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If you could make it so you can (if not already) gain Buttslut without the permanent increase in ass size, that'd be super!
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So the perks of buttslut without the increase in size...? Hmm I'm using the effect from another user and I like it. We could create another effect that does something similar and not call it buttslut.
 
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Dark67titan

Well-Known Member
Mar 26, 2016
955
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So the perks of buttslut without the increase in size...? Hmm I'm using the effect from another user and I like it. We could create another effect that does something similar and not call it buttslut.
anal addict?
 

Odaous

Active Member
Apr 27, 2017
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Thicc&Shake is implemented in the game! You have no idea what an honor this is. I'm so happy you guys thought it was worthy enough to work on. Can't thank you guys enough!
 
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