Even more hair, also lenses & Scrubs maybe. About to submit [Re-Submitted]

[leomax]

Hey , its me again. Ready to submit hair again. But also eye and hair color items.

Even More Hair , also maybe lens colors/hair dye

Even More Hair , also maybe lens colors/hair dyeBy LeomaxDescription: It is time for more hair. Also maybe hair dye and lenses.Note: I also listed scrubs and lenses if those aren’t possible/ you aren’t accepting entries for those feel free to just ignore that part and focus on the hairCh...

docs.google.com

here's the link the google doc, haven't submitted yet will soon. Just wanted a second opinion before i send it, in case i wrote something funky.

 

[MellowNumel]

Looks cool, i really like the eye options!

 

[teawolf]

These are really fun... I noted some places where the language was hard to follow, or the punctuation needed cleaning up. Thanks!

 

[leomax]

These are really fun... I noted some places where the language was hard to follow, or the punctuation needed cleaning up. Thanks!

Thanks for the comments helping a lot

Please take another look if you can

 

[teawolf]

Gave it another look! This time I pulled up the in-game options, so most of my comments are based on those as examples. In general, the ones in-game are a sentence long, maybe two, so particularly look at how you can simplify your descriptions! There are a couple of in-game styles that I think you can use as base text, probably! Hope it's helpful. Thanks again!

 

[leomax]

Gave it another look! This time I pulled up the in-game options, so most of my comments are based on those as examples. In general, the ones in-game are a sentence long, maybe two, so particularly look at how you can simplify your descriptions! There are a couple of in-game styles that I think you can use as base text, probably! Hope it's helpful. Thanks again!

I've changed some things, maybe you can look at it again. You words were a help. I've written some hair before. I know the halo one is a bit long , but I've pushed the description a little long before and I think its cool enough of a concept to try. I did shorten it a bit though to be more understandable and to leave aspects of it to the imagination of the player. Hopefully its a better read

 

[teawolf]

Oh cool! And yeah, these look good to me!!! I gave an example, but I think the one remaining issue in the halo one is that the subjects repeat, so it's hard to keep things in order, if that makes sense. I gave it a shot but feel free not to use!

 

[leomax]

Oh cool! And yeah, these look good to me!!! I gave an example, but I think the one remaining issue in the halo one is that the subjects repeat, so it's hard to keep things in order, if that makes sense. I gave it a shot but feel free not to use!

I took your advice and shorted it a bit more. You helped a lot, thank you.

 

[teawolf]

Thank you again! These are sincerely very cool.

 

[Popopuli]

oh I love the hair variety and eye colors! Esp the flavor of halo and flowing hair.

 

[leomax]

Resubmitted and edited to be readable

 

[leomax]

Thank you again! These are sincerely very cool.

thanks for the help

 

[leomax]

It says its awaiting approval for what?