Zil-Stealing

[Eva]

TLR: 

A Vanae-morph Steele defeats a male Zil. Suddenly, a Vanae Maiden appears, mistaking Steele for another Vanae and claiming that Steele stole her prey! Steele resolves the situation somehow or other, possibly by having a threesome.
This is an alternate male Zil win encounter that only occurs if:
1: The PC is a Vanae-morph. 
2: The PC is bipedal. 
3: The PC's sex is female.

Here's the google doc so far. 

I'm maybe 1/4 of the way through at the moment. PEACH. (Please evaluate and critique honestly.)

 

[Noob Salad]

I can appreciate this acronym.

 

[Nonesuch]

Very specific conditions, but I do like this kind of thing - the game noticing and reacting to what the PC is.

Make your doc open to comment and I'll have a rifle through it.

 

[Eva]

Very specific conditions, but I do like this kind of thing - the game noticing and reacting to what the PC is.

Make your doc open to comment and I'll have a rifle through it.

My bad, thought I had done that. You should be able to comment now. 

Since I'm not used to writing for the amorphous-blob-that-is-Steele I figured it was best to start with something with a relatively well-defined Steele-form for it.

 

[Nonesuch]

It's perfectly well written and has loads of variables and choices going on, which is great to see. Right now the flow and lay-out of it is labyrinthine and very difficult to tell how everything joins up. I'm hoping that will become a bit clearer as you fill it out.

I hope you do not feel you have to put this amount of detail and pathing into every sex scene, because it's over and beyond what's expected. It's actually a bit frustrating reading this and trying to piece it together knowing it's only going to be seen by a relatively minute audience.

 

[Lashcharge]

There is something wrong with this doc, for somereason it doesn't let me suggest identations properly.

EDIT:

I tried my best and I think I managed to work something out. Anyway, look at the first variable and the suggestions I made.

I would do all of it but it seems that line breaks are causing some indentation weirdness.

 

[Lashcharge]

Double post please delete this

 

[Eva]

Working with Google docs via iPad app is suffering. Something is definitely breaking.

I am reading your comments, but I can't actually fix the issues until I get to a real computer. (I can't believe I forgot Vanae are blind. As I was explaining it to other people. *facepalm*)

 

[Eva]

Updated with the 'Oral Lesson' scene. Paragraphing here is being annoying: I'd like opinions on how to break it up. I'm still working on the BIG HUGE THREESOME SCENE (tm) in the background: watch this space, there's quite a bit left to write. 

 

[Spritely]

TLR: 

A Vanae-morph Steele defeats a male Zil. Suddenly, a Vanae Maiden appears, mistaking Steele for another Vanae and claiming that Steele stole her prey! Steele resolves the situation somehow or other, possibly by having a threesome.
This is an alternate male Zil win encounter that only occurs if:
1: The PC is a Vanae-morph. 
2: The PC is bipedal. 
3: The PC's sex is female.

Here's the google doc so far. 

I'm maybe 1/4 of the way through at the moment. PEACH. (Please evaluate and critique honestly.)

Couldn't love this more, the whole watching/making watch angle is delicious.

 

[Eva]

Couldn't love this more, the whole watching/making watch angle is delicious.

Into exhibitionism, hm? I'm glad you like what I've written so far! Feel free to suggest things and help proofread the doc, I can always use more sets of eyes on it.

 

[Spritely]

Into exhibitionism, hm? I'm glad you like what I've written so far! Feel free to suggest things and help proofread the doc, I can always use more sets of eyes on it.

*coughs*Train*cough*parkbenchonsundayat3pm*cough*danceflooratmetalclub*infrontofherfriendinthecinema**cough*backpatioofpubduringamealwithrandomguywatching* 

Ahem, sorry. Yeah... ^_^;;;; all before I knew what the fetish was, I was a crazy 19 year old. >.> So naturally I'd love to see this sort of stuff in game. I will take a look and comment if I see anything I can help with.

 

[Eva]

*coughs*Train*cough*parkbenchonsundayat3pm*cough*danceflooratmetalclub*infrontofherfriendinthecinema**cough*backpatioofpubduringamealwithrandomguywatching* 
Ahem, sorry. Yeah... ^_^;;;; all before I knew what the fetish was, I was a crazy 19 year old. >.> So naturally I'd love to see this sort of stuff in game. I will take a look and comment if I see anything I can help with.

I'd love to see your suggestions, especially since you have more ahem, hands-on experience than I do. Realism is good! :3

 

[Spritely]

I'd love to see your suggestions, especially since you have more ahem, hands-on experience than I do. Realism is good! :3

I was just a horny teen initially who didn't want his family to drive off his girlfriends, lol... It was half out of necessity but yeah, I got quite a few really odd life stories that might help you think up something cool. I don't have an excuse for what I did in my 20's (almost out of them!!!!!) though. ^_^

Edit: You could make this a recurring thing perhaps, if you want to take the petplay/exhibitionism further. That would leave you room for all kinds of dirty scenarios set in all sorts of places with sorts of characters in the mix. Maybe even show off your new toy/been shown off as a new toy? 

