The Pure

[Fisto]

Here's a link

The pure is a minor encounter with Kabr and his terrorist faction on New Texas, small things gonna edit it later after I'm done re-working the re-write

 

[Gardeford]

not gonna lie its pretty rough, but the name made me cringe more than any of the writing. is baton rogue a code name, cause it sounds like a stage name for someone in a play, which seems totally against the characters mannerisms to me.

The idea sounds interesting enough to me, but it needs polishing

 

[Fisto]

not gonna lie its pretty rough, but the name made me cringe more than any of the writing. is baton rogue a code name, cause it sounds like a stage name for someone in a play, which seems totally against the characters mannerisms to me.

 Any suggestions for a different one? i couldn't think of one so i asked a group of friends, I chose out of the spam (Rogue got chosen mostly because i used to use the name)

 

[Fisto]

i scrapped the entire first encounter, made it a combat one, also changed name, ditched the last name, although it might be worse now i have no idea

 

[Alexa]

I ran through a bit of it. Editing was cringe-worthy.   

I haven't read all the way through it, so I can't attest to how good the actual content is. I can make sense of your English, which is good. A lot better than some other content I've seen. From the title, I'm going to assume it's a band of New Texans opposed to the Treatment, which if that's what your content is about, then I'm all for it. I'll edit this post later with some pointers and my take on it.  

 

[VantagePoint]

Holy shit, that was pretty well written. I'm a bit saddened their plan can't fall through, but can't win em all I guess.

And I see he has a dickgirl fetish... May have to introduce him to Syri, I'm sure they'd get along juuust fine  

 

[Fisto]

Holy shit, that was pretty well written. I'm a bit saddened their plan can't fall through, but can't win em all I guess.

And I see he has a dickgirl fetish... May have to introduce him to Syri, I'm sure they'd get along juuust fine  

Eh, add him to the bar's and give random encounter's (PC meets Dash, getting hopelessly drunk with Kiro, chatting with Syri or something)

"Holy shit, that was pretty well written"

First one to say that man, you are the 1% 

 

[Fisto]

OK well hell, did some work, added some stuff for Tauric PC's I'm sure I'm forgetting other TF's that need 'special' scenes, feel free to remind me of them (Drawing a blank currently)

Spoiler

Thought of future stuff for it, but it needs to be approved before I even go that far. although some of the recent threads popped ideas that could be worked in for future appearances of Kabr (would include Dash :3)

 

[Fisto]

Here's a thing, rather not make a new thread for it so I'll attach it here, not done yet, started after i killed the Crota's sisters yesterday (black spindle owns), probably still need to work on the original thing,

>_> but I have half a mind to turn him into a bar encounter altogether so rather just fletch the second part out now and carve a new path later

 

[Fisto]

Did some work on part 2, also re-wrote some scenes for the first thing, as for part two I finished appearance, previous chats, and the Dash choice of the main talk part, I'll probably re-write some of it in the morning when i'm sane

 

[Spritely]

Well here it is --> Link <--

it's been edited to the point where i don't think it will make people cringe when they look over it, I mean I still will but that's different

I took a look at it and I suggested a couple of edits just to show you what I'm willing to go through your work and do if you want help improving anything from me.

 

[Fisto]

*Edit

I lied

 

[ham]

"Pure" is also the name given by tanners to little white dog shits for use in the treatment of leather. Is this true? I don't know, I read it in a Discworld novel.

 

[Yvenne]

The idea of a Resistance faction in New Texas sounds pretty awesome. I haven't checked out the doc yet though. It's permission-needed TwT sent a request

But yeah, The Pure sounds kinda cheesy. The Untainted, perhaps?

 

[Fisto]

The idea of a Resistance faction in New Texas sounds pretty awesome. I haven't checked out the doc yet though. It's permission-needed TwT sent a request

But yeah, The Pure sounds kinda cheesy. The Untainted, perhaps?

I need to retcon that doc, overlooked some things :#

And change names among other things