[submitted] Pavo, this time for sure

[Reathe]

Hey all! You may remember me from a while ago when i tried to write for Pavo. Well, this time, I'm trying again! On a much smaller scale this time. The following doc has two scenes. (technically 4) The two main scenes are:

eager suck scene for Pavo. His original suck scene is the champ sucking his dick very reluctantly. Even a bimbo champ wouldn't want to suck him, which is odd. That's why I have opted to make an oral scene that is the champ eagerly sucking him off instead.

The next main scene is a bad end involving Pavo turning you in to the orcs. You have to either: Lose 3 times against him or try to suck him off a 3rd time. In this bad end, Pavo becomes the permanent weapon monger and blacksmith and gains some more privileges in the camp. You and your companions become his slaves, tho still used by the orcs

The last two scenes aren't really full on scenes, it's just the extensions that lead into the lead to the bad end or the second time choosing to suck him off.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rVhudXX8qcCrqs49oSKx7Ws7a4BXndWlNQD9HFAOWAg/edit?usp=sharing

this is the link. Hope you all enjoy! It should be finished at this point. Thanks to Blue Bird and SavChat for the help~

 

[Animalistic]

I like the enthusiasm behind the dick sucking! The boy deserves to get the best damn BJ our slavish mouth can offer before his inevitable shackled life.

The biggest thing I would like you to look for is the flow of the text. Just going of the first couple of paragraphs, it does feel like some of the sentences do not really build upon each other; like something is missing inbetween them. Be it words or paragraphs. Also, there are few times where it looks like you are not using a correct tense.

 

[Reathe]

I like the enthusiasm behind the dick sucking! The boy deserves to get the best damn BJ our slavish mouth can offer before his inevitable shackled life.

The biggest thing I would like you to look for is the flow of the text. Just going of the first couple of paragraphs, it does feel like some of the sentences do not really build upon each other; like something is missing inbetween them. Be it words or paragraphs. Also, there are few times where it looks like you are not using a correct tense.

Ah thank you! I'll give it a look around and try to see what I can do.

 

[Reathe]

Alright, i've given it a look around, Should be better this time! I hope!

 

[Ireyon]

Starting small might be a good idea. Who knows, if this works out and you've gotten your coding feet wet you could work on your old stuff again.

As far as content goes this seems good though.