Might not be law appropriate but I suggest: Theatres( fingering/hand/head in front of one girl's female friend(chaperone) on a first date when I was 17...(it's okay, we all had a threesome the night we met!) when , Parks Day(easy to avoid getting caught if you're smart)/Park Night(Walked an ex through a park on a summer at about 11pm once, made her suck me off by a big pond, did another lap and fucked while some old guy watched, then went home for mo' sex), Bars(bathrooms are handy, heard weird convos fucking in women's bathrooms), maybe some sort of masters/pet ball with a talent show? Train at night(easy if there is only one or two people in your carriage. >.>)/during peak hour(you need poker faces and a big dress to pull this off <.<), Ferris wheel(oh god, got CAUGHT doing that by a freakin family when  damn carriages started rotating up and down in sets of four addition to the actual ferris wheel turning! Thank fuck we were fast covering up or the kids would've realized were doing more than kissing. @___@ Had the best fuck in the park near the Ferris wheel though!), Adultbook store(...shoulda used condoms). Hmm... Not so much a place but a scenario... Playing with SO while she plays with you under a blanket while talking to another couple on the couch in their lounge doing the same thing while both couples steadfastly deny they are doing anything suss, ended with the females cumming loudly and us(SO and I) going home to fuck.

 

[Noob Salad]

How about allowing the scene (with differences of course) for non-Vanae morph females? A human female could technically come off as wanting to steal sex away from the Vanae.

 

[Eva]

Vanae-morphness doesn't guarantee all Vanae parts are present, so a decent number of those checks are already in the scene. That said, currently I'm assuming that the PC has actually met Vanae before and that they look at least vaguely Vanae-like. The adjustment might be possible, but... Ehh. It mucks with the whole premise. I'd rather do this special thing for people who are Vanae-morphs, then move on to making similar scenes restricted to other morph-types.

 

[JimThermic]

Vanae-morphness doesn't guarantee all Vanae parts are present, so a decent number of those checks are already in the scene. That said, currently I'm assuming that the PC has actually met Vanae before and that they look at least vaguely Vanae-like. The adjustment might be possible, but... Ehh. It mucks with the whole premise. I'd rather do this special thing for people who are Vanae-morphs, then move on to making similar scenes restricted to other morph-types.

Good move. Stick with the concept that gives you the most buzz and passion first, rather than dilute the premise to cater to everybody.

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

Good move. Stick with the concept that gives you the most buzz and passion first, rather than dilute the premise to cater to everybody.

Can't decide if it's a disguised attempt to further goals of Vanae supremacists or not, but it's a good advice nonetheless.

@ Eva 

Forgot to ask what'd be your hand wave for a Vanae maiden getting outside of her species 'reservations'? It doesn't exactly goes against their lore, but it'd be quite unexpected for the player.

 

[JimThermic]

Can't decide if it's a disguised attempt to further goals of Vanae supremacists or not, but it's a good advice nonetheless.

 

 

[Eva]

Updated with the 'Sex Lesson' scene, which turned out smaller than I expected: I realized that it merged with the 'watch more' option on the 'her first' side. 

 

[Karretch]

I agree that this should be a focused thing. While it's nice for the consumers to have equal access to a lot of things there's always a call for more niche things. And so long as it's not a based on a choice or action that was a one-time thing long in the past of your multitudes of choices there's no reason for complaints for locked content. If being a morph turns you off but everything else turns on then suck it up and be a morph or just walk away. Not everything has to be for the amorphous blob.

In other words, if it wasn't clear, good work and keep it up.

 

[Eva]

Updated with more of the BIG HUGE THREESOME SCENE (tm). (Specifically, the first 'Steele goes second' variant.)

 

[Eva]

Some editing's been done - mostly regarding the fact that Vanae can't see. I'm working on the "Watch Her" dialogue tree now, but Kind/Hard/Mischievious Steele are not getting along and letting it make sense for the Vanae to react to them in the same way.

 

[JimThermic]

Some editing's been done - mostly regarding the fact that Vanae can't see. I'm working on the "Watch Her" dialogue tree now, but Kind/Hard/Mischievious Steele are not getting along and letting it make sense for the Vanae to react to them in the same way.

 Hang in there! I'm sure you'll make it work out. ^^

 

[Eva]

 Hang in there! I'm sure you'll make it work out. ^^

<3

Yep, I'll figure it out. :3

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

Will look into the new expanded version as soon as I won't be at a work-station. I just hope that I would be able to help.

 

[Eva]

Figured out the issue. I was trying to make Hard kinder when I should have been making Kind harder. The root of the 'Watch Her' tree is up - we're past the halfway point now! 

 

[JimThermic]

Figured out the issue. I was trying to make Hard kinder when I should have been making Kind harder. The root of the 'Watch Her' tree is up - we're past the halfway point now! 

I'm holding off doing serious edits until you're all done, but once you are, I'll print out a hard copy and sit down with my multi-colored editing pen. Kinda waiting so I can do it all in one go.

 

[Eva]

I'm holding off doing serious edits until you're all done, but once you are, I'll print out a hard copy and sit down with my multi-colored editing pen. Kinda waiting so I can do it all in one go.

Alright! When I have a first draft complete I'll send you a PM, but I'll keep posting incremental progress reports 'cause they make me feel like I'm accomplishing things.

 

[Eva]

Updated with 'Watch More.' It turned out differently than I was expecting it to. *shrug*

Also, we're over nine thousand! (Words, that is.) Holy crap, I didn't even realize. I think the last time I wrote this much for anything was for last year's NaNoWriMo.