And suddenly I'm a lot more interested! I've played through episode one and quite liked it. The characters are introduced quickly but consistently, we get a sense of the interplay between them, and it feels light-hearted (something that I personally appreciated.) Oddly enough the character I like most right now is Doctor Kane (in their role as someone entirely up themselves,) probably because it isn't the case that they are lashing out to fulfill the role of antagonist, but rather they are loving being up themselves. That said; the sudden introduction of Doctor Kane was a narrative surprise because the player doesn't know that the nurse isn't still washing Ace.
Chapter 1 is short, containing a single choice, which does actually impact future scenes in non-trivial ways! Great! Also the choice is clearly labelled and external to the protagonist, which I really liked. I think this is because you managed to make me interested in how these characters interact in the ensemble, and not just in the actions of the protagonist.
Things I particularly like:
- The tone is lighthearted
- Sex is part of the fabric of the narrative, not a reward for interaction
- The outfits are colour-coordinated to the nameplates for the most part, aiding recognition of characters.
- Introductions aren't drawn out, and focus is on interplay of the characters
- The characters are interesting (to me, anyway.)
Things I did not like:
- "Aaaagggghhhh it's tearing me apart" - well stop doing it then. Likewise "I don't know if my pussy will ever recover from that." Both of these sentences suggest physical trauma, not sexual gratification. (There are people who are into that, but that seems against the tone of the game and the character.) There are ways you can suggest similar things ("I'll be tender later," "fuck, that was intense," "gently now, we're scheduled for a dicking tonight too and I need y'll working, y'hear?" "Oh that was great. Bruising. But great. Eugh. Worth it.", for example. I am not a writer.)
- Zoey's role in this. It feels overly passive coercive for my tastes, on both paths (although one moreso than the other.) The focus was on her punishments and not on her interests, so we didn't actually learn much about her.
- Keiko's dialogue is a little lacking in context. Is she being poetic? Melodramatic? Her tone shifts from cutesy to goth without being either long enough to establish which is the baseline. Is she writing a novel?
- A few typos, but no more than one generally sees in solo dev stuff. In my opinion it's worth getting someone to proofread before public release, especially if your intent for episodic releases is to showcase long term quality.
On the whole: Well done!
