[First Draft] Fabius Gripus; Ordinary Citizen

[Ace Hangman]

This is my first attempt at writing a character. I am more of an editor than a writer, but I want to learn more about variables and parsers and I figured this might be a good way to practice and get feedback. I tried to intersperse a few different parsers in there and try some different spacing and such. Polite, honest feedback is appreciated, whether on parsers, Google doc legibility or layout of how I arranged it.

If this seems to have legs, I may submit this officially in the future with the handy new Submission form, but since this character circulates around a location (Colosseum) that isn't quite set in stone yet, there's a lot of things that are up in the air or might need changing (or his info on gladiators will need to be added, since I don't know who they'll be, so can't give any details on them).

Character is a non-sexable townsperson. Just here to dispense lore and information and add flavor in these scenes and in an apparently mentor role. Perfectly normal, old, human man with no secrets or other agendas (as far as you know). I am just seeing if he might have potential as something that could fit into the world in a positive way, and mostly for practice purposes.
Fabius Gripus; Khor-minos Citizen [First draft proofreading, spellchecking, and input/suggestion phase, WIP, obviously]

Combat statistics and combat scene arrangement for masked gladiator 'Erotium Badua'. Intended as a low-tier, early opponent. A perfectly ordinary, normal human gladiator with no secrets... other than the mask part (as far as you know).
'Erotium' Combat Scene [First draft proofreading, spellchecking, and input/suggestion phase, WIP, obviously]

Character scene with a potentially-sexable townsperson, with a planned conversation challenge. Just a perfectly normal, old, human man with no secrets or other agendas (as far as you know)..
Fabius 2 [First draft proofreading, spellchecking, and input/suggestion phase, WIP, obviously]

 

[The Observer]

Character is a non-sexable townsperson.

I'm afraid to say that your submission will be declined on these grounds even without looking at it. Pure infrastructure writing is by and large reserved for staff. While practice is all well and good, do understand that it will not be accepted.

 

[Ace Hangman]

I'm afraid to say that your submission will be declined on these grounds even without looking at it. Pure infrastructure writing is by and large reserved for staff. While practice is all well and good, do understand that it will not be accepted.

Did I write 'non-sexable'? Pretty sure that's not even a word... I must have meant... 'nonsensical'. Yeaah... that's the ticket!
Completely mad, like a fox... like a kitsune... fox.

Yeah, he's... totally gonna be sexy-fun-times... it's just... gated behind a dialogue challenge that I haven't written yet. Yeah... he needs to be... mentally stimulated at his age. Got to arouse his mind first.

 

[Knife-wielding Crab]

I've started putting in some comments and will continue when i find more time.

Keep in mind I'm not a native speaker so my grammar corrections may be off.

 

[Ace Hangman]

I'm afraid to say that your submission will be declined on these grounds even without looking at it. Pure infrastructure writing is by and large reserved for staff. While practice is all well and good, do understand that it will not be accepted.

That might be the case, but fortunately we're not at the submitted stage even. I probably should have been more clear in the Title, or message, or in the document itself. This is just the chassis and framework to gauge whether an NPC like this would even be looked on favorably or as a net positive addition.
Right now, it's like someone's gifting you with some firewood to keep your family warm and allow you to cook and feed them... and you're trying to build a house with it and complaining that the firewood is worthless.

Also, I just don't believe that every submission requires Sexual content. I don't think because someone wants to submit a fight scene or comes up with a great fight encounter where the Champ meets a giant preying mantis that they should be required to write in some insectile intercourse afterwards where you then decapitate it and eat it... because that might sometimes happen in nature and you want to be respectful to the mantis' expectations.

I also don't think that someone who wishes to proffer or suggest a gladiator or combatant that might be fun and challenging and add flavor to the colosseum section (so that location's writer doesn't need to come up with a whole bunch of filler fights all alone and can focus on the stories and choose the best options from a variety of suggestions and writers who may not be able to write a plot to save their life, but can make at least one damn fine fight), needs to have some down-and-dirty for when they lose. Especially since I believe its been stated that that isn't the expected modus operandi of arena fights. (though it's been suggested that maybe some of the characters could have such scenes 'backstage' or in the corridors). I don't think someone suggesting a predominately combat, gladiatorial character needs a sex scene. As you know from reading it, this character is ultimately made as a gladiator to be fought, he just has a backstory and some outside the arena floor interactions available as well.

