Proofreader(s) needed for new scene submission please

Discussion in 'Event Submissions' started by Buttmonkey2011, Oct 17, 2020 at 9:47 AM.

  1. Buttmonkey2011

    Jun 28, 2020
    I wrote an anal sex scene for R.K Lah, and I'd like to submit it, but the problem is the instructions here said I need someone to check it first before submitting anything. I don't even know if it's good enough to be worth continuing, so I'd really appreciate it if anyone can read it and tell me if it's good enough to be accepted at all, and if there are any mistakes to be fixed or changes needed if it DOES get accepted.

    It's only my first ever submission and it's still a very rough draft with crappy parsing. I wrote it all like I usually write (aka: shit) which I'll keep as a first draft, and I made a copy to do all the proper changes on (italicizing, separate dialogue paragraphs, putting four dots instead of three...etc). I'm planning to make the final copy with the proper parsing. I'm still new to parsing, but I'll try to make it easier for the coders as best as I can.

    Edit: Here's what I've written so far:
    (I separated the initial scene and the other scene into 2 docs)

    Question: do I need to get permission from Lah's creator (Nonesuch) before submitting anything?

    I'd like to write more scenes for other characters in the future, if fenoxo would have me.

    Thank you for reading, and I hope someone answers soon.
    #1 Buttmonkey2011, Oct 17, 2020 at 9:47 AM
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2020 at 8:40 PM
  2. William.

    William. Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Apr 16, 2018
    If you want folks to be able to read and check your project, you need to post a link to it.

    Preferably, a link to the Google Document you wrote on, with comments enabled. It would look like this.

    See the other threads for examples.
  3. Buttmonkey2011

    Jun 28, 2020
    Ok, thanks. I added it to the post.
  4. valkyr42

    valkyr42 Well-Known Member

    Mar 4, 2016
    It's good, and you've passed the initial hurdle of writing something grammatically correct that flows well and is something someone could conceivably get off to.

    There is a problem with putting words in the PCs mouth when it should be vaguer so as to not ruin anyone's immersion, but that is fixable. I personally would love to have you around to submit missing bits and pieces, and will give a more detailed suggestions pass once I am on my actual computer instead of my phone.
    Buttmonkey2011 likes this.
  5. Buttmonkey2011

    Jun 28, 2020
    Thanks! I'm glad you deem it fappable enough. Though I didn't realize my dialogue sounded biased/forced, so please tell me which parts I need to modify, and if there's anything else I can do to make it better.

    I have a question though: do I need to get permission from the character's creator (in this case Nonesuch) before I do anything else?
  6. TheShepard256

    TheShepard256 Well-Known Member

    Sep 21, 2019
    Strictly speaking, no, Fen has the final say in everything that goes in-game. However, it's considered impolite not to, so I'd recommend 'yes'.
    Buttmonkey2011, valkyr42 and Athena like this.
  7. Buttmonkey2011

    Jun 28, 2020
    Oh ok. Thanks for telling me. I'll go look for them now.