Extra Siegwulfe Content [Accepted]

[Azthra]

This is an expansion of Wsan's already amazing expansion for the Siegwulfe companion droid. It is my second attempt at writing TiTs content and I am hopeful that my skills, or lack thereof, have improved. I've already reviewed this a few times on my own but I am looking for other opinions and help editing, especially with punctuation (I'm bad with commas). Any contributions would be greatly appreciated.

Here is the Link

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-DT0Sj4VHp_xwv8kbYEzYu1HJj2cc5IS2wQDJPmf3SI/edit?usp=sharing

 

[TheShepard256]

I'd like to view it and see if there's any feedback I can give, but I can't access the document. Would you please open it up to the public?

 

[Azthra]

Oops, sorry about that. It should be open now and thanks for the heads up.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-DT0Sj4VHp_xwv8kbYEzYu1HJj2cc5IS2wQDJPmf3SI/edit?usp=sharing

 

[TheShepard256]

Okay, now for actual feedback:

1. The Treat scene says that Steele gets on their 'hands and knees'. While this would work for most Steeles, it doesn't for those who don't have knees (i.e. those who don't have the plantigrade or digitigrade leg flags), so you should probably make a very small variant for that.
2. I assume the 'Chloe' on page 14 is supposed to be a [wulfe.name]?

For the Badger/Need2Breed stuff:

• I'd recommend that instead of going to Tarkus immediately, [wulfe.name] brings up the idea, then either the scene triggers upon entering the Bimbotorium or the option to trigger that scene is added to Badger's menu. That way, both you and the coders don't have to account for anything that could go wrong from teleporting like that (e.g. remaining disarmed by NT Customs), and the latter also allows the player to choose whether or not they'll get the perk (since not everyone will want it).
• It's possible for Badger to be arrested (rendering the Bimbotorium inaccessible) or bimbofied (rendering her too dumb to make new stuff). The latter should be relatively easy to write around if you wish to do so, especially since you've implied she already made the formula beforehand; just have her struggle to, but ultimately succeed at, remembering what and where it is, then she or [wulfe.name] gets it. The former is harder to write around, especially if neither of the possible ways to distract the Peacekeepers guarding the Bimbotorium (from the pexiga uplift quest) are available (since Del can move to Canadia, and Lash's bomb is a one-time-only thing), and it would be entirely up to [wulfe.name] (and possibly Steele) to find and correctly identify the formula.
• 'Badger quickly disappears behind a pile of garbage' - I don't think Badger would keep piles of garbage lying around. I think it'd be better to change this to a pile of random items/junk that Steele can't even begin to guess what they're for, or perhaps she instead goes into the lower level of the Bimbotorium (same place as where the pexiga is uplifted/bimbofied).
• +1000% lust gain while not pregnant (or carrying eggs; the game doesn't really distinguish between the two) is a lot, especially at high Libido. I think doubled (or x1.5) lust gain while not pregnant, and half lust gain while pregnant, would be much more reasonable (though ultimately it's up to the devs which specific values are used).
• Given that Steele can have up to three vaginas and thus up to four pregnancies at once, do you want the effects of Need2Breed to vary in strength depending on number of impregnable holes compared to number of active pregnancies, or simply be a matter of pregnant vs not-pregnant?

 

[Azthra]

Thank you for the great feedback, especially on the perk stuff, there is a lot of things I overlooked. I'll have to get to work on what you suggested.

Maybe I should only allow the perk scene to trigger if already on Tarkus? The point of the pc getting the perk was as a "punishment" for not attending to [wulfe.name] after the blurbs that trigger as their lust increases. My intent was for it to come off as something that was beyond Steele's control while still being avoidable by the player if they meet certain conditions.

I think if Badger is arrested it probably would just be best to rule out the option to get the perk. Do you think that would make too much work code-wise?

I should clarify that the 1000% was only supposed to be for fertility, not the lust gain. Is that reasonable? It's the same as being in "deep heat".

For the matter of multiple vagina's I was going for a caring domme, where [wulfe.name] deems you unfit for such "rough intercourse" while in a pregnant state, so preg vs non-preg was the intended goal.

Sorry about all the questions, I'm quite inexperienced at this but I want to get this right before considering to submit it.

 

[TheShepard256]

Maybe I should only allow the perk scene to trigger if already on Tarkus? The point of the pc getting the perk was as a "punishment" for not attending to [wulfe.name] after the blurbs that trigger as their lust increases. My intent was for it to come off as something that was beyond Steele's control while still being avoidable by the player if they meet certain conditions.