If it ultimately comes down to there being a required sex scene, when we get to the submission stage. I promise you, I will come up with something. Even if it's just making it so that the next time the Champ masturbates, if they have met the character and if they spoke about sex (indicating the player was at least somewhat interested), I'll will write you that old-man sex scene you want, pale genitals and wiry gray pubes and all, where the Champ fantasizes about him in a sexual manner (that might factor in whether B-Slut option is on or not).

TL/DR That said, I do appreciate you taking the time to look over it and respond and I certainly respect and value the opinion of a writer whose content I have enjoyed immensely. I would love to know what you felt was this document's greatest strength and potential? The grammar, spelling, document page layout?
What would you say your second favorite part of it was?
Your second least favorite part or interaction?

 

[Knife-wielding Crab]

Ok so I've only read halfway through the docs and will continue later.

I like the cryptic background vibe he gives off. As well as his down to earth attitude.

My main concern is his way of speaking. Sometimes he comes off as an wary war veteran. Sometimes as a jolly uncle. I think if you put some more periods and shortened down some of his sentences, make him more laconic. And he would still come of as clever.

 

[Ace Hangman]

I like the cryptic background vibe he gives off. As well as his down to earth attitude.

My main concern is his way of speaking. Sometimes he comes off as an wary war veteran. Sometimes as a jolly uncle. I think if you put some more periods and shortened down some of his sentences, make him more laconic. And he would still come of as clever.

All fair, he's all those things (well, not an actual uncle). Just like anyone else, being a former soldier is not his whole personality, but it should always be a factor in how he might respond. Now he's just an old man who lives a relatively good and leisurely life, helping out people around the colosseum and up to absolutely nothing else of any note or interest. Perfectly normal, friendly old guy. The more jolly attitude will likely be more apparent if I go into more dialogue that isn't based around his past or fighting, like a lot of the arena talk is (like when you see him around town at the bakery).

 

[Zawarado]

I think the writing is fine enough, it's clear you've put effort into that, good job, I wanna say that first and foremost^^

Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure if there's a market for an NPC who just dispenses lore and whatnot(which is what I believe Tobs means when they say only staff handle "pure infrastructure writing"). Now, if this GILF(Grandpa I'd love fucking)was, say, a veteran of the coliseum who's just as happy laying pipe as he is recounting cool arena fights and stuff(All lore stuff would have to be cleared by Staff, but this guy seeing a fight or talking about a party or something? Totally fair game imo), I'd say things would be different, that's the route I think you should consider

 

[Ace Hangman]

I think the writing is fine enough, it's clear you've put effort into that, good job, I wanna say that first and foremost^^

Thank you for taking the time to look over the writing. I am still adding more to it, because this is the first draft. I waited a day to reply, because I wanted to make sure that this didn't sound defensive and to make sure that this is only to share my views here in case other readers might have similar thoughts.

Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure if there's a market for an NPC who just dispenses lore and whatnot(which is what I believe Tobs means when they say only staff handle "pure infrastructure writing").

I know what he implied, but it wasn't appropriate for this stage of design (and that was pretty well pointed out, labeled, and repeated). Imagine you have 10 songs and you think they're good enough to go on an album, but you can't afford the cost for a producer, editor, and designer to release a full album. What you can do, is release one or two songs, hope they are well-received, generate interest to make the risk of putting out a larger project more viable, and maybe make enough money to fund the release of a full album.

So you go to someone whose job it is to assess songs, and you ask, "Which of these songs would best work for laying the foundation and framework for what might ultimately become an album? Which song would have the broadest appeal, fit the current popular culture or genre, has the best sound or beat or lyrics, etc.?" And their response to that clearly laid out question and reason for you presenting the songs is (because you mentioned there might potentially be an album sometime in the future if the songs are good), "Well... none of these songs will be on an album... because each of them is one song by itself... and albums are more than one song. So I am going to say none of these songs will be an album for that reason... without listening to them."

That's a very unfortunate and, frankly poor, thing to reply as the very first comment in a post that isn't being submitted yet. Because, when it comes from a well-regarded and prolific member, at least how I would view their opinion, it makes people that would have been inclined to offer advice, read through it to find parts they would like to see enhanced or expounded upon, and they immediate see that first off and it makes them think, "Why bother when [person] just made it clear it would be a waste of time from what he said (without even reading it)?", and people's time is valuable. I should know based on the sheer amount of time I've spent reading and rereading scenes in the game, including The Observer's. Literal hours reloading to go back over scenes, purposefully losing to see Bad Ends, then reloading to run through them again and again, sometimes with different companions or gear (with or without an orb) just in case one of them has a line or remark and it has grammar or spelling issues. And this is back before you could save in dungeons.

