Marcus Huxley, a somewhat more serious character!

[_Swish]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fQmsrKHjjhx3-dZZweWWjqqxj7K2oBe5UGz4S-hFBmg/edit?usp=sharing

Behold, the rough outline of one hell of an interesting character.

Marcus is the result of me looking at the world of TiTS, in a moment of post-orgasm clarity, with a completely serious eye, and recognizing just how completely fucked six ways from Sunday it is politically and societally. Economic strength-dependent representation, megacorps shaping culture to convince people to go deep into debt so they can sell them as slaves, colonialist culture-stomping, and in general a fucking mess. Marcus is a guy who is pissed off by all of this, with the added benefit of having his head screwed on straight unlike RK Lah. He has a pretty sad backstory with a twist he only finds out later on, and yes-- you can bang him. For furrier Captain Steeles, you have the option of getting paraded around pn a leash and coddled like a favorite pet.

Suggestions are not only welcome but heavily encouraged.

EDIT: Old outline is off of this post, but is linked in the new one (which is spoiler free).

 

[SoAndSo]

I really appreciate these kinds of 'escape the matrix' characters cuz there's always more of a down-to-earth/sincere feeling going on and your outline is solid. I have some major suggestions below.

Spoiler: stuff

The first thing would be to make sure you even out exactly what his requirements are for having sex with the PC. It essentially boils down to 'anyone with non-essential-to-life sex mods' and that category is broad so I think if you lay out the details in a proper list, it'll help you before writing any specifics. This is actually good thing as it makes the character more unique than just another pansexual lust monster, props on that.

My second thing: in general, backstory is cool to have but it works best when you're not advertising it before it's written. I'd personally take this Outline doc down and lay out a framework doc. That way, ideas you have mature at a better pace and you can be all kinds of flexible instead of going with what random forum nerds demand. I'd also say 'show over tell' with this kind of espionage-y content.

Third thing: there's a quest outline in there too and it's overambitious for a first time project, also perhaps a bit too dark. This is a mostly goofy porn game, after all. I'd also say consider axing the 'live long enough to become the villain' thing that happens afterwards, again it's kind of an overambitious extravagance when really, you've struck gold already by saying you're making a bisexual human male NPC that can be sexed. (srsly don't underestimate the power of this angle you have, make it the focus if anything)

 

[_Swish]

I really appreciate these kinds of 'escape the matrix' characters cuz there's always more of a down-to-earth/sincere feeling going on and your outline is solid. I have some major suggestions below.

Spoiler: stuff

The first thing would be to make sure you even out exactly what his requirements are for having sex with the PC. It essentially boils down to 'anyone with non-essential-to-life sex mods' and that category is broad so I think if you lay out the details in a proper list, it'll help you before writing any specifics. This is actually good thing as it makes the character more unique than just another pansexual lust monster, props on that.

My second thing: in general, backstory is cool to have but it works best when you're not advertising it before it's written. I'd personally take this Outline doc down and lay out a framework doc. That way, ideas you have mature at a better pace and you can be all kinds of flexible instead of going with what random forum nerds demand. I'd also say 'show over tell' with this kind of espionage-y content.

Third thing: there's a quest outline in there too and it's overambitious for a first time project, also perhaps a bit too dark. This is a mostly goofy porn game, after all. I'd also say consider axing the 'live long enough to become the villain' thing that happens afterwards, again it's kind of an overambitious extravagance when really, you've struck gold already by saying you're making a bisexual human male NPC that can be sexed. (srsly don't underestimate the power of this angle you have, make it the focus if anything)

Regarding the first thing, I'm on it now.

Regarding the second part, what should the framework document be structured like? A random smattering of ideas, a list of bullet points, what kind of structure tends to work best for those things?

Regarding the third thing, I kinda have a thing for overambitious extravagance. I had the story in mind first before any of the lewd things attached to the character, which says a lot about my preference for stories that get dark at times. If you feel it detracts from the character, that I would want to know about (and I'd definitely axe the "going full Senator Armstrong and taking extreme measures to burn the system down" route since I wasn't too sure about it myself), but let's be real, after Myrellion's "War is Hell" quest we can't really say that some questlines aren't designed to be somewhat depressing. I'm willing to tone it down somewhat, but removing the darker aspects or the questline entirely would remove my main reason for writing this character. I could include a warning before the quest starts that it would be a bit darker -- I believe Akane had a warning for the space Yakuza quest, so having a heads-up for content that might turn people away isn't an alien concept for TiTS, although admittedly BDSM and dark story elements aren't quite interchangable.