There are two functions in the code - leavePlanetOK() and disableExploreEvents() - that when combined should prevent triggering scenes that might cause screw-ups if they involve teleporting to a different planet like in your original plan. I just thought it might happen at an inconvenient time for some players, which is why I suggested what I suggested. If that's how you want it to go, I won't stop you.

I think if Badger is arrested it probably would just be best to rule out the option to get the perk. Do you think that would make too much work code-wise?

No, that'd be very easy to work into the code. Combining it with the two above, the whole thing would look something like this:

if (leavePlanetOK() && !disableExploreEvents() && !drBadgerImprisoned()) {/*scene that leads to Need2Breed perk*/}
else {/*rest of normal scene goes here*/}

I should clarify that the 1000% was only supposed to be for fertility, not the lust gain. Is that reasonable? It's the same as being in "deep heat".

I think it's fine, which is why I didn't suggest lowering it.

 

[Azthra]

Tweaked a few scenes and added a scene variant for a bimbofied Badger.

 

[Milkman]

Hmm it's probably outside the scope of this project. But tbh one little thing that's always bugged me about siegwulf / I wish was different is that I wish we could chose what dick to use on her during sex rather than her always picking a random cock.

 

[Azthra]

My PC's typically don't have a cock so I've never noticed. I tried to make the scenes that mention the PC's cock consider all cocks but as you might have noticed, cocks aren't all that important in the scenes I wrote.

 

[Athena]

I'm honestly confused as to why the scene eventually leads to the player going to Badger, and I'm not talking about the whole teleport thing. It's worth noting that the player can opt out of the whole Ovillium thing when obtaining Bimbo-Domme, so I feel like her being able to impregnate you should be a pre-requisite at some stage of this content.

 

[Azthra]

Thanks, I was unsure about that whole bit myself, I've removed that scene and worked on the trigger for the other scene you commented on. I would really appreciate your feedback on the change. If it's up to snuff now should I resubmit with the changes, or is that not necessary.

 

[Athena]

Thanks, I was unsure about that whole bit myself, I've removed that scene and worked on the trigger for the other scene you commented on. I would really appreciate your feedback on the change. If it's up to snuff now should I resubmit with the changes, or is that not necessary.

Alright, I left some more feedback in regards to the button, but overall I'd say you have a good thing going with the rest of the content. I recommend inquiring as to whether or not you need to resubmit, since I'm fairly new at this myself, and couldn't tell you one way or the other.

 

[shrikes]

I'm really liking where this expansion is going. I haven't read through the whole document yet but how about some artistic suggestions to streamline things.

I don't recall reading about what happens to the PCs gear. perhaps a small blurb that she puts it into a locker or utility space in her tuaric half?

Maybe make the grav cuffs snap to her tauric half immediately rather than describing her doing it manually. Also, when back on the ship, the magnetic locks don't really need to be disengaged, do they? For as long as the antigrav field is off, the scene should work just as well.

Perhaps add some text referring to the people who see the PC and Siegwulfe? That way this scene can add to the exhibition score. You could even add several lines as to how the PC reacts based on the exhibitionist score.

Also, once wulfe.pcname is set, doesn't she use that in lieu of the PCs actual name? The collar name tag can be an exception, but perhaps add a blurb about lost and found information and to look for wulfe.name onboard the PC's ship or something.

 

[William.]

@Azthra

Hello!

Fen asked me to look through and help edit this and I think it's a delightful expansion - I've paused at Page 9 for tonight - and it's tickling my inner sub thoroughly. You're off to a good start and I'd like it to make the cut.

However, it has a build-up of many small issues that need to be resolved for it to be added. I'll preface this by saying that I am still not 100% familiar with the Domwulfe pack; it's been a hot minute since it's implementation and I've been having to scan the implemented content via the code for mentions of her genitalia.

As far as I can make out, the Domwulfe's cock is a bright-orange hardlight projection of a canine cock w/ knot. This is based on Wsan's original writing.

But her balls (more like storage tanks) are very real. At first I thought she didn't have balls because I was having trouble finding direct mentions of the Wulfe herself having a sack, but I did. They're definite tangible things filled with the synthy ovilium cum and which slap heavily to the PC's various bodily parts.

If anyone could chime in and confirm/deny this, please do so. As it stands, the doc is referring to her balls as hardlight.

Beyond that, these are the two main issues with your project, and what most of the edit time goes into fixing or suggesting.

1) Punctuation, first and foremost. Much of the dialogue has been incorrectly formatted; you've used commas outside quotation marks, used incorrect punctuation to end sentences, aren't taking taking pauses in a select few instances where a character is asking someone a question, and are moving from dialogue to non-dialogue incorrectly.