So I know what he intended, I think it was executed poorly. It really means, 'I didn't bother to see if the lack of a sex scene either made total sense or was appropriate, because I didn't even read it.' There are asexual characters and characters that aren't interested in sex. There can certainly be characters that are hugely interested in only laying pipe all day long... but they aren't interested in sex with the Champ, for whatever reason. And that's fine as long as there's a reason they don't. Since you read it, you actually know why sex or lack of interest in it fits this specific character (but I also left the door open that it could be added later, ie. if the Champ somehow does stimulate or interest him in that way), but that's not what this stage or design is about currently.

Now, if this GILF(Grandpa I'd love fucking)was, say, a veteran of the coliseum who's just as happy laying pipe as he is recounting cool arena fights and stuff(All lore stuff would have to be cleared by Staff, but this guy seeing a fight or talking about a party or something? Totally fair game imo), I'd say things would be different, that's the route I think you should consider

At its core, this is a suggestion for a gladiator for the arena, not an old man you can have sex with (I put the gladiator and combat stats at the end, because the document is arranged in an order that the Champ was likely to encounter the character and how their interaction would likely progress). A simple, quick, low-tier and early on opponent to beat up on that might save the writer working on the colosseum 15 minutes to design one themselves. They can use that time to work on the important ones and the plot. If ultimately the designers decide that might be all they want/need (or don't), that would be just fine too. Sometimes you just need the 'Pack of Wolves' to flesh out an area or to move a scene along (like meeting Brint). You shouldn't be forced to write a bestiality scene (especially when you don't want to) because otherwise they're just wolves to fight.

The fact that I opted to slowly expand outward on that base concept (to practice and try out parsers and variables I couldn't try in a combat scene was to show that I was actually willing to continue working and modifying it as needed or as the process organically grows. Not every plot, scene, or character is submitted (or accepted) with all their story and interactions written out (or even thought of by the author at the time of submission) and it's something that happens often. You start with a seedling and you grow it out. The fact that you can meet and interact with the gladiator (possibly unknowingly, and before you fight them) does not change that.

I also have very, very little interest in writing grandpa sex, or almost any sex scene (and I don't think writers should be forced to do such scenes just because). I could if I really, really needed to, but that wouldn't be an issue until I heard whether the character itself was strong enough to hold a reader's interest or had some potential to do something other than be sex-fodder (I like the look of Frost Pupper, but the lack of any actual interaction beyond 'Hold my leash and we can have sex' actually just saddens me for a loss of potential. I don't just want, big-dicked elf-boy who can't seem to cum encounter (I have gone through them for editing purposes to find errors), but I have little connection with that character. He's nothing but sex (and the scenes are fine, I know, and I don't think anyone will disagree, that he's ultimately pointless and I can tell that just from how his encounter goes. Contrast that with Fritte and Company, they are ultimately the same, but the way their written leaves them actually feeling more like real characters in the story and like there could be a scene or encounter later involving them.

I would prefer to have a person that enhances an area or scene, rather than is just a, frankly lackluster, scene themselves. It's also why I gave the otherwise simple combat NPC a bit more flavor in a manner I thought would make him stand out with his tactics and story.. Anyone could just say, 'This gladiator you're facing in the next round wears a mask and no one knows who they are (and never will)", whereas I opted to allow a reader a chance to make a conclusion, and possibly invest in, what would otherwise be just a faceless opponent you click Lightning Fist on (or Summon Favored Beast) and Tease, Tease, Tease. Ultimately, I prefer having a consistent and believable character before feeling I need to write grandpa sex just to merely be able to say, 'Hey, here's a gladiator for a location and event (arena) that has already been described as not being expected (not saying there won't be some nearby) to involve sex in it.'

Make no mistake, if I got even a bit if indication that this character would be beneficial to the game and story or even just helpful a little bit for other writers to have an outlet/NPC for dispensing their own plot ideas or hooks through... and I was told it absolutely needed a sex scene, I would. I prefer, "That character is fleshed-out and I like his personality and description and outlook and, maybe the vernacular or slang in his speech as you wrote it, and I wouldn't mind getting intimate with them." But not the other way around, where it's like, "I want to have sex with an old man before you can put an old man in the story,"

 

[Gardeford]

Early on is exactly the best time to give that kind of warning, as it saves you from wasting time. Adding sex to a character that was designed to be sexless will not make them automatically acceptable.

 

[Ace Hangman]

. . . Adding sex to a character that was designed to be sexless will not make them automatically acceptable.

