Eveno Moar typos/etc
- Thread starter XBoxMaster131
- Start date
Missing period after buttplug
As you crawl behind him, a pink glint catches your eye. You realize that he's wearing a buttplug You grasp it by the base and slowly pull it out.
maybe add "you" at the end here
“Subs like you make for the best chairs. If I could, I'd hire you, so I can sit on your face while working,” he says, putting his full —insignificant— weight on.
maybe change rubs to rubbing
Even in the new position, his cum-smeared dick is rubs against your hole.
double space between the highlighted words
His balls are soaked in a mixture of your spit and precum, so it only takes a quick brushing of your fingers against the bloated sack to have your digits lubed up and glistening.
missing period at the end here
As he pounds you with more force you thought he could muster, his smooth, hairless sack keeps slapping against your thighs. Now coated in his previous load — the one that he's been constantly been fucking out of you — every time he pulls back, more of it joins the puddle of girlcum, and his ivory spunk underneath you. The mess you've made so far is undoubtedly about to get a lot bigger
perhaps delete one otherwise. sorry if this is a bit more suggestiony though
A pair of suspenders squeeze her nippleless breasts together, but otherwise her lust-burdened chest is otherwise uncovered.
missing space
Conjuring up a negative thought, a lousy word, even a justified, elaborate curse isn’t in your nature, but mischief is a demanding and inventive entity.“Ah, I’ve already changed my mind. You had me at a glance, but I can’t abide a tramp who jumps everyone out in the open. No tact and no teeth, tsk.”
missing space
actually now that i look at it again, this entire scene as well as the others linked directly to it are missing the spaces that are meant to be before and after quotation marks. like, across the board. sorry if that wasnt explained properly. if you hit this encounter up in game and look for yourself youll see what i mean.
Beauty herself has turned her face towards you, entreated you. Charmed by the bunny-girl’s directness, you give back a nod and follow the provocative sway of her heavy ass until you’ve rendezvoused in a private booth, surrounded by a thick bass thrum of noise.
“Hey...”she murmurs, drifting close.
“Hey...”she murmurs, drifting close.
actually now that i look at it again, this entire scene as well as the others linked directly to it are missing the spaces that are meant to be before and after quotation marks. like, across the board. sorry if that wasnt explained properly. if you hit this encounter up in game and look for yourself youll see what i mean.
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missing space, separated from what i mentioned above
You drift off to a napin the nude, your intentions muddled and fuzzy, emotions bubbling to the surface with a happy, sexually satisfied laquine in your arms.
missing spaces. im kinda worried donkey might start hating me soon lol. sorry dude
Turns out that her idea of a“drink”isn’t liquor, but body shots of cum.
perhaps remove the comma after "girls". bit nit nitpicky though, sorry.
Girls, like yourself, have such creamy burdens to bear, and here you’ve got hundreds of cooing ladies jockeying for the chance to suckle at your teats until they’re so wet, so erect, so sensitive, that you forget all about recent troubles
missing space after the large.... hyphen? idk what it is... whatever you get what i mean.
A steady thrum of vocals and deep, paralyzing pleasure has your back arched and head tilted —You sigh.“Good girl.”
ok, two things here. number one, maybe add "or" or "and" after "XO's", and also maybe alter the last bit so theres two madames or that theyre getting double sucked, as it looks as though theres an inconsistency there, whichever one would best work
Considering that you aren’t being hauled off by XOs, that you’re not in cuffs, collared, and being brainwashed, you have a chance to get away. Time clicks back on and you find yourself a few paces from the scene of the crime. The cowgirl’s become a slave to her passions, and three madames who thought themselves capable of containing her vim and vigor are currently being smushed under her tits and having their tails double-sucked.
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similar situation in this scene...
Might want to give all the wander scenes a once over just to be thorough.
change highlighted "her" to "him" or "them", whichever you think sounds better.
You find yourself unable to look away from a whorl of physical activity, both zaibatsu-geared women manhandling a Rusher of indistinct measurements, shoving him against a wall and doing more than simply handcuffing her.
bit nitpicky, these ones. sorry.
maybe change "the" to "your" and "make" to "making"
maybe add "being" after "sword"
maybe change "the" to "your" and "make" to "making"
You introduce yourself only by the first name, make small talk with those who could swear they’ve seen your face before.
maybe add "being" after "sword"
“A gentle reminder,”murmurs a madam with a voice like a sword drawn from the scabbard.“Our food is not to be played with, only savored. Maintain propriety at all times.”
missing space
Mischievous thrill pumps through your heart — overtime you learn what not to do here, how to enjoy yourself, and make small talk. It’s... nice.
just slapping this one in here, but ive noticed that a lot of times the names of planets arent given the proper capitalizations for them, often it being when refering to earth, such as in the example below, and im pretty sure with M'henga once or twice.
This is really nitpicky i know, but i figured id bring it up as correcting this would do a lot to help keep the proper honorifics and make the titles stand out as they should
apologies if this is going a step too far, and please let me know if that is the case
This is really nitpicky i know, but i figured id bring it up as correcting this would do a lot to help keep the proper honorifics and make the titles stand out as they should
apologies if this is going a step too far, and please let me know if that is the case
“You said you came from earth, miss Jinx?”One of the men in business casual asks in a deep, rocky voice. His lush brown, shoulder-length hair is matched in vividness only by his charisma.
missing space and what looks like an extra hyphen after the larger one at the start here. you kinda have to squint but its there.
“—-easiest job ever, but I guess that means we’ll get replaced real fast if we mess up.”
maybe add a comma after the highlighted "naked", or remove the comma after the first, whichever works best
Egotistic individuals tend to stand out in a place of raucous jubilation. You immediately pick out a well-dressed zaika tailed by a number of naked, or mostly naked figures whose bodies have been barcoded and tattooed. Each of the delectable hollow-eyed faces is unremarkable from this distance.
that "Pink" really stands out, more than just the wrong capitalization. I think this may be a parser bug or something? idk i cant tell....
missing space at the end there before frostwyrm.
also, "horns" is missing its capitalization
also, "horns" is missing its capitalization
perhaps change the "your arms" bit descriping the frostwrrym wings to something else in order to prevent confusion
and aslo, and im really surry if this is dickish of me to suggest, maybe add a parser so the description of the wing scales matches the character scale color, cuz as of now its always silver
and aslo, and im really surry if this is dickish of me to suggest, maybe add a parser so the description of the wing scales matches the character scale color, cuz as of now its always silver
missing space
Muscles tensing, you smash yourself hard against the nurse’s soft backside, her synthetic flesh a sinful pillow against your thighs.Your black lips clench as you fight to keep down a gasp, your horse-cock singing a new tune very quickly,
