Typos/Etc

[XBoxMaster131]

Im baaack! Lets get started!

Sorry for the screenshot on this one it was the only way i could show it. Maybe change the tooltip to read "sort of dumb"

Spoiler

 

[XBoxMaster131]

missining space after smellin


“Like what cha smellin’?”Blue teases, wiggling her hips. “I promise it tastes just as yummy as it smells.”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

missing space before "just"

It squeezes your boobs tightly, all the while it dips deep into your crotch-soaking, black honeypot assiduously wrings your clydesdale-sized, equine tool, and you moan as the sensuality of four hands playing with you simultaneously overcomes you and you are driven to a boobgasm, alabaster milk squirting out of your engorged nipples. “...just so.”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

bit suggestiony, and sorry about that, but maybe capitalize "after" and put a period after "me"

“Sorry, I'm just so happy, Verusha means a lot to me,” after another moment she realizes what it sounds like. “N-not like that, we're just friends.”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

not sure what happened here, really. sorry for the screenshot, it didnt copy paste properly

Spoiler: to save space

 

[XBoxMaster131]

maybe remove the highlighted "it" or "her". whichever sounds best to you

You moan as Verusha’s muzzle envelops your pre-slicked, bestial member. You want to fuck her it but you don’t know if that would be wise. She slowly drags her muzzle up to your blunt head before letting it out with a pop and taking it back in.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

sorry if this is a bit nitpicky, but this may flow better if you replace the first comma with a semicolon. sorry if im being rude or wasting your time, and please let me know if i am.

Verusha looks at you as you continue to pummel your sheath against her muzzle, you can’t tell what she’s thinking, but right now you don’t really care if she’s pissed since she’s letting you face fuck her freely.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Again, sorry for being nitpicky, but maybe change the "fingers" to "finger"


You gasp as one of Verusha’s fingers suddenly penetrate your asshole up to her knuckle. Her finger wiggles around your behind, seeking that cum button hidden inside your ass that’ll melt you with pleasure.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

maybe capitalize "tavros"



“Sure, I haven't really gone out and seen tavros yet, and the housewarming was the last time I really kicked back and relaxed.”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

here also


“Sure, I haven't really gone out and seen tavros yet, and the housewarming was the last time I really kicked back and relaxed.”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

possible missing paragraph-ation or whatever the hell its called here

Spoiler

 

[XBoxMaster131]

missing quotation mark at the beggining



You want to suck my dick, well go ahead bitch, I could use a good cock polishing.” She sits back, spreading her legs to give you full view and access to her crotch.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

another missing quotation mark and capitalization



Wait, there's a beach on tavros?” she asks, sounding surprised. After confirming that there indeed is a beach, you head out with Verusha.

 

[bibbitybobbityboop]

Again, sorry for being nitpicky, but maybe change the "fingers" to "finger"


You gasp as one of Verusha’s fingers suddenly penetrate your asshole up to her knuckle. Her finger wiggles around your behind, seeking that cum button hidden inside your ass that’ll melt you with pleasure.

That would make it 'one of Verusha's finger', which is... not correct. I'd suggest 'penetrate' -> 'penetrates'. I'd suggest this even if singular 'finger' was correct; one item penetrates, and two items penetrate.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

That would make it 'one of Verusha's finger', which is... not correct. I'd suggest 'penetrate' -> 'penetrates'. I'd suggest this even if singular 'finger' was correct; one item penetrates, and two items penetrate.

Ah, crap. Guess I kinda got tunnel vision, lol. Thank you very much for the help!

Though, if you don't mind me saying so, imo, singular is still the way to go here.

 

[bibbitybobbityboop]

I'm not sure what you mean, since 'one of Verusha's fingers suddenly penetrates your asshole' and 'Verusha suddenly penetrates your asshole with one finger' are both singular.

That said, however, I'ma go back to letting this thread be a collection of typos/etc.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

I'm not sure what you mean, since 'one of Verusha's fingers suddenly penetrates your asshole' and 'Verusha suddenly penetrates your asshole with one finger' are both singular.

That said, however, I'ma go back to letting this thread be a collection of typos/etc.

Its more clear in the rest of the scene, which i probably should have posted also, apologies for that. as it goes on it becomes much more clear that the the rest is written as though she is using one finger, not multiple. I can post the rest of the interaction if youd like.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

something totally different here, but im just slapping it in so i dont forget.

missing end quotation mark at the end



You don’t talk much on your way, and once you get there, Verusha pays for her pass. You change into swim wear and step into the warmth of the beach. Verusha is wearing swimming trunks and a top, while you choose a blue swimming bikini. You walk over to the tanning beds and lay down with Verusha.

“Verusha, you’ve changed, you know that, right?

 

[XBoxMaster131]

uncapitalize "Back", and aslo maybe remove "like", thought thats a bit sugguestion-y. sorry.




You chuckle, “Well, like that Back on Tarkus, you would have told me to fuck off if I had told you that you’ve changed.”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Just noticed this. another italics bug

Spoiler

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Change the highlighter "her" to "his"




There are some changing booths nearby, so you go there. As soon as you close the door and lock it, Verusha sits down and pulls the blushing boy into her lap. “Say, have you ever taken it up the ass?” she asks as she pulls the slutty bikini off of his bottom.

“N-no,” he gasps as her fingers sink into her behind.

“Shame, a prime ass like this shouldn’t be wasted,” she says as she spreads his cheeks. She frees her now hard canine cock and rubs it against his virgin hole.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

missing period in the ellipses




“You’ll buy me a nice milker and a cow-bell, won’t you?” she teases, rubbing her still-squirting breasts all along your cushiony tits. “Maybe a nice, hung stud bull to keep me company when you’re off sailing the galaxy? I.. o-oh!”

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Another italics bug

Spoiler

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Another italics bug

Spoiler

 

[XBoxMaster131]

bit suggestiony, and sorry about that, but maybe change the first comma to a semicolon. it may make it flow a bit better, imo



There are no pretenses of gentleness in her thrusting, it’s rough, fast, and brutal, and you love it. Suddenly, she slaps your still sore ass, making you whimper.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

again, sorry for the suggestiony ness, but maybe change to "the bed isnt ain a good shape for cuddling" or something like that. I hope im not being rude by saying this, and sorry if i am and please let me know, but as is it feels kinda.... choppy, for lack of better words.



. When you’re spotless, she dries you up and carries you over to the sofa and lays you down on it. “Sorry, but the bed isn’t in shape to cuddle in,” she tells you as she walks to the kitchen.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

maybe remove the comma after "three"



When she has her other three legs flatly on the ice beside you, you’re suddenly beneath the barrel of her stomach, with three, imposing feet of cock, throbbing above a pair of clenching, scaly balls.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Apologies if this is rude of me, but might i suggest italicizing "can". it would really help hammer the point home


Whatever the truth of it is, you know one thing for certain: if you don’t get those rings off both of them, right now, while you have the chance, it’s all going to start again. There can be too much of a good thing.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Sorry for being nitpicky, but maybe change "it" into "them". Imo it would make the sentence flow a bit better

Finally, it’s done. After a long, well-deserved nap, you three can resume your lives, free from the rule of those damnable rings controlling all three of your very psyches.

Until you slip it onto them again, anyway.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

maybe change pussy to pussies. sorry if this one is a bit nitpicky





The sight of her juice-covered horse-phallus grows sweeter and sweeter by the second, and you almost feel like you’re about to lose control and start begging for it. Luckily you don’t have to resort to that, as Tuuva gets the hint and thrusts her member between your stacked pussy.