I absolutely agree, as close to 100% as you can get while still understanding there can be exceptions. I firmly believe a character should be able to stand on their own as a personality and developed entity (unless they're just some meaningless sex scene, like a street pro or nameless kobolds, where the participants are just faceless and interchangeable). If it's a poorly written or uninteresting character who isn't relatable (or their appeal is solely based on how awesome Moira or one of the other amazing artists portray them in a bust image), then that should be addressed before slapping on a band-aid sex scene. It would just be a sex scene with a deficient, lackluster, and unrelatable character (unless that sex scene is so fantastically written that it literally elevates the character on its own, but it likely could only do that by adding in relatable qualities during the scene).

Trying to strongarm someone into tacking on or shoehorning in a sex scene for a character that wasn't designed to it (or doesn't need it because they're relatable and strong enough on their own), is just unnecessary and sometimes just inappropriate to expect.

I am sure people want sex with Coraline in Starhome (I don't mean just some manual relief), but even though she's a twelve-foot sex-icon, and Moira's artwork gives her very impressive qualities, she makes it very clear that she is Asexual, that she finds it 'discomforting', that she doesn't desire or hunger for a relationship, and she does not enjoy it. And I think that someone insisting that such a character be forced to have such a scene just to even be looked at, is both unsettling and a little disrespectful. The truth is that she adds little to the overall zone or plot or story itself. She's just an encounter that makes Starhome seem more like an actual community with relatable people in it just interacting and living their lives and less like a den of non-stop shark orgies. Literally take two steps in any direction and have an amazing sex scene in about 9 different ways.

Imagine if SKoW didn't write her (in other words, someone who isn't a Lead Creator or whatever the term might be that has more autonomy for creation and implementation). SKoW had Starhome but maybe was looking for just a little more flavor or things to add to make the zone more interactable and fun to be in (whatever their reason for adding Coraline was). Imagine it was someone else who suggests Coraline in roughly whatever first draft form SKoW might have dreamed her up. Are we to believe the answer would be, "Because you aren't SKoW, this character, who has every reason not to desire sexual interaction (and states it plainly) would never fit in this area or story?" the same with the 'Shark Park'. If someone other that SKoW had said, "Hey, wouldn't a Shark Park to relax in be an interesting idea for an underwater city? I wrote a short location if you like it! (And it's written basically how SKoW wrote it)". No one thinks the response to that submission should be "Sorry, no sex happening with sharks or their owners? We're not even going read it. Until you have some sharks banging it out 'mako-style' and having the Champ get horny watching, we won't even look at it."

Another example would be Feronia, the proprietor of the Passion Pasture brothel. Can't sex her, her whole presence could be removed and replaced by a few lines listing her as 'the brothel madam' and having her just direct you to the sex workers (I know she gives you a ring from the Lost and Found box recently). I mean, there's 4 fleshed out multi-scene characters available right there (and that's not counting the others; Serena, Rose, Vitra, Milly, Milking Barn a few steps away), so it's understandable that the writer might be like "I've done enough sex scenes for this location". I personally view Feronia's presence and writing (and artwork) as a great addition to the area. She does not have sex with the Champ (she does imply that it might be possible or she'd be willing if current circumstances were different), but whether that's ever even intended at a later time doesn't matter, because just flat out denying her inclusion because of no sex scene would mean the loss of what I feel is a well-written character. The fact that it was SKoW that wrote her shouldn't make it any different than if someone else did.

So I do agree. Forcing someone to add in a scene that they feel doesn't work with a character (or that they don't feel comfortable writing) shouldn't be encouraged, especially when it's made plain in the character's description why they wouldn't. Especially egregious when someone refuses to even look at why such a character might not require such a scene. Having said that, I could write a sex scene if the character was well-received enough on their own and enough people made it clear that it was really something needed (but even then I would probably just allow them to write out the scene themselves, as long as it conformed to the established character traits and personality, which I think is the norm for such instances where someone writes a scene for another author's character).

If, after refining and hearing feedback on the character itself, we ever get to the point where I do submit it, I would expect someone to say, 'This submission is refined enough that it will work, but you need a sex scene,' I would consider it because it makes logical sense and is a more reasonable thing to say than, 'There's no sex scene, so there can't possibly be anything of value that your idea could be worth even looking at to offer a suggestion.' especially when we both agree that having a sex scene is no guarantee of acceptance. That's just wasting the author's time forcing them to divert their passion and attention from ideas they're enthusiastic about sharing (and could be amazing) to do something that they have no motivation for (or possibly even talent) to do. Especially when they're writing for a scene that has no need for sex at all.