 

[SoAndSo]

For the structure thing, I mean the barebones scene flow you're going to do for his initial interactions i.e. scene buttons, the first thing that happens when you meet him, what interactions he has at that point at time, essentially the introduction to the content. If you need pointers, I'd recommend looking at any NPC content by a purple name on the Implemented subforum in Event Submissions. Once you have that laid out on paper, it will feel like the content is writing itself and attract people to it. Also don't forget to impress upon that bisexual sexable human NPC thing, it's really in demand on this site.

For the quest thing, really it was just a suggesiton. I can get behind that but my general advice is don't go too HAM, basically. Don't worry too much about a warning as the warning that I put for Akane's thing is entirely for the fetishes involved, not the story. As long as there isn't anything like a visceral description of arterial blood spray and it's at least at the same tone level as what's already in the game then it should be tentatively ok.

 

[_Swish]

For the structure thing, I mean the barebones scene flow you're going to do for his initial interactions i.e. scene buttons, the first thing that happens when you meet him, what interactions he has at that point at time, essentially the introduction to the content. If you need pointers, I'd recommend looking at any NPC content by a purple name on the Implemented subforum in Event Submissions. Once you have that laid out on paper, it will feel like the content is writing itself and attract people to it. Also don't forget to impress upon that bisexual sexable human NPC thing, it's really in demand on this site.

That's a good idea, I'll set up a doc like that. And don't worry, I'll be sure to give the people what they want I'll keep a copy of the general plot outline for myself, though, so I still have that to guide me without spoiling anyone (not that I necessarily have to stick with it).

For the quest thing, really it was just a suggesiton. I can get behind that but my general advice is don't go too HAM, basically. Don't worry too much about a warning as the warning that I put for Akane's thing is entirely for the fetishes involved, not the story. As long as there isn't anything like a visceral description of arterial blood spray and it's at least at the same tone level as what's already in the game then it should be tentatively ok.

Blood and gore weren't on the table to begin with -- they're cheap tricks for people who think it's a shortcut to making something scary, and scary isn't even what I'm going for.

 

[_Swish]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fQmsrKHjjhx3-dZZweWWjqqxj7K2oBe5UGz4S-hFBmg/edit?usp=sharing

Updated with a new document formatted better for the actual writing. The planned scenes haven't all been structured out yet but I believe what I have so far here is what you meant?

 

[SoAndSo]

Yep, that's p much it, you're all good to go. Also don't worry about adding NPC stats in unless you plan for some sort of specific kind of combat routine, usually Fen/coders will sort that out ez.

 

[_Swish]

Okay, so I have his intro scene done (sans the edge case of captured RK Lah being with you as it would make sense to have him comment on that, but I'm saving that for later). I want to know if there are any tonal or style issues, and definitely if there are format issues.

 

[_Swish]

I've made a fairly significant amount of progress on his writing, including talk scenes about mods, the UGC, Debt Slavery, Memes (the sociopsychological construct), and his sword!

 

[XBoxMaster131]

I'm admittedly a bit on the fence on this.

Though I love some of the more serious stuff already in game, like the myr quests, this... idk, I'm just on the fence.

 

[_Swish]

I'm admittedly a bit on the fence on this.

Though I love some of the more serious stuff already in game, like the myr quests, this... idk, I'm just on the fence.

What about it has you on the fence?

 

[XBoxMaster131]

What about it has you on the fence?

Eh. Idk, really.

I guess maybe because of how... real it is, or something? I'm honestly not 100% sure. Every time I try and think of a reason, I fail to find something solid to latch on to, or fail to put it into words.

It's just one of those feeling you're not really sure why you have, you just have em.

Actually, maybe its cause I think that it kinda, idk, breaks the theme of how is been going so far? I'm sorry if that sounds bs, but it's seriously the best solid thing I can come up with.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Eh, whatever. I probably wont care about it while, anyway.

 

[_Swish]

Eh. Idk, really.

I guess maybe because of how... real it is, or something? I'm honestly not 100% sure. Every time I try and think of a reason, I fail to find something solid to latch on to, or fail to put it into words.

It's just one of those feeling you're not really sure why you have, you just have em.

Actually, maybe its cause I think that it kinda, idk, breaks the theme of how is been going so far? I'm sorry if that sounds bs, but it's seriously the best solid thing I can come up with.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe you'll feel differently about the scenes where Marcus cuts loose.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe you'll feel differently about the scenes where Marcus cuts loose.

