bit nitpicky sorry but maybe change the period here to an exclamation mark. its just more fitting imo.
Typos and Etc 2: Electric Boogaloo!
- Thread starter PanzerGuitar00
- Start date
maybe change "mysterious reasons" to "for some reason" or something like that, and change "smirk" to "smirks"
He nods. “Yes. Back in the day, it was the period of time where the big tribes came to Irestead to mass trade their wares, but now it’s a big festival with games, spectacles, and lots of fancy imported goods. When I was a kid, my family held a small stall where we sold homemade anat cookies. Dad still makes some but a lot less than he used to. He studied to be a baker back on Caphist, his homeworld, but he dropped out after one year for mysterious reasons. If you like pastries, I can get you some of his best stuff, fresh from the oven.”
“You’re eating a lot. You’ll need to do lots of exercise to burn it all down,” you tease.
The half-anat smirk. “And what do you have in mind?”
He nods. “Yes. Back in the day, it was the period of time where the big tribes came to Irestead to mass trade their wares, but now it’s a big festival with games, spectacles, and lots of fancy imported goods. When I was a kid, my family held a small stall where we sold homemade anat cookies. Dad still makes some but a lot less than he used to. He studied to be a baker back on Caphist, his homeworld, but he dropped out after one year for mysterious reasons. If you like pastries, I can get you some of his best stuff, fresh from the oven.”
“You’re eating a lot. You’ll need to do lots of exercise to burn it all down,” you tease.
The half-anat smirk. “And what do you have in mind?”
maybe change to "are you" and "tastes like a dream"
Uther snuggles his teammates against him. “So, you’re coming or nah? We can top this sweet barrack birdy together.”
“Or like, you can suck lotsa dicks with me,” Erda adds. “I’m sure yours tastes like dreams.”
Uther snuggles his teammates against him. “So, you’re coming or nah? We can top this sweet barrack birdy together.”
“Or like, you can suck lotsa dicks with me,” Erda adds. “I’m sure yours tastes like dreams.”
change to "are you"
“Woah, what’s this big fellow in your pants?” Erda drunkenly asks, reaching for Uther’s groin. “Oh dear! You’re smuggling grapefruits or sumthing?”
“Woah, what’s this big fellow in your pants?” Erda drunkenly asks, reaching for Uther’s groin. “Oh dear! You’re smuggling grapefruits or sumthing?”
change to "shut grimald up"
You shut Grimald with another kiss. He slowly melts in your arms, overwhelmed by your caresses and by the fiery smog in his lungs — and rear too.
You shut Grimald with another kiss. He slowly melts in your arms, overwhelmed by your caresses and by the fiery smog in his lungs — and rear too.
change to "peck at you"
The oily sluts are but puppets in your hands: little dolls that dutifully peck you with fervent zeal.
The oily sluts are but puppets in your hands: little dolls that dutifully peck you with fervent zeal.
maybe change to "hammer into him"
Well, if that’s what they want, so be it. Mustering your willpower, you hammer him with renewed vigor.
Well, if that’s what they want, so be it. Mustering your willpower, you hammer him with renewed vigor.
maybe change to "won't know what hit you" or something like that
“Grimald! You lil’... brat! You don’t know what’ll hit you!”
“Grimald! You lil’... brat! You don’t know what’ll hit you!”
maybe change to "since there are four of you"
Oh really? Since you are four, maybe you could make it a team fight? Grimald and you versus Sloan and her?
Oh really? Since you are four, maybe you could make it a team fight? Grimald and you versus Sloan and her?