This is a good resource on understanding the use of a comma (and its exceptions!) when doing dialogue and referring to another person/character.

If you begin resolving my initial comments before I go through this again, please consider taking some time to look at the rest of the doc for any similar occurrences. Furthermore, there are a lot of run-on sentences that I've touched with some commas. A good rule of thumb is to read the text back to yourself, in your head or verbally, and add commas where you take a breath.


2) Parsers, echoes, and superfluity. Early in the first scene of the doc there's a large genital check for the PC and I've made a number of edits to it. I recommend double-checking the TiTS parser doc. It's overdue for an update but almost everything I use can be found in it. It's crucial that you use { } curly brackets { } for non-parser checks, such as checking for multiple cocks following some writing. If you'd like some other docs as examples, I'll be happy to DM you some links. If you need any help understanding parsers and where to use them, don't be afraid to ask.

Everyone echoes, and you'll notice in the doc that I've either replaced specific words ('tip' comes to mind, which I've replaced a few with other synonyms) for better flow, or I've condensed sentences down without changing the intent and using the same words.

I'll be working on the rest when I have time later. Again, don't be afraid to ask if you need further help. I've done my best to add replies to as many comments and changes to explain them.

 

[Azthra]

@william

Hello William!

Thank you soooooo much for the tips!

I've been a little busy with midterms and research projects, but I should have some extra free time for the next little while, hopefully, I can fix the doc up and get it submission worthy. I've tried my best to properly use the {} curly brackets and parsers using TiTS Parser Documentation and How not to make Gedan hate you..., but as is quite evident, I'm not great. It's a lot to get used to and I have no experience with code so I have no understanding of why things need to be the way they are, I just try and follow the guides. I am very grateful to have an experienced writer such as yourself help with editing my submission. I am bad with proper punctuation and will use the source you've provided to improve myself.

Specific examples of how to properly use the parser and do checks would be greatly appreciated. I've been trying to use your publicly available Dr. Bianca Ketria - Part 1 as a sort of guide, but It is quite an intimidating read and a lot to try and take as a format guide.

I've been going through Fen and your owns corrections and suggestions and I understand what you mean by how certain things don't flow well. Your replacement suggestions are very helpful. I've read through it before various times and I'm surprised at how many inappropriate capitals, quotations, and other issues I miss. I'll be more vigilant and focus more on every individual character rather than auto reading in the future.

Any and all contributions are greatly appreciated and I am thankful that you are taking the time to help me out.

 

[Azthra]

I don't recall reading about what happens to the PCs gear. perhaps a small blurb that she puts it into a locker or utility space in her tuaric half?

1. Thanks for the suggestion, I totally forgot about that and will likely steal your utility space idea .

Maybe make the grav cuffs snap to her tauric half immediately rather than describing her doing it manually. Also, when back on the ship, the magnetic locks don't really need to be disengaged, do they? For as long as the antigrav field is off, the scene should work just as well.

2. I'll see about changing the scene to have the grav cuffs snap into place. As for the magnetic locks disengaging, my intent was to have the PC being supported solely by Siegewulfe's cock while having their limbs dangle. If that doesn't come across I will add onto the scene, but that is why the magnets also disengage along with the antigrav field.

Perhaps add some text referring to the people who see the PC and Siegwulfe? That way this scene can add to the exhibition score. You could even add several lines as to how the PC reacts based on the exhibitionist score.

3. Ya, I thought about this but I got lazy and wasn't sure how to implement that for each location. Is it just a generic reference to people looking sufficient? Because this scene can be activated literally anywhere if the player so chooses.

Also, once wulfe.pcname is set, doesn't she use that in lieu of the PC's actual name? The collar name tag can be an exception, but perhaps add a blurb about lost and found information and to look for wulfe.name onboard the PC's ship or something.

4.Yes, but in Wsan's original expansion sigewulfe uses the PC's actual name in a couple of scenes, so I wanted to add it in a bit. The lost and found info is a nice touch that I'll think about, but Idk if that necessary considering Steele is quite the capable individual.

 

[William.]

@william

Hello William!

Thank you soooooo much for the tips!

I've been a little busy with midterms and research projects, but I should have some extra free time for the next little while, hopefully, I can fix the doc up and get it submission worthy. I've tried my best to properly use the {} curly brackets and parsers using TiTS Parser Documentation and How not to make Gedan hate you..., but as is quite evident, I'm not great. It's a lot to get used to and I have no experience with code so I have no understanding of why things need to be the way they are, I just try and follow the guides. I am very grateful to have an experienced writer such as yourself help with editing my submission. I am bad with proper punctuation and will use the source you've provided to improve myself.

