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Corruption of Champions II
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<blockquote data-quote="ghostwriter207" data-source="post: 442218" data-attributes="member: 52180"><p>[ATTACH=full]36191[/ATTACH]</p><p>This occurs when talking to Lumia about helping out with Maternity Duty - this part shouldn't be italicized.</p><p></p><p>[ATTACH=full]36187[/ATTACH]</p><p>Lumia says this of Champ getting knocked up by Hjorr, but Hjorr knocked up my non-valk Champ without an issue.</p><p></p><p>Talking to Hjorr:</p><p>[ATTACH=full]36188[/ATTACH]</p><p>She's a northern mino, not a southern one, right?</p><p></p><p>[ATTACH=full]36189[/ATTACH]</p><p>This should probably have a question mark.</p><p></p><p>[ATTACH=full]36190[/ATTACH]</p><p>If "Lady Light" is a title, then "Light" should also have proper capitalization.</p><p></p><p>Choosing Sex:</p><p>[ATTACH=full]36192[/ATTACH]</p><p>Missing opening quotations and italicization. Also, there should be an apostrophe in "valkyrie's."</p><p></p><p>Choosing "Get Bred:"</p><p>[ATTACH=full]36193[/ATTACH]</p><p>Might benefit from commas.</p><p></p><p>[ATTACH=full]36194[/ATTACH]</p><p>Despite the text saying Hjorr spun the Champ around at some point, the scene begins with Champ face-to-face with Hjorr (or rather, face-to-tits) and ends with them face-to-face (or tits), which seems contradictory.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ghostwriter207, post: 442218, member: 52180"] [ATTACH type="full"]36191[/ATTACH] This occurs when talking to Lumia about helping out with Maternity Duty - this part shouldn't be italicized. [ATTACH type="full"]36187[/ATTACH] Lumia says this of Champ getting knocked up by Hjorr, but Hjorr knocked up my non-valk Champ without an issue. Talking to Hjorr: [ATTACH type="full"]36188[/ATTACH] She's a northern mino, not a southern one, right? [ATTACH type="full"]36189[/ATTACH] This should probably have a question mark. [ATTACH type="full"]36190[/ATTACH] If "Lady Light" is a title, then "Light" should also have proper capitalization. Choosing Sex: [ATTACH type="full"]36192[/ATTACH] Missing opening quotations and italicization. Also, there should be an apostrophe in "valkyrie's." Choosing "Get Bred:" [ATTACH type="full"]36193[/ATTACH] Might benefit from commas. [ATTACH type="full"]36194[/ATTACH] Despite the text saying Hjorr spun the Champ around at some point, the scene begins with Champ face-to-face with Hjorr (or rather, face-to-tits) and ends with them face-to-face (or tits), which seems contradictory. [/QUOTE]
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