Worst Christmas Song

[404HaikuNotFound]

Ayyyyy, what up? I’ve been trying to write and the only thing I ever fucking here is Mariah Carey’s 1994 hit single: “All I Want for Christmas is You.” I am going slowly insane.

So instead of actually doing something productive, here’s a question: What is the absolute worst Christmas song in your opinion? Anything is fine, snowy nights to the birth of Jesus Chripiter. Just tell me so I can think of something else.

Please.

 

[ShySquare]

The Batman and Robin themed parody of Jingle Bells

 

[null_blank]

Grandma got run over by a reindeer comes to mind.

 

[Evil]

Thread over.

 

[Ethereal Dragon]

Thread over.

What.. The... FUCK!?

pretty much sums up my response to that...

 

[404HaikuNotFound]

Thread over.

I, uh, uh, what? How the hell did you even find this “thing”? It’s like an amalgamation of one of those bug-out eyes squeeze toys, a bowling pin, and the machinations of a man who knows that the worlds going to end.

But really though, that and Mariah Carey’s stupid fucking song are going to haunt my dreams.

 

[Pikachuiscute]

Grandma got run over by a reindeer comes to mind.

Hey! That song is a classic! (Okay maybe not, but it's entertaining.)

Also, I want to think that Evil has been keeping that video hidden somewhere until he finally got a good chance to show it to someone else.

Yo gabba gabba.
Need I say more?

*Shivers*

 

[404HaikuNotFound]

My god. I found him. Again. This is like a nightmare come true, a descent into madness that spirals forever downwards.

Check 1:32 for him. Oof

 

[Evil]

If you're Irish or from the UK and grew up in the early 90s, that fucker Mr. Blobby was everywhere! He used to be on a show called Noel's House Party, where the presenter Noel Edmunds would dress as Mr Blobby for a Candid Camera style prank on a celebrity, pretending that Mr Blobby was an established kids character. Basically, he'd piss off the celebrity for a 5-10 minute clip.

They tried to make him into a kids merchandising juggernaut. In reality, the kids kicked the poor bastard wearing the costume because their parents hired someone for the party.

He is my nemesis. He is the nuclear option. He must be eradicated.

If I had to suffer Mr Blobby, then everyone has to suffer Mr Fucking Blobby!!!

 

[Ethereal Dragon]

Oh I got such great amusement out of Evil's post it is just so succulent and delicious!

 

[Grimoire]

I hate Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. I can't stand both songs.

My Reason:

Spoiler

Not because i find Christmas songs terrible, but because every Christmas has been completely shit for me since high school.
Every year, every time i hear these specific songs, something fucked up happened that's ruined the holiday for me and i get very triggered when i hear them.

Like sitting in a mental ward behind glass with the TV set on a rerun loop during Boomerang's Christmas lineup from 1960's. Imagine yourself watching the clay-mation shows of the songs playing double features and back then they still used VCR cassette tapes, only you can't leave a 5 by 5 foot box with the A/C cranked down to 65 degrees Fahrenheit, the cell has one of those steel toilet/sink and a concrete slab with a rubber pillow and a cotton blanket as thin as a Hane's T-Shirt to keep you warm in cold indoor / winter cold outdoor environment. Top it off, the TV outside the cell is connected to the speaker system inside the cell so you can hear it and the staff treats everyone like caged animals too drugged up, stupid or borderline suicidal. And you are the only normal person inside mistaken to be something you're not with no one there to believe you because ... you're crazy!!

There's a saying about the laughing man, those who laughs the most, experiencing the most pain.

 

[Pikachuiscute]

I hate Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. I can't stand both songs.

My Reason:

Spoiler

Not because i find Christmas songs terrible, but because every Christmas has been completely shit for me since high school.
Every year, every time i hear these specific songs, something fucked up happened that's ruined the holiday for me and i get very triggered when i hear them.