I have full confidence there will be plenty of spectacular and amazing sexual encounter opportunities available around the colosseum and other personalities therein; written by far more talented authors than I. I have absolute faith that not being able to sodomize or get plowed by one old man you meet cleaning a room will not make people rage-quit. He's not needed at all, I'll be the first to say it, but I also whole-heartedly hope that someone can see that if he was added, he brings something useful and positive on his own, even if it's just them saying, "It saves me from having to write a whole character just to mention some other rumor or information I want to be learned or to tease the existence of my own gladiator NPC. Here's an already fleshed out NPC I can use to disseminate plot or story or tease and foreshadow the upcoming character's appearance."

 

[Zawarado]

Trying to strongarm someone into tacking on or shoehorning in a sex scene for a character that wasn't designed to it (or doesn't need it because they're relatable and strong enough on their own), is just unnecessary and sometimes just inappropriate to expect.

See, that's the issue at the end of the day though Ace, the character you want to write isn't designed for sex scenes, and the Devs have close to absolutely zero interest in accepting submissions from non-staff/very trusted writers of the community already(who all got their starts writing either one off dream scenes or sex scenes, or even the mad lads who wrote full characters that include and are designed for sex)that don't have sex scenes. The only exception I can think of is the dream scene with multicolored Caits written by Alypia, and even that ends with the implications of lewd stuff.

At the end of the day, you aren't going to change the minds of the Devs about this, NPC character submissions need sex scenes. I'm not saying to shoehorn or force sex into this character of yours, but this character just isn't going to be accepted cause they don't initially include a way to sex them. If the Devs want a character in the arena to talk about lore, they will want to write it themselves.

You'd be better off redirecting your creative energy into cutting your teeth on writing sex scenes for already established NPCs in the game, not only because it's far easier than writing a whole NPC, but because reviewing it and coding it will be way easier and quicker for the staff, which will only encourage them to give whatever big project you eventually decide to do more immediate attention.

If you're still feeling ambitious and want to go full speed ahead with a whole NPC, either heavily rework the old man to be sexable or design a character who has sex as an option with them, because, again, you aren't going to change the Devs minds here.

 

[Ace Hangman]

The only exception I can think of is the dream scene with multicolored Caits written by Alypia, and even that ends with the implications of lewd stuff.

So what you're saying is... there's a chance!
Challenge accepted! I am going to write such a damn fine theoretical, pre-submission NPC that just walking around Khor'minos will have you going... "Dang... now I'm already imagining it as though I've met that old man and this place is already more awesome and immersive'.

 

[Zawarado]

So what you're saying is... there's a chance!
Challenge accepted! I am going to write such a damn fine theoretical, pre-submission NPC that just walking around Khor'minos will have you going... "Dang... now I'm already imagining it as though I've met that old man and this place is already more awesome and immersive'.

No bean, I'm not saying there's a chance, and staff are saying there's not a chance. That example only worked cause it was a dream, not a whole NPC, those are very different things, not comparable at all.

Also, again, if the Devs want an NPC like that, they will want to write it themselves. They don't want you to write it.

You are not going to change their minds. If you continue writing this, please understand it will not be accepted, and will purely be for practice purposes. I don't like saying that, it's clear you have some passion for the idea, but it's the truth

 

[Ace Hangman]

if the Devs want an NPC like that, they will want to write it themselves. They don't want you to write it.

I get it. What they want me to write is an old man sex scene... to show that I am able to write an old man... who doesn't have an interest in sex (with the Champ) at a later time.

If you continue writing this, ... [it] will purely be for practice purposes.

That's all it currently is, my bean. Thank you for checking it out, I've got some parts to expand on and I'm glad you were able to offer some suggestions.

 

[Gardeford]

Skow is staff, which is the whole point. Every word you've spoken is illustrating why you shouldn't be allowed to write this kind of character. The fact that you cant accept that this isn't the kind of thing we're looking for from non-staff or incredibly trusted writers in the first place, and continue to tiptoe around that point shows incredible disrespect. People have been courteous in informing you that this isn't what we're looking for, and you've done nothing but tell them they're wrong and that they should be looking for it.

 

[Ace Hangman]

Skow is staff, which is the whole point.

What are you even replying to? I don't see anyone here that has claimed SKoW isn't staff. I myself directly stated they were a creator. I know I said that if someone (like SKoW, who was only used as an example of a creator that has a zone with non-sexual content) wanted to add a non-sexual encounter, and one was available from a submission that fit, turning it down, even though it would be exactly what they would write themselves or using it as a template or idea, makes no sense .

