Hjorr stuff

ghostwriter207

Well-Known Member
Feb 20, 2024
49
28
26
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This occurs when talking to Lumia about helping out with Maternity Duty - this part shouldn't be italicized.

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Lumia says this of Champ getting knocked up by Hjorr, but Hjorr knocked up my non-valk Champ without an issue.

Talking to Hjorr:
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She's a northern mino, not a southern one, right?

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This should probably have a question mark.

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If "Lady Light" is a title, then "Light" should also have proper capitalization.

Choosing Sex:
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Missing opening quotations and italicization. Also, there should be an apostrophe in "valkyrie's."

Choosing "Get Bred:"
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Might benefit from commas.

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Despite the text saying Hjorr spun the Champ around at some point, the scene begins with Champ face-to-face with Hjorr (or rather, face-to-tits) and ends with them face-to-face (or tits), which seems contradictory.
 

teawolf

Well-Known Member
Moderator
Jan 30, 2024
267
93
38
Spelling and grammar should be sorted, thanks! Left:
  • Northern/southern issue--will confirm with Garde;
  • Valk / not-Valk gating;
  • Spinning & facing, as I don't know what Garde envisioned.