Like sitting in a mental ward behind glass with the TV set on a rerun loop during Boomerang's Christmas lineup from 1960's. Imagine yourself watching the clay-mation shows of the songs playing double features and back then they still used VCR cassette tapes, only you can't leave a 5 by 5 foot box with the A/C cranked down to 65 degrees Fahrenheit, the cell has one of those steel toilet/sink and a concrete slab with a rubber pillow and a cotton blanket as thin as a Hane's T-Shirt to keep you warm in cold indoor / winter cold outdoor environment. Top it off, the TV outside the cell is connected to the speaker system inside the cell so you can hear it and the staff treats everyone like caged animals too drugged up, stupid or borderline suicidal. And you are the only normal person inside mistaken to be something you're not with no one there to believe you because ... you're crazy!!

There's a saying about the laughing man, those who laughs the most, experiencing the most pain.

That's the kind of thing horror movies are made of. (Specifically a newer one called Unsane.)

It's also a fear of mine. I am very sorry you went through that.


I can kinda understand why those songs are ruined for you now.

He has to laugh, otherwise he will cry or worse.

 

[sumgai]

Grandma got run over by a reindeer comes to mind.

Damn, you beat me to it.

I can't begin to describe how much I loathe that song.

 

[A79]

Here's my favorite awful Christmas song.

 

[Taboo-Sho]

Can I just say...ALL OF THEM! They all play TO DAMN EARLY, its always the same mundane songs EVERY YEAR!

 

[Pikachuiscute]

Can I just say...ALL OF THEM! They all play TO DAMN EARLY, its always the same mundane songs EVERY YEAR!

BAH HUMBUG!

xD They gotta start early to make sure you're good and ready to celebrate by the time Christmas itself comes around. And there's oting wrong with the classics. Kinda how they got to be classics. Lol

 

[Evil]

They gotta start early to make sure you're good and ready to celebrate by the time Christmas itself comes around

I'm guessing you never worked retail.
My first part time job was in a supermarket. Now, this was about 20 years ago, so they would only start the Christmas playlist once Halloween was over. They would play the same six songs on a loop. Do you know how many times that loop would play in a four hour shift (Part timer, remember)? Do you? Now imagine that loop being played for 54 days. A store opened for 16 hours a day, with a twenty minute loop. That's 48 loops in a day. 48 loops a day for 54 days! Do you know how many that is? 2592 loops. That meant that every holiday season, a song could be played a potential mind-snapping 2592 times! Its enough to drive a normal person to insanity! No one who works retail makes it out of the Christmas season with their sanity intact! No one!

Spoiler

 

[Taboo-Sho]

BAH HUMBUG!

xD They gotta start early to make sure you're good and ready to celebrate by the time Christmas itself comes around. And there's oting wrong with the classics. Kinda how they got to be classics. Lol

Not a humbug, just annonyed like Evil quotes. I don't work retail but I hate going to stores the day after Halloween and hearing Xmas Music.

 

[Grimoire]

I'm guessing you never worked retail.
My first part time job was in a supermarket. Now, this was about 20 years ago, so they would only start the Christmas playlist once Halloween was over. They would play the same six songs on a loop. Do you know how many times that loop would play in a four hour shift (Part timer, remember)? Do you? Now imagine that loop being played for 54 days. A store opened for 16 hours a day, with a twenty minute loop. That's 48 loops in a day. 48 loops a day for 54 days! Do you know how many that is? 2592 loops. That meant that every holiday season, a song could be played a potential mind-snapping 2592 times! Its enough to drive a normal person to insanity! No one who works retail makes it out of the Christmas season with their sanity intact! No one!

I feel your pain. Cooking in a kitchen that plays those songs every year. It's madness!

 

[404HaikuNotFound]

Hey guys, guess what? I found something that’s worse than Mariah Carey.

I’ll just leave you to that.

 

[Emerald]

Not a humbug, just annonyed like Evil quotes. I don't work retail but I hate going to stores the day after Halloween and hearing Xmas Music.

That and seeing Christmas decor being sold right after as well.
Like... what the fuck, I guess Thanksgiving just doesn't exist to these people anymore.