Hey, dont get the wrong idea! I think its an interesting thing to do, and we could always use more petplay stuff. I just didnt know what to think of it at first, I suppose.

Besides, the whole "on the fence" feeling is already pretty much gone and replaced by "no strong feelings one way or the other."

If I'm honest, I'm actually fairly intrigued how this plays out!

Cuz if you dont mind me making a suggestion, this could also be the chance to explore some of morality of the whole "megacorp = evil, down with the system" thing.

Spoiler: Spoiler thingy so I dont make wall of text to put Berlin to shame.

Cuz while said megacorps may do some bad stuff, not everyone who works there is a bad person, or may very well not even be in on it! Plus, the corps also provide a lot for a lot of people, despite their dark sides. So, would it really be worth shafting all those people the Corp provides things like food, infrastructure, medicine, and jobs for, as well as potentially destroying the careers and reputations and possibly even the freedom of people who either had no idea what was going on or didnt have a choice but to comply?

Anyway, just a suggestion.

Anywho, cant wait to see what you do with this, man!

 

[XBoxMaster131]

@_Swish

Oh, another suggestion!

Spoiler: Wall of text, take 2!

Maybe do a thing kinda like in the Batman Telltale game, where Marcus's dad turns out to have been the one behind all or a bunch of the whole evil megacorp stuff, and he was some power hungry murderous tyrant, or whatever. And that the new megacorp bosses had him killed so they could take over and/or cuz he was so much so a psychopath that they had to get rid of him, and that Marcus's dad was way worse than the guys now in charge.

Oh! Wait! I just got an awesome idea! Make it so that the sword Marcus got from his dad was his father's choice of executing people who got in his way or simply didnt like! That anyone who even looked at him funny would get their head cleaved off. That would be so fucking cool!

Again, just a suggestion! Hope it gives ya some ideas!

Best of luck to ya!

 

[_Swish]

Hey, dont get the wrong idea! I think its an interesting thing to do, and we could always use more petplay stuff. I just didnt know what to think of it at first, I suppose.

Besides, the whole "on the fence" feeling is already pretty much gone and replaced by "no strong feelings one way or the other."

If I'm honest, I'm actually fairly intrigued how this plays out!

Cuz if you dont mind me making a suggestion, this could also be the chance to explore some of morality of the whole "megacorp = evil, down with the system" thing.

Spoiler: Spoiler thingy so I dont make wall of text to put Berlin to shame.

Cuz while said megacorps may do some bad stuff, not everyone who works there is a bad person, or may very well not even be in on it! Plus, the corps also provide a lot for a lot of people, despite their dark sides. So, would it really be worth shafting all those people the Corp provides things like food, infrastructure, medicine, and jobs for, as well as potentially destroying the careers and reputations and possibly even the freedom of people who either had no idea what was going on or didnt have a choice but to comply?

Anyway, just a suggestion.

Anywho, cant wait to see what you do with this, man!

Marcus, so far, cannot really do anything about the megacorps. In fact, no one person can, certainly not in one lifetime.

@_Swish

Oh, another suggestion!

Spoiler: Wall of text, take 2!

Maybe do a thing kinda like in the Batman Telltale game, where Marcus's dad turns out to have been the one behind all or a bunch of the whole evil megacorp stuff, and he was some power hungry murderous tyrant, or whatever. And that the new megacorp bosses had him killed so they could take over and/or cuz he was so much so a psychopath that they had to get rid of him, and that Marcus's dad was way worse than the guys now in charge.

Oh! Wait! I just got an awesome idea! Make it so that the sword Marcus got from his dad was his father's choice of executing people who got in his way or simply didnt like! That anyone who even looked at him funny would get their head cleaved off. That would be so fucking cool!

Again, just a suggestion! Hope it gives ya some ideas!

Best of luck to ya!

That is nowhere near the plan.

 

[XBoxMaster131]

Marcus, so far, cannot really do anything about the megacorps. In fact, no one person can, certainly not in one lifetime.

Damn. Then what are you going to be doing?

Wait! Dont tell me! I want it to be a surprise!

Though if I were to make another suggestion, maybe make it so Steele can say something along the lines of what I said about how taking down a megacorp may result in innocent people getting shafted. Cuz that is a really prolific thing to think about.

That is nowhere near the plan.

Huh. Really? Well, is some other member of his family in on the whole megacorp thing?

Wait, again, dont tell me! Surprise and all that!

Man, I cant wait! Something tells me this has the potential to have myrquest and syriquest levels of thought provocation!