I don't know what you're referring to with this. This Thread has very little to do with submitting something, it is about improving and practicing on things that go beyond just sex and whether they are acceptable on their own (whether they would or would not be tied to a sexual scene.) If a scene would be well-written and serve its purpose, then you, as a writer should be able to say that it can stand on its own from a critical point of view. Maybe I am fully versed in how to write a sexual scene (whether you want to believe it or not, or whether I want to write one, or whether I am just inspired by all the great scenes in COC2), and that's not what I am asking for pointers on.
"This thing isn't purple enough!" "I know... because it's blue." "Yeah.... but blue is halfway to purple... you need to add red to make it purple enough to be purple!" "I don't want it to be purple. I don't need to know what steps I should take to make it purple... I only asked what you thought about this shade of blue."
Third person: "Hey, man (or preferred pronoun)! This guy's worn a purple shirt before! I saw it! The fact that you can't accept that your blue shirt isn't purple is disrespectful!"

Every word you've spoken is illustrating why you shouldn't be allowed to write this kind of character.

Every word I've written, from the very first post, has been that I am doing this as practice to learn more about parsers and variables and interspersing them into this style of writing and it's here because this is where people who would be familiar with the lore, style, and setting are, to give pertinent feedback on how it fits the theme or not. I only mentioned the consideration of even submitting things, far away down the line after receiving feedback on whether any of the vignettes, or parsers would be something a reader would say, "Yeah, I really liked how you utilized Brienne if she's in the party. What she said and did makes total sense. Oh, and you remembered to check if she has a bell!". or "There doesn't seem to be a [parser/variable] for that," or "You should use the [pc.lips] variable here, it will add more personal touches to the scene." Which could then be applied to any future writings (possibly for submission).

There has been literally one person here who has offered any actual direct feedback or suggestions based on the actual content of the Document (there have been a few that have pointed out some typos or errors and suggested replacements in the Doc itself. And Zawardo said 'the writing was fine', but nothing I can use to know where to focus or tighten up, like "I wanna know more about his hands, no one ever really describes character's hands enough for me" or, "I like that you added in random variables to have him located in a different area around the colosseum when you look for him, allowing you to add more color and depth to the location he frequents in a non-intrusive way," (or whatever)

From Reply#1, it was, basically, "Even though you haven't submitted it... and have made it clear this is the very first draft, and you are using it to improve your writing, and that isn't being submitted in the foreseeable future... and that this post is for comments on the contents, style, and Document layout and ease of reading and reference... I am going to remind you that since you haven't submitted it... It won't be accepted for submission... and we won't read it... since it wasn't submitted. And you need a sex scene for it to be accepted... when you submit it."

To which the reply was, "I know it's not going to be accepted for submission... because I haven't submitted it. Did you have anything that you did like about it? Were the bookmarks helpful? Were the links helpful for navigating? Were there too many misspellings that turned you off from even reading past a certain point. Did I consistently leave out an 'e' from 'Hawkethorne' somewhere?" And got nothing. No one is forcing anyone to reply here or read the document, but if you're going to comment, at least be constructive about it and stay on the topic and purpose (and be aware of the stage of development the work is at). If you want to tell me that any first-draft was perfect and would have been accepted... I will take your word, I would find it hard to believe, but I would have to accept it. I however, know that I want to improve my character writing, not my sex scene writing, and that's what was asked for.

The fact that you cant accept that this isn't the kind of thing we're looking for from non-staff or incredibly trusted writers in the first place, and continue to tiptoe around that point shows incredible disrespect.

No. I can very well accept that something I haven't submitted will not be accepted for submission. No one is tiptoeing around it. You seem to be misconstruing (or misunderstanding) my consistent stance that this isn't about being accepted or writing a sex scene. I have consistently tried to keep the topic focused on 'Can I have feedback on parsers, variables, descriptive text, atmosphere etc. Regardless of if that scene is talking about bananas, looking at a character, or meeting outside a bakery. And if I did have a sexual scene in that Document... I would still want actual feedback on the contents of the scene. not a statement that the document appears to contain one.

People have been courteous in informing you that this isn't what we're looking for, and you've done nothing but tell them they're wrong and that they should be looking for it.

No, unless you're purposefully taking my clearly joking post about writing such an impactful collection of scenes that the readers who graciously took the time to actually read the Doc and, hopefully, leave some feedback would be left thinking, "Yeah, I can see that one guy being here," the next time they walk through Khor'minos, out of context. Maybe I should add more winking emojis to them. No one has said that anyone is 'wrong' or that they have to look at this document. No one is being forced to do it. But if you are going to post a comment in that thread, it should at least actually make the attempt to follow the purpose of the thread.

