Taking a break on the way there:
Grammatically, I think this should say "afraid of" or "worried about," not "afraid about." "Scared about" also works.
"to be a hero," presumably.
Climbing up the cliff:
If she's pulling, then presumably she climbed the cliff before me, meaning she's at the top - but there was no indication of this prior, which makes this moment somewhat confusing.
Entering the cave:
Rubble and broken what? If it's suggesting the floor itself is broken, that should come before "littered with rubble" to avoid this type of confusion.
Exploring the cave:
This is in the room with the pool. It's probably supposed to say "minty scent," not "flavor."
From the tile below Olivia's - there should be a comma after "pour in." The "for" in the sentence can also be deleted, it's a bit redundant.
Center tile of the cage. Delete "there's."
Random combat encounter:
Missing a comma after "coming from."
Conchobar:
The "Conchobar responds" should be cut.
Missing capitalization.
Grammatically, I think this should say "afraid of" or "worried about," not "afraid about." "Scared about" also works.
"to be a hero," presumably.
Climbing up the cliff:
If she's pulling, then presumably she climbed the cliff before me, meaning she's at the top - but there was no indication of this prior, which makes this moment somewhat confusing.
Entering the cave:
Rubble and broken what? If it's suggesting the floor itself is broken, that should come before "littered with rubble" to avoid this type of confusion.
Exploring the cave:
This is in the room with the pool. It's probably supposed to say "minty scent," not "flavor."
From the tile below Olivia's - there should be a comma after "pour in." The "for" in the sentence can also be deleted, it's a bit redundant.
Center tile of the cage. Delete "there's."
Random combat encounter:
Missing a comma after "coming from."
Conchobar:
The "Conchobar responds" should be cut.
Missing capitalization.
