Help me please, I fear I'm becoming a monster

[Grizzabella]

To paraphrase Rick Tyler from an episode of Stargirl.

I am angry all the time, I want to hit something, anyone, anyting... every second of every day.... the anger I feel I fear is poisoning me... do you think I like that???
No I hate it.

I have watched my family members, people I thought I could trust, endanger the lives of my mom who has diabetes, is overweight, 68 years old and has COPD... while my dad has lung damage from Legionnaires disease.
I have had to beg and fight with my Republican family members to get them to wear a mask in my parents teeny tiny trailer... to keep them from sharing a doobie mouth to mouth with my parents because they believe I am a paranoid Nut Job who believes in a hoax.

Should they kill my parents with covid, I fear what I might become.

Music has a huge impact on me emotionally... I need to feel these complex emotions through certain songs in order to desensitize myself to the volatile emotions I may feel should my parents die as a result of my family members callous disregard for human life.

The problem is I only know very few songs that conveys such emotions, I need your help, help me find the songs I need.

The following are songs that convey the emotions I need to feel.

There is another song that I can't find a link to but I can remember some of the lyrics...it goes something like this

it's like I'm living in silence, don't tell me that I'm okay, I'm tired of all the pain, words coming out but I can't hear a sound... don't tell me that I'm okay, I'm tired of all the pain.
Sometimes I feel like I'm dying but it's all in my head, wonder if this will end, these scars need to mend, I'm tired of feeling dead, I want to live again... Anxiety... Leave my body

That's all I can remember of that song, don't know who sang it or what the title is... if you know what this song is please tell me, as well as telling me what songs match my list.

please save me from the monster I am becoming

 

[TrustworthyTraitor]

If you do have such fears you should contact a psychiatrist instead of seeking help on a porn game related forum ...

 

[Grizzabella]

Already seeing a psychiatrist...yet he tells me I am being paranoid...dismissing my fears as if they were nothing.

 

[TrustworthyTraitor]

I would advise to change to another one if present cannot do his/her job properly also it might be a very good idea to look for a hobby/some project to occupy yourself with.

 

[Tinman]

Already seeing a psychiatrist...yet he tells me I am being paranoid...dismissing my fears as if they were nothing.

This sounds highly suspicious to me as it's basically the polar opposite of what psychiatrists are taught to do. Either you have one of the worst shrinks in the world, or you're seeking attention and none of this is real. If the former seek a different psychiatrist. No professional should dismiss the problems you describe. If the latter, you seriously need to stop. Trying to help people in need can be incredibly draining and there's no end when helping people who are more interested in attention than fixing their problems. Crying for attention like this hurts the good people who take it at face value while also drawing their efforts away from people that genuinely need it.

 

[Kesil]

This sounds highly suspicious to me as it's basically the polar opposite of what psychiatrists are taught to do.

Yet it happens. I had personal issues at school and I asked to be fowarded to one. After pouring my heart out during all our talks, all he could muster was that I needed Maths tutoring and lose focus on the other subjects

 

[Tinman]

Yet it happens. I had personal issues at school and I asked to be fowarded to one. After pouring my heart out during all our talks, all he could muster was that I needed Maths tutoring and lose focus on the other subjects

Which is why I said "highly suspicious" rather than outright dismissing it. There are shit people in every field, but the odds of someone ignoring everything they've been taught for their career is much lower than the odds of a random stranger on the internet lying to me. That's also why if it's true the best remedy is to seek out a different professional, because you're incredibly unlikely to have the same problem crop up twice.