Looking for Editors and Critique [Luca Cum Addiction Alpha Scene]

[Azthra]

I've written a small expansion for Luca that gets her to stop taking drugs to suppress her dzaan cum's addictive qualities.

This is my first submission so I am eager very open to any constructive criticism and would appreciate any time taken to help with editing.

To clarify, the primary goal of this piece is to have Luca apply the Beta's Satisfaction status effect by having Luca deliberately make her cum addictive again, as well as having Luca acknowledge the PC as her beta and the PC acknowledge Luca as her alpha.

This was also intended to expand Luca's alpha/beta stuff without it resulting in a Bad End, as that is the only content where the PC is actually Luca's beta.

As this is my first attempt at something I didn't want to make something to long but I wanted to make something that can be expanded upon once I am more familiar with how things are done.

Thank You

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kRHLHPz8vbAcDcAG-whgZuKnrqTtefhfDHPW5VpQykc/edit?usp=sharing

 

[William.]

I've written a small expansion for Luca that gets her to stop taking drugs to suppress her dzaan cum's addictive qualities.

This is my first submission so I am eager very open to any constructive criticism and would appreciate any time taken to help with editing.

Thank You

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kRHLHPz8vbAcDcAG-whgZuKnrqTtefhfDHPW5VpQykc/edit?usp=sharing

I regret to inform you that Luca can already make the PC a beta. Her author had an xpac approved and implemented earlier this year.

 

[Athena]

Oh yeah, I thought I was having deja vu...

 

[Azthra]

I regret to inform you that Luca can already make the PC a beta. Her author had an xpac approved and implemented earlier this year.

Thanks for the input.

I read through all her content again and made a few changes to my writing and tried to clarify what my intentions are.

From my understanding the only time that the PC is actually Luca's beta is during the Bad End scenes. I am trying to start a scenario where the PC becomes Luca's Beta but does not suffer a Bad End. The conditions for the Bad End and Luca's mechanics still apply but now Luca applies the Beta Satisfaction status effect which gives more incentive for the character to keep increasing their addiction score. I also hope to write more content to expand upon this in the future, I just didn't want to get to ahead of myself before having this reviewed.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

I regret to inform you that Luca can already make the PC a beta. Her author had an xpac approved and implemented earlier this year.

The Luca expac doesn't act like Ardia's addiction mechanics which is what Azthra is trying to add in. I approve of the intent, direction and ESPECIALLY that deepthroat scene. Also I think games should have homogenized mechanics across similar content; I think Luca, Ardia and Jasvalla (depending on how Nonesuch writes her) should all work in some similar fashion.

I think if this makes it in, any increases to Luca's Addiction Score should be doubled. Looks Great so far!

 

[ham]

If there are multiple dzaan alphas competing for Steele, there should be some sort of confrontation where you have to choose one, and some negative consequences for being such a slut.

 

[TheShepard256]

If there are multiple dzaan alphas competing for Steele, there should be some sort of confrontation where you have to choose one, and some negative consequences for being such a slut.

The same could be said of anyone and everyone who tries to dom(me) Steele; given the number of characters and authors involved, and the fact that your interactions with all but one of them would likely be reduced or otherwise negatively changed afterwards, I doubt it's going to happen. Besides, this being a porn game, it'd be weird if Steele was NOT a slut, and punishing them for being one kind of goes against the spirit of the game.

 

[Starstruck]

Besides, this being a porn game, it'd be weird if Steele was NOT a slut, and punishing them for being one kind of goes against the spirit of the game.

You say that but I could honestly see myself playing a Captain thats monogamous with X Crew member (most likely Anno) or limited polyarmory (twins ftw)

 

[null_blank]

monogamous with X Crew member (most likely Anno)

monogamous with Anno

 

[Starstruck]

Hey now, just because Anno's a slut doesn't mean the Captain has to be. xD

 

[TheShepard256]

You say that but I could honestly see myself playing a Captain thats monogamous with X Crew member (most likely Anno) or limited polyarmory (twins ftw)

While monogamy is certainly possible if you don't mind missing out on sex-gated content for every character who's not your lover, as I said, this is a porn game. It's both expected and fitting that the protagonist of such a game would be promiscuous (unless the premise is that the protagonist is trying to avoid/escape sex, but that's not the case with TiTS). This goes double for Steele, who is the rightful heir(ess) to a position created and held by a man with a well-deserved reputation for being a slut; it's both expected and fitting that someone in such a position would also be or become a slut.

 

[Starstruck]

This goes double for Steele, who is the rightful heir(ess) to a position created and held by a man with a well-deserved reputation for being a slut; it's both expected and fitting that someone in such a position would also be or become a slut.

You're not wrong, I do prefer to play rampantly polyamorous Captains, Yoga instructions with Paige, followed by an intimate massage from Fisianna to relieve the soreness, then hitting up Saendra to check her plumbing. That sort of thing. xD
I'm just saying I could see Steele as monogamous, especially when they're someone's submissive pet and doubly so when they're hooked on a Dzaan, considering (if I'm not mistaken) the chemical composition of each Alpha's spunk is subtly unique so the Beta can't get their fix from just anyone

 

[razamafoo]

The Luca expac doesn't act like Ardia's addiction mechanics which is what Azthra is trying to add in. I approve of the intent, direction and ESPECIALLY that deepthroat scene. Also I think games should have homogenized mechanics across similar content; I think Luca, Ardia and Jasvalla (depending on how Nonesuch writes her) should all work in some similar fashion.

I think if this makes it in, any increases to Luca's Addiction Score should be doubled. Looks Great so far!

Who is Jasvalla?

 

[TheShepard256]

Who is Jasvalla?

As far as I can tell, she's planned to be a slaver and planet rusher who, like Luca and Ardia, is a dzaan hermaphrodite. Given that a) she's a slaver, and b) Nonesuch is writing her, I imagine she's going to be much less friendly than either of them.

 

[William.]

As far as I can tell, she's planned to be a slaver and planet rusher who, like Luca and Ardia, is a dzaan hermaphrodite. Given that a) she's a slaver, and b) Nonesuch is writing her, I imagine she's going to be much less friendly than either of them.

She's your creepy stalker, not a slaver.

 

[TheShepard256]

She's your creepy stalker, not a slaver.

I must've misremembered, then.

 

[William.]

I must've misremembered, then.

TBF there is a slavery aspect in that she wants to addict you to her and make you her property, but she's only going after you so. Besides, Nonesuch markets her as a huntress; a stalker.

Spoiler

The kind that has a creepy board of news clippings and other things in her home to track you.

what a stan