If you can't look back on your comments and go, "You know, maybe there was something about the actual Document or character or idea, that I found positive or negative, maybe I could at least mention that somewhere before I just try and generate drama based on... other people doing the same thing." Because if I seem like I'm 'not-getting' that you guys want a sex scene, that's not the case. What the issue is, is that I'd like for people to be able to actually use the thread and offer answers or advice based on what the thread is actually asking. There's no [Submitted] tag in the title, nor has it been. Anything else, has been a reply as to why I'd like to not focus on this being accepted (at this time, or even ever).

TL/DR
Please, please, please! Just keep this thread a place where people, who are willing to actually take their time and read or look at something that might never, ever, ever be implemented, but are willing to take their time and leave actual comments about it either because they are genuinely helpful, or they just like reading and seeing different thoughts and ideas that others who play the same game they do look at the game world. I think that's a fair request. I don't need people trying to make claims about me that are baseless, or at least not appropriate in this actual situation. I certainly don't need people trying to prejudge any work I actually might submit in the future based on misplaced replies based in a thread based on misplaced replies. It turns off people that might otherwise want to actually comment and I'd prefer people feel comfortable enough not to feel that by posting something positive(or negative) it'll look like they're picking some side, rather than just giving an opinion or critique.

 

[WolframL]

Here's the thing though, you're moving the goalposts. Your initial post said and I quote:

If this seems to have legs, I may submit this officially in the future with the handy new Submission form

In other words, that this is something you planned on possibly submitting, you did not present it as a pure writing exercise. Your continued attempts up to your most recent post to argue why the devs should accept the idea in spite of two of them telling you that non-staff/trusted writers are not allowed to submit this sort of content makes you look both argumentative and unable to accept that sometimes No Means No and your idea has no legs.

Also, by trying to turn this into a writing feedback topic you're missing the entire point of this subforum. Right up at the top it explains what it's for.

Post links to submission documents here. Also find writer's guides and design documents. NO IDEAS/PITCH POSTS.

In other words, this particular board is for things you are working on to submit/have already submitted for the game. They even all-caps'd how this is not a place to pitch ideas. By extension you may safely assume that this is not a general writing feedback board.

 

[Ace Hangman]

In other words, this particular board is for things you are working on to submit/have already submitted for the game. They even all-caps'd how this is not a place to pitch ideas. By extension you may safely assume that this is not a general writing feedback board.

Yes, 'working on'. I think there's a document link to things I've clearly worked on. I don't think you can even try and say that no time was spent working on grammar, adding parser codes, and replying and taking suggestions. What this isn't, is general writing feedback, that would be, 'Hey, how would I write a sex scene?" or "Hey, should these scenes be in 1st or 2nd person?" or "Should I use evocative descriptions and take into consideration traits and physical properties of the Champ when I write a scene?" That would be requesting general feedback (and is something Savin graciously answers in the Event Submission Guidelines. I know, I read them before posting for feedback, like he suggested). When someone, ie. right here, right now in this very thread, is asking for specific feedback on the writing, style, spelling, or any other properties of actual work, that's both appropriate and what this forum is for. Having a submission accepted, is something that will not happen to the majority of writing and documents, but that doesn't mean that people making the effort are abusing the forum. Having reasonable expectations that something is unlikely to happen is not the same as tricking anyone or trying to waste anyone's time. The fact that you could even try and use my words against me is evidence that I am being very sincere and clear on how I plan to proceed with my work, at my own pace, and at a level I feel comfortable with.

You're reaching to try and define the document submissions and links that people put here as being forbidden Ideas/Pitches.
An idea or a pitch would be,
"Hey guys! How about you write a dragon girl! She could stay at the Wayfort if you ever repair it! Oh, and what about letting us repair the Wayfort!"
That's an idea or a pitch. And it's a friggin' great idea and pitch. It doesn't go here in this forum though (probably the What Content Would You Like to See thread). or
'How about someone writing an older human, other than Brother(Father? he's sometimes confusing about it) Sanders whose an ex-soldier and arena fighter and secretly might be a masked fighter himself that tries to get closer to the Champ for [reasons].'
That's also a pitch.

What's not a pitch or idea is to actually putting work into what would be an idea or pitch. Drifa wearing a blue flower is not a pitch or idea. Clementine getting sheared by the Champ is not a pitch or idea. It may have been at one point, but once put into words it is not. Otherwise, your logic would dictate that every first draft and submission is a pitch, and that makes no sense, since you're claiming that wouldn't be allowed here.

