[Implemented] Etheryn Ice Dildo

[Alypia]

Hi, all!

I just got a dream into the game (aaaaaahhhhhh )! However, this salient comment was made about it:

I'm gonna say it for everyone that ending is a major blueball lol.

That was my intent when writing it, but at the same time, now that the dream's in, I feel like I'm now obliged to give up the goods. So I wrote something I've been thinking about for awhile: a scene where a Champion with a vagina can ask Etheryn to freeze the dildo (now helpfully relegated to Key Items in the last patch) for some intimate temperature play. If Ryn does a good job, the Champion can also reward her with dildo anal play (Champs with vaginas) or a good hard buttfuck (Champs with dongs or magicocks to go with their vaginas), then cuddling, ear rubs, and so on!

Per suggestions, I have used spacing and indents to make the scope of my parsers clear. Hopefully that doesn't make it too difficult to read through. (EDIT: I did it incorrectly, because of course I did, haha. Am fixing.)

I am very inexperienced at writing smut, so I'd really like feedback on that part - but, like last time, I'd just really appreciate a few more pairs of eyes on my document before I submit it. I'm deeply grateful for any help y'all can lend! Thanks in advance!

Spaced-out version: [link removed]

No extra spaces: not using this anymore because fuck that noise lol

EDIT: Newer, stripped-down version: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15iWdN-YtPh3Ht2vPMI_EHuVIa8VoLR0O1hCtXCtoEBc/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Alypia]

I hilariously and embarrassingly misunderstood the spacing formatting, so I had to fix it. Done now.

I have also created a separate document copy that omits the spacing, if it's easier for you to understand that way.

 

[DaisukeKaiser]

Read the entire thing and I have to say.. You've done it the blue balls have been cured lol. But in all seriousness you've really outdone yourself with this being only your second scene for the game, I didn't notice any errors in your writing or problem with parsers so I take that as a sign you've improved rapidly in such a short time. I'm looking forward to see if this get's approved I don't have a female champ / champ with a vagina yet but if this gets in I'm gonna have to get in gear just so I can read it again.

Side note any chance you'd consider writing alternatives for the ear rub scene for the existing scenes Ryn already has? I find it so cute and would really really like to see it used for the others too, you don't have to obviously I was just curious.

 

[WolframL]

Added a suggestion on the no-spacing version. Sorry, I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of the parsers to be able to give any feedback on that aspect. This was a really sweet little scene you wrote and I love it. Also like that you thought to check for Ryn being a virgin whenever the scene appears.

 

[Alypia]

Thanks for the help!

Added a suggestion on the no-spacing version. Sorry, I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of the parsers to be able to give any feedback on that aspect. This was a really sweet little scene you wrote and I love it. Also like that you thought to check for Ryn being a virgin whenever the scene appears.

The number of changes needed means I'm only really working on the spacing document - it's easier for the coders to use - but I've incorporated that suggestion.

 

[Alypia]

Still working through edits, but as always, more eyes would be grand.

This evening I lost another battle to myself in the eternal struggle between "I want to put something complex and forthright in the Champion's mouth" and "how dare this idiot writer place words in my Champion's mouth! THEY WOULD NEVER SAY THAT".

 

[Balaknightfang]

"I want to put something complex and forthright in the Champion's mouth" and "how dare this idiot writer place words in my Champion's mouth! THEY WOULD NEVER SAY THAT".

Isn't it just the worst?

 

[The Observer]

Still working through edits, but as always, more eyes would be grand.

This evening I lost another battle to myself in the eternal struggle between "I want to put something complex and forthright in the Champion's mouth" and "how dare this idiot writer place words in my Champion's mouth! THEY WOULD NEVER SAY THAT".

And that's why I prefer to go for the indirect route, which allows the PC's dialogue to be taken at face value, but also allows some flexibility for the player to insert their own headcanon as to what their champion actually said. It's not perfect, but...

 

[Alypia]

And that's why I prefer to go for the indirect route, which allows the PC's dialogue to be taken at face value, but also allows some flexibility for the player to insert their own headcanon as to what their champion actually said. It's not perfect, but...

Yeah, that's what I've been working toward, but like you say about "not perfect": even the complexity of an idea rather than specific dialogue sometimes gets me hung up.

Am I going to feel awkward about having the Champion talk to Ryn about the little voice deep down that tells her that she hurts because she's being punished, and she's being punished because she did something wrong, and how that little voice is shitty and wrong, especially when it tells her that she doesn't deserve good things because otherwise why would everything else hurt so much...even if I try to communicate it outside quotation marks? Yeah. So, y'know, in go the anodyne "there, there"s and "of course she deserves nice things"s.

 

[Zawarado]

Am I going to feel awkward about having the Champion talk to Ryn about the little voice deep down that tells her that she hurts because she's being punished, and she's being punished because she did something wrong, and how that little voice is shitty and wrong, especially when it tells her that she doesn't deserve good things because otherwise why would everything else hurt so much...even if I try to communicate it outside quotation marks? Yeah. So, y'know, in go the anodyne "there, there"s and "of course she deserves nice things"s.

Gosh here's to hoping she'll give that voice the boot around the time she gets that damn cage off

 

[DaisukeKaiser]

Gosh here's to hoping she'll give that voice the boot around the time she gets that damn cage off

Shush you fool! Are you trying to give Savin a reason to pull a fast one on us again and blue ball everyone like in the Winter City?

 

[Alypia]

Gosh here's to hoping she'll give that voice the boot around the time she gets that damn cage off

I never could.

 

[Alypia]

Okay. The original concept for this scene, while complete, was, realistically, much too complex. (This version is also pretty complex, but I think it's easier to edit. It may get pared down even more; trying to be William on the second thing I submitted ever was not a bright idea.) But I have tried to streamline it into something more appropriate, while saving some of the other ideas for later.

Much of the scene is built off of the previous version, but I found it more expedient to simply create a new document. I have replaced the link in the OP.

It still needs a few editing passes before I'm ready to submit it, but I'm happier with this than with the previous version.

 

[Alypia]

FUCK IT LET'S GOOOOOOO