Specific examples of how to properly use the parser and do checks would be greatly appreciated. I've been trying to use your publicly available Dr. Bianca Ketria - Part 1 as a sort of guide, but It is quite an intimidating read and a lot to try and take as a format guide.

I've been going through Fen and your owns corrections and suggestions and I understand what you mean by how certain things don't flow well. Your replacement suggestions are very helpful. I've read through it before various times and I'm surprised at how many inappropriate capitals, quotations, and other issues I miss.

Any and all contributions are greatly appreciated and I am thankful that you are taking the time to help me out.

I consider the Bored Jumper doc by Fen to be the definitive 'first time scene writer's reference' guide due to perfect pacing in some scenes and general good use of parsers all over relating to the PC.

 

[shrikes]

1. Thanks for the suggestion, I totally forgot about that and will likely steal your utility space idea .

Feel free.

2. I'll see about changing the scene to have the grav cuffs snap into place. As for the magnetic locks disengaging, my intent was to have the PC being supported solely by Siegewulfe's cock while having their limbs dangle. If that doesn't come across I will add onto the scene, but that is why the magnets also disengage along with the antigrav field.

That works too. Hmmm... Perhaps then make the wrist ones snap to each other behind the PCs back (so her forearms are bound together) and the ankle ones repel?

3. Ya, I thought about this but I got lazy and wasn't sure how to implement that for each location. Is it just a generic reference to people looking sufficient? Because this scene can be activated literally anywhere if the player so chooses.

Yeah, generic onlookers is fine, in the same way the begging rut scene describes the onlookers. Perhaps the common theme is the spacedock, so you can talk about passengers on ships, ship maintainers, crew (like if anno is onoard, she can mention that it looks like a good time, or she's a good puppy do or something), mercenaries or some such. As for the exhibition, you can peg it at "less than 33%", "between 33% & 66%, "66% or more" and "100%" so you can have 4 sentences that describe how the PC doesn't/does love the attention. Base change for most exhibition events is between 1-2%, so you can just choose.

4.Yes, but in Wsan's original expansion sigewulfe uses the PC's actual name in a couple of scenes, so I wanted to add it in a bit. The lost and found info is a nice touch that I'll think about, but Idk if that necessary considering Steele is quite the capable individual.

Oh, no. The lost and found info really isn't for anyone else but Steele. Realistically Steele is the only one that's going to know it's even there, and that adds to the whole subbiness thing.


There seems to be a lot that needs to be done, but I'm glad you have a good outlook on it. Keep it up!

 

[William.]

It's been added to the code pile on the Trello. Assuming all the comments are resolved (haven't skimmed down it recently so let me know) then it'll be in-game eventually.

 

[Azthra]

Alright sounds good. I've gone through all the comments and corrections and I've made a couple of changes and expanded upon the parts you said should have a first/repeat option. If you could please give that a quick look over that would be great.

Thanks for all the help by the way. It was great to have such a professional review and I really appreciate it.

 

[Wsan]

Just wanted to say I've read this and think it's great.

 

[Azthra]

Just wanted to say I've read this and think it's great.

That's good to hear, thanks!

 

[coldmonkey]

Looking forward to its implementation, more Domwulfe is always great.

 

[shrikes]

Hey, guys. I read somewhere that it isn't a necro if you're following up on an event submission, but if it is, sorry in advance.

It's been about 2 years and I just wanted to ask how the Dommy Siegwulfe scenes are coming along? Is this still in the queue on the trello code pile? Every time there's a new release, I look for this expansion in the change log.

 

[TheShepard256]

I don't think it's been implemented yet; it might've gotten lost in the backlogs. @lowercase_donkey can you provide any further information?

 

[lowercase_donkey]

I don't think it's been implemented yet; it might've gotten lost in the backlogs. @lowercase_donkey can you provide any further information?

I'm glad you brought it to my attention. I asked the team to review, and the Trello card was recently closed in error. It's opened again, and we'll hopefully review at this week's meeting.

 

[shrikes]

I'm glad you brought it to my attention. I asked the team to review, and the Trello card was recently closed in error. It's opened again, and we'll hopefully review at this week's meeting.

Thank you! I suppose a lot of submissions piled up while the game got ported to JS. You're amazing, @lowercase_donkey !

 

[Azthra]

I figured that this was just taking a long time because of low priority. I didn't think that it got lost during the JS port. Any new update on the status?

 

[Ember Tauforged]

Any updates on this?

 

[shrikes]

Hey, @lowercase_donkey! I noticed that Fen mentioned in his recent post that you guys are working through the (likely massive) submission backlog. I wanted to ask how close this Dommy Siegwulfe content is to the top. I'm really excited to see this in-game!