The fact that you had to immediately make an argument, 'Oh, so you said you'd consider submitting it this (after it was looked over by other forumites for ideas, feedback, and suggestions before polishing it up)? Then that means you can't have it also intend to be used for learning, experience, and feedback," but then you immediately imply, "Because you even suggested you might use this opportunity to learn something or get practice, then it was NEVER INTENDED FOR SUBMISSION (despite clearly stating it could be if it was able to be polished up enough)... so it's suddenly just an idea and is no longer actual work that can be looked at and commented on." An idea is something you come up with to create or do. Once you start working on creating and doing it, it's not an idea. You can't have it both ways, either every single document posted in the thread is an idea or pitch, and thus doesn't belong here (even after being accepted, which would just make it an 'accepted pitch or idea'), or that clearly wasn't Savin's intent.

[This forum] is where actual work has been done on ideas or pitches (possibly from another thread where such ideas/pitches are appropriate). I think the clear intent is 'don't fill this forum with ideas and suggestions, post documents containing actual work that people reading this forum can appraise, critique, and comment on.' Claiming anyone asking for such feedback is guilty of some policy violation or inappropriate conduct (no matter how minor you might concede it to be), is itself inappropriate.

I get your desire to stick up for or jump in to show solidarity, but trying to claim a movie pitch or a story idea is identical to a first-draft movie script or the first 3 chapters of a book (even with typos or the working title still up in the air or even the gender of the lead character undecided) is just a poor stance to take. Otherwise every single submission or document here that isn't already accepted would be an idea/pitch and that's preposterous when you think about it even a little.

I am going to try, one more time, and this isn't just to you, it's for anyone that feels you or someone else needs a forum champion to speak for them. Stop before you Post, think about what you wrote and ask yourself, 'What's this thread's purpose?' is it to for people to look at documents and comment on them? Am I actually commenting on any part of the actual work or am I just replying to a post replying to someone else that also didn't offer any constructive criticism? Is my reply of benefit to everyone reading this, or is it just something that everyone now has to read through before they offer something useful and pertinent? Is this basically a reply to one person? Then maybe I could just directly send it to them and not make them (the OP and person you've directly commented to), feel the need to reply and practically beg people to stop saying the same thing that has been repeated. Which is why I am making sure it's clear that this isn't towards any one person. I am not your forum mini-mod, I am not here to berate or chastise people in other forums, but as the OP here in this thread, and someone who is tired of seeing constructive threads and people get turned off from wanting to participate, I feel I can ask for it here and now. If you want to reply and it doesn't involve something that will affect or comment on the SPECIFIC document you are reviewing, then just send me a direct message and I will probably reply to you in short order.

TL/DR
One of the documents here is a scene and is in its first-draft. It is not ready for submission, because I read the guidelines and suggestions and I know it isn't, because it's not at that stage yet. It might never be, but that's going to be based on things that happen in the future, be that helpful constructive criticism (of which The Observer's was, though premature at this stage) or whether people continually ignore it and prejudge things without even reading them (those of you who did, you know this isn't at you).

One of the documents doesn't have a sex scene, because that kind of interaction does not happen in the situation and encounter described in that specific document.

Just like there could be a Drifa Part 1, a Drifa Part 2, and Corrupted Lupine Lair, and a Drifa in the Wayfort document, each separate from each other, but cohesive enough to allow constructive and effective feedback, but maybe only one has a possible sex scene in it. That doesn't mean you need to point it out for every document.

I thought maybe I was wrong and I didn't reply to The Observer saying the character would have sexy-fun time (but I look back and see it's literally the 2nd reply on the thread), and it even talks about the intended direction it would take and gave details of how that scene might be written and that it was and idea Note, the fact that it wasn't written yet, which means it was an idea for something I might work on later, and that's why it wasn't posted at the time, because this wasn't the place for it at that stage. Reading it again, I see that I also mentioned my reluctance, lack of experience with those scenes (a good reason to ask for suggestions and feedback in the document involving that specific stuff) and lack of motivation, which should explain why it's lagging behind.

Stop jumping to conclusions and understand that not everything has to generate drama. Stop it (and that's not directed specifically at anyone, even if you know it should be) No poster here should feel anxious or afraid to share their work (nor even their idea and pitches, just not in this forum, as stated), there does not need to be THREE staffmembers jumping in every time one is asked a question so the other doesn't feel the need to reply (and possibly admit they didn't actually bother to read anything).

Judge each submission on its stand-alone merit. I try not to judge and compare every author here who asks for advice to The Observer's work, or Gardeford, or another scene with a lupine if their character happens to also be a lupine, or even that same author's work based on a different situation, scene, or character they've written. No one needs a reply or feedback on their scene involving two woman about how it doesn't have as many penises as some other scene that has a penis in it.